Sorry for the delay. But now I have wireless connection on my laptop for my house – so everything's cool!! This chapter's really long…but it's really funny!! Contains a lot of inside jokes between me and Ame. () Enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does…

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After swimming, the family and Bella headed back to their private house.

"Hey… I haven't yelled out the window yet!" Alice realized, rushing to the patio that faced the beach. "HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY--"

"Alice, you're going to get the police called on us again." Jasper berated, clamping a hand over her mouth.

"I won't yell!" She promised, her voice muffled. Jasper released her and she went to the window again.

"YOU! YOU, DOWN THERE!!!"

"WHAT???" Someone actually responded.

"WAZZUP???"

"I DON'T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME??? WHO ARE YOU?"

"ALICE CULLEN!!! THIS IS JASPER!" she cried, pulling him by her side and wrapping an arm around his waist. "HE'S MY HUSBAND! SO BACK OFF! ISN'T HE ADOOOOORRRRABLE?!?!"

Jasper looked down at the random person and shook his head like he didn't know Alice and tried to pull away.

"OH YEAH! HE'S TOTALLY HOT!" the random person shouted.

Jasper hid his face.

"HUSBAND?" Miss Random shouted again. "BUT, UM, MISS ALICE, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE IN FOURTH GRADE!!!"

"Alice…" Jasper murmured as she fumed. "Calm down… you don't even know this person and…"

"STOP TALKING!!!" she yelled at him, and then turned back to the window. "DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS??? COME GET SOME!" Alice screamed.

"NEVER MIND!" Jasper shouted frantically and shut the window. He turned to scold Alice, but to his horror, she was no longer by his side. He looked down and gasped. She had jumped out the window before he shut it. Now there was a major brawl on the beach involving Alice and Miss Random (an old lady that had tanned in the past – severely). There was already a crowd cheering them on.

"OH MY GOD!" Jasper shrieked. "ESME! ALICE IS FIGHTING AGAIN!!"

"Well, distract her before she kills somebody!" Esme called back to him.

Jasper quickly dug out some "coupons" and opened the window again. "ALICE! HONEY!"

Alice looked up from twisting the lady's legs around her throat. "YES?"

"I'VE GOT COUPONS FOR YOU! COME UP HERE AND GET 'EM!"

"…TO WHERE?"

"CLAIRE'S!!"

Alice immediately untangled herself from the old lady and ran back to the house.

"COOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She shouted, racing inside and stopping right in front of Jasper. "Coupon?"

"Ha-ha, sorry. We just wanted to stop you from killing that old lady."

"Yeah, 'cuz old ladies are nice…" Emmett said randomly.

"Jasper… why…why did you lie to me?" Alice asked him, using her super-cute face.

"Alice…"

"Why? Don't you love me?"

"Alice…" he hesitated. "I'll take you to Claire's, and you can buy everything you want!"

"Really, Jasper? Do you mean it?"

"Yes, my dearest," he mumbled.

"YOU'RE THE BEST!" she exclaimed, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"All right," Emmett said, "while you guys go shopping, I'm going to find that old lady and have a cup of TEA…"

With that, he strolled out the door, putting on his wide-brimmed hat.

"Emmett drinks tea?" Bella inquired.

"There's a lot you don't know about him." Esme told her. "He likes to hula, too."

"Weird."

"I know."

"No! Get away!! NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo….." Someone screamed outside the front door.

"Was that Carlisle?" Bella worried, "What's happening to him?"

"He's being attacked by all the women that were on vacation to get away from their husbands and had seen him. I'd better go get him…"

Esme stepped into the doorway and locked her gaze with Carlisle's. He clung to her for dear life and glared out at all the women.

"See? SEE!? I TOLD you I was married!" He hugged Esme passionately and locked her in a fierce kiss, catching her completely off guard.

When he was finished Esme was blushing and looked out at the crowd again. "I'm so very sorry," she managed to say, and quickly pushed Carlisle in the house before the crowd could begin to riot.

"Carlisle, what the heck was that for?!" Esme exclaimed as soon as the door was shut. "You know how I am about PDA!"

"PDA?" Carlisle repeated dumbly. "What's that?"

Bella looked up at him in surprise. "You don't know what PDA stands for?" she asked incredulously.

He shook his head.

"It stands for 'Public Display of Affection'!" Esme translated, "and you know that I don't like PDA unless I initiate it first!" She stomped off into the bedroom angrily. "GOD!"

"Esme! Darling!" Carlisle called in an agonized voice that made even Edward and Bella gag. He rushed in the bedroom as Alice and Jasper rejoined them all.

"Hey everybody! I'm back, did you miss us?" the littler one chirped.

"No," Edward replied flatly.

"Exactly," Jasper grinned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"TEA TIME IS DONE!!" Emmett stepped in dramatically. "Where are Esme and Carlisle?"

"They…they left." Edward explained, cringing when the sound of a glass vase shattering in the couple's room.

"Sounds like they're getting it on…" Emmett grinned.

"I SWEAR, CARLISLE, SOMETIMES YOU'RE SO IMMATURE!!" Esme's scream came through the closed door.

"But, Esme, I--"

"DON'T 'But, Esme' ME!!! I'M TIRED OF YOUR BEHAVING THIS WAY!!"

"Yes, ma'am…"

Carlisle stepped out of the room and mustered up a grin at the family who stood all around, watching and listening.

"She's so cute when she's mad…" he whispered, practically dancing ballet into the kitchen, where he began to make a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich for Bella.

"Carlisle, you're weird." Emmett commented.

"Looks like the pot calls the kettle black."

"What?"

"I said…"

"No, what does it mean? Is the pot racist?"

"…Never mind."

Bella giggled. "Who knew that I liked grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches?" she asked.

Carlisle grinned. "Nobody did," he admitted, "it's all I brought for you."

"Carlisle, we're staying for a week," Edward reminded him.

"Oh yeah, shoot. We'll have to go to the store." Carlisle shook his head as he cut the sandwich into two triangles.

"You only brought enough to make one sandwich?" Bella asked.

"…yep."

"Carlisle, why don't I go to the store? I think I'll know how much to get of what."

"NO!" Carlisle boomed, striding over to her, holding the sandwich-holding plate high above his head grandly. "I SHALL HELP YOU NOT STARVE…BY SHOPPING FOR YOU!"

With a flourish, he presented the sandwich to her, which she timidly took. "Thanks," she whispered.

"Just doing my job."

"But, we're on vacation…" Emmett murmured, again not understanding what his father had said.

"Carlisle, I think I'm just going with the girls to shop for food and stuff. Whenever you go outside, it seems like some woman'll chase you." the human girl said with a note of finality in her voice.

He shuddered. "They almost took my pants off… Okay, I'll stay here."

"Did someone say shopping?" Rose and Alice rushed in. "Let's go!" Alice knocked on Esme's door. "ESME!!! SHOPPING!!!! YEAH!!!"

Esme didn't respond. Alice tapped her foot impatiently.

"Esme! Esme! Esme! Esme! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Esme! Esme! Esme! Es—"

Esme opened the door with a rush, her eyes angry.

"WHAT?!?!??!?!" she shrieked.

Alice grinned. "Hi!" she began, "Let's go shopping for Bella's food!"

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