Vince was sure of two things, and two things only: Howard had come on to Vince, even if he didn't know it; and Vince really liked the thought of it. He really liked the thought of it. To the point where he couldn't even be in the same room with Howard without having suggestive thoughts. It was absolute torture. Howard was his best mate, and they couldn't be in the same room for extended amounts of time unless there's a pillow on Vince's lap, or he's Duct-taped his junk so far back he doesn't even know where it is anymore. He knew it hurt to be beautiful, but sometimes he couldn't feel his feet because his trousers were too tight.

"Okay," said Vince to himself, in front of his blank blackboard. There was no audience this time. Just him. "Goal: Howard's pants." He wrote it, and then felt the need to draw out a sketch. "Ways to do that: Whiskey. Dropping testicles and actually telling him." He sighed. "Only one of those things are possible." He formulated a very transparent scheme to reach his goal.

"What are you doing?"

His plan had worked out so far. "I'm combing an old doll's hair." He smiled. "She was the first one I had, after they found me in the jungles. She was the only one who understood me. She was the only one who spoke my language."

"They didn't think it was a little weird for a boy to play with girl's toys?"

"I lived in the jungle for seven years. That was the least of their worries." He looked up at Howard, suddenly. "You've never looked at the photos of me, have you? When they first found me?"

"No. I don't want to see one of my best mates starved to death, with matted hair, and so much dirt he looks black."

"I suppose so. It was really hard to clean me off, but the research facility wouldn't let me do anything until I was bathed. As soon as I was bathed, though, I got Aya. That was the name of the nurse that gave her to me, and that's the only English name I knew. I was so afraid of breaking her. But I cuddled with her every night, when I would cry for Bryan. Her porcelain would heat up after a bit, and she felt like a real person. Her long blonde hair was good to twirl around my fingers when I got stressed." Vince stopped brushing her, and just looked into the painted eyes. "Nurse Aya was the only nurse I talked to, other than my doctor. I just called him Doctor, or Sir. Nurse Aya was always Nurse Aya." He smiled. "She gave me all kinds of dolls, all of them beautiful, all of them in fancy dresses. One day, Nurse Aya came in with a ring, and said her boyfriend had proposed. She explained marriage to me. And of course, I wanted to get married. And I wanted to get married in Doll Aya's dress. And her flower crown. No one explained to me that I was supposed to get married to a girl in a pretty dress, not wear one."

"Well if your wife is open minded enough..."

"Okay, you didn't get the point of that." Vince laughed, still fiddling with Aya's hair. "I'm... well as you put it, a massive gayist."

Neither of them made eye contact. Howard fiddled with his thumbs. "So... you like men?"

"Yeah. Wh- What do you think, Howard?"

"Think? About you being gay?"

"I... yeah."

"Doesn't really effect me, as long as you're not bumming men in my bed. Or while I'm in the room. Of course, I wouldn't be thrilled if you were having sex with anyone while I'm in the room."

"What about if I'm having sex with you?" They finally made playful eye contact.

"Yeah, like I'm going to let you take my virginity!"

Vince giggled. "Really? You're still a virgin?"

"Yeah. Sex should be for love, not the way you used to have it. A different girl every night."

"I was kinda in denial then. I thought if I shagged enough women that I could be attracted to them. It didn't work."

"Hm," replied Howard, fairly uninterested.

"You should really have sex though, Howard. Remember that movie 'Juno' with the skinny awkward American guy? How they were just friends, and they wanted to loose their virginity, to they did it. Why don't you do that?"

"Because you're my only friend..."

"Aww!" Vince put his doll down, grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen, and sat down Indian style on Howard's bed, so that their knees were touching. "Okay. We're going to go down a list. Made eye contact with an attractive person?"

"Yes. Not for long though."

"Okay. Uhm... held anyone's hand? In a romantic way, I mean, cos I hold your hand all the time."

"Then no."

"Okay." He wrote down 'hold pretty persons hand'.

"There should be an apostrophe."

"I really don't care." He smiled softly. "Kissed anyone."

"Yes."

"No, I mean like a real kiss. Not me."

"I hate to argue with you, but that kiss was pretty real."

"It was to save my life. Not a real kiss."

"I couldn't tell a difference."

"Because you haven't really kissed anybody."

"I don't think there's a difference."

"Of course there's a difference. Like... if I were to kiss you, for real, right here right now, I wouldn't come up so quickly. I would slink closer to you, and maybe just start with a tiny peck on the lips. Harmless. And then I would turn us over, both laying on our sides, and my hands would be around your neck and in your hair, while your hands are tight around my waist, so I can't squirm away from your grip, but it's not like I'd want to." Vince had started to blush, looking away. Howard was lost in thought, but cherishing every word. "And we would lazily press our lips together again, until there's enough sparks to fuel the fire, and complete passion takes over. You flip me over so my legs are around your waist, and both of our vision has gone red. The kissing is almost violent, even though I can't help but break into giggles each time you pull away for a breath." He paused. "You might wanna stop me here, cos I'll go full out gay porn, and I'm into some kinky shit."

"Oh come on, you're not that kinky."

"Excuse me? Do you rifle through my stuff like I do your's?"

"You look through my stuff?"

"That's not the point here, it's-"

"That is absolutely the point here! Sense when do you look through my stuff? What have you found?"

"Relax, I didn't read your diary or anything. It's all locked. I just found the jazz porn thing. That was the most interesting, at least."

"Good."

"Well now I'm interested. What's in the diary?"

"My business only."

"Tell me-e-e-e-e!" He bounced up and down on the bed like a child.

"Okay, fine. It's my speculations on the Origin of Love theory you proposed. How likely it is... and who mine could be."

"No way! I have to read it!"

"I haven't mentioned any names. Just what they might be like."

"Oh." Vince thought for a moment. "If you had to choose between a total stranger and me to spend the rest of your life with, who would you choose?"

"You. At least I like you, and I know that you won't murder me in my sleep." Howard smiled. "What about me? Would you choose me?"

"I would probably choose you over my soul mate."

"Why?"

"Because you are the only person I've ever met who knows how to hug correctly. You make comforting circles on my back. You never keep your hand still. It's not like hugging a body with you, it's hugging a person."

"Well you're like hugging a skeleton. Your pointy little nose digging into my neck."

Vince hit Howard playfully. "Shut up!"

"I never said I didn't like it."

"Are you coming onto me," Vince said playfully but urgently.

"No," laughed Howard awkwardly.

"Well I think you are. Cos bald dudes just know a lotta shit."

"What are you-" Howard's heart sunk into his stomach. "Oh."

"I actually like horror games, for the rush, and I love Misao. And Pewdiepie is cool as well. And you were totally using that sheep thing yesterday as a pick-up line."

"I may have been." Howard used his best poker face. "What's it to you?"

"You were kinda using it on me."

"Was I?"

"Yeah." Vince rolled his eyes. "Do you fancy me?" He made a face that was a cross between the Grinch and a cat emoticon when Howard didn't answer. "Oh my God," he whispered out of glee.

"Don't be an idiot, I don't fancy you."

"Why not? I fancy you," he said, perfectly casual.

"You what?"

"I fancy you, Howard. I have for a while, now." He giggled.

"That's good."

"And it's good because you fancy me, right?"

"I don't fancy you, Vince. I... I love you."

"Awww," said Vince, crawling closer to Howard. "I'm sleeping in your bed tonight," he said, after he kissed Howard. "I love you too."

"So... what are we?"

"Why do we have to label it? You're just Howard. If we're mates or lovers, you'll still just be... Howard. And I'll be Vince."

"I can live with that. Come 'ere Little Man." He opened up his arms, and Vince scooted into the bear hug, happy to be loved.