In the weeks before Christmas. Late November.
Five more steps. Four more. Three more steps. Two. Standing in front of him. Oh. That look in his eyes. He knew it. It said that Ianto didn't want to go home. Didn't want to be by himself. Didn't want to be a burden. Didn't want pity. Most of all didn't want anyone to know any of these things. But Jack knew them.
"Come here." Jack said. His elbow rose up to rest against Ianto's shoulder, hand moving to wrap around into the dark curls. "I need you. You know that."
He stared into Ianto's eyes.
"You don't have to say things like that. I'm not a girl."
"I'm well aware on that front." Jack breathed against his mouth and caught his lip between his teeth. Ianto felt his breathing hitch, his lungs compressing as he gave up breath for kissing back against Jack's insistence.
"I don't just want you." Jack murmured again. He kissed hotly, with a strange contrasting affection in the slow circles of his fingers against Ianto's neck. "I need you."
"Right now." Ianto couldn't help it. Couldn't help that sometimes he just felt unsure about himself, insecure about who he was and wasn't.
"Don't." Jack scolded him quietly, letting his eyes rake over the other man. He let his hands drift, sliding down the smooth fabric of Ianto's shirt, letting them settle on his hips. "Come here." He moved to his desk, turning the screen of his computer around, and then to the settee against the glass wall. Ianto followed him.
"Take off your shoes." Ianto frowned, but knelt down, untying the neat knots and loosening the laces. He wasn't just going to toe them off. They were placed side by side, evenly lined up underneath the table to the side. And it was if all their order had sapped Ianto of his formality on removal. Standing in socks and trousers and his shirt sleeves rolled up, Jack could sense a vulnerability Ianto hated, even in the bit of sock that had been pulled forwards past his toes in removing his shoes. Jack sat down on the settee.
"Any preference?" Ianto looked at the screen and saw Jack's video player up.
"No- I…"
"You need this. We both do." He grabbed a pillow and leant it against his legs. Ianto recognized the gesture innately, on levels of thought and emotion that traveled back farther than he had clear memories of. He sat on the edge of the cushions, and turned, laying himself down along the length of the seat, his head on the pillow. Fingers infiltrated, carding through his hair in a way that made his entire body hum with a familiar sense of comfort and caring. They paused only for a moment, followed by the subtle click of buttons on a wrist strap, touch returning as the images of the film began to climb the screen.
"Jack?" Ianto twisted to look into his eyes. Jack stared, and then bent down, pleased at Ianto's slight arching up towards him. He kissed him, but Ianto's eyes were still watching when they both pulled away. "What are we doing?"
"Only what feels right." Jack shifted to make himself more amenable, the pillow shifting slightly. Ianto stretched towards it, pushing himself closer to Jack.
"Does this feel right? Us still, when we aren't….." Ianto murmured.
"I've told you now at least twice. I need you Ianto. I don't just want you." He felt Ianto sigh, felt him grind his cheek against the pillow to find comfort. Felt him reach and wrap his hand in a gentle squeeze against Jack's knee.
Jack brushed the back of Ianto's neck with his thumb. Let his hand run down over shoulder and ribs and chest. His hand slipped between the thin overlap of the shirt front, resting with his thumb lying along the line of his breast bone. He could feel the heartbeat there. Could tell that Ianto was here. Could tell that everything was right. He wasn't really sure what it meant. But it felt like what he hadn't known, but did now. How it was supposed to feel. It felt right.
