It was an unusually warm and balmy North Carolina night. Most were inside enjoying the air conditioner but Peyton opted to go with the open window. There was a nice, gentle breeze blowing through the tree's rustling leaves as the crickets chirped and the hints of the moon shone through the cracks of the blinds. There was nothing like those summer nights. Peyton closed her eyes and tried to remember every one in her lifetime. Not so long ago she was on the beach underneath the star speckled black sky as the waves crashed in. Sand filling between her bare toes she would run and giggle uncontrollably like a little school girl. But she wasn't alone. Just a few feet away, being equally silly was her best friend, chasing her around. It was almost a ritual of sorts for their friendship but time had changed everything. Peyton's eyes opened and there was no sand or water. And there was no Brooke. Instead, she found herself all alone in her room.

Sighing, she looked over at her computer and the web cam that stared back at her before reaching over to shut it off. For years, the modern piece of technology had come to be her savior. How ironic that the very private girl chose to share her life and deal with her pain in such a public fashion. Verbal blogs that ranged from the darkest and most serious of subject matter to the lighter issues of cheerleading and the newest Fall Out Boy CD had all been on display for the Internet world to listen to, think about and comment on. Punk and Disorderly was her site and it described her perfectly. Her father had been weary at first, warning her about old those "computer creeps" but Peyton had rolled her eyes and simply shrugged it off as her beloved father being overprotective. She'd be fine, besides without that chance to make a connection, she would go insane.

She had friends, of course. Didn't all cheerleaders? Peyton Sawyer was one of the most popular girls in school. Then of course there had been the safety of her little crew that for a while included Lucas, Brooke, Nathan, Haley, Skills, Mouth, Bevin and of course, Jake. But sometimes even with all that love and support of friendship, she still felt lonely. Why was it easier to pour it all out to a bunch of web strangers?

Flopping down on her bed, Peyton stared up at all the pictures on the wall above her bed. Some were shots snapped from various digital cameras and some were sketched from her very imagination. She paid particularly close attention to one of her, Lucas and Brooke, taken junior year before his car accident, back when he and Brooke were an item the first time around…back before everything changed. There were pictures of her with her parents in happier days of childhood. There was one of the whole gang standing outside Rachel's parents' cabin. Those were the days. Those days were long over.

The traffic light…who drew photos of traffic lights? But for Peyton, there was so much more meaning. It represented the red light her mother had run in an effort to pick her up from school on time and her subsequent death. It was the yellow light that meant to take caution before proceeding, something Peyton could definitely relate to. Then there was the green light, which meant everything was all clear. She was free to go…or was she? The yellow had cost her a relationship with Lucas and the green had cost her her heart when she gave it to Jake and had it broken. And she didn't want to get started on Ellie. People were always leaving her. Did they really come back? Did it ever really happen? Before she could answer herself, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"How is the most beautiful girl in the world?"

She couldn't help but smile. He'd always thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. But didn't every father think that about his daughter?

"Hey, Dad, what's up?"

"Nothing much. I caught a break and figured I'd see what you were up to."

She sighed and she ran her fingers through her blonde locks.

"Not a lot. I packed some more today and that took forever and basically I'm just trying to get everything in order here before I leave for L.A."

"About that…"

Peyton already knew where he was going.

"Dad, don't start…"

"Just let me say what I have to say."

"I already know what you're going to say and you don't have to. It's okay."

"No, it's not. I feel like a bad father."

"I'm a big girl."

"You're still my little girl."

And she always would be.

"Going to New Zealand was a big deal for you and a huge contract for your company. I would never expect you to give up something like that, besides you love being out on the water. When I needed you last year, you were really there for me. You took a bunch of local gigs and worked a few days out of the week at the office just to be closer to me. I appreciate that but I don't want you to feel bad about being gone now. I won't be here the rest of the summer anyway."

"But I left right after your graduation and I won't even be there to see you off at the airport."

"I'll be fine."

"Just promise you'll call me as soon as you get there."

Peyton thought for a minute.

"Actually…"

"Uh oh, this sounds bad…"

"It's really not", she smiled. "But I did want to talk to you about that. Dad, you know I love you and I miss you like crazy and of course once I get to California and everything is settled, I'd love to talk to you every day but if you don't mind, I wasn't gonna call as soon as I get there."

"And why is that?" he asked in his "stern father" voice.

"Because I'm very excited and super nervous and hella psyched to do this on my own. Don't think it's gonna be weeks before you hear from me but I just need time to figure things out on my own and I swear after that, I will call you."

Larry sighed.

"You damned kids today, I tell you. Okay, Peyton. The dad in me doesn't like that at all but I trust your judgment and I respect your wishes. Just don't take too long figuring stuff out. I want to hear from you as soon as possible."

"Promise."

"And who's dropping you off at the airport?"

"I'm just gonna cab it. It's an early flight anyway."

"Peyton…"

"Dad, I'm fine, really. Don't worry. Besides, any time before when we went on trips, Brooke and I always saw each other off at the airport…" her voice trailed off sadly.

"I really wish you two would bury the hatchet."

"I don't know. Maybe one day."

"Maybe. When you were four years old you two fell out over a toy. When you were eleven, it was over some drama at summer camp. Both times you swore never to speak to each other again but somehow you always ended up working it out. Maybe it'll go that way this time."

"Maybe", Peyton repeated.

But she wasn't holding her breath.

"Still I worry about you. If Nathan and Haley can't take you I'm sure Lucas…"

"Dad, I don't need someone to get up unnecessarily at the butt crack of dawn just to drop me and my bags off at the curb at the airport. It'll be okay, I promise."

"Okay, okay. No more arguing although it never did any good with you anyway. If you don't want Lucas to take you to the airport, then don't ask."

"Fine, I won't."

"And that way you won't have to tell him that you're in love with him."

"Dad!" she rolled her eyes in sheer exasperation.

"Oops. Did I say that?"

"Yes, you did, unfortunately. I can't believe you. Anyway, I am so not in love with Lucas Scott and if you and Haley don't leave me alone, I swear I'm gonna scream."

"Alright. I won't say another word."

"Thank you."

"But let me just say this…"

She smiled in spite of herself. Parents just didn't know how to quit.

"What?"

"I love you and your happiness means everything to me. You know that, Peyton. You have been through so much and I am very proud of you. You've always stayed true to yourself, just don't stop now. Follow your heart, that's all I ask."

She bit her lip and nodded, a small lump forming in her throat as she fought back a tear, wishing her father was in hugging distance.

"I love you, too, Dad."

"Love you, baby girl."

He hung up and she took a deep breath. Ever since Lucas and her father had met two years before, they had been instant buddies, despite the fact Lucas had tried to "rake" him half to death but that was another story in itself. Larry could appreciate a good guy and he knew his only daughter was crazy about the blonde basketball player. Perhaps with the right timing and other circumstances the situation could have been different and Peyton had long ago accepted that. She could barely admit her true feelings to herself, much less to Lucas. Shaking her head and shaking off what Haley and her father had said to her, her eyes fell upon the compact digital recorder she had brought to use for note taking in class. The tiny machine seemed to have a mind of its own, almost calling out her and begging her to record her inner most thoughts. Doing so over the web cam for the world and Lucas to see and hear was a definite no no but it always felt better to talk things out and get them off her chest. Without further hesitation, she leaned over and reached for it before turning it on and speaking into the mic.

"This is me, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer mere days before my departure to Hollywood where I will begin the dream internship that is supposed to change my life forever. I sound real enthused, huh? Don't get me wrong…I really am. I mean, I could use the change but, uh, based on the advice of a good friend and a very good parent, it seems like I have to take a few steps back into the past before I can move forward with the future. This message is for you, Lucas Eugene Scott but I guess I'm recording it more for me at this point because I'm a huge chicken shit and who knows if you'll ever get to hear it. But there are some things on my mind and in my heart and I have to say them to you. It's now or never, right?

I've been thinking a lot lately…about you and about us. It's so funny for 16 years we lived in the same town and barely looked at one another, now after two years of getting to know the real you, I can't imagine you not being in my life. We've been through so much together. I keep thinking about the time you helped tow my car in and the time you were willing to cover for Nathan when he wrecked it. God, you guys hated each other then but I guess we've all changed so much.

I liked you then. Hell, I admit it. I even thought you were cute. A little scrawny but nevertheless, cute. Okay, you were hot but don't let it go to your head or anything. But it was more than looks. You liked me too but it was stronger than a physical attraction. We had more. I still can't figure out what it was or where it comes from but some people just have it like that. I remember on the anniversary of Mom's death I was having a real hard time dealing with it, hence the running every red light in town. You barely knew me and I was a raging, angst filled, messed up bunch of 17 year old hormones on a path to self destruction and you jumped in my car. Not a smart move but still a sweet one. That was the first time you saved me, Luke, and you've been doing it ever since.

I don't know what it is…like how we hang out and we have fun and it's cool. We can do things together or we can just sit there in perfect silence. I like that. And we connect so much through music and it was your belief in my art that made me believe in it again. Not an easy feat but still a special one. Maybe I'm rambling but what I really want to touch on is that you are such an awesome friend and an all around amazing human being. I can truly say that I am a better person because of knowing you. It may sound cheesy or corny but it's the truth. And I'd like to think even a little part of you feels something like that about me.

I blush when I say this but I can't stop thinking about your kisses. The funny thing is, I never really got to enjoy them, if that makes sense. Think about it. Remember Dan's party and Brooke's little stunt? Then we made out like crazy later. I think back to that night and I get so mad, mad at myself. I tried to be so hard and in control like it was just a sex thing to me when deep down it was so much more. You told me what you wanted from me and it was the scariest thing I'd ever heard. But it was scary because I wanted it too. You took care of me after that stupid frat party and then when I went to your room that night to tell you the truth and I saw Brooke and you…and you and Brooke. I wanted to die. It hurt and it was all my fault. I backed off because I wanted you both to be happy but it killed me, Lucas. All night imagining your touch and your kisses and knowing that it wasn't me in your bed, it literally killed me. The only that hurt worse was your accident. I'd already lost you once and losing you for good was too much to handle.

I guess you're not easy to get over but I tried. But we became such good friends and that was probably the best for us. I have loved having you in my life as a friend. You make me laugh. You're silly and crazy and I love all our times together when we can be goofy and like at one in the morning we're singing The Doors while playing air guitars and sneaking beer. You're loyal and honest and I appreciate that. You are kind and intelligent and probably the most sincere person I've ever met. Dealing with my mom's death, thinking my dad had died that time, when Felix wrote 'dyke' on my locker or when I was just plain out having a classic Peyton Sawyer PMS day, you were always there for me no matter what. It means a lot. You saved my life when you ran back in that school after I was shot. You stayed with me, you calmed me, you tried to help control the bleeding…and when it came down to it, to carry me out for help, you risked your own life to save mine. I'd say that's pretty incredible and selfless. Words can't express it but I have to say them anyway in case I never did because I could never say it enough…thank you.

Okay, now that I have taken you down two years of memory lane, I guess I can get to my point. What is my point? Yes, I do have one but it's hard. I have something to say to you, something I feel every day that has taken two years to express and I still can't find the words…"

Her hands were shaking as she turned the recorder off and wiped the sweat from her brow, her heart pounding. She tried to get a grip but it was too complicated…everything was complicated when it came to Lucas Scott. Just when she thought she might be sick from the abundance of nerves, she stared down at that picture again. Once there were three. But time had changed them all. And then there were two as she carefully ripped Brooke from the equation. But even with Brooke gone, her heart was still afraid. Afraid of his rejection, afraid of his love. That's why she didn't have the guts to tell him the truth. It was better that way. In a few days she would be gone and Epic Records and sunny Los Angeles would make her forget all about Tree Hill and especially Lucas Scott. She ripped the picture again. And then there was one.