Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

Warnings: Slash, AU, swearing, sub-par writing, wonky plots, appallingly slow updates, abuse of italics, mockery of generic fantasy elements, poor naming skills, made up creatures, and general insanity.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Unbeta'd.


[Chapter 2]


Ludwig sat on a chair in one of the many, many bedrooms the palace contained. A healer had given the prince a once over and assured Ludwig that he was fine and should wake up shortly. Which didn't really explain why Ludwig was the one performing this vigil. He could have ordered a servant to do this. Gods knew he had enough of them to boss around.

But something had rebelled at the thought of leaving his unexpected guest to wake up with only the company of a stranger. Not that Ludwig wasn't a stranger...

Ok, so he didn't really have any idea why he was sitting there, but Elizabeta had been supportive of the idea.

He wished she had stayed, but she had excused herself on the grounds that she had a math problem to work through. He hoped she'd solve it soon. He could use the moral support. Social situations weren't really his thing.

He needed backup if he wanted to get through staff meetings. How was he supposed to navigate his way through a conversation that could foreseeably send two nations to war?

He shifted uncomfortably on his chair and sent a desperate glance towards the door. Elizabeta failed to walk through it.

Ludwig forced himself to draw a deep breath. He needed to calm down. Everything was going to be fine. It was just talking. He'd done a good number of things far more complicated and dangerous this. There was nothing to be nervous about. He could do this. He could do this. He could- Oh gods, the prince was waking up!

He couldn't do this! Abort! Abort! Abort!

The little brunette stirred under the blankets and rolled over. Things went well until he opened his eyes and saw Ludwig. Then he burst into tears. The waterworks weren't surprising. In fact, it was pretty much the standard response for waking up on a bed with the Black King nearby.

"Um, hello?" said Ludwig. It seemed like a safe thing to begin a conversation with.

"Please don't hurt me!" his guest screamed.

"I'm not going to-" he tried to offer some comforting reassurances about personal safety, but the prince continued screaming.

"I don't want to die!"

"You're not going to-"

"There are still so many pastas I haven't tried!"

"Pasta?" Ludwig asked. What did pasta have to do with anything?

The brunette failed to give a helpful response.

"This is all because I'm a virgin, isn't it?"

Ludwig went decidedly pink at this admission.

"H- How is that-"

"You're going to chop me up into bits and eat me! Or make me a sacrifice! Or-"

Contrary to popular belief, cannibalism wasn't practiced in the Wastes. To be fair, sacrifice sometimes was. But only on special, ceremonial occasions. It's not like they could afford to go sacrificing people left and right. They had enough problems keeping their population stable as it was. What with the monsters and the wars and all.

Ludwig felt vaguely insulted at being stereotyped like that.

"-toss me on a bed and pillage me because I'm a virgin!"

Did you pillage virgins? Ludwig wondered, too confused to really even follow the conversation anymore. His guest continued on without him.

"-hide in boxes and run away from people who want to hit you with sticks. I thought he was kidding. Why didn't I listen? But there were no boxes! Why would there be boxes in the middle of a forest? Well, unless you're a merchant. But we weren't merchants. I wouldn't want to be a merchant. They get attacked by robbers. And robbers have-"

He was pretty sure 'pillaging' wasn't an action you performed on virgins.

"I bet they even enjoy kicking kitties! Why would you do that? Poor kitties. I mean, sure sometimes their tongues are all scratchy and it's really scary when a whole bunch of them surround you surround you and just stare at you like you have something they want and-"

Ravage, maybe? You ravaged virgins?

"-it's my pasta! Why won't you listen to me? I made it special for me and my brother and all my friends and that weird guy down at the gate who smells like oranges and glue. I'll share it with you! Why do you have to be so mean? All you had to do was ask and I'd share it with you, even if you are-"

Or maybe it was ravished? Yeah, ravished sounded right.

"Tomatoes! They're not as good as pasta, not matter what Lovino says, but that doesn't mean you can just throw them at people! Well, except during the holidays, but that's different. You're supposed to throw things then. Just not pasta, cause pasta-"

So Vargas wasn't worried about Ludwig tossing him on a bed a pillaging him, he was worried about Ludwig tossing him on a bed and-

The prince continued with his panicked babbling, uncaring that the Black King had just gone three shades of red and started having a coughing fit.

Ludwig was still choking on his own spit when Elizabeta came back carrying a bundle of clothes.

Elizabeta took in the image of the sobbing prince, and then turned at Ludwig, who looked absolutely lost and a tad mortified. She sighed.

"Do I really have to do everything around here?" she placed her bundle on the bedside table and turned to Vargas. His tears lessened to a minor trickle compared to the deluge of moments ago.

Elizabeta gave a calming, maternal smile. "What's your name, sweetie?"

The little prince sniffed. "Ve- It's Feliciano."

"Well hello, Feliciano. It's nice to meet you. My name is Elizabeta."

"Hello." Feliciano said shyly.

"You've gone through quite a rough patch, haven't you? Do you remember what happened?"

Feliciano looked down, biting his lip and grasping the covers anxiously, before vigorously shaking his head no.

Elizabeta kept smiling. "No? I thought as much. You were attacked. You see that man over there?"

She gestured to Ludwig, who sat up almost impossibly straight.

"He's the one who rescued you."

Feliciano gave Ludwig a cautious once over, his expression clearly one of disbelief.

"Ve. What about everyone else?"

Elizabeta's smile fell. "I'm sorry Feliciano. Ludwig didn't make it in time to save anyone else."

Feliciano's lip wobbled and he began to cry quietly.

"Oh, sweetie. Shh. Shh. Hush now. It'll be ok." She wrapped her arms around him. Feliciano buried his face in her chest. Ludwig sat awkwardly in the corner like the high priest of third wheels.

Eventually, Feliciano stopped crying. He pulled away from Elizabeta, sniffing and rubbing his eyes.

"Thank you for saving me Mr.-?" he stared at Ludwig, waiting for a response.

"Ludwig." he hastily supplied "I'm Ludwig."

"Thank you very much, Ludwig!"

"You're welcome, Feliciano."

He received a small smile and a watery "Ve." from the prince.

Elizabeta was smiling again too. "See. Not so bad, is it?"

Feliciano shook his head and Ludwig began to think that they could get through this without anything going horribly wrong. Of course, since the gods hated him, this was precisely when his brother kicked open the door.

"Alright losers!" Gilbert roared "Awesome's here!"

Feliciano took one look at Gilbert's blood red eyes and descended into hysterics. Elizabeta promptly tossed them both out and forbade them from returning until they stopped being insensitive assholes.


The two brothers stood on a balcony on the east tower. Ludwig rubbed his forehead, trying to stave off a migraine. Gilbert rubbed the angry red welt Elizabeta had left on his face.

"Damn, I keep forgetting how hard that woman hits." Gilbert moaned, and gave his forehead a tentative poke. He winced.

"I don't know how you do, seeing as she's hitting you almost constantly."

Gilbert frowned. "I am not being hit constantly."

"Really?" Ludwig dropped his hands and looked at his brother. "Name one conversation where she hasn't hit you upside the head."

"I can name plenty!" Gilbert defended.

"Ok. Name one conversation where she hasn't hit you upside the head or threatened to hit you upside the head."

Gilbert was silent.

"You see?" Ludwig said, and put his face in his hands once more. He was quite content to stand there and fret about his situation, but Gilbert never had been one for silence.

"So, what're you going to do about the princess?

"He's not a princess, brother. He's male. That makes him a prince."

Gilbert shrugged, nonplussed.

"I don't care what gender you say he is. He's wearing a frilly robe. That makes him a princess."

"He's not a princess, he's just... foreign."

"Whatever you say, brother."

Honestly, Ludwig had no idea why any self-respecting male would wear something white and frilly. It seemed so utterly inconvenient. How were you supposed to do any work in something that was essentially a dress? Then again, the information the Wastes had on Volga would suggest that all the people in that country did was eat grapes and make paintings. Maybe their lifestyle supported that style of dress. Or something.

He guessed it was just one of those things that foreigners did that he'd never understand. Like kissing hello. Or being 'fashionably late'.

Ludwig looked up, surveying his capital fondly. This was his birthright, handed down to him by a long line of feared rulers. He was not about to let his actions bring dishonor to their memory.

"What am I going to do, Gil? This was supposed to make things better. Instead I've made it worse."

Gilbert thought for a moment.

"Why not just say you kidnapped the frilly little wriggler?" he suggested.

Ludwig frowned.

"But that would be a lie."

Gilbert gave a long suffering sigh. His little brother never had quite got the hang of this.

"You're the Black King, Luddy. It's in the job description."


Ludwig returned to Feliciano's room about an hour after he'd been tossed out. He brought a pastry with him as a peace offering. Though whether he was trying to appease Feliciano or Elizabeta was up for debate. He gave a cautious knock.

"Um, may I come in?"

There was a muffled noise from the other side of the door that Ludwig guessed was affirmative. It didn't matter either way. It was his castle, after all. He strode inside, closing the door after him.

Feliciano was sitting on the corner of the bed, staring out the window into the overcast sky of the Wastes. Elizabeta was conspicuously absent. Ludwig gave a small nod of approval at his guest's new attire. He was now dressed in a sensible, if bland, pair of pants.

No more frilly dresses.

"I- I brought you some food."

Feliciano didn't respond. Ludiwg shuffled his feet in a way he knew had become habit. He did it every time he felt uncomfortable or out of his depth. Heart-to-hearts were nowhere near his area of expertise.

"Did Elizabeta leave you here?"

"I wanted to be alone." his captive murmured.

"Oh." Ludwig performed another awkward shuffle. "Well-"

"Is it ever sunny here?" Feliciano asked, still looking at the clouds.

"No. Not really."

"I miss the sun."

Feliciano turned. His shirt was crumpled, his buttons hadn't been done up properly. Ludwig gave a small twitch. Sloppy dressers were the bane of his existence.

"Elizabeta told me I have to stay here. I don't like it. It's dark and I feel like there are things watching me. It's not a happy place. I want to go home. Home was happy."

Ludwig was about to point out that this was the Wastes, so of course there'd be things watching him and unhappiness was to be expected. But Feliciano looked dangerously close to tears as it was. Ludwig switched tactics.

"Sometimes things aren't happy." he began. "Sometimes the world is a miserable and scary place. But you can't let that stop you. You can't let that get you down. Just look at us. Where would we be if we just gave up every time something unpleasant happened? Our country wouldn't exist. We'd all be dead. Killed or eaten by the things out there."

Ludwig paused.

Did this count as a motivational speech? Was he doing this right?

"Sometimes you have to be the one to make the world someplace worth living. Find something worth enjoying. Find something to make you happy. You never know."

He thrust the pastry forward as a peace offering.

"Maybe things weren't as bad as you first thought they were."

Feliciano looked at Ludwig, then at the pastry, then back to Ludwig. He took the plate, a slow, hesitant motion. The pastry was approached in the same manner of a wild animal, and Feliciano poked it a few times. What the purpose of that was, Ludwig had no idea, but he didn't interrupt. He remained still and silent until Feliciano had lifted it to his mouth and taken a bite.

Feliciano smiled, fruit filling smeared around the edges of his mouth. Ludwig suppressed the urge to wipe his face. And straighten his collar. And re-button his shirt.

"I thought you were scary, but you're very nice, Mr. Guard."

Ludwig blinked. Nice? Guard? Feliciano thought he was some kindly castle guard? Well, that wouldn't do.

"Ah, no. I'm not a guard. I'm the Black King." Ludwig corrected.

Feliciano stared at him, wide eyed and open mouthed, before bursting into tears once again.

Ludwig sighed. This was going to be a long day.


[End Chapter]


The response to the first chapter was rather surprising, and I have to admit that I didn't really have anything planned. I just sort of wrote the chapter and posted it.

Since you all seemed to like it so much, I've decided to give this thing a shot. I now possess a vague story outline and I hope you'll allow me the chance to get into the swing of things. This chapter fell a little flat, but I think I'll have a better idea of where I want this to go by the time the next chapter comes around.

Please note that this story currently plays second banana to my USUK fic, so things will be slow going until I manage to complete that.

Thanks again for your enthusiastic responses and your patience with me and my writing.

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