AN: sorry this is so short and random. It's short because it was written without the book. And before I get the questions... yes I will write the meadow scene. I'm writing it right now. I have three more chapters written right now (including two unfinished ones) and maybe five more ideas for chapters. (Now watch this turn into a twenty chapter fic.)
edit: sorry for all the typos, sheesh! lots of changes made, sorry!
The Journals
You were beautiful walking into the classroom. I was taken aback not only by your pungent aroma, but by your beauty. Not the typical beauty, Bella, you weren't aware of it. I don't think you are even now.
You sat down next to me, I did everything in my power to not lure you out and kill you. It would be too easy. You've seen it Bella, I have a tendency to hold some sort of power over a human's motive when it suits my need.
From your smell alone I could imagine how wonderful your blood would taste. Warm and thick flowing over my tongue, down my throat. The pleasure that I would get while feeding, the guilt afterwards about killing a young beauty and that I would never get to taste something so delectable ever again.
I stopped breathing, but I wanted to. I wanted to breathe you in so desperately. I had reasoned that feeding on you would destroy my family, but the selfish creature in me reasoned that if I couldn't feed on your perhaps I could take you away and just live in your fragrance for the rest of your days.
It sounds revolting put that way. I'm sure that you're thinking that I, Edward Cullen, could never do something so horrific. Steal a young and unassuming girl away from her family and friends, never to be seen again. And yet, while I didn't steal you away that day, I did steal you away.
And despite your opposition I still feel immensely guilty for it. I took you away from your family and friends, I took you away from the life you could have had. If my family had never come back to Forks then you could have had a normal high school life. You could have dated someone from school, perhaps Mike or Tyler.
I only feel nausea when I eat human food, but the idea of you dating one them makes me sick to my stomach. Until I think about you having the chance of a normal relationship with someone. You could have taken walks on the beach on sunny days, gone to the day carnival together, eaten lunch under the warm sun at school. I hate that I was the one that took all those opportunities away from you.
But, the moment you walked into that classroom, perhaps the moment that you enrolled at Forks High you fated yourself to a life with me. A monster in every way; taking a pretty young girl away from her loved ones and turning her into a monster as well.
Except, you've surprised me in every way. You're so strong, Bella. So determined to put on a brave face, it's inspiring. That became The Second Law of Bella.
The Second Law of Bella: never assume that Bella will act like the typical human; she is always full of surprises.
If only we could all be so strong. I think that Jasper hates you for it, he won't admit it but you're stronger than any of us ever were. Even Rosalie, possibly, you don't have anyone to take revenge on.
As a newborn vampire you don't need to smell human blood to know that's what you want, like a newborn baby; they know to cry in order to get fed or get attention. But, you've hidden it so well; we've never had to restrain you to running the 43 miles to the nearest human. How do you do it?
