Chapter Two
Marge, holding Maggie, and Lisa jumped in the car at 6:55 and sped toward Springfield Elementary. Homer drove to work.
Meanwhile, at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant…
Mr. Burns was lying on a massage table in his office while Smithers gave him a massage.
These had to be some of the most uncomfortable moments of Waylon Smithers' life, simply because they were also so…pleasurable. Even if he wasn't the one being…erm, pleasured.
But it was very gratifying in a very unprofessional way when Mr. Burns kept making noises and crying out things that sounded like they were…getting down to a different kind of business.
Thank God the doors were soundproof.
"Mmm," Mr. Burns groaned, "Oooh, Smithers…yes, that's nice. Nnh, a little harder, please."
As a light sweat broke out across Smithers' forehead, a light rapping was heard at the door. He stopped what he was doing, cringing as he saw the slight scratches he'd left on his employer's back. Amazingly, Mr. Burns hadn't complained of any pain when they were being put there.
As Smithers went to open the door, Burns raised his head. "What are you doing?" he asked angrily, the massage apparently not succeeded in relaxing him.
"Somebody knocked, sir."
"Bother that, you ninny! I think I've got a knot," he turned over onto his side and rubbed at his lower back, almost flashing him.
Smithers felt a shiver climbed up his spine. He placed one hand to cover the door handle, the other to strategically cover a certain spot on his own anatomy. "In a moment sir," he said and flung open the door, practically pulling it off its hinges.
Homer Simpson stood on the other side and Smithers called into his boss, "Simpson's here to see you, sir. If you don't need me, I think I'll run to the restroom now. Excuse me."
Burns sat up an regarded him with a mix of curiosity and annoyance. "You always dart off to the bathroom whenever you've finished giving me a massage!" he complained.
"I drink a lot of coffee," was Smithers' excuse. It was true. Being Mr. Burns' personal assistant required the intake of a lot of caffeine. He fled the room.
Mr. Burns scrutinized Simpson. "What can I do for you?"
When they at Springfield Elementary arrived, they were only five minutes late. Marge dropped Lisa off at the curb and she leapt out before the car even came to a complete stop. This caused her to stumble.
"Lisa! Are you alright?" Marge asked worriedly.
Lisa looked down and saw that she had skinned her knee, but not badly and it wasn't painful. "Uh, yeah."
However, she had been carrying her speech to give to the youth council in a folder that had fallen open when she dropped it and the papers scattered everywhere. "D'oh!" As she gathered them up, she looked up at her mom, who was getting out of the car.
"No, Mom, it's alright. I got it. Just go home."
Marge frowned, looking hurt. "Don't you want me to stay and see if you make it onto the council?"
Oh, Mom," Lisa sighed, "Of course I do. And I'd really like to have your support, but we won't find out until the end of the assembly, which is at eight o'clock. And you have to be home to make sure that Bart gets on the bus…surely, well, you don't actually believe you can trust him to get on it himself, do you?"
Marge clasped a hand to her chest defensively. "What, do you think I'm new here?" she cried, offended. She got back in the car.
Then, gifting her daughter with one of her most loving looks, she said affectionately, "Good luck, sweetie," before driving off.
Lisa finished picking up her papers and ran up the sidewalk, up the steps to the school, down the quiet, deserted halls and into the auditorium.
She was just about to sprint onto the stage when she was a hand clamped down on her shoulder and held her back. "Nun uh!" It was Principal Skinner. "It's good that you could make it, Lisa, but you've got wait you're turn, little missy."
"But I was scheduled to go first!" Lisa protested, breaking free of his grip.
"Yes you were, " Skinner agreed. "But you weren't here, so we let Janey go ahead," he gestured toward the stage, where Janey was giving her speech, Superintendent Chalmers standing off to the side.
Distressed, Lisa asked, "Does this mean I don't get to give my speech?!"
"Well…" Principal Skinner thought about it, scratching his chin. "If there's time left after everybody else is done…"
Looking around the auditorium, Lisa observed that there were only about five students sitting in the front rows, waiting for their chance to improve the youth council. Mayor Quimby himself wasn't there, as he couldn't be bothered with kiddy stuff like this- not when it wasn't an election year and a photo op at Springfield Elementary wouldn't mean so much But his secretary was there, which was sort of a big deal, Lisa supposed, eyeing her cynically. She was a gorgeous, busty blond in a short, tight dress that was causing Willie, mopping the floor near one of the fire exists, to literally drool. However, he quickly mopped up the drool, too.
Turning back to Skinner, Lisa nodded. "That sounds fair." She took a seat and listened to her peers' speeches.
Two were just plain terrible and nonsensical, two were mediocre at best, and one (Martin's) was fairly decent. Borderline impressive, actually. Lisa was willing to bet he'd be one of the junior members selected today. But she, obviously, would be the other, and no matter how good Martin's speech had been, hers was gonna blow his outta the water!
In it, she'd been sure to mention her many accomplishments, such as being Miss Perfect Attendance, yearbook editor, school spelling champ, state spelling runner-up, and the ideas she had for improving the town.
When the other students had finished, Principal Skinner ushered her up onto the stage. Lisa took a deep breath, set her folder on the podium, and smiled out at her meager audience.
It was then that she realized she should have spent her time waiting getting her papers in order; they were all mixed up. Lisa grimaced, but remained calm, rifling through the pile. Graded assignments that had been handed back to her, a printed copy of the lunch menu, her math notes… darn it, where was her speech?! She went through all the papers. Twice. Her heart almost stopped.
It wasn't there! Well, the last page was. Which contained a few sentences and then two words: 'thank you'. She heard Superintendent Chalmers cough. Glancing in his direction, she saw him shoot Skinner a Look, one that clearly said, "This girl better start soon, or else get her off the stage."
Lisa blushed and ran off the stage to Principal Skinner. "Pl…please!" she said panting, utterly humiliated, "I dropped my papers outside before I came in here and I…I must not have picked all of them up! Please, let me go outside and look for them! Please wait for me!"
Skinner glanced at his watch. "Lisa…"
Not waiting for him to say more, Lisa muttered a speedy "Thank you!" and was out the door in a flash.
She had forgotten how windy it was outside. The papers were not on the sidewalk or by the curb or anywhere near there. They were nowhere near anywhere! Tears welled up in her eyes as she circled the school in a futile attempt to find them.
Returning to the auditorium, she found Skinner up on stage, attempting to stall the audience with a song:
"How am I supposed to live without you?
After I've been loving you so long…"
From the audience, Mrs. Krabappel interjected with, "You don't know the first thing about love! Ha!"
Shamefaced, Skinner noticed that Lisa had come in. She shook her head sadly at him.
Martin and Allison were named junior members of the mayor's youth council.
