Hi everyone! I started this story over a year and ago and well, life happened and left it on the back burner. But I will try to update as often as I can! Let me know what you guys think!
"So, you bought SIP huh? So now you're my bosses' bosses' boss?"
"I guess I am. I'm really sorry, Ana. This was in the works before our contract ended. Anyway, I just came by to congratulate you on your promotion, you deserve it."
"Did you have something to do with it? I've only been here for four months and now I'm an editor? You can't interfere with my career, Christian. I mean it. Promise me you won't."
"You got the job because of your hard work, you should be proud. And you have my word, Anastasia. This will be our last conversation and I promise I'll leave you alone."
I wake up in a panic, my breathing labored and my hair soaked in sweat. Thank god. It was just a dream. I turn on my side and see Kate sound asleep. What time is it?I check my phone and it's only five in the morning. Today is the day, my day. I pick up my phone and send Matt a text feeling some remorse. Good morning! Sorry I forgot to call last night, I got in late. I'll tell him everything once the weekend is over. I don't see the need to put a damper on our wedding day.
I stretch my arms and give Kate a small nudge. "Kate… Kate, I'll be at the gym. I'll be back in a little bit."
"Okay, see you when you get back" she mumbles to me.
After running five miles on the treadmill, I relax in the steam room at the hotel gym. When things get hectic at work I dart for the gym and have a steam afterwards, sweating out the day, deadlines and anything toxic in my life.
When I finish, I head towards the hotel café and place my order with the barista. "I see you've made the switch to coffee" I jump at that familiar voice and slowly spin to see Christian rising from his seat at the table over.
"God! You are everywhere aren't you? Don't you have some big fancy apartment in New York? Why are you here?" I quickly snap at him.
Christian raises his brow and gives me a smirk. "Good morning to you too. If you must know, after you left last night, I had a few more drinks and ended up booking a room."
"Ok, well I have to get back", grabbing my coffee from the counter.
"Stay. Give me a few minutes."
I take a few steps backward praying that I don't stumble and make a fool out of myself. "I don't think that's such a great idea, Christian."
"What's the harm? We're just old friends having coffee," he says giving me a smile.
"We were hardly friends but fine. I only have ten minutes."
We find a small café table in the far corner and ever so chivalrous, he pulls the seat out for me, lightly grazing my arm as he took his own seat. I still feel that same buzz from all those years ago. No, Ana. Don't even think about it.
He looks nervous; fiddling his fingers against his coffee cup. Christian Grey, the Master of his universe looks like he's about the throw up and I can't help but snicker inside. He starts, "So.. How's New York treating you?"
"Have you been following me?" I quickly accuse.
Letting out an anxious laugh he replies "No, well I wanted to but the last we spoke at SIP I promised I would leave you alone and I have. Our meeting is mere happenstance."
"Happenstance? So you're saying it was a coincidence that you're here, in New York, in the same hotel as me, on the day of my wedding? This is happening by some luck of the draw?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."Oh lucky me.
"Tell me about him," he asks, his eyes never leaving mine.
I play dumb to rile him up. "Tell you about who?"
"Don't play stupid, Anastasia. Your fiancé. How did you meet?"
"Seriously?" I am tempted to run out of here and say forget it but he places a hand over mine and says, "Yes, Ana. I'm genuinely curious." No, please stop touching me.
"His name is Matt. Matthew Quinn. He's originally from Chicago and works at a hedge fund. He's actually my assistant's brother, she set us up."
"He's treating you well?"
"He is," is all I can summon to say. We take a few sips of our coffee and the silence is deafening. I knew this a was terrible idea. What does he even want from me? "Christian, why am I here? Why are you doing this?"
"I need to know you're taken care of and happy."
"Of course, I'm happy and to be honest, I'm not your concern."
"You will always be a concern of mine. Do you love him?"
"I'm marrying him!" I snap back.
Christian gets up and scoots his chair over closer to me and takes the coffee out of my hands. "But that's not what I asked."
"Listen this is ridic-"
A voice interrupts us and I quickly remove my hands from his. "Oh, there you are! I woke up and you were gone. Anyway, I have to run. I have a showing across town and need to get home first. Call me?"
I watch as she gives Christian a quick kiss on the cheek. Who the hell is she?She glances in my direction and extends her hand, "Calista, Calista Scott. You must be Anastasia. I've heard a lot about you. Goodbye to you both, I'm late!" she says running towards the lobby exit.
I open my mouth to speak but he answers my question before I can mutter to ask. "My realtor. We see each other sometimes when I'm in town."
"I see," Raising my brow at him.
"So, are you going to answer my question? Do you love him?"
"Yes, I do."
"The way you loved me?"
I am a bit taken back by his brashness. I stand from my seat and turn around, pausing for a moment before facing him again. You can do this, Ana. "I don't know where you're going with this, Christian but you have no right to ask. You can't just come back into my life and do this. It's not fair. We haven't spoken in nearly three fucking years. You can't come waltzing in and fucking everything up. Actually, you know what? There is nothing to fuck up anymore, you did all of that when you let me walk away. Do you understand me? You can't be here. I can't be here!" Yelling at him in a hushed tone, thankful no one else is around to witness this mess.
We're face to face now and I can feel both of our hearts, beating out of our chests. "Just answer the fucking question, Anastasia. I need to know," he asks, ever so relentless on the issue.
"Why does it even matter? Whatever we had is over. I moved on, you moved on, we don't need to do this."
"I need to do this. Please, all I need is a yes or no," he says; gazing up, looking defeated. Don't get caught in his trap.
"Why now? I was in Seattle for a couple months after I quit Grey Publishing. You knew where to find me but you never reached out to me again. When you saw me last night you should have turned around and walked away. Why didn't you just leave me alone! Fuck, why?!" I have tears streaming down my face and I have no idea why. Anger? Yes, I am just angry that must be it.
He takes a step closer, wiping the tears from cheeks, whispering "Because Ana, I haven't moved on."
"It sure looks like you moved on," I spit in his face as I take a step back.
He's laughing, freaking laughing now. "Oh come on, she's just a fuck." I can't help but roll my eyes and start to anxiously laugh with him. His eyes darken, the way I remembered and he whispers in my ear, "Don't roll your eyes at me, Anastasia. It's not polite."
Oh, so he wants to play this game right now? "Or what? You're going to spank me? I'm sure you have a submissive waiting at home to release your frustrations on."
"Don't. Tempt. Me." he gulps. "Listen, I'm not good at this. I haven't moved on. I.. I thought I did. There's so much I want to tell you and I need more than ten minutes. When you first moved here, you don't know how many times I wanted to hop on my jet to see you. Eight months after you left Seattle, I finally came to my senses and flew to New York and when I found you, you.. were with him. You looked genuinely happy and alive, so I turned around and hopped right back on the plane. I promised myself I wouldn't interfere with your life and I kept that promise. But then I saw you last night; you were absolutely stunn—"
I let out the breath I was holding and stop him, "Christian, please. Let's—"
His grey eyes are pleading with me now and I let him continue. "So, I saw you all alone and I thought I was hallucinating. But then I heard your voice and I thought it's now or never. I don't want to ruin what you have now, I swear. That's not my intention but I just need you to hear me out."
I'm shifting my weight uncomfortably hoping not to faint at this point. "Whatever is on your mind right now, you had years to say, but today, Christian… today I'm freaking getting married and I need to get ready soon. Kate and my parents are probably looking for me. I'm sorry but I need to go. It was nice seeing you." I spin around as fast as my body would allow and run towards the exit. Christian somehow makes it there before me and blocks my escape route.
"Stop running away from me! That's all you do! Is run away!" he spews in my face.
"Don't give me that shit! Don't act like the victim here!"
"That's not what I'm doing. I know everything is my fault. Ana, I- "
"You what?!" I scream. With all of my anger, I shove him, both my hands spread out on his chest. Christian's hands are immediately at my wrists. "Oh my god, Christian. I didn't mean to.. I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking. Did I hurt you?" We've officially made a scene and few hotel staff have peeked over in our direction. I give them a nod insuring everything is okay.
Letting go of my wrists, he looks confused and says "No. It didn't hurt. At all."
"So, what were you saying?"
"I... nothing, never mind. This isn't the place. Can we meet somewhere private later and talk?"
"When exactly? Before or after I walk down the aisle?" I chuckle to myself. "Let's just leave this here, okay? Let's not rehash the good old days. It was a long time ago."
I try to pass him but he wraps his arm around my back and presses me against his body. "Please, Ana. Let me fix this."
Pulling back from his hold, I take a breath and push the elevator button. Don't be weak, Ana. "There's nothing to fix. Please, just let me go. If you still care about me, don't let our past ghost my future. Be fair to me."
"I'm not a fair man, Anastasia."
"No, Christian. You're not. You have never played fair." Just as I finish my sentence the elevator dings. I touch his cheek and he leans into my hand. "Despite everything, it really was nice seeing you. You still look great. And I like this on you. It suits you," I say as I scratch his stubble. "Take care of yourself, Christian." I slide into the elevator and give him a small wave.
"ANAST—" and the doors slide to a close.
I check my watch, 6:46. Good, she should still be asleep.I slide my room key and slip into my room, tip-toeing towards the bathroom.
"Ana?" Shit.
"Morning, Kate. You're up early. How do you feel?" I ask trying to divert her questions.
"Surprisingly, not hungover. You've been at the gym this whole time?" Oh here we go.
Do I tell her what happened downstairs? Of course, I should. I have nothing to hide. Except your real feelings.
We order room service and I take a shower while we wait for our breakfast to come. I spend the next half hour giving Kate the play by play on my secondencounter with Christian in less than twelve hours.
"…what makes him think he can just waltz right in and try to ruin everything? He thinks I'm supposed to believe him? And what if what he said is true? That he came to New York and saw me with Matt and thought it was best to let me go? Christian Grey does not back down easily, he takes what he wants. If he was really here then he should have fought for me. Why didn't he fight for me, Kate? He's a liar. He's a fucking liar."
I had no idea that I was now curled up on Kate's lap, sobbing. Why am I even crying? Haven't I cried enough? Kate gently moves my hair away from my damp cheeks and shh'd me as if I were a child.
"Sweetie, don't you think this means something? To this day, I don't know the details of your break up and to be frank, I'm still not a fan of Grey but you're here spilling your guts, crying over him on your wedding day. Are you sure there's not more going on, Steele?"
"Of course not! I'm just angry he showed up out of nowhere and ambushed me but nothing else. This is my closure. I just needed to get it all out. I'm good now, really." I say as I chew on my lip. Is this really all it is?
"You can't get closure if you don't hear him out." I guess she's kind of right but it's too late. "Listen, I'm on your side here."
I stand up, walking towards the mirror and look back, giving my maid of honor a big smile. "Kate, really I'm fine. I got it all out of my system. Can we get this day started?"
She returns my smile with a frown and throws something at me, an eye mask. "Lay down for a bit and put that on before Carla says something. It's almost eight o'clock. She'll be here any minute with the hair and makeup crew. I'm going to get a new room key, shower and get my dress. I'll be back in thirty. Stay put!"
She jumps up and gives me a big hug and kiss and heads out the door. As instructed, I open the eye mask and lay down on the mattress. Please, please, please bring down the swelling in my eyes. Not even a minute goes by and there's a knock on the door. Ugh, please don't let it be my mom. Maybe Kate forgot something.
"Just a minute!" I hop out of bed and try my best to fix my hair before opening the door.
"Miss Steele?" Oh, just room service. I nod confirming he has the correct room.
"I have a delivery for you from the concierge. Please sign here." Delivery? He rolls over a cart into my suite with roses, few bottles of Bollinger, various juices and champagne glasses and sets them on the dining table. He opens one bottle and puts it into the ice bucket. "Please don't hesitate to contact the desk if you need anything else. Congratulations, Miss Steele." He gathers the breakfast trays and rolls the cart out of the room.
I sit at the dining table and I pour myself a glass to take the edge off my very eventful morning. It's then, when I notice a small envelope tucked in the bouquet of flowers. Ripping it open, I read,
when you are broken
and he has left you
do not question
whether you were
enough
the problem was
you were so enough
he was not able to carry it
- rupi kaur
You were always enough, Anastasia.
I'm sorry I was too blind to see it.
Congratulations, you will make a beautiful bride.
I'll be thinking of you.
All my love,
Christian
