Rain is…interesting.
It is almost like nature's way of cleansing things. Like when the rain comes after a period of warm weather. After, it always feels so new. A new beginning. Serah never liked the rain. She used to tell me how raindrops reminded her of tears. And that always seemed to confuse me. Mainly because, I actually had the positive view about rain and Serah had the negative. This was so weird for us. Serah was always so optimistic and sunny. She would even tease me about some of my pessimistic views. I miss the ways that she used to tease me. I just miss her so much. And whenever it rains now, I start to see the rain in the way that Serah saw it. Tears coming from the sky. I bet they are your tears Cloud. I know that Tifa is probably crying right now. And I'm the one to blame for that. I always hate myself after making her cry. I can feel the rain, your tears, all over my face. I'm sitting on a bus stop by myself. I'm in complete solitude, not counting you Cloud. My wet hair is clinging to my face, hiding my eyes. I can't see anything anyway, so I close my eyes. A ring came from my pocket and the caller ID on my phone reads 'Tifa'. But I just can't answer the phone though. For some reason I'm choosing to spend my night in these past memories than in the present with her. I really am an idiot, aren't I Cloud? But I know you'll listen to my memories. You always do.
Shortly after all that happened with Sephiroth and Nibelheim, I decided to quit SOLDIER. I was absolutely disgusted because of what happened. And the idea of becoming a first class SOLDIER didn't have the same appeal as it used to. For about a year or two, I was out of work. Serah was beginning to worry about me and if we were going to be alright financially. We still had plenty of money from my parents. They died when we were just kids, but at least they left us money to survive. I didn't want Serah to worry too much though. So I decided to find work. Some rich businessman was looking for personal bodyguards. The pay was good, but there was a downside. I had to move to another city that was pretty far from Midgar. I didn't want to leave Serah, but it was a sacrifice I took to give Sera a better life. To think that right after I left, Snow walked into her life and would pretty much replace me in the picture and maybe even in Serah's heart. Snow must have replaced me. I mean, I don't hear from Serah anymore since they got married. But I am glad that I took that job. Because it actually led me to Tifa and to an encounter with you again Cloud.
December of 2007. I was back in Midgar for awhile. My boss had some work in Midgar, so the other bodyguard and I had to escort him. I was glad to be home for awhile, but I knew that it wasn't a vacation. I did get to see Serah for dinner one night. I never will forget how mad I was when I saw Snow sitting at the table. Not only had he been at the table, but he had been in my seat. I always sat at the same seat at the dinner table and when I saw Snow sitting in it, I felt my heart break inside a little bit. And Serah didn't even see anything wrong with it. Just thinking about that night still angers me. That was the first sign that Serah was beginning to replace me. I had been too blind and oblivious back then to take any notice of it. That's another thing that I would go back and change if I had access to a time-machine. Because Snow was always hanging around our house, I didn't spend that much time at home when I was off-duty. I mainly hung around with my co-worker, Shinji. Shinji was also a bodyguard. One night, Shinji managed to convince me to go drinking with him. I was never really one for drinking, so I never really went to any of the bars in Midgar. But since I did not want to go home, I ended up going to the bar that night. And going to the bar that night was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.
Shinji took me to a small bar in Midgar called Seventh Heaven. I remember how much he raved about the place, especially a certain bar hostess. I didn't really want Shinji to think that I liked girls in that way, so I didn't make any comments on the topic of the 'hot' bar hostess. Truth be told, I was extremely eager to go and see her. I wasn't sure why I kept my sexuality a secret back then. People weren't exactly surprised when I did admit to being gay. I guess it comes with that tough-girl vibe that I've always had. When we first entered the bar, I was a little surprised. Mainly because it didn't seem as great as Shinji had said. It was pretty small, though it was tidy. When we came in it was pretty crowded also. I never liked crowds that much. Guess it comes with being a loner. Shinji was able to get us two stools at the bar. At that point, I really just wanted to have a drink as quickly as I possibly could and get out. But then it all changed when I first noticed Tifa. I was drawn to her immediately. Something about her just blew me away. And unlike the other men, I wasn't staring at her chest. She did have nice breasts, anyone could see that. But she also had a nice face. Correction, she had and still does have a beautiful face. Her eyes are so soft and welcoming. Tifa's eyes are my favorite feature about her. Mainly because her eyes are so…different. Different than mine that is. My eyes are a cold and icy blue. Tifa's eyes are a gentle and warm brown. I could spend a whole day staring into her beautiful eyes. And at that point, I had been praying that she would just look at me. Tifa had been busy with other customers and I was just staring at her. I do wonder if Shinji noticed me staring. I don't recall him saying anything to me during that moment in time. After a moment, Tifa noticed us at the end and came down.
"Hello! What can I get you guys?" Tifa asked us sweetly. Shinji placed his drink order and I didn't even hear what he said, because I was too busy staring at Tifa.
"And for you?" Tifa had asked me. I had managed to snap out of my daze, but I had no idea what I wanted because I had been staring at Tifa.
"Um…I'll have the same." I managed to spit out, though I don't think I was looking at her when I was saying it. I was pretty shy around Tifa when I first met her. She walked off and then Shinji started to talk. But I really don't remember what he had been saying, since my thoughts were still on Tifa. But to be polite I just nodded my head a few times. I guess it worked out since I wasn't really the talkative type either. Tifa soon came back with our drinks and placed them down in front of us. I managed to murmur a thank you, still not able to look at the beauty in front of me. I didn't hear Tifa walk away though. Since I hadn't been looking up, I can only assume that she was staring at me. Especially because of the next thing she said to me.
"You know…you remind me of a friend of mine. Only a girl version I guess." Tifa said with a laugh. I had no idea that she was talking about you, Cloud. I managed to find the courage to look up at her. This was the first time I really got a good look at her face. And on top of that, she had been smiling at me. Her smile was so beautiful. I really miss seeing Tifa smile. Lately she hasn't smiling as much. I think I'm partly to blame for that. But I can still recall the exact look on Tifa's face in that moment. It was the first time that she smiled at me and it doesn't even bother me that she was only smiling because I reminded her of you. I was able to smile back at her, though my smile was pretty weak.
"Oh really? I can only hope that it's a good friend." I said. And I actually made Tifa laugh a bit. I was surprised that she laughed. I was never all that comedic. I wish that I could make her laugh more. She does laugh when she picks on things about me, like my serious attitude. I don't even mind that she's picking on me because it makes her laugh. At least it puts a smile on her face. I really need to make her smile more.
"Yeah, he's a very good friend. So don't worry about that." Tifa said before flashing me one more smile. She went back to work and I just watched her. Thinking back, I was probably being a bit creepy. But I just couldn't help myself. It was the first time I ever saw someone as beautiful as Tifa. Before that, the most beautiful girl I knew was probably my sister. And comparing the two would be just unfair. While I do love Serah, her beauty is nothing compared to Tifa's. To break the staring, I took a sip of my drink. I was surprised by how strong it was. I didn't know what to expect since I just ordered the same thing as Shinji. It was my first real hard drink. On nights like this, when I'm sitting here and thinking of you and these memories, I crave a hard drink. But Tifa doesn't really like when I drink, so I try not to. For a bar hostess, I rarely see her drink. It's sort of odd, but I admire her for that. I admire so much about her. I really do wonder if she admires anything about me. I hope she does, but I don't think I have much worth admiring. I know that she still admires so much about you. She still talks about all of the things that she loves about you. And truth be told, it really does make me jealous. You and I may be similar Cloud, but I don't think that I'll ever be able to be like you completely. I bet that would make Tifa pretty happy though.
After awhile, Shinji wanted to leave but I didn't. I told him some excuse that I can't remember and he just nodded, heading for the inn. I wanted to stay until closing, just so I could see Tifa a little more. It was growing late and most people were starting to head out, meaning Tifa didn't have as much work to do. Closing time was also approaching quickly. Meaning it gave her more of a chance to talk to me. She made her way over to me again and offered me a refill, which I managed to find the words to accept.
"So what's your name?" She asked me while she fixed the drink. I nearly said Claire, believe it or not. I am still not sure why. Maybe it was my first attempt at showing her the real me. I really need to show her more of the real me, since she still sees you in me.
"Lightning." I replied to her. She nodded her head and handed me my drink.
"Lightning. I like it. I'm Tifa." She said an offered me her hand for a handshake. My hand was shaking as I reached out and touched hers. I could only feel her warm skin on the tips of my hands, due to me wearing fingerless gloves. I really wish I could have held her hand longer, but she let go. It wasn't really normal to have that long of a handshake. But I just didn't care. Tifa eventually took her hand back and I took mine back.
"Well Lightning, I actually have to start closing up. I hope that you come back though. It was nice having you around." Tifa said and smiled again. I remember how shocked I was at this. Unfortunately, I learned that why she liked having me around was because I reminded her of you. I've known that for awhile now and I still continue to be in love with her. A small part of me has considered leaving Tifa. But I just can't do that. I just love her too much. And even back then I knew that there was something fishy about her wanting me to come back. But I just didn't care. I came back the next night. And on that night, you would also come back to Tifa.
