2. I awoke abruptly the next morning. With a jolt, I sat up. I had had a dreamless night, but somehow my uneasiness was already returning. With a growl of my stomach, I rushed to change my clothes and to get down to eat breakfast.
Lavi and Allen sat talking at one of the tables. Harold Link sat next to them silently. I walked over to join them, realizing they already had a tray laid out for me.
"Good morning," I greeted them.
"Good morning!" Allen called cheerfully as I sat before the tray of food. I began to reach for it, but Lavi pulled it away, shooting me a glare.
"Who said that for you?" he demanded.
My eye's grew wide with shock, and I stuttered an apology.
Lavi laughed, pushing it back at me. "Come on, Lenalee! I was teasing you! You need to laugh!" He tried to smile encouragingly, but I found it impossible to smile back.
Miranda and Krory wandered over to join us. Miranda took one look at me and gasped. "Lenalee, you're as pale as a ghost!"
I looked down at my lap. "I'm fine, really! Please, everyone, stop worrying about me!"
"Who's up for seconds?" Allen asked, eyeing the twelve empty bowls in front of him.
"Allen, no one's even started eating yet."
Allen snatched a piece of toast off of my tray, not commenting. Lavi smacked his wrist.
"OW!" He dropped the bread.
"Lenalee needs to eat much more than you do!" he snapped.
"It's fine, really," I cried, handing the piece over to him. "I'm fine!"
Allen shook his head, looking back and forth between Lavi and I before heading back over to Jerry's kitchen.
I turned to Lavi. "Don't be rude to Allen! I really don't care if he eats off my plate or not!"
"I do!" he argued. "You look like crap, Lenalee, and you need to get some more energy into you." As I opened my mouth to object, he took the toast and shoved it into my mouth. "There, that wasn't too hard, was it? Now take a tip from Allen and finish your breakfast!"
I chewed the bread, not arguing because I was hungry. I fell silent and turned back to my breakfast. Miranda and Krory were watching me as they ate, most likely wondering what was wrong.
"I'm just a little overtired," I told them, knowing that they, at least, would buy it. They nodded and turned away. Good, the less people I need to continue lying to the better.
Allen joined us, and the three of us (and Link) finished around the same time. We stood up and headed for the exit of the cafeteria.
Just as we exited, none other than Leverrier began to enter. He looked over at us and began to walk towards us.
I heard my breath quicken and my hands became wobbly, causing my tray to shake. Lavi quickly grabbed it from me and placed it on top of his. He put a hand on my back and led me in the opposite direction of Leverrier, though he just turned and came our way.
"Shit, what's he doing?" Lavi muttered.
Allen glanced quickly between Leverrier and me before shrugging. "Beat's me."
"Good morning," he said in his taunting voice as he came in earshot of us. I became so grateful to have Lavi and Allen with me, knowing that without them, I would probably be in a worse condition right then.
Allen stepped forward a bit, trying to read Leverrier's eyes to see what it was he wanted. Lavi angled his body discreetly so he was in front of me. He wasn't looking at me, though. He was looking over our heads at Link.
"I just wanted to check that everything was going right," he explained, looking at Link and Allen.
Link nodded. "Yes, sir! Everything is fine, sir!"
"Good," he muttered. He smiled over at me before turning and walking away.
Lavi pushed me out of the cafeteria faster than I could keep up. Allen hurried out after us.
"Let's go outside," Lavi suggested in an irritated tone. "That freak probably never goes outside unless it's to get on a train!"
Allen stopped following us suddenly, looking back in forth between Link and I, probably thinking that it was best not to come with us with him following. He shook his head. "You two go on without me. I think I'm going to get some reading done." He smiled at us and hurried off in a different direction, Link following.
Lavi shook his head. "Poor guy, getting stalked by a freak like that." He immediately turned back to me. Not that you've got it any better. Let's get the hell out of here!"
He pushed me outside into the cool air. We sat down on the grass, leaning against the side of the building, far from the windows.
"Does Komui know you have this problem?" he asked first.
"Of course he does," I answered. "That's why he came to the Order in the first place! He just tends to keep his distance while Leverrier's around, though, because he tends to stick to my brother a bit." I frowned, thinking of his worried expression last night as he left me. "I can tell he worries about me, though, and I wish I could be stronger, for his sake." I bit my trembling lip, keeping my eyes at my feet.
"Is there anything you usually do that makes you feel better when he's around?" Lavi continued.
I shrugged. "I guess I hang around Kanda lot. He doesn't ask questions, which makes it easy for me."
Lavi groaned. "Then I'm bugging you right now, aren't I?"
I shook my head, looking up from my feet to see his expression. He seemed a little bothered. "No, not at all, Lavi! Usually I want to be left alone, but right now, I really need the company." He didn't seem to believe it. "I'm not just saying it, either! I feel like I want to put how I feel into words, but it's the same time every time I try. There's nothing more to say, you know?" I looked at him uncertainly.
"You don't have to explain it. I understand." He seemed to be frowning a bit now, too. I could see honest concern in his face and I wished there were some way that I could make him smile and stop worrying about me. I didn't want to upset him. It was bad enough one of us had to be like this.
"Thanks, Lavi," I responded, not knowing how to continue. "I guess I just kept my fear of him since I was a child and I can't get rid of it. I don't think I can change it at this time." I felt my voice breaking as I went on. "I just…when he's here, I feel like he knows how I feel and uses it against me. He really…I don't know…scares me. And he sees that! It makes things so hard!" I resisted tears. I had been crying too much lately. "Why can't I let it go? Why do I give him this power?"
Lavi didn't answer. He reached out and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling my head to his. He rested his head on top of mine as I dug my face into his shoulder, his red hair falling in my face.
"I'm…s-sorry…" I gasped, having trouble keeping my voice steady again.
"Stop apologizing! We all deserve a chance to complain now and then in this shitty excuse for a life."
I managed a laugh, but it sounded like I was choking instead. "I seem to be the one who complains the most, though," I said, repeating what I had been thinking last night. "I never give any of you a chance to complain. You're always busy taking care of me and my silly problems!"
"Believe me, none of your problems are silly," he responded. "Besides, I don't need to complain. I'm just a bookman, right? What I think about what's going on shouldn't matter."
I cringed. I hated it when he talked like that about himself. "No, Lavi, NO! What you feel is important to me!" I pulled away from him, taking his face in my hands so he couldn't turn away. "Stop saying that all the time! I don't care who you are, I need you to know that you can always count on me if you ever get the chance to complain!"
Lavi looked at me like I was crazy before laughing. "Lenalee, you're one of a kind, aren't you?" He leaned back against the wall as I let go of his face. "I have trouble keeping my place sometimes. I need to say things like that to remind myself."
I turned my gaze back to the ground, feeling a little hurt myself. I really wished he'd stop talking like that, almost as much as I wished I were stronger around Leverrier.
He cocked his head so he could see my face. "Feeling better?"
I looked over at him. His green eye was sparking and his silly grin was spread across his face. This was his attempt to veer the conversation away from himself.
I nodded, half grinning. "A little. Thanks, Lavi." I glanced back over at the entrance. "I don't really want to go back inside, though. Can we stay out here a little longer? Let's talk about something other than Leverrier and bookmen."
He studied my face for a moment before nodding. "Sure, fine by me. I hate being locked up in that place all the time anyway."
I slipped my cold hand into his warm one, hoping that he wouldn't pull away. He wrapped his fingers around my hand without a complaint. I smiled and he began to joke about how much Allen had eaten at breakfast today.
