I'm sorry it took so long to update, I was kicked off the wireless at home and I only just got back online now. Enjoy! Hopefully I can update more regularly now :)

Sidenote: This chapter I'd rate M to be safe for the strong themes present, proceed with caution.


"Alright Commander Shepard you're the woman with all the answers, let's gets down to business and talk about the questions that are hot on everybody's mind; the fight to retake Earth or as it is becoming known as, The Battle for London, since that's where the fight really lay."

"Sure, I'll try to answer anything as best I can but understand that I may not be at liberty to answer all your questions."

"Noted." Diana kept her focus on Shepard and didn't even look down at her datapad to read the first question, "How did you plan for the final battle?"

Shepard rubbed her neck, Geez, before the final battle? What did I even do…Illusive man! That's right! Damn that was so long ago now, "Everything was pretty hectic; some things just kinda, blur, and merge together. Before I came to Earth specialist Traynor thought she had found the Illusive man's base of operations and given what he had done with Sanctuary we decided that it was in everyone's best interest to take a look. Traynor was right. We launched an assault on the base, gathering as much data on their experiments and operations as we could find while we wiped out their operatives and tried to find the last pieces of information on what the Catalyst was. So between fighting Cerberus forces, their creations and intel gathering, there wasn't much time to prepare anything further, only the time it took us to get from the base to the Sol system. In that time I had to make sure my crew were fully prepared and when I was satisfied that they were ready Liara and I spent the remainder of the trip together, reflecting." She knew the last part was a slight twist of the truth, and from the look on Diana Allers face, she knew it too. I'm sure they can piece together the rest of what happened between Liara and I on their own, no need to throw away what little privacy the two of us have. Shepard grinned, recalling the events of that night and the surprises her asari lover pulled on her.

Shepard. She heard Liara voice a warning in her head, clearly she knew what she was thinking and didn't want a single detail shared. Shepard cleared her throat to try and pull back her full blown cheeky grin.

"What was it like fighting the Reapers?"

The question pulled her back from her memories and she refocused on the interview, "You'd think that once we found their weak spot they would be easier to kill but they really weren't. In order to have a chance at killing a Reaper you had to hit their charge beam opening. For example there was a time on Rannoch when we had a chance to take down a Reaper and with the assistance of a targeting laser I was able to guide down an orbital strike from the Quarians Migrant Fleet."

Allers pieced together the rest of what Shepard was saying and was suitably stunned, "You stood in front of a Reaper as it charged its ray of death and aimed a targeting laser at it, hoping that the Quarians could kill it before it killed you?"

"Yyyyep," Shepard nodded and sat back with a satisfied smile, throwing her arm over the back of the couch. Sometimes she thought she deserved the right to be just a little smug.

"That would have been a very risky move Commander."

"Indeed it was, my squad were none too happy about it, hell, even Legion didn't like it. But I had faith in the Quarians and in my ability to aim fast. I'm an excellent shot you know."

"One wrong move and the galaxy's last hope would have gone up in a blaze of glory."

"It wasn't the first suicidal thing I've done in the name of saving the day." Shepard wanted to point out.

"That seems to be a habit of yours Commander, can we expect any further such actions coming from you in the future?"

Shepard's smile dropped instantly and she sat forward again. While she had done many seemingly reckless things in her time of saving all existence she did value her life, everything she had done she did because she felt she had to for the good of humanity. Her voice dropped to reflect the change in her mood at the accusation, "No. My actions were a necessary evil and are not to be taken lightly. I do not condone such antics and contrary to popular belief would like to avoid them as much as possible. Especially now, we have our whole future ahead of us, let's not squander that chance." She spoke with a tone of complete seriousness, fully aware of the many crazy stunts she had pulled in the past and not wishing for anyone to try and repeat her heroics.

"Would you say that your training in the Alliance Military saved your life in those situations?"

"Most certainly. I went through extreme and rigorous training, there were few who reached the proficiency level of N7 and stayed with the Alliance for as long as I have. But training is useless if you don't know how to improvise and adapt what you've learned to any situation, if you can't apply the knowledge that you've learned then you won't survive long outside of the simulations."

"Would you recommend a life in the military?"

"It all depends on your situation, right now the Alliance is the saving grace of Earth as we rebuild and we can definitely use the help. You don't have to enlist to assist either, civilian personnel are just as welcomed as enlistments. Personally I am biased since joining the military saved my life."

"Technically if you think about it, it's also what got you killed."

"Hazard of the job being an N7 and humanity's first Spectre. I knew what I was in for when I signed up but being in the military was better than being on the streets, and no one takes on a Spectre position without knowing the risks they're facing. It was bound to happen eventually. To be honest though when I first signed up at 16 I didn't expect to live very long with the state I was in. That I even scrapped through to be accepted felt like a damn miracle, basic training wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but I already had the basic instinct to fight ingrained so that made it easier. Life has really just been one battle after another."

"Do you remember what it was like the first time you stepped onto a battlefield?"

"I was excited. I was still pretty new and we were being briefed again on our mission as we sat in a squashed Mako tank, bumping over the surface of Akuze until the ground quaked beneath us and the next thing I hear is this ungodly screech. The Mako flips, then rolls a few times, and not everyone makes it out. There were three other tanks with us at the time and within minutes every one of those men and women who had been with me where dead."

"I can't imagine what that must have been like…it must have been tremendously difficult for you Commander."

"I'm a survivor, I fought to stay alive and with a little luck and firepower I was able to achieve that." Shepard didn't want to say anything more on the matter, it was old news but still didn't sit well with her even after so many years.

"As a seasoned warrior what was it like in comparison when you arrived in London?"

"Chaos. Words alone cannot describe the horror and confusion you see on the front lines of war. It was a scene of utter devastation. I knew it would be bad but you can't possibly imagine what it's going to look like, feel like or sound like until you get there. Buildings that once stood tall and strong are decimated down to the foundations, concrete pillars block the roads and whole walls cover sidewalks. Piles of rubble created mountains on flat roads. Crashed ships cover streets with their wreckage and broken tanks sit where houses are supposed to. It was like a ghost town if not for the bullets flying everywhere. Everything looked bare and uninhabitable. It's incomparable to Akuze, they were two entirely different times, missions, locations, people… I was ill prepared for Akuze and Akuze meant nothing to me until the attack on my unit, the attack on Earth was an attack at my home, and when we fought back I had the entire galaxy on my side."

"What happened when you touched down?"

"We barely touched down at all, my shuttle pilot dropped us off by the crash site of another squad I was a bringing with us to look for any survivors and gather their heavy weapons. Immediately we were swarmed by enemy forces and engaged in battle until I got word from my shuttle pilot, Steve that he was going down. It was a tough loss, Steve was excellent at his job and a valued member of my team. With our shuttle gone we had to hold our position until someone else could pick us up. It got a bit hairy but we got out of there. There is nothing tougher than war, out there you have to focus all your energy on your surroundings, if your mind wanders off the field for even a second you're dead, if you forget to check behind you you're dead, if you don't check the sky or rooftops or second story windows you're dead. The battlefield is loud, enemy fire and your own weapons can drown out important communications between your unit and base, miss something critical and you're dead. There's a lot of ways to die in a war, surviving one is a hell of a task, rescuing another ally while noble is almost certainly going to get you killed. I knew I was asking a lot for a team to come pick us up."

"So who then was brave enough to come to your rescue?"

"Admiral Anderson." Shepard answered proudly, "He pulled our asses out of the firing line and was able to deliver us all safely to the London Base."

"From what we've managed to piece together you didn't spend a lot of time at London Base but you certainly made a lasting impact. Commander a soldier at the London Base said that while you were the perimeter was breached and you took over a turret and single handedly wiped out the waves of husks and cannibals that swarmed you, how did you manage that?"

"Anger. When I touched down on Earth and saw what the Reapers had done to my home planet, to my city, to my people, I was angry. Mix that with adrenaline in an angry and well trained soldier and they can do almost anything."

"What happened when you spoke with the troops stationed there?"

Shepard sighed, "Everyone said something different but they all ran along the same themes. They kept telling me I was a hero, that it was the end for us all… my crew kept saying 'goodbye' and that it was a pleasure serving with me," Shepard shook her head, "They had faith in me but no one really believed that I could or would pull it off. Hell, even my own ship's AI, EDI, had her doubts. It took a decent effort to raise the morale in my troops and my squad, to get them to remember that we had the best chance of any civilisation before us. I wouldn't let them say goodbye and I wouldn't leave them until they believed we could win."

"Sources say you tired of hearing 'goodbye'," Diana prompted, her expression coy.

How does she even have any sources after this war?! Shepard smirked at the memory it brought forward, she knew exactly what the woman wanted to hear, "By the time I got to speak with Liara I was tired of hearing goodbyes, I refused to let her say the words."

"And?"

"Thankfully she didn't try to say them but uh… I can't anything more on that little matter and keep this interview even vaguely 'family friendly'," Shepard looked at her pointedly and then her eyes dropped to the floor as her train of thought continued in another direction. 'Family friendly', she truly hoped no children would watch the program they were recording; no child should hear what she went through. But then again, no child should have to see war either. Shepard frowned.

The reporter looked at the camera with her own knowing look before continuing, "What happened when-"

"You know," Shepard interrupted, "I've been asked what I saw on Earth but I haven't yet been asked what I heard."

"What did you hear Commander?" Diana took the hint.

"A woman. She was in radio communication with the London base doctor who gave her directions on how to make and tie a tourniquet for a fellow soldier who had lost his leg. She succeeded but nothing could be done to save the man. Unable to save her squad and fearing that the nearby Reaper would turn her into a husk she took the Corporal's weapon and her last communication was 'goodbye'." Shepard quietened as she spoke slowly and Liara recognised the haunted tone of voice that was developing as her facial expressions changed and she seemed to get further away, "There was nothing I could do to stop her, nothing either of us could do to save her. The two of us just, stood there, helpless and frustrated that we couldn't do anything." She hadn't intended to tell the story but the words just kept flowing out of her mouth anyway. "In that moment I understood why our civilians had been so ready to take up arms, why everyone who was old enough to hold a gun without shooting themselves was requesting to join their military. No one wanted to feel that kind of helplessness, they needed to feel as if they were doing something to help."

Shepard didn't look up, her gaze remained steadfastly on the floor in front of her, her eyes becoming more unfocused as she spoke and Liara, who was standing on the sidelines of the interview waved at Allers to call for a break to check on her. She didn't want Shepard's mind to get stuck in the past, reliving the events that happened that day, she had to refocus her on the here and now.

Shepard felt the pit of despair in her stomach drop again, the burden of living press down upon her chest as she imagined the wreckage left behind her. The Quarians, London, Palaven, Thessia, the Citadel, all the wreckage of the destroyed ships floating in Earth's orbit, it all surged to the front of her visual mind.

Diana saw the signal and turned to face the camera, "A strong example of the human races inbuilt desire for survival. We'll be back with more questions from our viewers, right after the break."

"So close to the end and they were all losing hope…" Shepard could see the broken soldiers' faces, their fear, their doubt, their pain, they wanted to stop fighting and give up. She wasn't sure who she was talking to anymore, or if she was just speaking to hear the words aloud.

The stage lights dimmed, Diana stood up from the couch and moved away as Liara jogged across the stage to the Commander's side, kneeling down, "Shepard?" She placed her hand on the woman's cheek, lifting her head and forcing eye contact, "Are you alright? We can stop if you want."

The movement was enough to snap the thread of thought. Shepard's view of the asari was blurry, "She had been fighting so hard Liara, for her life, for her squad, for her planet… for me. And then when we were so close to winning she gave up hope and killed herself and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop her."

"Remember what we talked about before?" Liara spoke gently, catching Shepard's tears as they appeared.

"Yes. I'm not to blame for that woman's death," She recited and she knew it was true, she didn't directly blame herself for what had happened but she certainly felt bad about it all the same.

"You saved the galaxy and every race in it from extinction." Liara reminded her.

"Not all of them," Shepard whispered, desperately trying to keep herself under control in front of everyone. Liara knew exactly what she was talking about, they had talked about it many times over the months during Shepard's recovery.

Shepard's recovery. Healing burns, realigning bones and repairing organs were easy, but fixing the mind was infinitely more difficult. No amount of medi gel could rouse a person's consciousness from within itself. At first Shepard hadn't been able to speak, the weight of her grief keeping her vocal cords as still and silent as the rest of her. She simply lay in her bed too guilty to speak, too tired to focus, too broken to move… Alone. Alone in her thoughts.

The Alliance had kept Shepard from her and for that Liara distrusted them. If they had let her know earlier perhaps their Commander would not have completely shut off. Liara would never forget the day that the Alliance finally admitted to her that Shepard was alive and they'd had her for two months. She had been furious with them, a moment away from throwing them all across the room if not for Joker and EDI's combined effort to restore logic and reasoning to her thought processes. The Alliance confessed that restoring the Commander had not gone quite as they had planned; while she was healed she was unresponsive. Liara chastised their secrecy and demanded to see Shepard for herself, reminding them that she was a woman with many resources. With no other options available to them they agreed.

Even then it took weeks before Shepard was able to tell her everything that happened as she remembered it. Another 2 weeks before she was ready to speak to anyone else and a few more on top of that before she let representatives of the Alliance anywhere near her. Liara would not let Shepard be alone for a single second. Their fight wasn't over yet, both still had nightmares and lasting struggles to deal with. But they had promised each other to get through it together. Liara wasn't able to be there for Shepard when the Alliance first pulled her back from death, but she had vowed to be there now and for as long as Shepard would have her.

"You did all you could to broker a peace with the Geth and the Quarians, what happened is not your fault either. The Quarians ignored your orders and are to blame for their demise."

Shepard nodded and tried to take those words to heart, taking a deep breath while reminding herself that she had done the best she could, and then two smaller breaths before finally giving a nod and a small smile, "I'll be okay," Her vision had sharpened and with Liara's close presence she felt reassured that she could carry the weight of her decisions, "I need to do this and the galaxy want to know what happened. This way I'll only have to say it once."

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine." Shepard dodged the question and Liara wasn't buying it.

"Are you sure?" Anything less than 'yes' was an unacceptable answer for Liara.

"Yes."

Shepard looked into Liara's eyes and took her hands in hers, rubbing them softly she leaned and whispered into her ear so no one else would hear them, and then kissed her cheek as she pulled back. She squeezed Liara's hands and then let them go, sitting back in her chair and running a smoothing hand over the front of her uniform. She was ready to continue.


NOTES: Thank you to the guest reviewer, I have added some information in a later chapter to address your question that will hopefully satisfy your curiosity!