***ENGLISH IS NOT MY LANGUAGE***


You've Got a Friend in Me

After talking for a long time in the park Meredith invited me to her house, I don't know why I accepted, we were never friends, she was never my student, she is Amelia's sister! But somehow it feels good, we both talked about a lot of things and I could see that we have more things in common than I thought so I accepted the invitation to their house, we would make lunch together while the children arrived from school… she got me when mentioning children.

I never had a relationship with children, I've no siblings nor nephews or nieces and my pediatric patients have been very few, so just thinking about being able to spend a few hours with children warms my heart, makes me want to have my child in my arms, but for that there are a few months left.

When we arrived at the house I can't help but hesitate about whether to come in or not and apparently Meredith felt my hesitation.

"You can come in without worries, this is not a trap, I'm not going to shut you up in the basement to torture you".

It is enough for me to see her smile to know that I'm welcome and I've nothing to worry about. This is the second time in my life that I set a foot in this house; the first time it was a Christmas, Arizona and Richard sang while Owen played the guitar and we stole glances. Remembering that made my heart flip, "No Teddy, not now," I scold myself. The place is very changed, what used to be a "frat house" as Callie called it is now a home, there are toys scattered throughout the living room and I can't help but smile, my home will probably look like this in a few months.

"So... Do you know to cook?" Meredith asks me as we head to the kitchen where not only are there more toys, there are drawings stuck on the refrigerator door, small plates with images of cartoons and sippy cups.

"The truth? No, but I think I've to learn sooner or later, but I know how to bake though"

"It's okay, you'll get the hang of it. Sorry for the disaster, but breakfast time is always... crazy".

I chuckle. "It's fine, probably that's how my kitchen will look like in a few months."

"Oh, believe me, that's how it'll be. There will be bottles and pacifiers even in the bathroom".

"Well, thanks for making me feel a little less scared about motherhood".

"You'll do amazing... if you could with Cristina a newborn will be a piece of cake". We can't help but laugh loudly.

"Believe it or not I miss her, she was the best partner I've had in the OR after..." I shut up abruptly and thank God I don't need to say more, immediately Meredith knew who I was referring to and immediately tried to change the conversation.

"So! What do you think if we start? Children will arrive at any time".

"I don't know you tell me. I'm your student now".

And indeed, this time it is her who tells me what to do, what to cut, how to cut, when to cook the vegetables, how to season the salmon and how long to leave it on the grill. Not long after the door opens with a loud bang followed by shouts and laughter of children.

"Mommy!" Zola and a little boy who I assume is Bailey shouts and run to hug Meredith, behind them the babysitter comes in with little Ellis in her arms who stretches her small body towards her mom, she doesn't hesitate to hug her too, the nanny says goodbye quickly, greets me and leaves.

"How was school?"

"Amazing". Zola says.

"Good". Bailey replied. "And who are you?" The little boy asked me after greeting his mother.

"Bailey, manners!" Meredith scolded him.

"Oh, it's fine". I replied laughing softly. "I'm Teddy Altman."

"Your name is beautiful and you are beautiful too." Zola tells me with a smile.

"Aww, thank you, you are beautiful too. I love your pigtails".

"Teddy is not a name." Little Bailey added with a frown. "That's a toy name, like Ellie's Teddy Bear." We all laugh

"Well, then I have a toy name.".

"That's so weird... but who are you? Are you friends with mom? I've never seen you here".

"Oh my God, Bailey!" Meredith exclaimed.

"He certainly lives up to his name, both names." I add laughing. "I am… I…" And I realize that I do not know what I am. A guest? Before I could say anything else, Meredith goes ahead to answer her son.

"She's Mommy's new friend." She smiles at me in such a sweet way that suddenly I feel like crying, I can only return a smile. "She's a cardio surgeon, like auntie Maggie."

"Wow! I love making new friends, I made three new friends on my first day of school." Zola tells me.

"Really? Then I hope that you and I could be friends too".

"YES!" Exclaims the little girl with a huge smile that makes my heart explode, she is so beautiful.

"Can I also be your friend?" Little Bailey asks me a little shyly.

"I'd be delighted." The little one approaches me and beckons me with his small hand to get close to him, then whispers in my ear. "I'm sorry about your name, it's not a toy name, it's a very pretty name." I'm not sure if I'll be able to leave Meredith's house without first shedding some tears, I just limit myself to combing Bailey's blond hair with my hands.

"Ok, ok, you can ask your new friend more questions while we eat, the food is getting cold." I get up to help Meredith serve the dishes, but she immediately orders me to sit down. "Oh, no, no, you're my guest, sit down!" I obey and take my seat with a smile while she serves the food on the plates and places them on the table, all with one hand while with her other arm holds little Ellis sitting on her hip, the little girl looks at me curiously while sucking her thumb and hiding her small head in his mother's neck.

We all sit down at the table to eat and everything is chats, laughter, screams until I begin to feel my stomach become restless, I caress my belly gently and breathe deeply through my nose expecting to calm my uneasiness but then a shuddering chill runs down from head to my toes and my skin crawls.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asks me with a concerned expression.

"Where is your bathroom?" I manage to ask before swallowing.

"Oh, right here around the corner, under the stairs".

Without saying anything else I get up and run to the bathroom where I vomit. In the last few days the nausea had subsided, but even from time to time they gave me uncomfortable moments. When I return to the kitchen I can hear how little Zola asks Meredith about me.

"Is she sick, Mommy?" I walk into the kitchen before she can answer.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yes thanks. I hope this is over soon".

"It will. How is it treating you? You know".

"Worse than I expected during the first months, but it has improved a lot." I answer timidly.

"I'm glad". Meredith answers me with a sweet smile giving me a squeeze in the hand.

" Is someone fighting you?" Little Bailey asks me; Meredith and I turned to at each other and I don't know what to say, I'm afraid that if the children find out they can say something to Amelia and therefore to Owen, I've decided to tell Owen, but I haven't yet planned when nor how, the fact of knowing that he can find out earlier than planned terrifies me.

"Oh no darling, no one is fighting Teddy, it's just..." Meredith doesn't know what to say either.

Whatever... "There's a baby." Meredith looks at me with wide eyes but the words are already out of my mouth. "T-there's a baby in my belly and that baby is making me feel sick." The shock on Meredith's face makes me think that it wasn't a good idea to tell the kids about this, but unfortunately I can't take my words back.

"Are you having a baby? I love babies!" Little Zola exclaims with her eyes wide open. "Can it be my friend too?"

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Adds Bailey.

"But you don't have a baby belly." Zola says looking at me curiously.

Suddenly I feel overwhelmed with so many questions and again Meredith sees my uneasiness. "Ok, ok children, calm down, you ask too many questions!"

"But I love babies, mommy! Can you have another baby? I want another baby". Zola begs with a cute pout

"Oh no my love, no more babies for me... but if Teddy wants, you can see her baby when it is born".

"Can I?" Zola asks me, again with that beautiful smile. How can I say no?

"Of course you can". I respond by gently pinching one of her cheeks.

"Yay! And is it a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know yet, it's still very small".

"Yes, you don't look pregnant." Meredith and I laugh. "When you know what it is, can we make a party?"

"A party?" Her mother and I ask in unison.

"Yes Mommy, a party... there are parties to announce to friends if the baby is a boy or a girl".

Meredith and I looked at each other in amazement. "When did you learn so many things, Zo-Zo?" The little one just smiles broadly.

"Can we? Say yes, Teddy, say yes". Zola begs me.

"Yes, Teddy, say yes". Little Bailey adds while Ellis just repeats "Yes, yes, yes" and claps at the same time.

Without realizing my eyes are filled with tears, indeed, I wasn't going to leave Meredith's house without shedding tears, luckily they were tears of happiness.

"I'd love to have a party with my new friends." I said with a trembling voice and the children celebrate with a shrill "YES".

"But hey, children! Attention!" Meredith says and the children immediately shut up and put all their attention on their mother. "The baby daddy still doesn't know he or she is on the way, it's a surprise, so we can't say anything to anyone until its daddy knows it first. Are we? It's a surprise! Can you promise me?"

"We promise you mommy!" Exclaim Zola and Bailey in unison and little Ellis just nods; She is so beautiful, I suddenly feel the need to hold her tight and cuddle her in my arms, since I knew I would be a mother I had never been interested in my baby's sex, I just wanted him or her to be healthy, but now, strangely, I want it to be a little girl, a little blond or redhead girl, with green or blue eyes, I don't care, but a girl... if it is a boy I'll also be completely grateful, but I know that from now on and until the day I know the sex of the baby I won't be able to visualize myself if it is not with a little girl in my arms. "Soon I'll know" I think as I place my hands on my belly.