I
"NUMBER 9,998,383,750,000!"
Miss Argentina smacked her gum, lifted her gaze from Neitherworld Weekly and scanned the waiting room for a moving stiff. No one got up.
"NUMBER 9,998,383,750,000!"
Her tone was markedly less patient this time. Again, no one moved. "I've got this one, Carmen." Spoke a raspy, female voice behind her. The beauty queen looked over her shoulder to find Juno. Her boss's stormy eyes were trained on one stiff in particular. The stiff who'd been the star of office gossip as of the last few years. Everyone knew Betelgeuse. He was wild. He was dangerous. He'd done the horizontal tango with quite a few girls in the office, herself included.
They'd been shocked when five years ago, he'd appeared in the waiting room out of nowhere. He clearly wasn't himself. He didn't even spare her a glance, and he always had something to say to her. Her feelings were mildly hurt, not that she'd ever admit it. He just grabbed his number, sat down, and started gathering dust. None of them could fathom what could've happened to put him in such a state. He'd been a pain in everyone's ass since his suicide. For 600 years, he'd exploited every loophole, conned every stiff or breather with even an iota of power he could steal, and climbed his way to the top. No one was more powerful than him. No one that she or anyone else knew. Not even Juno.
To see him, head buried in his hands, silent as a ghost, waiting patiently for his turn with Juno had been... Unsettling. Juno opened the door. "Betelgeuse." That got his attention. No one said his name down here. No one that didn't want trouble. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked up to her. Juno almost felt pity for the creature before her. Almost.
"Come on. Punishment's over."
He furrowed his wickedly angled brows at her in confusion. He'd killed breathers before. He'd killed lots of em'. Punishment for taking a life was severe, more severe than a couple years in the waiting room. But he'd never killed by accident before. He'd never killed someone he liked. He'd definitely never killed a little girl before. He'd most certainly never actually served out the entire sentence for killing a breather- no one was powerful enough to make him. But for the little dark haired living girl, he was willing to pay the piper. He stood slowly, his bones cracking and popping with every movement. Juno turned without a word and headed to her office. He knew where it was. She wasn't going to bother waiting for him. She sat in her big office chair, lit a cigarette, and waited. Once he was inside, the door was shut, and he was seated, she spoke.
"Well... I suppose congratulations are in order. You did it, Betelgeuse."
There it was again. His name. Why did she keep saying it? He remained silent, not quite comprehending what was happening. Juno waited. When he still didn't speak, she continued.
"The curse on your name is broken." She answered his unvoiced question. "You can come and go as you please. But there are limi-"
"Did I kill her?" His voice croaked from years of disuse.
That stopped Juno. She'd known something was up when he hadn't bothered to juice himself out of the waiting room and back to whatever hellish pit he dwelled in when he was plotting. It was weeks after she'd banished him from the Deetz's residence that she vaguely recalled the blank forlorn expression he'd worn when he'd gazed upon the bleeding girl. It had never occurred to her that he felt guilty. But then she'd watched him, day in and day out, not moving a muscle. It was pathetic. She decided then that his punishment would be ignorance. She wouldn't tell him the girl had survived until his number was called. And that's what he got for going behind her back, marrying a mortal, and not even bothering to thoroughly research exactly what it was he was doing. A light punishment in her opinion, but the best she could do.
Juno took a slow deliberate drag on her cigarette, savoring the last few moments of his misery. "No, Betelgeuse. You didn't kill her."
It was as though the weight of the world fell from his shoulders. In an instant, he was free of dust, out of his wedding tux, and back in his signature striped suit. The crippling guilt he'd been un-living with was gone, replaced with excitement and plans for the future. 'The Ghost with the Most is BACK, BABY!' His grin was manic. "Alrighty Junebug, now what is it you were saying about coming and going as I please?"
Juno sneered and continued to suck on her cigarette leisurely. 'How dare that slimy fuck make me feel bad for him.' She took her sweet ass time ashing her butt and lighting another, her own little punishment. "There are limitations." She dragged once more. "Y'know, you should really research dark magic if you plan on practicing it," Betelgeuse growled and juiced up a cancer stick of his own.
"What can I say, Juney? She saw me, I saw her, it was love at first sight. Couldn't help ourselves. Now c'mon c'mon c'mon what about those li-mi-ta-tionssss?" The last word was excruciatingly drawn out, along with a long steady stream of smoke. To Betelgeuse's disdain, Juno smiled and her stormy eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
"You are free to go wherever you want." She paused deliberately. "Here. In the Neitherworld. Above, it's not so simple. You must remain within a ten-mile radius of your wife at all times. If you don't... well... Imagine, if you will, a dog chained up in a backyard. If the dog runs too fast and too hard from his post, he'll be yanked all the way back." She paused to ash yet again. "You're the dog. She's the post." Juno grinned seedily at her own analogy, thoroughly enjoying herself. 'It's the little things.'
Betelgeuse was silent for a moment, pondering this new information. Shooting her a sideways glance, he carefully asked his next question. "So, uh... What was all that shit about? Y'know, with Lydia."
'Hmm.' Juno thought. 'He remembers her name. Maybe he actually does care.'
"AGAIN, I highly advise that if you're going to practice black magic you KNOW what you're DOING." She paused to take an agitated puff. "You changed her. Your marriage was an exchange of powers. You get a little freedom on the surface, she gets a little taste of immortality. She can still die, mind you, but only if she's wounded. Disease and time can't touch her. That kind of change takes a toll on mortals. If she had been just a bit younger or weaker, you very well could've killed her."
Betelgeuse wasn't sure how to take this new information. On one hand, he was elated that he hadn't accidentally murdered his little mortal girl. Most people were bastard coated bastards with bastard filling, himself included. Lydia was a fucking angel. On the other hand, this was definitely not his idea of freedom. 'Still,' he pondered, frowning thoughtfully, 'It's the closest I've gotten yet.' He took one last drag before dropping his butt and crushing it under his grimy boots on the clean rug in her office.
"Weellll, Juney, it's been a real pleasure catching up," he started wiping imaginary dust off of his suit, "but I think it's time I paid wifey a visit." He turned abruptly to open her office door, only to find, to his annoyance, that it didn't budge. He shot her a dirty look over his shoulder. She was still fucking smiling.
"I'm not done with you yet. Please. Sit." Her voice was sickly sweet. Juno was enjoying herself entirely too much. He pointedly ignored her request, turned around and leaned against the door with his arms crossed in front of his chest like a petulant child.
"I've granted the girl certain protections against you. I knew I couldn't save her from you completely, so I did what I could. Here's what you can't do. You can't physically touch her without her consent. You can't use your powers to harm her in any way, and you definitely can't juice her off to some tropical island to have some pseudo honeymoon, again, without her consent."
Betelgeuse stormed across the room, furious, and slammed his fists on her desk. "First of all, you dried up bitch, if you really think I'd hurt some little girl you've got more fucking bats in that head than I give you credit for." Juno was unfazed. "She's not a little girl, anymore, Betelgeuse. You've been sitting in the waiting room for five years. Today's her 21st birthday. It's not a coincidence that your number was called today. I can't legally keep you from her anymore. Today, she is frozen in time, officially." She deadpanned as if he were nothing more than a particularly uninteresting speck of dirt on her desk. This only served to further agitate him. "SECOND OF ALL," he continued, roaring, "what the FLYING FUCK, Juno? After all the SHIT we've-" She silenced him with a hand before he could go any further.
"OH stop with the theatrics, Betelgeuse. It gets old, and you and I both know old. You win. You get to walk in the light of day with all the breathers and there isn't shit I can do about it." She dragged on another cigarette. "Now get the fuck out of here. I'm sick of looking at you." With one last wave of her hand, he was gone.
'Fucking prick.'
