Note: This is the last chapter that I have finished. From here on I'll be updating as soon as I can, but expect at least a week between chapters. (I'm aiming for no more than two weeks though.)

Dance Alone Pt 2

The flash drive burned in his pocket, just as the guilt did in his stomach. He had just violated his boyfriend's – was Blaine still his boyfriend though? – privacy in a way he'd sworn he'd never, ever do – not to anyone. So why had he? Because he was hurt? Because he wanted to strike back? Were any of his reasons really good enough, even if maybe, just maybe he'd been justified in his suspicions?

He didn't know. Just as he didn't know what to do next. Should he go through the messages or not? Wasn't the right thing to do to make Blaine sit down and talk about what was wrong, on both parts, and to give the other boy a chance to explain everything with Sebastian?

He needed to think, but couldn't. He needed help, but didn't know who to turn to. Theoretically he should be able to go to any of his friends with something like this, but. It was Blaine. And they were all Blaine's friends too – sometimes maybe even more so than his. Like say when they had chosen to back Blaine over him about the cheating, without even questioning it. (And no, he wasn't going to dwell on that painful insight.)

He needed someone objective yet friendly, and he needed a distraction. He just had no idea where to find either. And then he spotted it. Just a small sign, nothing flashy or obvious, but still a revelation. Suddenly he knew exactly where to go.

Quickly pulling over – because Kurt Hummel had not needed Quinn Fabray as an example when it came to phones and cars, thank you very much – Kurt dialed a number that was quickly becoming familiar and waited.

"Kurt?"

"David, hi. I'm not interrupting anything am I? Because I was hoping we could meet up for coffee."

"I... I don't–" The hesitation was obvious in the other boy's voice and Kurt winced. Thoughtless, stupid. Fix it!

"And by 'meet up' I obviously mean 'would it be okay if I grabbed some coffee and came over'." He hadn't, but he also hadn't been thinking. If he had it would have been a given that David wouldn't be up for being out and about quite yet – not even without the added stigma of being with the local gay kid.Other gay kid. And maybe not being in public was better for both of them. "Please?" And it was low of him, resorting to begging, especially considering– no, not going there. But. "I could really need some time with a friend right now."

"Yeah, okay. Sure, you can come over. Some time with a friend sounds great."

And how sad was it that they'd come to this? The popular jock who ruled the school. The gleek with his crazy but supportive "family". Both of them had had their own circles of friends with no need to look any further. To each other they'd only been bully and victim – ex – and now it seemed as they'd become the only one the other could rely on.

Twenty minutes later as Kurt looked at David's shy smile over a cup of tea – because apparently coffee irritated his throat too much – he thought that maybe that wasn't so bad after all. And god, he wasn't seriously sitting there admiring the way that smile made David's eyes glitter, was he? Oh, he was. That was bad. Very, very... Reroute brain!

"Distract me. Let's... Let's talk about college!"

"I thought you didn't know yet."

"I don't. My audition isn't until next week, and then there's waiting for an answer that won't show up until sometime late May. I meant you. Tell me all about this college that's going to make the next four years of your life an amazing experience." Because the last thing he wanted to talk about right then was his damned audition.

"I'm not going." Three words, said in a quiet voice, and yet they shocked Kurt like they'd been screamed.

"What? But... I don't understand. You sounded so happy about it, and you have a scholarship–"

"Had. They withdrew the offer." Again, such a short, quiet sentence and such a punch they delivered.

"What? They can't do that! Tell me they can't do that! Why are they doing that?" And he could tell he wasn't making things better, but he didn't understand.

"The thing about being outed the way I was? It doesn't stay quiet, and it sure as hell doesn't stay local. I don't know if the school was keeping tabs on me, or if someone tipped them off – and to be honest it doesn't matter. They found out. And they were not happy.

So now not only do I not have a scholarship, but also I'm not welcome at the school I was pinning all my hopes on."

And Kurt felt so helpless, looking at the other boy. David looked drained, of energy and happiness, and so very different from how he'd looked just moments ago, before Kurt had ruined it by opening his mouth. It was a look that brought out all his protective instincts.

"That's not right. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. You could fight it. I admit I'm not the best resource on how, but I could help you look it up" because anything beat going home to deal with a certain flash drive issue "and I'll support you every step of the way. The Berrys have contacts in the ACLU," as everyone who'd ever had the misfortune of angering Rachel knew, "and I know my dad would be happy to help as well." And he did know that.

Burt Hummel might have been willing to go after David back when he'd been a stupid jock hurting his son, but now that Kurt was no longer in any danger and David was the one being hurt? The tables had turned, alright, and Burt Hummel was man enough to step up.

"Yeah, I could fight it. But it would be a really bad idea. Officially I lost my scholarship because I didn't finish out the season, and the semester. Unofficially? I'm the fag that made them look bad, and if I show my face there they are going to make me pay. After all, grading can be very subjective, and if I complain, well. By now everyone 'knows' that I'm not exactly stable."

Kurt winced. Were they really assholes enough to use David's desperate attempt to end the torment (by ending his life) against him?

"Also, if I win? There are other ways to make me pay, you know. Worst case scenario they force me to actually take a place on the team."

"I don't understand. You love playing, don't you? And being on the team would mean getting your scholarship, wouldn't it?" David nodded. "Then how can that be a bad thing?"

Granted, sports weren't his thing. They'd never been, and the best he could manage was to not let it show exactly how bored he was when joining his dad. Still, shouldn't getting to be on the team be a good thing?

"I don't... Look, Kurt. You're not stupid. You know that playing a contact sport can be dangerous – you have to know that. But I'm not sure if you realize that the most dangerous part? Is playing with guys who want you off the team.

Wanna guess why I switched from hockey to football? It had nothing to do with preference – because then I'd pick hockey any day of the week. Same goes for talent. And it sure as hell wasn't that I thought that the football team would take it better if they found out about me. No, it came down to one thing. I wanted to play a sport, but I knew I could be outed any day. And you know what I decided? I decided that if that happened I'd prefer it if the guys coming after me didn't have knives strapped to their feet."

Kurt swallowed. He was well aware of how horrible things could be, how little the people of Lima thought about hurting someone for being gay, but this? What David was describing? It wasn't something he'd thought about. He'd encouraged – okay, pushed – David to come out thinking that the good would outweigh the bad. But when he'd thought "bad" he'd meant slushies and slurs, thinking David's size and his friends would keep the more physical bullying away.

To find out that David had been worrying about his teammates, those same friends Kurt had seen as backup, causing that same bullying? Worrying about how badly they would be able to hurt him? That scared him – and made him feel very small.

"David? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this happening to you, but most of all I'm sorry for every time I said – no, that I even thought that you should just come out. I didn't mean to be an idiot about it, but obviously I managed anyway. I thought... I honestly believed it would be a good thing, for everyone. For you as well.

I didn't see this side though. So, I apologize."

"No! You don't get to apologize, Kurt, not you, not after everything–"

"But I do. David, what's happened in our past, what you did and said? Yes, you made mistakes. Some pretty awful ones too. But they are in the past. You apologized and you meant it, I know you did, and I've forgiven you.

So you need to let it go, and forgive yourself, and most of all? You need to let go of the idea that I get some sort of free pass at behaving like an idiot towards you because of it.

I'm not perfect. I know I'm not. I make all these stupid mistakes too, and I get away with too many of them when it comes to some people" and none at all with others "and I need to learn to do better. And to apologize.

I tend to make generalizations, to think that what's true for me has to be true for others as well, and I keep doing that to you. Maybe it's because for so long I only had myself to look to when it came to what being gay meant. That still doesn't make it right. I thought I could tell you to come out because I knew what it meant to do so. Because I thought I knew what it meant.

I forgot that we are very different people, with different circumstances, and that my experience wouldn't be yours. Couldn't be, because we're not the same.

I messed up, and I'm sorry for it. And you don't get to tell me otherwise."

That felt... Refreshing. He'd mishandled things with David and he knew it, and if they were to be friends, really be friends, then he needed to do better – and to have David know where they stood. Know that he should never just roll over and take it when Kurt messed up.

"Okay. Then I forgive you. And I'll... I'll work on what you told me. I promise."

"Great. Now, if you're not going to fight that stupid school, what are you going to do? I mean, you said you pinned all your hopes on it, but there has to be something else...?"

"I already turned down the other schools I was accepted at, and with the exception of community college I'm screwed, basically, on the school part. I haven't had too much time to think about it, since I only found out yesterday, but I guess I'll have to find a job."

They shared a grimace. Waiting for a year or two before college and working instead was theoretically not a bad thing, but for people like them, who'd been dreaming – and dreaming hard –of getting out for so long? It was torture. Especially if that "working and waiting" took place in Lima. Lima might be an okay place for some, but not for a gay teen.

"What do you want to do? No limits except your own – what do you want?"

"Want? I want... To play hockey. Become a sports agent. Get the hell out of Lima. Never having to deal with certain people again. But–"

"No, no buts. Okay? Those are good dreams, David. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Don't let yourself tell you differently. You're obviously a good hockey player, otherwise you wouldn't have been recruited, am I right?"

"Yeah. But what team wants a gay guy? You know what the jock mentality is like. And it doesn't get any better outside of high school – it gets worse. I told you, I go on the ice with them knowing and I'm toast. It's that simple."

Kurt didn't know how to argue against that. He didn't know enough about sports to even know where to start. Except...

"Maybe you're right. Maybe every team is like that. Here. But there are other places, other countries playing hockey, aren't there? It's big in Canada, right, and, and... Russia! There has to be somewhere you could find a team willing to take you on, especially since not everywhere is as homophobic as here."

He was reaching, sure, but there was a light coming back on in David's eyes, and he knew he was onto something. Except for the part about Russia – which might have been one of the most stupid things he'd said all year, with how bad things were there for lgbt persons. Still. Now, how to put the pieces together...

"Canada has marriage equality, and I know several European countries do as well. Surely there has to be a team somewhere out there who'd be okay with taking on someone talented! Okay, maybe you can't just show up and get a starting position or whatever, but some sort of internship?" And oh, this was clearly not just about David, but just as much about Kurt's own fears and uncertainties when it came to the future. That didn't make it any less true though. Right?

The smile he was rewarded with might not have been David's best effort, but it was a lot better than the depression of just a few minutes ago.

"Come on. At least look it up, would you? I'd say 'we' but, well. I'm pretty useless when it comes to sports, and we both know it." This time he got a laugh.

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to agree with you! I like my head where it is, thank you, so telling you you're useless? Not happening, okay. But... It's a good idea. Canada sounds like a good place to start, with it being on the same continent, but Europe would work too. I'll see what I can dig up.

But Kurt? What about you? I don't want to pry, but it's been obvious since you called that something's not right, and you asking me to distract you only confirmed it. Want to talk about it?"

For a moment he debated saying no. He didn't want to burden David, not when he had his problems – problems that, to be honest, made Kurt's seem small and petty in comparison. But. Experience had taught him that repressing what bothered him only led to more problems later on. Besides, rating issues? Saying that someone's problems were less important? Bad idea.

"It's not pretty, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or as if you have to listen. You have your own life to deal with. I don't mind talking to you about it though..." Or well, he kind of did, because what David thought of him mattered. If David told him he'd been cheating, and was a bad person... That would hurt. It would also be the most unbiased opinion he'd be able to get from someone who knew both him and Blaine.

"Then talk. You listened to me, now I listen to you. That's what friends do, isn't it?"

And the hesitant way David said "friends" was what did him in. Turned out, he was defenseless against that longing look.

"Okay. Blaine and I are...having some problems. He thinks I'm cheating on him, and called me out on it in Glee today. In front of all our friends, who seem to be siding with him."

That was...diplomatic. Too much so. He'd wanted an opinion, hadn't he? It had been part of why he'd contacted the jock, so that he'd have the option of talking about what had happened and have someone else weigh in on it. But for that to happen he needed to be more honest than that.

"Things have been difficult for a while. I know that it's partly because of me, because I'm so focused on my audition and trying to get into NYADA, but it's not just that. He's been pulling away, and pretending he's not, and I... I missed having him there.

So a few days ago I went to look for sheet music, alone, again, because he couldn't make it, and met someone. A gay someone. It wasn't like that, not for me, but I could tell he saw things a little differently. He asked for my number, and I was stupid enough to give it to him. I told myself it was okay, he was just a potential friend, someone who's also applying for college in New York this year. But.

Then the first text came, and it was flirty. Really, really flirty. Bad jokes and such, no propositioning or anything, but enough for me to feel a little uneasy. Not enough for me to put a stop to it though. I should have, I know, but instead I just let him know I already had a boyfriend. And I thought that made it okay – or rather, I pretended that it did. Because Blaine spent four months texting Sebastian – that guy from Scandals? – and that was supposed to be okay."

He could hear the whining, defensive tone in his voice and paused. If David was going to judge him, then he would do so regardless of how many details Kurt gave him. And if he wasn't? There really was no good reason to rehash everything, not when it would only serve to make Kurt feel even worse.

"So what happened?" An even tone, no judgment to be picked up on, but. No support either.

"Yesterday Blaine went through my phone. He was in my room, my phone kept buzzing from Chandler texting, and so Blaine picked it up and searched it.

I got upset and defensive, he got angry and called me a cheater, before storming out. Then today he called me out on it through song in Glee, and they all... God, it's not like they have any room to judge! With the exception of Artie every single one of them have either cheated or helped someone else cheat.

And that's okay. Blaine spending so much time with Sebastian was okay too, up to the point where he sold out our setlist for Regionals. And even then...

I mean, I know I shouldn't have let Chandler text me those things. I know I should have been firmer with setting bounders if he wanted to be my friend. But I didn't cheat! I was stupid, but I didn't cheat." And he ran out of steam, and confidence, and just...everything.

"Did I?"

He looked up at the other boy, searched for an answer in troubled hazel eyes and felt like such an ass for doing this, for laying this on David – when he knew... And oh, how uncomfortable the jock looked. Kurt felt shame burn on his cheeks and opened his mouth to tell his friend (?) to forget about it, to forget he'd ever said anything at all about it and–

"Look, I'm not the best one to talk to about relationships, and I have no business telling anyone how to handle theirs – not with my most successful one being with Santana – but it sounds like the two of you are having problems. Serious problems. You should talk to each other, not just sing." And yeah, David definitely had a point there. "And in private, because doing that in front of your friends was kind of an asshole move. Sorry. But, as for what you did? Me personally? I wouldn't call it cheating, but that's me. As for whether or not he had a right to be upset about your texting, I guess it depends on what kind of agreement you have."

The words shocked him. Agreement? Agreement? The word echoed inside him, and hurt. He and Blaine didn't have any kind of agreement – they had (had had?) a relationship. Kurt hadn't known there was a need for an agreement about what did and didn't constitute cheating.

What he had known going into all this was that Blaine had exchanged texts with Sebastian, had talked to him on the phone, and met him for coffee at least once. So, he'd figured that it would be okay, non-cheating behavior for him to text Chandler. After all, that was how Blaine had treated it during the few seconds Kurt had managed to get him to talk about him being in contact with Sebastian.

Trading texts with Chandler had felt okay in that light. Or, to be honest, he'd convinced himself that it did. Because really? Giving Chandler his number had felt weird, and the first flirty text he'd received had almost led to him blocking the other boy.

He'd pushed that feeling away though – which he was willing to admit had been both wrong and stupid – because Blaine had done it first. (And god, did that make him feel childish.)

Yes, he'd screwed up. Yes, he'd used Chandler both to make himself feel better and in the hope of making Blaine jealous. He'd acted wrong.

But if what Kurt had done was wrong then so was what Blaine had done – only Blaine didn't see it like that. Because he didn't "like" Sebastian.

And maybe he hadn't. What he had liked, however, was the attention the Warbler had heaped on him. That much had been glaringly obvious. And if it was cheating when Kurt texted someone else because he liked having that person pay attention to him? Then the same had to be true for Blaine.

Honestly, he couldn't see any other reason for Blaine to have stayed in touch with Sebastian. They had met at Dalton, yes, but Blaine wasn't a student there any longer, nor was he a Warbler. And really, those two things and being gay was all the common ground the two had shared.

That on its own shouldn't have been enough for Blaine to insist on keeping Sebastian in his life once Kurt had made it clear that he didn't like it, and felt threatened by it. Add the fact that Sebastian had been clearly coming on to Blaine, and hadn't cared that he was already in a relationship? (And yes, he'd heard that much before revealing himself to the coffee drinking duo.)

That hadn't felt right to Kurt, and he'd only agreed it was okay because Blaine had insisted it was. He hadn't pushed, because while he might not have trusted the meerkat he'd trusted his boyfriend – and the last thing he wanted was to be controlling and possessive. How interesting it was to see that everything was different now that the tables were turned.

He honestly couldn't have told anyone what the rest of his time in the Karofsky household had contained – he was too busy brooding and going back and forth between rage and guilt.

But as Kurt drove home parts of their conversation kept coming back to haunt him. The way David had looked and sounded when talking about his teammates coming after him, wanting to hurt him... To David it hadn't been a possibility, it had been a certainty. And the way he'd talked about the skates...

Kurt shuddered and swallowed down bile. He knew exactly how sharp good skates were. For David to have envisioned those blades being used as weapons against him, cutting him, making him– No. Just... No.

A vivid imagination was a blessing most times, but when it came to scenarios like these... It was a curse. He already knew he'd be having nightmares about it, the full HD, Technicolor experience.

He'd honestly never imagined a scenario like that. Not for either of them – not even with Blaine's story in mind. McKinley had always meant violence, yes, but not like that. Ruined clothes, ruined books and school supplies. Bruises and scrapes. But it had never really gone beyond that to something truly harmful.

Kurt's worst case scenario had always been rape. He'd known for years that it was a possibility for someone like him, and he'd readied himself to fight back should it ever come down to that, but he'd never really feared it. Not at school. Sure, there was talk – there had always been talk – about giving him what he 'was so obviously begging for', but that was all it had ever been, and ever would be. Talk.

There had been a football player during Kurt's sophomore year, a senior, that had set off his alarms, as well as two guys on the hockey team after that. He'd been even more careful around them, but he'd never actually believed they'd go through with it. Because no matter how awful McKinley was, rape was going too far. Not even the worst of his bullies would have let that pass – and Kurt had that on excellent authority.

(Puck had confirmed it, drunk, that even when he was throwing Kurt into the dumpster on a daily basis he would have hospitalized anyone trying that.)

Worst case scenarios were just that. Scenarios. Something to plan for and avoid – not something to count on as unavoidable truth. That it hadn't been so for David made him want to cry. Sure, he hadn't gotten hurt, physically hurt, by anyone else (yet) but everything else?

With the exception of his father and Kurt David had lost everyone. Every single person he'd once counted as a friend had instead turned into part of the bloodthirsty mob chasing him.

Not even Kurt's imagination could make him understand that.

He never wanted to understand that.

~ TBC ~