Chapter 2: The Study of Pierce and Jeff
"Okay, let's move on," Dr. Xavier continued, "Pierce Hawthorne...from Hawthorne Wipes?" Pierce lit up, and got up to shake his hand, "Yes, that's right. Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you too," Dr. Xavier shook his hand, "but you weren't the President of the company right?" Pierce looked down, "No, that was my dad. He's dead now." "So, tell me what you remember about Starburns," the psychologist said. "He was a very humorous man. He sold me some pills one time. I found him very charming." "You would," quipped Jeff. Pierce continued, "I feel pretty much the same about you, you know, minus the part about the pills. You two could have been my sons." Dr. Xavier looked and wrote on his clipboard as this all unfolded. Jeff spoke next, "Your son? Yeah, if I wanted to be an insecure old guy with daddy issues with a failed career, then yeah I guess I could be your son." Everyone gasped again. "What?" Jeff thought about what he said with a frightening realization, "oh my God, I could be your son." Pierce said, "Told you. I don't actually want you to be like me, Jeffery. I don't actually want to be myself sometimes." Pierce started crying, and Annie said "Awww," as she went to hug Pierce.
Dr. Xavier spoke next, "I think that Jeff and Pierce have had a breakthrough here." Britta butted in again, "Yes, it's very obvious that this is the edible complex." Dr. Xavier rolled his eyes at her, and said "Oedipal." "That's what I said," Britta defended. Dr. Xavier ignored her and focused on Jeff this time. "Jeff, what did you think about Starburns?" Jeff said, "What can you say? He was a guy with stars as his sideburns. I think that sums it up enough." Annie defended the dead classmate, "And you're a guy in a shirt that's way too expensive for anyone here to know what brand it is. Does that sum it up enough?" "Actually, Annie, it does. It sums up the fact that I care about everyone enough to look better than everyone everyday," Jeff argued. Britta chimed in, "Textbook narcissism. Is your therapist helping you with your shirts, too?" "Britta, everyone wants you to stop pretending you're qualified to psychoanalyze us. You have enough issues of your own," Jeff said. Dr. Xavier looked at Britta who quickly looked away, then he spoke, "Jeff, it doesn't seem like you're any better than anyone else about projecting your feelings onto others. Your main problem with Starburns was his appearance, and that's why you're so defensive of yours. You're afraid of what people think of you." Jeff, for the first time didn't defend himself, and just sat quietly.
