The face her baby girl inherited.
It was all from one man, Joel
And he was here; standing in front of her, staring at her like 20 years hasn't been a lifetime.
They both took a while to speak, the pair of them digesting each other. Ghosts, plaguing each other in dreams, but he was real and Ronnie had never expected him to look so good, whenever she thought of him, she always saw the same 14 year old, the same cheeky grin, the blissful moments where he promised her everything would be fine, but he was actually stood here, some of his youthful shine gone inevitably with age, she just never expected her breath to be taken away.
As a teenager Ronnie had always found him incredibly attractive, she had never kept in touch with his friends, but on occasions when she had seen them, she always wondered if his looks had faded away, along with there's, but more surprisingly Joels had kept. He didn't look like money, not the way Jack did, he just looked like the typical Jack the lad. It seems something's just never change.
It was time, and Joel opened his mouth to speak, eyes darting in any direction other than Ronnie, he began to shuffle his foot across the floor nervously.
Joel: "You don't look any different"
His eyes were downcast, and for the first time Ronnie wondered, why now?
As Ronnie opened her mouth to speak, Joel cut her off.
Joel: "Great place this too, you really done well for ya'self!"
He still couldn't meet her eyes
Ronnie was having trouble lining her thoughts up, so much could be said, what happened all those years ago was horrific, should she apologise? What about the baby, does he know she isn't alive? This was all getting to be too much, too many memories, too much to say. This was just one more thing Ronnie didn't need, re-living the worst period of your life, dragging up things from the past. It was beginning to be too much.
Feeling her voice breaking, she dared to go on, and for the first time Ronnie spoke up.
Ronnie: "Joel, what's the main reason your here? I mean, i haven't seen you in nearly 20 years and you just turn up completely out of the blue, what is it you want from me? And to top it off its Christmas Eve, you have a family don't you? Why aren't you with them?"
It was then that Joels expression changed and realisation hit him like a light bulb that had suddenly come to life, everything showed in his face, it made him look at Ronnie, pleading with her, using his eyes, secretly telling her what she needed to know with his mind.
He changed his stance, holding onto the metal poll of the bar, using a death grip, he leant further into Ronnie, and quietly whispered.
Joel: "The letter Ronnie"
The look in his eye seemed to beg with her
That letter, the very one that had plagued Ronnie many nights while trying to get to sleep, what was the contents of it, and what information did Archie have, and surely if Joel knew something why were people keeping things from her? In the end it didn't matter, the one connection they both had is dead and buried.
Ronnie turned around and kept her back to him, he was too close and she was desperately trying to get away from Joel's scent and more importantly his gaze, this was definitely too much to bare.
Ronnie: You see
Joel: You see what? You either read it or you didn't!
She sighed to herself in defeat.
Ronnie: Well it wasn't like that! It was taken, and i never got the chance to read it. I'm sorry Joel I truly am.
Shaking his head, Joel sat himself down, not sure he could keep himself from visibly shaking much longer.
Joel: "I believe you owe me a drink, for old time's sake!"
Ronnie agreed, it was true; she owed him more than a drink.
Watching him sit there in her bar, she wondered if she could have ever predicted this. All the times they used to skip school to just lay on the couch together, holding hands and cuddling, would she have ever thought that not long after those very precious moments, they would lose contact for 20 years? She wondered what characteristics her daughter may have shared with him, and if she had ever got to 20 who would she take after? Thinking such thoughts were always trouble, entering dark territory, heartache and pain.
Walking over to him took a lifetime, two drinks in hand, she had a feeling she would need all the vodka she could stomach. He smiled at her sweetly, very lightly touching her hand when reaching for his drink and then quickly apologizing for his mistake.
They were quiet for a long time, nobody daring to speak first, the lights were dim in the room, it fitted the mood of them both perfectly, dark and abandoned.
Feeling the need to break the silence before it deafened her Ronnie went for the 'interested' approach.
Ronnie: "So are you married"
Joel shifted his gaze back onto her, taking a sip of his drink and placing it back down on the mat, carefully.
Joel: "yes, been married 11 years now"
Ronnie's surprise shone through like beacon.
Joel: "what about you? You ever married?"
Ronnie laughed nervously; the joke was more amusing to her than it ever could be to Joel.
Ronnie: "no, never, I don't think I'm the marrying type."
Another dim pause in the conversation, both simultaneously took another sip of their drinks.
Ronnie: "what about children?"
Joel raised his eyebrow; they were skating on thin ice. He had rehearsed everything a million times, he knew perfectly well how to say it, well in front of a mirror. But sat in this bar, staring at Ronnie Mitchell knowing with one sentence he could change her life forever, it wasn't as easy as he thought it would be.
This was it, now or never.
Joel: "I have 2 daughters and 1 son"
Ronnie: "That's quite a brood"
He nodded in agreement
Joel: "Yeah, the youngest he's quite the charmer, 8 years old, constantly driving me round the bend, loves anything to do with Chelsea. My middle one she's 11, and i can tell she's going to be very artistic, loves anything musical or to do with pony's, she doesn't drive me round the bend, but does cost me a fortune. And then there is my eldest"
There was a deep, silent pause and his voice cracked, she needed to hear the next sentence, no, she demanded to hear the next sentence. The pause kept going and going, he kept shuffling uncomfortably as if he was restraining himself. She didn't want to hear what was next; no she couldn't hear what was next.
His eyes, his eyes said everything, and she knew, she knew before the words broke the silence.
Quietly, only slightly above a whisper, he delivered the blow.
Joel: "She's 19, and the image of her mother, she found me when searching for you, i couldn't believe it, all this time i thought she was with you, i had no idea Ronnie"
Ronnie stood up so fast the drinks knocked onto the floor, running her hands through her hair she didn't know what to do, she wanted the words to come out of her mouth but they wouldn't. Her mind was running at 200MPH, subconsciously in the back of her mind the questioning had always been there, but denial seeped through, after all it was so easy to believe what she was desperate to accept as true.
Ronnie: "Thats not true, how could she knock on your door when..."
Joel: "When what Ronnie?"
Ronnie: "When she's not alive!"
It was Joels turn to be enraged, and he immediately stood up, he wasn't menacing in the slightest, but it was his calmness that struck her, his face portrayed his tranquillity but it was always his eyes that exposed his true emotions.
He leant in again, and touched her arm, she flinched at his touch but he pressed further and she couldn't escape him. Yet again just ever so slightly above a whisper, he pushed for the truth.
Joel: "What made you come to the conclusion?"
Ronnie: "My dad, he said there was an accident, and that she had tripped and fell into the bath, apparently there was nothing anyone could do"
Joel let go of Ronnie's arm immediately, and he put his back to her. He was breathing deeply, a tactic he had learnt to calm his temper. Just one thought about that decrepit, despicable man made his stomach turn. He knew that if it wasn't for his interference they would have had it plain sailing, but after the family found out about the baby, Joel was banned for even talking to Ronnie. At first in school she assumed it was because the baby had been discovered, but the more the days went by Joel was just ignoring her to avoid a beating from Ronnie's father.
He couldn't understand why she chose to even think that could be the truth; he turned back round to face her once again, grinding his teeth he lets his anguish out.
Joel: "You're a joke you know that! After everything that man did to us, no actually after everything he did to you! You are still falling for his unbelievable lies, she isn't dead, she hasn't ever been dead, and you are a fool for ever thinking that man can even have one shred of decency".
The air seemed to seep out of the room, and Ronnie gripped onto the banister for support, her ears felt like they were bleeding, her heart about to implode, and eyes gave into the darkness. Feeling cut off to everything was Ronnie's escape; this wasn't how today was supposed to plan out. She lifted up her arms that felt like a ton weight, and she attempted to pull out her one, precious piece of jewellery, failing her baby girl once was already too much for one's conscious, but to do it twice, well it was unforgivable.
Accepting her daughter was dead was the closer she needed, thinking her baby was out there and living, killed her every day. But more often than not, it gave her hope that one day they would meet. But with one sentence her dad took it all away from her, and she was the biggest idiot to ever believe him.
It was never easy waking up in the morning, but it was all so simple knowing that person wasn't out there anymore meant she could move on; forget about Amy, she was no more. But now she was, and always had been, and she had lost even more time.
Wiping away her mascara stained tears she touched his face, it was a kind gesture, and it was towards the only person who had never lied to her.
In that moment Joel swore Ronnie had never looked more attractive, those feelings he had for her had never died down, how could they? Their history was far too big, she was his first love, his first time, his first heartbreak. Of course he loved his wife, but Ronnie was unfinished business and to top it off she was something he wasn't allowed to have, not ever, and that made her even more attractive to him.
Yet again Ronnie strode towards the bar, and he wondered just how many times she would do this, it seemed that whenever she ventured into that dark nest of thoughts, she immediately threw herself behind the bar and into a drink to get away from the hurt.
He grabbed his second beverage and sipped it slowly, completely amerced in her, he wasn't quite sure where the conversation was going to lead next, but he had an idea.
She grabbed a seat next to him and faced the bar; he was sat positioned towards her. She had a million questions written on her face, but she was taking her time in sorting them all out.
Ronnie: "How did she look?"
He raised his eyebrow and smiled
Joel: "Perfect, clean, well mannered, she looks more fragile than she is"
That seemed to please her, though there was no change of facial expression.
Though there was one thing was that really confusing Ronnie, one thing she couldn't get away from, and she never looked at it in a jealous manner, it was just that, well she was the mother, don't children usually find their mother first?
Ronnie: "I don't understand Joel, Just why did she knock on your door before she knocked on mine??"
Joel: "Well she said that she had searched for you and came up with nothing"
Ronnie: "That cant be true, i contacted the adaption agency, i left all of my details with them"
Joel: "Well the thing is Ronnie, the thought never entered her head, she is aware of the fact that no adoption ever took place"
Ronnie was staring at Joel in disbelief
Ronnie: "What do you mean she wasn't adopted, I signed papers, my dad told me..."
She placed her head between her hands and softly let one tear slide down her cheek, of course her dad told her, he would tell her anything.
Ronnie: "Then if she was never adopted, who took her?"
As the sentence slipped out her mouth her eyes widened, she knew who took her, the jigsaw was finally coming together, and there was only one person, the same person who left around the birth of her child, the same person she has never seen since. Then the visit to the psychic lady, the things that she said, apologizing for what she did, hoping she would be proud, it all fitted together and pointed to one person, her mother.
Joel: "You know who took her don't you?"
Ronnie solemnly nodded
Ronnie: "It could have only been my mother"
He placed a comforting arm on her shoulder
Joel: "It was a shock to me also; I couldn't believe it when she told me"
Ronnie looked at him, and broke down; the thought of all of this was too much
Ronnie: "Joel, I can't believe she is alive, my baby, she's alive"
Joel, grabbed hold of her with all of his might and refused to let go, he rubbed her lower back in a soothing manner. She leant back out of his hold shaking her head from side to side.
Ronnie: "Do you think she's still looking for me?"
Joel: "I told her to try the adoption register, i thought it couldn't hurt, and if you left your details then she should have got them, the peculiar thing was, a few days after her visit, I received your letter"
Ronnie: "Did she not leave her phone number?"
Joel: "No, i suppose it just may have to be a waiting game for the both of us"
Ronnie: "Well i can wait much longer; i have been wasting away for too long"
Joel sighed to himself in defeat, she was right, she always was.
Just then Ronnie's phone starting ringing, she looked completely reluctant to answer it. Joel peered over her shoulder to see who was calling, and it was Roxy, Joel wondered if her younger sister had aged as well as Ronnie has.
Ronnie ended the call in a sharp manner, slamming it down hard on the bar, she looked like a woman who had lost patience with everyone and everything.
Ronnie: "My sister says that the party has started and I'm late, and if i don't go over now I'm in trouble"
Joel grinned cheekily, wondering what mischief he could raise
Joel: "Then let's go then, i quite fancy seeing your Roxy and good old Archie!"
Ronnie: "You really mean it?.....Oh wait if you think you're going over there to start trouble, then let it be known it's not happening!"
Joel: "You're the boss!"
Like a gentleman, Joel reached for her coat and slipped it round her, she linked her arm into his and together in silence, they headed across the street and towards the Queen Vic. For the first time in a long time, Ronnie felt like she had some direction, that there was light at the end of the tunnel and it was if she could almost grab it. They were at the red doors of the Queen Vic, when she put her hands on the door, and stop herself.
Ronnie: "Are you sure?"
Joel: "Of course i am, we have nothing to hide!"
Ronnie nodded, and allowed Joel to enter first; she stood still for a moment and let the psychic ladies words run through her head.
"keep searching, what you wished for, is round the corner".
That whole visit was starting to make sense, but Ronnie couldn't help but wonder just how true that last sentence was.
