A stepping-stone can be a stumbling block if we can't see it until after we have tripped over it.
-Cullen Hightower
Chapter 2: Tripping
Like everything good in this world, my moment with Lucas ended. When he finally split us apart, I was much calmer. My breath was still heaving, but the ocean of tears had ended. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. He is a great friend, and I would die if I lost him. Even if I wanted more, I figured I would have to be content with a friendship.
I tripped as I began to walk away, although I did not fall. Even so, I still began to cry again. Lucas must have felt helpless, watching me breakdown into the nothingness that makes up most of the universe.
He placed his arm around my shoulder, and said, "Come on. Let's go."
He lead us away from the window. Not a word was said during this time. Just silence. And it was beautiful. More words were said in this period of silence. The walk with Lucas was as calming as my pond. Of course that too would have to come to an end, but I refused to let it go.
He walked me to my home. After hugging me, he left me at the door. When I walked in, I figured it was still dark enough to sneak in without my parents being awake. At least one trouble would be avoided.
When I opened the door my mom was asleep on the couch. She must have had another nightmare. Those seemed to plague her more often than not. I tiptoed past her, and quickly walked to my room when I cleared the couch. As I crossed my room's threshold, I tripped and hurt my knees. I chuckled at this small irony, I tripped, just as my life had tripped.
When I stood up from my fall, a new wave of sadness hit me. Sitting on my nightstand was a picture of all of us. Riley was leaning on Maya, while Lucas stood, slightly bent over, next to the girls. I was standing on Mr. Matthews's desk, with my arms in the air. We were all smiling.
I calmly walked over to it and flipped it upside down. I had contemplated breaking it, but for some reason I felt like that would be a bigger betrayal than the lies I have already put them through. I morosely put on a new pair of jeans and shirt. I would have to be "waking" for school within the hour. I sat on my bed, and cupped my head in my hands. I couldn't understand why I was having such an ungodly experience with my emotions, and why I wasn't able to control them. Even when I tried to focus on things ending it still felt out of control.
An hour passed, and there came the usual knock at my door. It was my mom waking me up, or warning me it was time for breakfast. Reluctantly I stood, and walked to the mirror hanging on my door. I looked at myself in it, and made a few funny faces to cheer myself up. I did not want to explain the earthquake that was my emotions.
I slipped on the mask, and walked out. No one would be able to notice how much I had broken myself. The table was set with three plates of french toast, and three mugs of coffee. I pulled out my chair and sat. Within a minute mom and dad had taken their places too. I began to methodically prepare my coffee, adding one-half teaspoons of sugar with creamer. As I sipped at the hot liquid, my mom inquired about my sleep.
While cutting my french toast, I said, "My sleep was well, although I can't remember my dreams."
"At least you slept well," she told me with a sweet smile.
I forked some of the food into my mouth. It was amazing. It literally melted in my mouth. I thanked my mom for cooking it, despite having not swallowed.
"What time are you leaving for California, Stuart?" mom asked dad.
Dad was leaving for a business meeting or something like that today. He had things like this once a month, all in different cities. It was a routine part of our lives.
"After Farkle departs," he told her.
I finished eating, and then stood. I leaned over mom, and kissed her forehead. Dad held out his hand, and I shook it.
"See you in a few days," he said.
I smiled, "Have a good day mom and dad!"
I proceeded to leave my home with a feeling that things were going to go horribly wrong.
XxX
For years, Lucas, Maya, Riley, and I have had great luck. We were always in the same classes. But today that luck felt apocalyptic. When I entered the classroom, Riley did not notice my arrival. I walked past her to my seat near the back, with Lucas. He hadn't arrived yet.
Maya entered the room a few minutes later, and waved at me. She put her books on a desk a few spaces away from Riley, followed by her taking a seat on the desk next to Riley's. I wanted to know what they were talking about, but I had to make it look completely inconspicuous. I devised the perfect plan: I would get a tissue from the teacher's desk and pretend to blow my nose.
I initiated the plan and overheard the following:
Riley: Last night he came to the window. I figured it was something good. He never comes to the window.
Maya: Nothing new here. Give me the whole story.
Riley: Well he said that he was sorry a lot. And then he told me something kind of private... I can't share the information though. It wouldn't be right.
Maya: Was that all?
Riley: No... he also broke up with me. I was so pissed, so pissed. I slammed the window in his face.
Maya: I'm sorry Riles.
Riley: I didn't respond the right way, considering what he told me. I should have understood.
I suddenly felt like crying again. Not out of sadness though. That would be hypocritical. I wanted to cry because I was happy. She cared enough to keep that secret a secret. I still felt like a walking piece of male genitalia, but their conversation made me feel a little better.
I returned to my seat, mouthing a "thank you" as I passed by. Maybe the sense of foreboding was all for nothing. Just some overreaction, which is a skill I have been cultivating very carefully as of late. When Lucas walked into the room, I smiled at him. He took his seat next to me.
"Feeling any better?" he asked me.
I smiled again, and said, "I feel amazing!"
He patted my shoulder, "Good buddy!"
The bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. Truth be told, I could have gone through, and explained everything that occurred throughout the day, but none of these things have importance. The teachers are all rushing through the rest of the curriculum, due to the fact that summer begins in two weeks. The lessons were all dry, and daily interactions dryer. But nothing that lined up with the feeling that passed through me earlier.
When school drew to a close, I decided to hang out with Lucas. I figured it would not cause me a lot of pain, seeing as I had had a relatively good day. We decided to go watch a movie.
"Which one do you want to see?" Lucas asked me.
I wasn't sure. There were some comedies, a kid movie, a few horror movies, two dramas, and a romance. "Well, do you want comedy or a drama? I mean, the kids one would be okay if that's what you really want to watch."
"Well," he began, "can you handle a horror?"
I shivered a little... Horror movies are easily my least favorite genre of movie.
"Okay."
We bought tickets to a PG-13 movie called The Woman In Black 2: Angel of Death. Just the name was enough to create heart palpitations. I was constantly reminding myself it would be over soon. The first few minutes seemed almost normal, and void of horror. But soon this trend changed. Every chance I got I would jump, or shake hard enough to rattle the ice in my Sprite.
Lucas leaned over to me and whispered, "Fark, its okay. Its just a movie."
His words calmed me for a few minutes, but soon the effect dwindled.
"Do we need to leave?" There was genuine worry in his voice.
I shook my head side to side. By the end of the first hour, Lucas had turned my head away from the screen, and into his shoulder. One eye was still able to view the movie, though. And the horror was unrelenting. I was about to ask him to leave, when he began to gently rub my back in small circles. I decided I would be able to survive another hour if he kept this up.
The movie ended in the typical horror movie ending, but that time with Lucas was well worth it. I still could not get rid of the dirt feeling, but it was pushed down far enough for me survive. In truth, I felt like I was truly alive.
"I'm sorry Farkle," Lucas said.
I said to him, "Why? I had a great time!"
He chuckled, "You were scared shitless the whole time."
"It's okay," I said. "I needed the distraction."
He chuckled again, and we found our way to a subway station. We boarded the first subway that would take us close to my home. We idly chatted after leaving the station and walking home. At the door way, we bro-hugged.
"For real," I said, giving him a serious look. "Thank you."
He smiled, "Any time, buddy."
I opened the door. I saw mom sitting on the couch, crying.
XxX
My ominous feeling came to fruition. The void that I had just escaped, reopened. And this time it was the size of the universe, eternal. I tried to step around it, but when everything surrounding one begins to collapse, it becomes impossible to escape its fatal maw.
XxX
"What is it mom?" I shut the door behind me.
Her head shook back and forth, cause the loose fabric of our red couch to shine in the light of the lamp.
"Mom?"
She looked at me through tear soaked eyes, and just shook her head again.
"Tell me!" I demanded. "Please!"
She coughed a little before she could talk, "Oh Farlke."
I went and sat next to her. Somewhere inside, I began to realize what had happened. Tears began to pool in my eyes.
My mom hugged me, and said, "I'm sorry honey." She ran her fingers through my hair. "It's Stuart – your father. He- he- he died."
Shattered. "How?"
She heaved, "A car hit him. He was crossing the road when he tripped, and a car. It hit him. He was on his knees trying to stand up, but the car's operator didn't notice him. Not until he heard the thud."
"Oh my God," I said, shocked.
"They are s-sending h-his," her sobs conquered her voice for a moment, "body back here. You k-know, for the f-f-funeral."
I leaned in to my mom, and together we cried. Through my muddled brain, I thought, What a beautiful sight this must be. Broken mother comforting broken son.
XXX
A/N: I hope that the people reading this, are enjoying this. The coming chapters are going to be much more emotional, and violent. With the exception of Stuart's death, I will not write about (bad things) something I have not experienced, or done. This is so I can keep the events as realistic as possible. Thanks for reading, and leave a review if you find a mistake (or if you just want to review).
