Returning! I have decided to continue this story, due to the odd response that my version of deadpool Isn't bad… well either you guys got low standards, or I sell myself too short. But that does not matter, what DOES matter, is that The story is being continued! After seeing black panther and being disappointed that it was political, first, story second. I have decided that I need some deadpool in my life to make up for the horror of watching the scene in BP, where a bunch of ethnically-african actors START HOOTING LIKE MONKEYS?! WHO WROTE THAT SHIT?!
-'WE GET IT!'
What? Wade? Is that you?
'Yeah its me! And you need to stop whining about that shit, NOW!'
I am sorry wade. I just can't let that slide! HOW CAN THEY JUST- *puts finger up in authors face* 'Shhhhhhhhhhhhh, just shut-it and get back to describing my acid-fueled life, okay doll-face?'
Yeah, too much politics. Focus on the entertainment! *eyes widen in realization*
Oh, the irony.
This is why I don't watch TV or see films anymore!
'SERIOUSLY GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT YOU, KEYBOARD-POKING, GINGER-ALE LOOKING BASTARD!'
HEY!
I, personally, like ginger ale.
Uuuuh, are you coming on to me?
'That's my boy. Also WRAP IT UP YOU TWO!
You need to stop spending time near wade, author.
'STOP IGNORING ME!'
But, I haven't spent much time, at all with him? - the readers sure do know that -
'I WILL CUT A BITCH AND UNFRIEND HER AFTER, IF THIS DOESN'T GET STARTED SOON!'
OKAY! JUST STOP YELLING WADE! *banishes deadpool back into the fic*
*AGHEM*... sorry guys… STORY TIME! :
'Just to recap. Last chapter, I had just passed out due to blood loss or some shit like that'
No, you-huh… you actually got it right that time
'I am always right'
Aand back to being wrong.
'ANYWAY! Hows' about we wake up and show them our special secret? Eeh?'
You do realize that you have no consistency with your 'code words', right?
'So?'
So, I don't know if you mean, your dick, your powers, or if you are gonna kill them all, or anything else!
'And?'
Nevermind… just, do it… *sighs*
"SOMEONE SAY THERMITE!" I yelled as I jumped up from a stretcher that i had been placed on. The kids, well except the green-haired one, still grouped at the big doors to the dome-place I just kicked ass in.
Correction, I believe you meant, "-where I just got my ass kicked." Wade.
And who could blame them? My ass is PERFECT!
I am not doing this right now. Also, they are staring, and one just asked you something. I believe it was the stiff, blue-haired, teen. Sounded like he was angry too.
Alright fine!
I looked towards the kid, he had a suit that looked way better than tony-bro's. I then asked him, "What? Sorry, I didn't hear that. I was busy defending my glutes to some ass-hole! BUT THAT DOES NOT MATTER!-" I draped my only remaining arm over his shoulders and neck, all suave-like "- What DOES matter my four-eyed friend, is what you asked?" I asked with my sexy-voice.
You literally just deepen your voice, and say the "r"s like you are french, and that is it… you sound like a drunkard from the Middle-East! Not "sexy" by any stretch. And it sounds like mumbling - no, it IS mumbling - when you are speaking Japanese!
"Oh. Well shit." I said aloud
"What?" the blue-haired, pre-pubescent, white-knight asked.
"Hmm? Oh yeah! I asked what you said after I woke up, Sergeant Stiff." I explained in a normal voice
He then removed my arm from his shoulders and turned to me before speaking,
"I asked you to please lay back down! You have serious injuries, and should rest! I can't stand by and let you continue to-" He began, while waving his hands all over the damned place. However, I shushed him by putting my hand over his mouth and said, "Shhhhh. First-off, you need loosen up. Second, You are gonna wrinkle my suit, or slap someone with your hands, judo-chopping the air, like Austin Powers after 32 lines of some good old fashioned 'Okie-Coke'" I said to him, before he SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED ME
"Wait, what?" he asked
"Hold it four-eyes, I ain't finished. Just stand there and look pretty for a sec. Finally, I'm FINE! No need to worry about me! Seriously… that's weird." I finished
He began waving his hands around some more while telling me, "You have lost your arm! You are most certainly NOT FINE! Now, get some rest! It is for your own good!"
"HEY, Hey, Hey! No need to worry homeslice. Arms grow back!" I responded.
I leaned to the closest third-party, who happened to be that girl with the WAY TOO MATURE OF A COSTUME for a fucking teenager, and whispered, "No they don't."
I then turned back to the four-eyed, white-knight (more like yellow, hehe-For the love of- too late buddy). Apparently, the blue-haired twaddle-fuck had begun raving about proper safety, or some-shit like that.
I rolled my eyes during his rant, after he concluded his odd lecture, someone whacked the back of my right knee. I fell down on to my knees as I was hit again. But this time, on the back of my head.
I responded with, "I'm sorry Gibbs, won't do it again" fucking love that show!
Really? NCIS… I doubt very many readers have even watched that show wade. I also doubt that anyone here does too.
Why not? Oh-is it because the radiation doesn't let US TV shows reach their TVs?
… Seriously?... a fucking WWII nuke joke?... You really don't have ANY idea when to take things seriously, do you?
NOPE! Never have, never do, never will! Also, don't expect comedy gold when I have lost a limb, and a lot of blood.
Just get back to the short, old, woman who is glaring at you with great levels of judgement.
"Who?" I asked aloud, before being hit on the head once more.
"OW! WHAT!?" I shouted at her
"You need to hold still, young man!" She commanded, I obeyed cuz I was bored and wanted to see where this went.
And here is where! SHE KISSED ME ON THE SHOULDER! The lack of an arm, and by extension the sleeve, allowed her to roll back the fabric covering my shoulder to kiss it.
"HEY, at least tr-" I began my quip, but was cut off by my arm growing back in under 3 seconds. And then the following fatigue that seemed like very little to be honest.
"Woah! Thanks doc. Mind hooking me up with some adderall too?" I replied. Oddly, the group went silent for a moment. I realized that they must be dripping with amazement at my healing factor.
… what?
Aren't ya gonna say something about that? Eh?
No… because I need a break and I refuse to let you drag me into yet another pointless argument over stupid shit.
Let us see how long you can keep that up buddy-ole' pal!
Anyway, someone broke the silence… it was me.
"What? Its like you all haven't seen a man regrow his limbs before! HOW RUDE!" I said with a fancy, british accent.
"Oh, so your quirk is super regeneration. Kero" replied some frog-girl… actually kinda cute in a-NO! NOT A TEEN DEADPOOL! YOU'RE AN ADULT! Just forget about that and get back to looking bad-ass.
"YEP! I am just your deadly, neighborhood, Deadpool! Here to do ass, and chew bubblegum... and I am all out of gum!" I said loudly
"Excuse me! You are not to say such things in public, much less here!" Shouted the blue-haired "sgt. Stiff".
OH SHIT!
What?! What is wrong!?
"I need my arm back! I can't lose my hello-kitty ™ watch!" I yelled aloud.
"Wait, you mean the arm that creature tore off?" Asked the short grandma
"YES! I have to get that back! Also, I need my sleeve and glove back! Can't let the po-po get a hold of those, or else I got to deal with them too." I replied, getting confused looks from everyone around.
Suddenly, I was surrounded by this weird pink-mist! "UGH! RED-on-PINK IS WAY TOO TACKY!" I shouted as I tried swatting away the gas. I mean, I can't have my image ruined by a fashion-101 failure: NEVER USE TACKY MIXES!
But, I began to feel tired again, and slowly fell to my knees. Then, on my side before passing out.
You know, for a highly trained mercenary, with super-resistance to a LOT of things-including gases- you sure do pass out easy.
THERE YOU ARE! Still poking holes in the story as usual!
I don't need to poke any holes in anything. They were already there to be pointed out.
Okay… maybe I want to see if this turns out to be a sexy 'pool-knapping', you know?
Doubtful… also, before I forget, why did you just listen to Recovery Girl right-away? Because you NEVER do that for ANYONE.
I gots' me a soft-spot for old ladies. I can't live with myself if I upset even a single one! What can I say? I am a gentleman.
What the hell are you talking about? Just last week you killed 16 elderly women just to cash all your coupons at WalMart ™ ?
Hey, that Mrs. Abernathy was taking WAY too fucking long to check out! I needed to get to that vibranium deal in Tsingtao that night! I couldn't wait in that damned line!
So you killed her and every old woman behind you in the line?
Hey, they were looking at me funny! They were probably gonna steal my wallet!
You were wearing the red suit, and your head had three clean bullet holes drilled straight through! Of course they would all be looking at you! Also, it was 3:17 AM! You were the second in line behind her. And you didn't even buy anything! YOU JUST THREW YOUR STACK OF COUPONS AT THE CHECK-OUT CLERK'S BODY!
… so, MAYBE I killed them for shits-n-giggs, BUT YOU CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT WHEN THE CHAPTER IS OVER! HAHA!
What? Seriou-
(END OF CHAPTER!)
Sorry, but they were dragging that argument out for too long. Also, I want to say sorry for taking so damned long! :(
Also, I think that this time deadpool got worse. But please tell me if I was able to maintain the character this chapter, or not! And doo inform me of any criticisms you all have! :)
