Chapter 2
Dinner went off without any problems. Mrs. Rizzoli really look to Maura, especially because of how polite and respectful she was to everyone. Maura even offered to help clean up, which Mrs. Rizzoli politely declined telling Maura she was a guest. With that Jane and Maura went upstairs to Jane's room.
"So... This is..uh... my room." Jane said. I can't be nervous. She will notice and tonight will be awkward. Jane thought to herself. Jane was brought out of her thoughts by Maura speaking.
"It's nice." Maura said sitting down on the bed. "And you have a big bed, so we won't be uncomfortable sleeping." She paused and looked at Jane. "Um.. I didn't mean to assume that we would be sleeping together... I mean... in the same bed.. I.. um.." Maura was cut off.
"It's ok... I was assuming the same thing too." Jane smiled at Maura. "What's with the nerves? It's just a sleep over."
"I guess I'm not nervous about the sleepover itself just talking about everything." Tears started to form in her eyes. Maura tried to blink them away but they started to fall down her cheek. When Jane saw the tears, she was instantly right up next to Maura wiping the tears away. She pulled Maura into a hug and all Maura could do was bury her face into Jane's shoulder. She kissed the top of her head, not thinking, but she didn't care. Whatever Maura was dealing with was really causing her a great deal of pain.
"Shhh... it's ok. I'm here. I've got you. You're ok. I've got you." Maura was really crying now. Jane led Maura over to the bed to get her to lay down. She then went and got her water and came back and made sure she shut and locked her door. She didn't want anyone, especially her annoying brothers, to come in and see Maura crying. Jane didn't want to make her anymore upset more than she already was. She walked over and set the water on the table next to her bed and then climbed into bed next to Maura, who had rolled over and was now facing Jane. That's when Maura started crying even more. She instantly had her arms wrapped around Maura trying to sooth her.
"You... think...I...am...crazy... don't... you?" Maura said in between sobs.
"Shhh. No, I don't. I think you just have a lot of stuff to deal with and that I am going to help you as much as I can." Jane paused. "And if there are thinks I can't or I don't know how to help you with I will find someone who can. Ok?" Maura nodded. She was still trying to calm down so she didn't want to talk. "When you calm down, and are ready, can you please tell me what is going on? My mind is racing because of all the possibilities, and I am starting to get worried about you." Maura just nodded again. They laid there in silence for a while longer before Maura was the first to speak.
"I'm... gay." Maura didn't dare to look up at Jane. She was terrified of how she would react.
"I know. I kind of assumed you weren't straight when you were flirting with me. And yes I did notice. You weren't subtle if you were trying to be." Jane paused. "Maura look at me. This doesn't change anything. We, are still friends. I told you that no matter what I was here for you. I plan on sticking to that promise too. You don't have to worry about what I think. Honestly, knowing you and getting to know you more has actually helped me understand myself."
"Thank you. So much. I cannot explain how much what you just said means to me." Maura pulled Jane into a hug. "Wait... what do you mean knowing me has helped you understand yourself?"
"Maura, I don't want to focus on me right now. All I want is to make you feel better and find out what has you so upset. I will tell you eventually though. I promise. What I don't get is what being gay has to do with what is going on. To me, I don't care. So what you're gay. Big deal! I don't care who you love as long as you are happy." that earned a smile on Maura's face, which made Jane grin. "Wait a minute. The first day of school, when you told me you moved here from Seattle, you also said that you loved it there for the most part. What made you not love it completely?"
"Me, being gay, is part of the reason why I'm upset; why I feel like I am going to implode." Maura took a deep breathe before continuing. "When I was in middle school, around the middle of 7th grade, I started to realize that I wasn't into boys the way other girls were and I was into girls the way I should have been into boys. Me being one for science and research went online to research why I was the way I was. When I was researching, that's when I started to realize the possibilities of me being gay. At first, I was scared. I didn't want to be teased anymore than I already was. So I tried to make myself like boys." Maura looked at Jane, who was now holding her hand. "I had a boyfriend, for a few months, but that whole time I was fighting an battle within myself. I wasn't happy at all. I became depressed. It got bad enough where I started to hurt myself. The boy I was dating saw the cuts on my arm one day and told me I was weird and a psycho, and that he wasn't going to date some freak. Things got even worse after that. People were teasing me, calling me a freak, even the one's I called my friends were bullying me. I started cutting more, and then that wasn't enough. I wanted to be gone. I couldn't live with myself. I ended up taking a whole bunch of pills to try and overdose." Maura had tears running down her face. She knew that this wasn't even the most painful part of the story and she didn't know how she was going to be when she told Jane the rest.
Jane was silent. She didn't know what to say. She had tears in her eyes herself. She wiped them away then went and wiped the tears away from Maura's. Jane then pulled Maura into a hug. It was the only thing she could think of.
"I don't remember much of what happened. I know from what I was told that Wilma, the maid I told you about, found me in the bathroom passed out. I woke up in the hospital 2 days later. Wilma stayed with me the whole time. My parents... my parents were on some trip to some European country and couldn't come back when they found out, something about flights. I knew though that they could have gotten a flight if they really tried and really wanted to. That hurt a lot. I was put on medication for the depression and I started meeting with a counselor twice a week, which really helped too. I didn't return to school, but I did do the work so I could go onto 8th grade." Maura and Jane were both laying back down now and Jane had her hand on Maura's hip, rubbing different shapes with her thumb to comfort her. "I worked with the counselor and she helped me understand and accept that I was gay. When I finally accepted it myself, we worked on ways to tell my parents, different ways they could react, what I would do if they didn't react well, in the end, when I finally got the chance to tell my parents, it was hard. It was just after New Years last year. I sat them down and just told them. They didn't like it at all. They told me it was a choice and I was ruining my life. I was still dealing with the cutting thing, so I turned to that again. My parents worked a lot more, or stayed at the other houses or apartments that we have. They didn't completely disown me, because I still had access to my trust fund and the allowance they gave me every week, but to me they disowned me." Jane pulled Maura into another hug.
"I'm so sorry Maura. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through any of that. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have my family in my life. As much as Ma annoys the hell out of me, I would be really sad and upset if she didn't want talk to me."
"I know. It's hard. Even though they didn't want to talk to me, I still wanted to come out. I knew that I didn't choose it, and I wanted people to know. I waited a while for the drama the newness of telling my parents to be not as new before I came out at school. When I finally came out at school, it was mid-March. Some of my friends were ok with it. They didn't care. I was the same person I was before I told them. The football players when they found out, were bullies. They kept telling me that all I needed was the right guy to straighten me out. I didn't listen to them though. I didn't know them and they didn't know me, so how could they judge me? After I came out, I was ok. I was confident that the rest of high school was going to be ok. That was... until May came around... I was walking home from the library one night, and out of nowhere some of the football players from school were coming at me. They kept pushing me around. Telling me they were going to straighten me out tonight whether I liked it or not. I was terrified. That's when one of them grabbed me and put their hand around my mouth to keep me from screaming. I was pulled into a dark alley and that's when it all happened." Maura was about to break down again. Jane just pulled her into her chest and hugged her tight.
"Oh my gosh Maura, I'm so sorry. I don't have any idea how that must have felt." Jane felt Maura pulling away from her and she didn't know if that was a bad thing or not.
"When it was over they threatened to kill me if I said anything and then just left me there. I was found by 2 officers who were walking by. When I woke up in the hospital, I was alone and scared. I got really upset and then I got angry. I tried to get up, but I had stitches on chin, 3 cracked ribs on both sides, and I could barely see because my eyes were so swollen. I ended up being sedated and I slept for another 3 days. Talking to the police was the hardest. I knew exactly who the boys were who did it, and I told the police who did it. Even though they threatened me I knew I couldn't keep it from them. After they all were arrested, everyone at school was basically split down the middle with who's side they were on. When the trial came around, it was hell. I had to testify and the boys kept saying I wanted it, that I liked it rough or whatever. When it was finally over, and they were found guilty I knew I couldn't stay in Seattle and I had to get away for awhile if I wanted to be able to survive and make it through high school so I could go to UW. So I decided at the end of June that I wanted to come to Boston. I talked to my father's business manager about arranging for me to move here and to get set up at school. His manager told my parents what I wanted to do, and they didn't care. They didn't want anything to do with me. They were just going to only support me financially and I was on my own for the rest. So I moved here in July and I also offered Wilma to come with me which she gladly accepted because she knew she needed to protect me and I was like a daughter to her. She doesn't have any family either so it was easy for her to just move with me to here. I'm happy that I'm here though. I really love it here so far." Maura shifted so she was looking right into Jane's eyes. "I'm also really glad I met you." Through both of their tears they smiled and hugged.
"Well, that was a lot to take in. I'm just glad you are happy and all though I hate the circumstances that led to you moving here, I am glad you are here, and I am glad that you are my friend." Jane gave her the famous Rizzoli smile. Maura yawned and that was when Jane looked to see what time it was. "Wow Maur, it's 11. Wanna go to bed? I know we said a movie but with school in the morning I don't want to be late."
"Bed would be awesome right now." Maura got up from the bed and went to her bag to pull out her pj's and changed. Jane did the same thing. They both climbed into bed and got comfortable. I could get used to this whole sleep over thing. I mean, not the crying and telling my darkest secret, but sleeping in a bed with Jane. It just seems so right. Maura was lost in thought when Jane turned onto her side to face Maura and put and hand on her face to cup her cheek.
"Everything that happened before is the past. You learn from it. You're here now and you have a fresh start. Don't worry about the future too much though. Just know that no matter what I am here for you for anything and everything. I will let you cry on my shoulder as much as you need. I will always be here. I will be your one constant in your life. We're in high school, and everything is going to change whether we like it or not, but I will be the one thing in your life that won't change." Jane had no clue where all that came from but it worked.
"Thank you Jane. That is the best thing someone has ever said to me."
"Don't thank me. This is what a friend does. Now lets go to sleep." Jane reached over Maura to turn off the light. That's when she kissed Maura's forehead. It was a risky move, but a move she needed to make to show her that she didn't care that she was gay, and that maybe, the feelings she knew Maura had might be mutual.
"Good night Maur."
"Night$." Maura turned onto her side and snuggled in close to Jane's side. She needed the closeness of her friend tonight. Jane just let her rest her head on her shoulder and wrapped a protective arm around Maura's back. She listened to Maura's breathing as it evened out. She knew she need to get some sleep as well, but her mind was racing, so she just continued to stare at the ceiling.
