Disclaimer: still not mine
A/N Thanks to those who read and especially to those who reviewed the last chapter. It means a great deal to me and is definitely appreciated.
bolt are thoughts, but I guess you'll figure that out. Please remember to tell me huge mistakes although they happen accidentally
On with the story ...
CHAPTER 2
Ray arrived at Kinshasa airport after a very long and exhausting flight. The time seemed to move even slower as he stopped at every security check-point along the way. He was relieved when he finally had escaped the million of questions and was greeted by a smiling Carter.
"It's good to see you Ray. Luka wasn't happy to let you go, because he'll miss a very good doctor, but we're glad you've decided to
come." John said.
"Yeah, like I said before, I had to leave. And I'm happy to give you a hand over here."
Ray hadn't told Carter his reasons for leaving, but maybe someday with the necessary distance it wouldn't hurt as much
anymore and he would be able to talk about it.
During the two hour drive to the jungle Ray already felt the heat
getting the better of him. Sweat poured from every pore of his body and
his throat felt like he hadn't had water for weeks.
'Yeah here you go man, that's really cool you don't even survive the drive to the hospital. Were you crazy to think you could help people? Geez man get a
grip.'
When dizziness reached him he finally asked for something to drink.
Carter turned to him with a bottle of water. "It's okay, it's the heat
and the high humidity, but you'll get used to it soon enough. I felt the same way when I first got here." He smiled reassuringly.
-0-0-0-0-
Ray couldn't help but feel a little out of place when they finally reached the hospital. It was an old hut with some tents around it, rather than a
real building, but he knew he shouldn't have expected more. He'd get used to it, Carter was right. He had to. Carter had done him a great
favour and he wouldn't let him down.
0-0-0-0-
Back in Chicago Neela arrived at O'Hare airport.
The time with her family had helped her lot to figure things out.
Tony never really helped her. He was just some distraction to stop thinking about Michael and the guilt she was still feeling.
If only he hadn't gone back to Iraq; maybe he'd still be alive. Maybe they would have their own little family by now.
In England she haddfinally came to the realization that she needed Ray back in her life. She knew she had feelings for him much longer than she should have, but most of all she needed him as a friend. He couldn't bring Michael back, but he could hold her and comfort her.
With Gates it was impossible, but then he has helped her in another way. He had made it clear, that a soldier was a soldier for the rest of his life. And for that he would always choose duty before family.
She hailed a taxi and told the driver the address of Abby's apartment.
They nearly arrived when she suddenly decided to go to Ray's first.
The driver took a turn and after a short ride they arrived at their, his she corrected herself, apartment.
She rang the knocked several times, but the apartment remained silent.
There wasn't even a second key under the doormat as it always had.
Perhaps he was still at work …. She couldn't tell his shifts anymore.
So much had changed between them. They once had been so close but lately it had seemed as if they were strangers.
Neela didn't know why it had come to this. It surely wasn't her fault, was it?
She left the building.
She would see him tomorrow at County. She needed to talk to him but figured waiting one more day wouldn't hurt. Tomorrow she told herself, tomorrow she would talk to him – maybe.
-0-0-0-0-
Tomorrow came and went.
Deep down she knew she was procrastinating, but her first day back had been so busy with operations and also with a new intern she was supposed to teach. There just hadn't been time to go down to the ER to find him.
Even if she had found the time what was she supposed to say anyway? They hadn't spoken to each other unless absolutely necessary for a few weeks now. She remembered the heated discussion they had before her vacation and fury crept over her. How dare he?
Suddenly she was sure there was nothing to apologize for; he was in the wrong, not her. Yeah he was the one who should apologize.
She would tell him too – tomorrow.
-0-0-0-0-
Neela was called down for a consult the next day.
She was a bit surprised that she didn't see Ray anywhere, but perhaps he was working on another trauma. Well she would meet up with him eventually.
But when she entered trauma 2 only Abby and Morris were on duty.
"Hi Neela, it's nice to have you back." Abby shortly hugged her before going back into professional mode.
When they finished with the victim of a shooting and the young man was stable enough to go to the OR, Neela couldn't resist asking if anybody had seen Ray. She was expecting to hear he had a day off or wouldn't be on until the graveyard shift started, but all she got in return was silence and meaningful glances between Morris and Abby.
Morris took the easiest way out, saying he had another patient to see.
'That's just great Morris, leave it to me to tell her; you damn coward' Abby thought.
"You want to grab a coffee, sweetie?'
"No Abby, I do not want coffee, I want to know what you're hiding from me. And don't go and tell me it's nothing, because you're acting weird."
Neela said sternly.
"Ok" Abby sighed, "But let us go to the doctors lounge."
After pouring a cup for herself; Abby sat next down to Neela.
She knew there was no easy way to break the news, so she decided to just come right out with it.
"Ray's gone Neela."
"What? What do you mean, he's gone?" Neela asked softly.
"He flew to Africa a few days ago. He's helping Carter in the hospital in Darfur" Abby stated, starring at her best friend who looked at her in utter disbelief.
"Darfur? The Congo? But …but that's a dangerous area. Why would he go there? Bloody hell; it's bad enough Michael had to go back to that holy mess; now Ray too?"
Neela was crying now. She couldn't stand to lose another man she cared about deeply; she just couldn't.
"What exactly happened between the two of you?" Abby asked gently.
"What do you mean? Nothing happened."
"Oh come on Neela; that's not true and we both know it."
It was obvious to most of us that Ray had felt more than friendship for you. Come on; tell me the truth Neela."
"I told you, nothing happened."
Neela could see by the look on Abby's face that she didn't believe a word of it.
"He's not the only one who felt that way; I do too. I felt so guilty because I fell for him while I had been with Michael. I tried to deny it so many times; to pretend that we were just friends and that was all we'd ever be. It got to the point though that it was getting harder and harder to deny it and I knew if I didn't move out of the apartment that things could have ended up going to far with Ray. I couldn't do that to Michael."
"So you had feelings for Ray but if that's the case then why hook up with Gates."
"Stop it Abby, just stop it. You have no idea how I felt and still feel. You don't know about the guilt." Tears were streaming down Neela's face. "How could you have let him go? I mean Luka almost died over there; now Ray, too?, Neela screamed.
"Luka tried to talk him out of it but you know as well as I do how stubborn Ray can be" Abby responded calmly.
-0-0-0-0-
After exiting the lounge; Neela chose to leave work early She couldn't think straight. She knew she had work to do upstairs but she just couldn't concentrate on work right now. .
Enroute to the EL; Neela's mind was racing..
'Stupid wanker! How the hell dare he.'
Though a voice inside her told her that Ray's leaving was partly her fault but just as she had done many times before; Neela chose to ignore that voice. Unfortunately it was getting harder and harder to ignore and even Abby seemed to see through her façade. Neela was torn between what her heart was saying and her unrelenting pride. This round in the battle raging inside her went to her pride.
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