Chapter 2: Try not to feel

Disclaimer: Skins I don't own you I'm sorry it's over

School, what do I need school for there is no point at all. I'm still in high-school but I'm a senior so I'm ready to get out. I try to sit in my seat still in class but I keep seeing her in the front of the class. Staring at some blonde chick and it is bothering me too much. I don't know why but my heart is beating fast, my hands are crumbling into fist. "Effy, Effy what is a matter?" the teacher calling out to me. "Nothing, nothing at all" I reply so normally that no one expects something is wrong.

The time goes by faster today well I guess it's just me because everyone is tapping their pencils. And sighing every three minutes when the bell finally rings everyone runs out but I stay. And still I see Emily and the blonde girl talking, laughing, touching ahh why do I care. It's not like Emily cares about me. I get up and try to focus on myself instead. But she makes harder when she turns away from blonde girl and looks at me.

"Oh Effy, hi" Emily shouts out to me 'oh fuck you, you knew I was here' I yell in my head. But I don't stay mad too long at her. "Hi, I'm Naomi, nice to meet you Effy." I just nod I'm not worried about her. "Are you two serious?" I just ask getting to whatever point I need. "No Naomi is straight" Emily hurries to blurt out.

"Oh really...well it doesn't look like it and plus that wouldn't stop me from wanting you." I say but before I know it I said the wrong thing. There I go again, speaking from the heart. "Um..." Emily and Naomi whatever just stand there not knowing what to say. "Are you saying me and Emily should get together?" Naomi asks so casually "No, that's not what I am saying at all." I growl at her. I don't even know what I am trying to say. So I just walk out of the classroom so quickly that no one can tug me back and ask me what's wrong. Because I don't even know what is wrong with me.

Once I get home I run upstairs to my room and don't look back. It's like Emily and blonde girl are still behind me. I don't know what to do with these new overwhelming feelings. I wish I can throw them out my window and let them blow away to the sky. I let myself fall onto my bed and curl up in my covers all these feelings are killing me. And the only name that is still in my head is Emily's. I try to shake it out but no it isn't working why, why isn't it working please work please.

Eventually I fall asleep with her name still in my head. I dream about last night, that one night stand the way she could act like it didn't happen, hurts. Why am I hurting? She is just a girl I am not even gay. Why is a girl doing this to me? I'm Effy I don't hurt I don't feel I don't I just don't. Why can't I understand. When I wake up it's dark, I slept the day away. Now I am about to drink the night away. Slowly I make my way down the stairs and look around to see if anyone is there. Of course there isn't I sigh.

As I grab the bottle the flashbacks come back to me. No I shake my head I am about to wash this pain away and the memories. Each sip I take the visions get worse Emily, I see her everywhere. I see her behind me rubbing my shoulders. Whispering in my ear, I see her sitting on the counter smiling at me. I cry, I cry painful tears I don't understand why drinking isn't making it better. I don't understand what I am feeling.

I hear a ringing from a distance but by now I don't know what is real. I try to get up to look at the phone but I stumble back down and the last thing I see is Emily's name in blur before I blackout.