Lily swung behind the bar, depositing an empty bottle in the bin. She took an order from some girls out for a hen party. She'd lay odds they'd all end up dancing on the bar before the night was finished.
"I call 'not it' on the table of students in the back," Tanya said, slipping down to the end of the bar and beginning to take orders there.
"Ah, come on, Tan. Why do you always leave me with the shite tippers?" Lily complained.
"Because you're new. When somebody else starts, you can shove them off on her," the blonde responded unapologetically.
"Fantastic," Lily said, rolling her eyes. She slid the ladies their shots, took their money, and swung out from behind the bar.
She headed directly for the booth Tanya had indicated, planning to take their order, get them their drinks, and ignore them for the rest of the night.
"What can I get for you?" she said, feigning a smile, which dropped off her face the moment she saw who sat at her table. "Bloody hell," she cursed. "You lot aren't even old enough to be in here," she scolded in an angry whisper. She tried to ignore the way Potter was staring at her.
"Neither are you," Sirius responded cheekily. "I won't tell if you don't," he added with a wink.
"Shouldn't you be wearing more clothes?" James asked, still staring.
Sirius and Lily gave him identical looks of disgust, for very different reasons.
"Bring the boy to a place where women run around in their skivvies, and he tells them to put more clothes on," Sirius said, shaking his head in disbelief. He turned to Remus. "I'm really beginning to question his sanity."
"I'm not in my skivvies, thank you," Lily huffed.
Sirius eyed her. "That shirt stops, what, six inches above your navel. And the shorts, shall we call them, end about an inch below your –"
"Sirius," James growled.
"I'm only saying, I've seen girls at the beach in more than this," Sirius grumbled.
"Right," Lily said, placing a hand on her hip. "Are you lot going to order, or are you going to critique my wardrobe?"
Sirius grinned. "I thought we could do both."
Lily huffed out a breath. Potter was still staring at her, Lupin looked supremely uncomfortable, and Black was enjoying himself far too much. Lily spun on her heel and walked away. She decided they didn't need drinks after all.
She heard someone chasing after.
"Now, Lily," Black said, trying for a soothing tone.
"Scarlet, thanks," Lily hissed at him.
He raised his eyebrows. "A whole secret identity? I'm impressed."
"It's called sense. I don't exactly want skeevy little pervs like yourself knowing who I am or how to find me," she snapped.
"Fair point," Black decided. "But that's not really my concern."
"And what would your concern be," Lily asked through gritted teeth.
"James," Sirius said simply. "He's been off since you're little argument with him about Snivellus," when Lily opened her mouth to respond, he held up a hand. "I'm not after getting into that tonight. I'm only saying we're here to cheer James up. All you have to do is your job, yeah? Be a good little waitress and get us some drinks."
"Fuck off," Lily said, turning away.
"This place has really given you some teeth. But I'm betting you won't have a job here much longer if I tell the owner you're sixteen," Sirius said quietly, pulling her back around to face him.
"Really? You're going to get me fired? That's lovely, Black. Chivalrous, almost. I see why you're in Gryffindor," she responded venomously.
"Yes, well, there we are," Sirius brushed it off. "Bring us something fun, will you?"
"What was that about?" James asked, when Sirius returned to the table.
"Oh, just putting in our drink order," Sirius said, waving away James' concern.
James eyed him skeptically. "She looked upset."
"You're little darling's an emotional one," Sirius shrugged.
"What did you order?" Remus asked, obviously trying to forestall a fight.
"Waitress' choice. I just asked for something fun."
It didn't take long for Lily to return with their drinks. She had three on a tray. Each came in a little shot glass, with whipped cream on top.
"What are these?" Sirius asked, clearly pleased.
Lily gave him back an evil smile. "Something fun," she said. She set the tray on the table and picked up one of the shots. James jumped back when she placed a hand on his knee. She gave him a look and he went still. Carefully, she set the shot down in between his legs, very high up. James tried very, very hard not to react to her proximity.
"Now you," she said, pointing to Sirius, "get to take it."
"They're called blowjobs," she added, turning to walk away. "I figured they were right up your alley. Fun, yeah?"
Sirius gave James a disgusted looked as she left. "There's no way I'm taking that shot," he said.
James, who had been thoroughly distracted watching Lily walk away, jumped when he realized what Sirius was talking about, and managed to spill the shot all over his pants. "Lovely," he said.
"It's not my fault you're after a harpy," Sirius complained.
James shot him a look, but refrained from saying anything.
Lily stomped up to the bar.
"That bad?" Tanya asked.
"I simply don't understand why having a penis means you have to be a complete arse," Lily huffed.
Tanya laughed. "You can't complain too much about their anatomy," she said, climbing onto the bar. She motioned for Lily to join her.
"After all," she continued, as Lily stepped up as well. "If they didn't spend all their time thinking with their little brains, we wouldn't get half so many tips as we do."
Lily gave her an exasperated look. "I don't care which brain they want to think with, so long as they don't behave like baboons," she said, earning another laugh from Tanya.
"Darling, it's a proven fact. The more a man thinks with his dick, the more of a baboon his is. There are reasons why royalty used to castrate some of their advisers," Tanya said.
Lily stared at her opened mouthed. Casting a look about the bar, she leaned in closer. "Do not let this lot hear you say that," she whispered.
Tanya laughed again, "Darling, all this lot sees is a pair of fit birds whispering secrets in each other's ears. They've probably already moved on to fantasies of pillow fights and three ways."
Lily glanced around the patrons as she danced her way down to the other end of the bar. She thought Tanya was probably right, given the amount of attention they had garnered just standing and chatting to each other.
When a new song came up, she did the appropriate moves. She avoided looking at the booth in the corner. She did not want to contemplate what that would mean for the next school year. She'd probably be branded a slag within the first day.
She grinned when she saw Tanya make her way up the bar, pouring vodka all along behind her. When the blonde pulled out a lighter, most of the pub cheered. Lily saw Tanya look around to be sure each of the girls was ready, then she dropped the lighter.
As the fire rushed toward her, Lily pulled herself up onto the rails above the bar. She danced for a few moments above the bar, and then dropped back down just before the flames burned themselves out. There was something exhilarating about dancing so close to fire. She actually managed to forget the gits in the back booth for a while.
A/N: Those of you who said Coyote Ugly were dead on. I got dragged to a bachelorette party at one of these places (because what the bride to be really wants on the eve of her wedding is to watch other girls dance around half naked), and thought it might be a fun little bit of drama to toss into a basic L/J story. As always, review are most welcomed.
