Hey guys, so here's my second chapter, not the most exciting by my own admission but I'm trying to build up the storyline gradually :D I can't thank you enough for all the follows, favourites and reviews, you're all awesome :p I like to respond to reviews and questions but if you post as I guest I can't, so feel free to ask me on my tumblr:
Hope you enjoy this chapter :)
What just happened? The question is still bouncing around Rachel's mind even after she arrives back home. When she left this morning she knew she was going to run into the Cheerios practicing. She was prepared for some comments to be made, but she never even considered the possibility that Quinn would apologise to her.
In fact, she never even considered the possibility that Quinn would ever look at her with anything but disdain in her eyes. If Quinn had said nothing she would have shrugged it off as she always does and forgotten about it in minutes, but now, because of that one little word, Quinn is all she can think about.
Quinn. Quinn with her blonde hair, tied back into a perfect ponytail, but still looking pristine on the occasions that she has it down. Quinn with her hazel-green eyes that always seem to be hiding a secret sadness. Quinn with her perfect body, toned from years of cheerleading and dance. When Rachel closes her eyes she can almost feel the smooth skin beneath her fingertips...
Snap out of it! She tells herself, angry for being so easily distracted. Quinn was the girl she always wanted to be. But then somehow she changed, morphed into the girl she wanted to be with. It took Rachel a long time to notice, but when she understood her feelings she couldn't stop recognising them. Every time Quinn flashed a smile at someone or bent down to retrieve a pen she would feel the blood starting to rush around her body at twice the normal speed.
She hid it of course. It wasn't that she was ashamed of who she was or didn't accept it; she was brought up by two Dads for God's sake, she has no problems with her sexuality. But she considered the years of abuse she suffered at the hands of Quinn and her friends, never knowing what she did to deserve it. Why give them a reason to hate her even more? That would just be asking for it.
This must be some kind of joke, she muses, but even as she thinks it she remembers the sincerity in Quinn's eyes that struck her instantly. For a moment, it felt like the cheerleader was being genuine and open, which is what shocked her so much.
Come on, when was the last time she didn't call you man hands or RuPaul? Then Rachel thinks about it. When was the last time she did call you those things? She can't remember, but she knows it must have happened. When you get used to being called something every day you become desensitised to it. It doesn't even register with her when someone calls her hobbit or some other derogatory name that she's got used to. But maybe that means she doesn't notice is when someone isn't calling her those names.
She tells herself to stop being stupid, why on Earth would Quinn Fabray start being nice to her? Then, in addition to her confusion, she starts to feel the beginning of anger rising.
Was she trying to apologise for everything? Did she think that after everything she had done to Rachel over the years she could just mutter a one word apology and the slate would be wiped clean? The more she considers it the more likely it becomes, Quinn thought that a brief, non-heartfelt apology would be enough, but Rachel knows it won't be.
Who am I kidding? She sighs, flopping down on the couch and sighing heavily. I've already forgiven her. In fact, she's already forgiven Quinn time and time again, every single time she's made her feel small. She can't stay angry at someone who is just so goddam perfect. But she can give it her best shot.
"Why'd you do that Quinn?" Quinn looks up at the blonde sat in her passenger seat and smiles.
"Do what sweetie?" It's impossible not to use terms of endearment for Brittany, she's ridiculously adorable and tactile.
"Put San on the lifts, you know she gets angry when you bring up her weight."
"Do you not get tired of lifting the heavier girls just because Santana doesn't want anyone to think about how light she is?" Brittany shrugs, because to her it's a no-brainer to lift the heavier girl if it protects Santana's feelings.
"A little bit, but that's what best friends do for best friends isn't it?" Quinn envies Brittany's simple way of seeing everything. "But that's not why you did it is it Q?" Quinn sighs before reluctantly shaking her head.
"Brittany, I know you don't understand exactly but...Santana needs boundaries when it comes to this sort of thing. I told her not to be mean to Rach-" Quinn just manages to stop herself before using the girls first name. "To Berry and she did it anyway. Right in front of me."
"So that's your reason for making her feel insecure? She didn't do what you said? Why is everything a competition for you two?"
"Because she makes it into one." Quinn exhales heavily. "She undermines me."
"What if she had been mean to Rachel when you weren't there? Would that have been alright?"
"Well..." Quinn thinks about it before deciding to lie. "It wouldn't have been as bad I suppose."
"So this wasn't about you wanting to look out for Rachel, it was about you being the one in charge?"
"Isn't it always?" Quinn sighs, impressed once again by the way Brittany can't find her way around a simple maths problem but can deconstruct this equation easily.
"I understand Quinn, you're the boss and Santana needs to know it." Quinn's eyebrows rise in surprise at that admission. "But that was a really mean way of showing her."
"Sometimes people like me and Santana have to be mean." Quinn explains. "You remember in third grade when Puck called you stupid and Santana broke his nose then stole his pants and wouldn't give them back until he apologised and gave you his cookie." Brittany has to think for a minute before remembering the specific occasion, similar things have happened many times. Eventually though, it comes back to her and she nods. "Well that's Santana being mean for a good reason, and it's kind of like what I had to do today."
Brittany wants to show Quinn that she understands, but she doesn't know how to say what she wants to say and she can feel tears threatening with the frustration. Quinn notices immediately and pulls over to the side of the road, which fortunately, isn't very busy.
"Sweetheart, don't cry." She leans over and hugs Brittany comfortingly, feeling so guilty she can barely talk.
"But you don't get it." Brittany sniffs. "Santana's looked after me ever since we started elementary school and she wants to be big so she can make sure no one can hurt me. But she's small and she knows it, and she's scared that when we leave school people won't be scared of her so they'll try and hurt me and she won't be able to stop them. And every time you remind her how small she is she gets worried that she can't look out for me and she gets sad and I hate it because she doesn't know how good she is at making sure no one picks on me."
Quinn sighs heavily, she's always understood that Santana's feeling were something like that, but when someone is as private about their feelings as she is it's hard to know when you've crossed a line. She definitely feels like she has.
"I'm sorry Britt." She says, her voice sincere. "I didn't know it was such a big deal. Santana and I just...we're so used to being against each other that sometimes we're no good at helping each other out when we need it. I'll talk to her later okay?"
"Thanks Q, you're the best." Brittany gushes. Quinn can't hold back her smile.
"No Britt, you are." They smile fondly at each other before Quinn starts the car up again. "Do you want me to take you home or is there somewhere else you want to go?" Santana had declined a lift home, claiming she had things to do at school, but she was clearly just proving a point.
"Quinn..."
"What is it honey?"
"You promised last week that we could get ice-cream after practice."
"I did didn't I?" Quinn remembers. "Should we go get it now?" Brittany nods enthusiastically. "Tell you what? How about we go back to school, pick up Santana and make her come for ice-cream with us? She's had enough time to cool off."
"That sounds like a good plan." Brittany agrees, as Quinn turns the car around. Before she sets off back to school, Quinn sighs.
"Britt?"
"Yeah?"
"You want to be friends with Rachel don't you?" Brittany looks confused by the question.
"I thought we didn't like Rachel."
"But if me and Santana didn't tell you not to like Rachel, would you be friends with her?" Brittany nods eagerly, she's always wanted to be friends with the brunette, but her association with her two best friends stopped her.
"I'm friends with Rachel in secret, and she always helps me in class." She lowers her voice as if telling a big secret. "Don't be mad, but sometime me and her hang out when there's no one around." God I'm a bitch, Quinn thinks, noticing just how unfair Santana and she have been to Brittany, who doesn't know any better than to do what her best friends say.
"I could never be mad at you Britt. And that's fine, we're friends with Rachel now."
"We are?" Brittany's grin stretches from ear to ear. "Like, I can talk to her in public and stuff."
"Yes." Quinn nods. "But Rachel doesn't totally know it yet, so if she still seems a bit weird with us that's why. And Britt?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't let me and S tell you who you're allowed to be friends with anymore okay? you can hang out with whoever you want."
"You alright honey?" Rachel looks up from her dairy free ice-cream and up at Hiram.
"Sorry?"
"You've been acting really weird, is there something wrong with your ice-cream?"
"Daddy, if there was something wrong with my ice-cream you know I'd have told you about it. And probably the manager."
"I know honey." He laughs. "Now tell me what's wrong?" She casts a sideways glance in the direction of the issue, and Hiram, totally lacking in subtlety, turns around to hunt out the problem.
"Daddy." Rachel hisses. "Be a bit less obvious." It's too late though, Brittany, Santana and Quinn have already noticed the Berry's looking at them.
"Why is Dad Fagbag looking at us?" Santana rolls her eyes.
"San, you can't call people names like that." Brittany warns her. "It's not nice." Santana would normally have a comeback for that, but not when it's Brittany.
"Sorry babe." She squeezes Britt's hand and looks at Quinn. "Are we cool?"
"Yeah, we're cool."
"Awesome sauce." Brittany smiles. "I'm gonna go and say hey to Rachel." Brittany starts to stand up but Santana keep a grip on her hand.
"Why?"
"Because I like Rachel. She's super cute and it's like having a miniature friend."
"But we're not friends with Rachel honey."
"Yes we are." Brittany laughs. "Quinn told me so." Santana gives Quinn a look that is beyond cold.
"Did she? Well I guess you'd better go say hi to your new friend then." Brittany happily bounces off to Rachel's table and Santana turns her attention back to Quinn.
"We are so not cool."
"We never were, I just pretended to apologise to you to keep Brittany happy."
"Good, because I only apologised to you for exactly the same reason. This isn't even about the lift anymore."
"Yes it is," Quinn rolls her eyes. "It was always about the lift. But now it's about the lift and Rachel."
"Oh so now she's Rachel? Since when are you on a first name basis with RuPaul?" Quinn leans back in her seat nonchalantly, trying not to show the pang of guilt she feels every time someone uses the nickname that she herself created for Rachel.
"Since I'm trying to be a better person."
"How stupid do you think I am?" Santana scoffs. "So you've stopped throwing slushies around recently, that doesn't make you a good person, that makes you someone who's pretending to be a good person."
"I can't make myself into a good person overnight San." Quinn doesn't deny that Santana has a point. "But if I pretend at least no one gets hurt until I can fix myself."
"Fix yourself? Seriously, what's happened to you? You used to be a bitch and that was my favourite part of you."
"I thought I already proved that I still can be a bitch?" Quinn raises an eyebrow threateningly. "But I considered that maybe, after years of making her life hell, it might be time to back off Rachel a little bit. Is that so bad?" Santana just frowns, her sharp mind working over things.
"I don't know what your game is, but I'll find out."
"And until then you'll lay off Rachel?"
"Hell no." Santana snorts.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have phrased it as a question, you will lay off Rachel."
