Chapter Two: The Insanity Still Lingers

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine! Except for Talis.

"Good morning, Legolas," Talis said with a yawn.

Legolas slowly opened his eyes and realized that in his palm, laid the fair hand of Talis. How in the world did that happen? Blushing, he pulled his hand away and busied himself with packing his things. Talis didn't take any notice, at least, she wasn't showing it.

It had been a long night. Every person who had a watch was constantly tormented by the sleep-talking Ruby who continuously muttered "I am a moo cow. I am a moo cow. I am a…" The unfortunate Frodo who slept beside her had been driven off the brink of insanity. He only sat, his pale face pointed skyward, his blue eyes staring blankly, and every once in a while twitching. The poor hobbit would have to be carried by Boromir until he came to his senses.

As the others packed, Faramir and Ruby stood on a log and proceeded with singing and dancing "The Funky Chicken."

"I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, so kiss my butt!"

Frodo started mumbling profanities under his breath. Words that were unheard of and unknown to anyone in Middle-earth caused nearby vegetation to wilt, and birds to fly away.

Aragorn was surprised, and he narrowed his eyes at the cursing hobbit. "Stop that!"

"Let it be known, that from this day, until the end of the day, vengeance will be mine! Ruby, you will not know the meaning of peace for I shall rain misery upon your mooing cow heart!" and with that said, Frodo fell silent to the great relief of the others. He carried on with staring blankly into the blue oblivion of the sky.

Meanwhile, Legolas involved himself in a conversation with Sam. He was avoiding Talis, being too embarrassed to even look at her, much less speak to her. He had not the slightest clue what her reaction was to the happenings of that night. He had made an excuse to use the little Elves' room and did not return until he was sure she was asleep.

"Poor Mr. Frodo," Sam was saying. "I reckon I'll be having a word or two with Ruby once she's herself again."

Legolas nodded, glancing uneasily at Talis, who was busy putting on her pack.

Sam looked in that same direction. "Something wrong?"

"No, no," Legolas said quickly, flashing a nervous smile.

Sam arched a brow, suspicious. "All right. It looks like we ought to get packing, or Strider'll leave without us."



The journey continued. After a while, Faramir and Ruby decided it was too quiet, and commenced to sing a song, Merry and Pippin joining in as well.

"You gotta fight!" They stomped their feet twice. "For your right!" *STOMPSTOMP* "To paaaaart-ay!"

"For the love of Lego—erm, Pete! will you shut up?!" Talis shouted.

Ruby turned around to look at Talis, walking backwards. "It was you who disturbed my chap stick!" She pointed her finger accusingly at her, then tripped over a stick. "My spine!"

Merry and Pippin pointed and laughed. Frodo twitched. "They are coming," he said softly.

"Hmn?" Boromir looked over his shoulder at the deranged hobbit who rode on his back.

"Sauron." He stopped. "Likes." He stopped again, this time a moment longer. "…Fluffy kittens. His armies of fluffy kittens will be the doom of us all!"

"You silly gosling! You're the one who likes fluffy kittens!" laughed Faramir.

"Silence, puny human mortal," Frodo, again, fell silent.

"Queer chap, that lad is," Faramir said with a corny Scottish accent.

"He doesn't deny it," Ruby said, giggling.

"I like fluffy kittens," Gimli mumbled.

"You do?" Faramir and Ruby asked, wide-eyed.

"ON FIRE! Mwuhahahaha!" Gimli cackled.

"Will you shut up?!" Aragorn snapped, growling under his breath.

There was a minute of silence. "I like fluffy kittens, too," Ruby said all innocent-like. Aragorn hurled one of Sam's cooking pans at her. She nimbly dodged it. "What is it you have against the fluffy kittens?! They did nothing to you!"

"They have done plenty, thank you," Aragorn said.

"Explain. The peanut gallery is confused."

"I refuse to speak of it."

Legolas and Boromir snickered, being the only ones who knew of the night in Rivendell when Arwen's new kitten piddled, yes, piddled, on him, and then proceeded to try and gouge out his eyes with its claws.



Ruby began to skip and frolic. She started to sing a song. Yes, the demented ones with head wounds enjoy to sing. Lots. "Spring is here! Spring is here!"

Merry interrupted. "But it's winter!"

"Shut up, I'm singing." Ruby continued. "Life is skittles and life is beer! I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring, I do. Don't you? 'Course ya do! But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me, and makes every Sunday a treat for me. Oh, the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon when we're poisoning pigeons in the park. Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me"—she grabbed Pippin by the arm and they frolicked together—"as we poison the pigeons in the park. When they see us coming the birdies all try and hide, but they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide. The sun's shining bright!" Suddenly, some clouds rolled in and it started to rain. "Everything seems all right"-- Merry sprained his ankle on a rather large rock—"when we're poisoning pigeons in the park!"

At length they came to the Gates of Argonath, or the Pillars of the Kings. The trees parted and once again they caught sight of the Anduin. The river flowed through the chasm where on either side the ancient statues of Isildur and Anariòn. A rest was requested by them all.

Ruby skipped over to the cliff's edge and looked up at the stone statue of Isildur. She giggled.

The others looked at her, puzzlement crossing their faces.

"I can see up his nose. Moldy boogers!"

"Let me see!" Faramir ran over to join her. Once they got bored with the ancient King's nose content, they began to do-see-do.

Aragorn finally cooled down and forgave Talis and Ruby for his front- cover-of-People-Magazine-worthy makeup job, and he agreed to carry the pack.



Faramir decided to sing a song. He slapped his hand on his thigh in a steady beat, and began: "Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fare. And one could tell by how he walked that he drunk more than his share. He stumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet, and he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street. Ring-ding-diddle- iddie-ly-di-o! Ring-di-diddle-ly-eh. He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

"About that time, two young and lovely girls just happened by. And one said to the other with a twinkle in her eye: 'See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome built? I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt!' Ring-ding-diddle-iddie-ly-di-o! Ring-di- diddle-ly-eh. 'I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.'

"They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be. And lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see. And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt, was nothing more than God has graced him with upon his birth! Ring-ding"—Boromir clamped a leather-gloved hand over his brother's mouth.

"That will do, Faramir."

They continued down the cliff side to yet another forested area, and there they set up camp for the night. But, Faramir's noise-making had attracted some unwanted attention, mainly that of the Uruk-hai. They were still quite a few leagues away, fortunately.

Frodo wandered away from the camp. As he went about the forest, he ran into Boromir.

"Hello, Frodo," he said as he picked up pieces of wood for a fire. Frodo stared at him, silent. "It would be best if you returned to camp, none of us should wander about alone, you least of all." Frodo looked apprehensive, and still did not speak. "I know why you seek solitude," Boromir said after a few moments. "You suffer. I see it day by day." Still, Frodo did not answer. "You do not have to suffer, Frodo. There are other paths that we may take."

Frodo shook his head, taking a step back. Boromir felt a wave of anger swell up inside of him, and he threw down the pile of sticks he carried. "Why must you take this upon you?! Surely you want to rid yourself of It!"

"You are not yourself. You say you speak words of wisdom, but for the warning in my heart.."

Boromir glared at Frodo, an unknown wave of hatred and greed sweeping over him. "Warning? For what? It is folly to take It to Mordor! Folly! The Ring would be much safer in Gondor with my father," he growled. "If you would but lend me the Ring.."

Frodo shook his head again, and started to walk swiftly in the opposite direction. But Boromir dived at him and grabbed his ankle, tripping him. The frightened hobbit slipped the Ring onto his finger, shoved Boromir away, and ran off.

Boromir stood. "Frodo! I see how you are! You will betray us, and take the Ring to Sauron! Curse you, and all the Halflings! You will be the death of us all!" he yelled. He took a step forward and tripped, falling flat on his face. Suddenly the greed, anger, and hatred left him, and he began to weep. "Frodo!" he called. "Frodo, come back! I'm sorry! Frodo!"

But the hobbit was long gone.