Disclaimer: Same rules apply. Not mine, just playing.
Later that same day…
"Oh my darling girl, I wondered when I'd be hearing from you." Nana sighed sadly down the comm-link and once again, Beverly felt the tears well up in her eyes. She shook her head, 'you'd think her tear ducts would have run dry by now', she thought sardonically. "How are you faring?"
"Oh you know, Nana, terrible with a side of spectacularly horrific. My baby girl could have died today. I could have lost her and without her…" Beverly's voice trailed off weakly.
"Without her knowing that you are her mother." Nana finished for her, smiling compassionately. "I know my love, I know."
"What am I going to do, Nana? I'm not sure I can keep up the charade any longer. I know that it was my decision to do this, but now all I know is that I need my child to know the truth." Beverly stared down at the image of her grandmother and not for the first time, wished that they were closer to each other. "What she does with it is her own choice, but I need her to know how much I love her and that I gave her up for a reason. She's an adult now and I think it's time, don't you?"
"My darling girl, I've been telling you for years that I believed this lie was hurting the both of you, and so if you feel that you are finally ready to tell her the truth then so be it. My only advice is keep in mind that she lost her father today and whether he is biologically that or not, it's what she knows and that wound will be deep. Help her heal first and when she is ready for the truth, you'll both know it."
"Thank you Nana," Beverly replied earnestly. "I've decided that I'm going to ask Starfleet Medical for some time off once Kathryn is home, probably at least until the Enterprise departs. No matter what, I will be there for my daughter this time."
"I don't care what Captain Picard says, my appointment to the Enterprise is being delayed until they reach Farpoint Station. I don't understand why this is such a big issue for him. He hardly needs a CMO between Utopia Planetia and Farpoint. The change has been approved by Starfleet Medical and since he agreed with their appointing me in the first place, he can just take his objections and stuff them where the sun don't shine." Beverly snapped, throwing an irritated glare at the cowering man in front of her. "You got that Lieutenant?"
"But…" He stammered.
"No buts, Lieutenant, pass on my message and tell Captain Picard next time he can come see me in person." Beverly sneered. "Dismissed."
The Lieutenant all but bolted out of the room, nearly taking out Gretchen who stood staring at her cousin, an expression of awe on her face.
"You almost made him cry! What happened to first do no harm?" She quipped.
"Gretchen." Beverly beamed at seeing her cousin standing there. "Well, unfortunately for that Lieutenant, he was just the messenger to someone who is really starting to annoy me. I'm sure I'll be able to track him down and apologise later. Now what can I do for you?"
"Oh Kathryn's being discharged tomorrow which is good, but to be honest I'm worried about switched off she still is to everything going on around her. It's like she's decided that if she doesn't connect to the world, what's happening in it can't hurt her." Gretchen sighed in annoyance. "She'd rather hide from the source of her pain than let herself admit that it has any power over her."
Beverly forced away the smirk that was threatening to spread across her face. "Just like her father," she muttered under her breath.
"What was that?" Gretchen asked before she could stop herself, Beverly so rarely mentioned Kathryn's biological father, that Gretchen couldn't stop herself from snatching at an opportunity to learn more.
Beverly looked a little stunned at being caught out but rallying herself, she took a deep breath and explained.
"Her father is just like that. Always has to appear strong, even when he's practically dying on the inside. I always told him…well anyway Kathryn reminded me of him. I wouldn't worry too much Gretchen, we'll keep an eye on her, and you and Phoebe just keep giving her the chance to talk once you're home. I'm sure she'll be fine and I promise I will be there to visit as soon as I can get away from here."
Gretchen smiled wanly, still worried about her daughter but choosing to take solace from Beverly's words. "Thank you Beverly and yes you are expected for dinner, in a week at the most." She ordered before gently hugging the young doctor and heading back to their child.
"Oh Beverly, how nice to see you." Phoebe muttered, as she opened the door to the Janeway household, over a week later. "Please come in," she added a moment later.
"Hey Phoebe," Beverly greeted as she entered the unnaturally silent house, "how are you managing?"
"Oh better than can be expected I suppose. I mean I still miss Daddy, but I'm coping." Phoebe explained sadly.
"And your mother and sister?" Beverly asked gently as she followed the younger woman through the darkened corridors towards the kitchen.
"Mom's struggling but she focused more on trying to help Kathryn, than dealing with losing Daddy." Phoebe responded sadly, picking up a kettle and moving to fill it. "Ever since she came home Kathryn hasn't left her bed. All she does is sleep, she's drowning in her grief." She explained, "I don't know what to do, if this keep going on I'm worried I'll lose them both."
Beverly looked at her young cousin sadly, taking in the large bags beneath normally expressive eyes, the features that had become even paler and walking over, she took the kettle from her. "Go take a shower and then try and get some sleep. I'll check on your mum and then deal with your sister."
"Thanks Beverly." Phoebe murmured appreciatively as she headed back down the corridor and towards the stairs.
After first checking on Gretchen, who had fallen asleep on a sofa in the living room, Beverly headed upstairs to her daughter's room.
Having spent a few minutes knocking on the old fashioned door calling for Kathryn, but being subsequently ignored, Beverly instead turned the knob and walked straight in.
Upon entering, she was forced to wait a moment as her eyes struggled to adjust to the darkness that filled the usually cheerful room.
As she waited Beverly considered the best course of action to drag her daughter out of her depressive state, and as her eyes picked up on the lump that lay curled beneath the bedclothes, her lips curled into a mischievous grin. She knew just what to do.
"Computer, lights 100 percent."
The brightness of the lights caused Beverly's eyes to sting a little but based on the muttered curse that emanated from the bed, she knew that the light had caused it's occupant far more pain.
"What the hell?! Computer dim lights." A hoarse voice yelled from beneath a pillow.
"She speaks," Beverly commented sarcastically, "and here I thought that you'd turned into a mute. What a joyous day."
"Yes, I can speak. Now will you please go away and let me sleep?" Kathryn begged, dragging the covers back up over her head.
"Nope. Time to get up." Beverly stated firmly, climbing up onto the bed and stamping around on it. "Come on, you don't use those leg muscles and they're going to stop working permanently. So let's go, let's go." She ordered, nudging Kathryn towards the end of the bed.
"No, now leave me alone."
Beverly quirked an eyebrow and looked down at the dishevelled head that was even now trying to burrow its way back under the pillow.
"Have it your way," and with that she leapt off the bed and in one smooth motion lifted up the side of the mattress and tilted the duvet, pillows and horrified occupant onto the floor. "Fantastic, look you're up. Now shower and get dressed. We have things to do."
Kathryn stared at her mutinously, however used to such an expression from long ago, Beverly remained unfazed and simply stared back. Eventually and with a huff of impatience, Kathryn turned and stalked towards the bathroom door.
"Oh and don't try crawling back into bed, you have ten minutes to shower and meet me downstairs or it'll be a jug of ice water to that bed of yours!" Beverly called after her, ignoring the angry mutterings that now emanated from behind the closed door.
Beverly sighed as she enjoyed the warmth of the late autumn Indiana sun on her face, determined to soak up as much of it as she could before she was limited to the artificial light of the Enterprise. Beside her Kathryn's head was lowered as though determined to keep any light from reaching her face. Even without the benefit of seeing her features, Beverly was certain that the same expression of exasperated annoyance still adorned them. Whether she knew who he was or not, Kathryn reminded her so much of her father, especially when such expressions spread across her face.
Kathryn was extremely annoyed at being dragged away from the safety of her bedroom but her stubbornness wouldn't allow her to admit that she had been beaten by Beverly and that the reality was that life outside of her bedroom continued.
"I can feel you smirking." Kathryn muttered, still keeping her face lowered.
"I'm sure you can, why don't you lift up your head so you can get the full effect?" Beverly teased lightly, simply pleased that Kathryn had initiated the conversation, however her triumph was short-live as Kathryn ignored the retort and continued staring at the ground.
"Ok, we've walked far enough today." Beverly confirmed soon after, sitting down on a nearby log and gazing out at the open fields of corn all around her.
Silent except for the faint sounds of cows in the distance, Beverly happily soaked up the feeling of peace that seemed to permeate every living thing surrounding her. Well all but one, she sighed, as she gazed at the taught figure of her child standing across the path from her.
"You want to talk about it?" She asked after a while.
"No."
"Ok."
"Ok seriously, don't you have anything better to do with your life than hassle me everyday. You're a doctor surely there are people crying out for you to hover over them day in and day out." Kathryn stated irritably a few days later as they strolled along the path that led to the river.
"Nope got absolutely nothing else to do but be here with you." Beverly replied easily, having become accustomed to Kathryn's attempts to get rid of her over the past couple of days.
"Do you know that when I was 14, I wrote a research paper on shared genetic characteristics?" Kathryn mentioned to Beverly, as they walked together a few days later.
"Yes I did, your mother forwarded me a copy, it was thorough and made some very clever connections." Beverly replied calmly, keeping her face free of any emotion. "Why bring it up now?"
"No reason. Just wondered if you'd read it."
"Has Kathryn ever shown any indication that she knows she's adopted?" Beverly asked Gretchen later that day.
"Oh well, yes. Soon after that research project she did ask me about it." Gretchen replied flippantly as she stirred something that was bubbling happily in a pot.
"Does she know about me?" Beverly asked nervously.
"She didn't then, after I explained in the most basic terms how she came to be with us, she said that she had three parents who clearly loved her and for now it didn't matter if she didn't know who the third one was." Gretchen paused for a moment, placing the spoon in the pot handle holder and wiping her hands thoughtfully. "I don't know if she ever looked into it again. If she did, she never mentioned it to either me or Edward. Has she said something to you?"
"Not in so many words, but I do wonder whether she does know something." Beverly sighed. "I don't know. We'll see I guess. Now is there anything I can help you with?"
"Are you my birth mother?" Kathryn asked one afternoon as the pair walked through the fields bordering the Janeway homestead.
"Yes." Beverly replied simply. "Does that bother you?"
"No. I mean you're here, you're not fighting with Mom, you never have from what I can tell. She told me that you gave me up because we were in danger so I can hardly fault you for that. Plus you stayed in my life."
Beverly regarded her silently, both amazed and worried about the matter of fact way that Kathryn had summed up their relationship and her own actions. Studying her daughter, Beverly wondered if this was another demonstration of Kathryn's maturity or of her continued attempts to close herself from her own emotions.
"Do you have any questions for me? I doubt that those were the only thoughts you had on the subject."
"Who is my father?" Kathryn asked immediately.
"His name is Jean-Luc Picard."
"Captain Jean-Luc Picard?" Kathryn responded in astonishment.
"Thats the one. We were together right when I was starting medical school. He was very dashing and I loved him a great deal."
"Does he know about me?"
"No, no he doesn't." Beverly admitted shamefully. "He was already on a two year deep space assignment when I found out I was pregnant with you and by the time he got back, well things had happened and you were with the Janeways."
Kathryn looked like she was going to say something in response, but instead a thoughtful expression crossed her face and standing up she began to pace. Beverly simply watched her daughter. Her hair shone in the sun, the light making it shine like fire, and the leg which had been badly broken in the accident now showed no signs of damage, as Kathryn continued pacing back and forth in front of her.
"I can't call you Mom." She finally said.
"I wouldn't expect you to and right now I'm not even sure I would want you to. Now don't take that the wrong way, my little one," Beverly interjected as Kathryn turned to her in shock. "I love you more than I could ever say, I always have. You are my daughter, but you are also Gretchen's and I won't take that away from her. She protected and cared for you when I couldn't, so that title belongs to her. I still have a ways to go until I've earned a similar one."
Kathryn nodded but Beverly sensing her daughter still needed some reassurance, moved over to her and pulled her gently into her arms.
"You were and are the most important thing to me in the entire universe. My perfect little one, I love you more than there are stars in the sky." And although it was muttered into her shoulder, Beverly felt a weight lift off of her shoulders as she heard a soft "Thank you" come from her daughter's lips.
"Gretchen can I speak to you?" Beverly asked the next day, nerves filling her about what she was about to ask. It had to be done though.
"Of course Beverly. Would you like something to drink?"
"A coffee would be great, thanks Gretchen."
"Now what do you want to talk to me about?" Gretchen inquired, placing the hot drinks down on the coffee table in front of them.
"I want Kathryn to come with when I leave to join the Enterprise in two days." Beverly stated firmly. "I honestly think that taking her with me would help with her recovery."
"Why? How could it help? Taking her away from the only home she knows, the only family…I don't mean that you're not family and obviously you've been a huge help these last few weeks, but explain to me how taking her away is a good idea?"
"She's not getting better here, everywhere she looks there is a reminder of what she has lost and trust me, she won't just wake up one day and be past it. She needs a place to grieve which is brand new and not associated with all these memories. On top of that the Enterprise would provide her with amazing opportunities to learn and continue her studies. I truly believe that it would benefit her Gretchen."
Gretchen stayed silent, a catty part of her was desperately trying to get her to voice some of the more nasty thoughts that were passing through her head but the logical part, the part that still sounded like Edward, agreed with what Beverly was saying. It made sense to give Kathryn a place that was new and not tainted with memories and it would be an amazing experience for her.
The fact remained though, how could she part with her daughter so soon after she almost lost her?
In the end, Gretchen mused as she watched her daughter step onto a transporter pad two days later, there really was no choice, what her daughter needed was always going to outweigh what she herself might want.
Hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are lovely, and constructive and helpful comments most definitely welcomed. Thanks for the new follows. A xxxxx
