So this chapter has been through like, a billion rewrites, because I couldn't decide exactly how to do the opening "prank." But I've fucked around with it for quite enough now... Time to just accept it the way it is. Hope it isn't too horrible. Disturbing warning though... Just for the record, I started writing this story when I was in a very bad, 'screw people' mood, and that's where this came from. But yeah, whatever... I'll just let you get on with it.
If Kakashi had been at all concerned that his friends' words about Iruka were true, he didn't worry long. It was only the very next day that word reached him about the teacher ending up in the hospital. On his class' field trip near the outskirts of Konoha, an enemy ninja had appeared and the chuunin had drained himself fighting the perpetrator off. The enemy had retreated, having apparently been badly injured, and ANBU had not been able to locate him yet. The teacher was relatively unscathed physically, but his chakra was fried from his valiant attempts to protect his students who all recounted the tale with awe. Apparently it had been quite the battle.
So, if Kakashi had been concerned that Iruka was plotting his demise behind his back, he no longer felt threatened. What was the teacher going to do to him with no chakra, hobbling around on crutches since he could barely walk anymore? He had watched him take a good 10 minutes just to climb the stairs to the hokage's office the next evening. When he had appeared behind the teacher and offered to carry him up bridal style, Iruka had swiped at him irritably. But his fingers only just brushed the jounin's side as Kakashi dodged the slow, chakra-deprived ninja. Right… scary chuunin, his ass…
Ebisu's head spun a little and he was grateful for his sunglasses in the now-too-bright bar. He was alone, as usual, but he was used to it. He went to the same place most nights, always intending to work up the courage to leave with company… and he always failed. He really wasn't an expert at talking to women, and nothing about him really screamed for them to approach him.
Which is why it almost scared him when a pretty brunette suddenly leaned on the table, her ample breasts pushed directly into his line of sight. She gave him a sultry smile. "Hey, babe. Why are you sitting all alone?" she purred.
Ebisu blinked and pointed to himself. The woman laughed. "Yes, you. You're far too pretty to be by yourself."
The special jounin started a bit. No one had ever called him 'pretty' before. But he supposed he didn't really care what he was called as long as the gorgeous woman in front of him kept giving him her attention like that…
He smiled. "Would you care to… keep me company then?" he asked, attempting a bit of boldness.
The woman's smile widened. "I'd love to."
Kurosaki's eyes widened as he spotted the gorgeous creature sitting in the corner booth by herself. Her dark hair fell around her shoulders and her pouty lips were pulled into an almost sad expression. Well… what kind of a gentleman would he be if he didn't go ask what was wrong and offer to cure her loneliness?
He tried not to stagger as he made his way across the bar and leaned down on the lovely woman's table. "Hey babe. Why are you sitting all alone?"
The woman blinked owlishly at him and pointed to herself as though confused about whether or not he was speaking to her. He chuckled. "Yes, you. You're far too pretty to be by yourself."
The woman started a bit, but then smiled shyly. "Would you care to… keep me company then?" she almost whispered and the jounin's groin gave a jolt at the soft and sexy voice.
His smile stretched across his face broadly. "I'd love to."
The other patrons of the bar shot awkward glances at the two men in the corner who were now giggling and making quite a scene. But they didn't say anything. It really wasn't any of their business…
And when Ebisu, in a hectic flurry nearly crashed into Kakashi on his way out the door, having been so shocked and flustered that his companion actually wanted to go home with him, he was eternally grateful that the copy-ninja didn't say anything to him and hold him up. He hadn't gotten lucky in a very long time…
And when Kurosaki had been pushed to his back by his exuberant partner, he had grinned widely at having found a firecracker of a woman. He jumped when cold fingers began probing around his ass, and he gave the woman a strange look, but deciding that he could put up with a little kinkiness in exchange for a night of pleasure, he rolled with it.
And that was the last thing he remembered before the alcohol took over.
When Ebisu awoke to a pounding on his door the next morning, he almost didn't mind the rude wake-up call. He smiled at the wall as he remembered the events of the previous night, and there was an arm settled across his waist, meaning that his guest hadn't taken off and ditched him yet. That rarely happened. He absently reached out to stroke the arm… and froze when he realized that it was extremely hairy…
Slowly, he turned his head and gave a very unmanly scream when Kurosaki's head – and naked body – came into view. He jumped out of the bed as the other jounin shot awake at the noise and movement, clutching at his throbbing head. "Ah! What's going on?" he grumbled before peeking through his fingers and noticing his fellow jounin naked in front of him… He then peered down and noticed his own state of undress. "What the hell!?" he yanked the covers over him and gave a loud hiss as his lower back protested violently. "Holy fuck!"
Ebisu quickly snatched a pillow from the bed and covered his own body with it. "What happened?"
"You're asking me!? What did you do to me!?"
Ebisu glared at the other man. "Me!? I didn't do anything! I went home with a woman last night! What are you doing in my bed!?"
"How the fuck should I know?" Kurosaki spat. "I went home with a woman last night too. Ow!" He grabbed at his lower body as a shift sent another shockwave of pain up his spine. "Why the hell does my ass hurt so badly?"
"Oh my god." Ebisu hung his head, eyes scrunching shut. He hadn't been that drunk, had he? No. No way. Kurosaki didn't look even remotely feminine. He didn't either, for that matter. What the hell had happened?
The pounding at the door started again, and both men jumped. "Stay here," Ebisu ordered before pulling on pants and running to the door. Opening it revealed a frazzled-looking Iruka who gave him a firm look. "Oh, Iruka-sensei. What can I do for you?"
Iruka exhaled resolutely. "Look, I know you already vetoed the academy expansion, but just hear me out."
Ebisu twitched nervously, eyes darting over his shoulder. "Iruka-sensei, I really can't talk about this now…"
"No, please let me talk," Iruka pleaded, hobbling a little closer to the door. Ebisu closed the door more tightly against him so he was wedged between it and the doorframe. "I know you're concerned about the budget, but I think I have a way to make this as cheap as possible, and we really do need the room. Just let me show you – "
"Iruka-sensei…" The jounin fidgeted, and his fingers spasmed tightly on the doorframe when he heard a loud thump come from his room just down the hall.
"No!" Iruka demanded stubbornly, getting a little closer. Ebisu started to sweat. "I can't leave here until you sign these papers, and – "
"Fine." Ebisu snatched the papers from the chuunin's hands, pulled a pen off the table right next to the door and scribbled on them furiously. "Good day, Iruka-sensei." The door slammed in the confused teacher's face as the papers were thrust back at him. But he just shook his head and limped away.
Ebisu breathed a sigh of relief and steeled himself as he prepared to enter his bedroom again. Kurosaki was sitting on the edge of the bed, now fully clothed, and still rubbing tenderly at his backside. He glared as the other man entered the room. Ebisu blushed and sighed. "Look, I don't know what happened, but –" he paused and quickly crossed the room as he realized his blinds were open. He hastily grabbed at them, hoping his neighbors hadn't already seen something, but froze as a flash of orange on the ground outside caught his eye.
He pulled open the window and reached down to pick up the dew-soaked book. He stared at the hideously colored novel for another moment, the wheels in his head turning. Suddenly, his grip tightened frighteningly around the little orange book. 'Hatake…'
"You're off the mission to Grass."
"What!?" Kakashi started back, eye going wide. When he had gotten the message to go see the hokage, he had thought she only wanted to lecture him on the details of the mission again – which was getting on his nerves – so he had taken his sweet time in responding. Surely, she wasn't that mad about being kept waiting…
Tsunade glared at him. "You performed a high-level genjutsu on two of your fellow shinobi to trick them into having sex with each other, you damn idiot."
Kakashi's mouth fell open as he wondered if the hokage had already been hitting the sake that evening. "WHAT!? What are you talking about!?"
The hokage seethed, looking for all the world as though she might kill him. "Don't act stupid, Hatake! Last night, you performed a genjutsu on Kurosaki and Ebisu to trick them into thinking the other was a woman and thus having sex."
Kakashi shook his head violently. "I never did that! I was at home all night!"
"They said they saw you at the bar!"
"They're lying!"
"Do they have a reason to want to implicate you instead of whoever it really was?"
"Then someone henged into me!"
"This was found underneath Ebisu's window." The godaime plopped a familiar orange book down on her desk.
Kakashi let out a short laugh. "That just proves it. Someone's trying to frame me. But my IchaIcha book is right…" He reached into his pouch, but his fingers closed around air. His single eye widened slightly in fear. "It… no… it's…" He grabbed the pouch off his waist and dumped the contents onto the desk. No IchaIcha. "But… no… it has to be…" He began frantically searching his pockets as Tsunade continued to glare boredly at him.
She slowly reached for the book again and flipped it open, revealing his own messy scrawl on the inside cover: Property of Kakashi Hatake along with a little henohenomoheji. The jounin stared at the book, panic-stricken. "Someone set me up!" he cried desperately. Tsunade just snorted. "They stole my book and they set me up!"
"Really?" The hokage quirked an eyebrow at him. "And who, pray tell, is good enough to steal your book right off your body?"
"I…" Kakashi paused as realization sunk in. When was the last time he had even had his book? Gai had challenged him to a balancing contest early that morning, so he hadn't had time to read all day. Once he'd beaten the other jounin, he'd gone to the memorial stone and then to the tower since he had been summoned a good four hours earlier. And he had spent all the previous evening after going home reorganizing his weapons closet, sharpening or tossing out old rusty kunai. That was a long period of time in which his precious book hadn't been in his sight. He attempted to think back on all the people he'd come into contact with since the previous evening, but there weren't that many, and none that he would consider suspicious. Though the number of people he'd passed on the street was too large to even bother trying to think who might have pick-pocketed him. And who was good enough to do something like that? His eye drooped sadly. "I don't know…" he finally finished lamely.
The blonde woman sighed disgustedly. "Honestly… I don't know what on earth possessed you to do something like this. I don't know if they did something to upset you or what, but you're damn lucky I'm not throwing you in jail! You are however, on suspension until I figure out what to do with you as punishment."
Kakashi's eye widened. "Tsunade-sama… I swear –"
"Even if I were to just ignore this as some stupid jounin prank gone too far," the hokage continued over him. "The fact that you got caught and left behind blaring evidence shows me that you're not in a state to handle a sabotage job. Maybe I've been too lenient with your missions lately if you're getting sloppy."
Kakashi bristled indignantly. "I'm not getting sloppy," he snapped. "I didn't do this."
"And who would go to that much trouble to set you up?"
Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets, looking petulant. "I don't know…" he grumbled.
"Mm-hm…"
"And who are you going to get to replace me?"
Just then, the door opened behind the copy-ninja and the distinct plunk of crutches met his ears. "End of the day paperwork, Tsunade-sama." Kakashi turned slightly as the familiar academy teacher hobbled past him.
"Thank you, Iruka-sensei. And good news! You're getting that mission to Grass after all."
"What?" The question came from both men simultaneously, though it sounded a little angrier on Kakashi's side. The teacher blinked back at him, looking confused.
"Kakashi's off the case. And I did promise it to you first. So you're back up. You should be recovered enough for a mission of this nature by the time you're due to leave."
"Oh…" Iruka glanced back at the angry jounin, but didn't press for details on why Kakashi was being taken off the mission. "Well… thank you…"
"Wait a minute." The sharp voice brought both heads to whip toward the silver-haired man. Kakashi was glaring intensely at Iruka. "It was you!" He took an intimidating step toward the teacher, causing him to jump and try to scoot away quickly.
The brown eyes went wide. "Wh-what?" he squeaked.
Kakashi turned back to Tsunade and pointed a finger at the academy instructor. "It was him! He set me up! He wanted this mission all along. And Kurosaki and Ebisu pissed him off a few days ago!"
Iruka gaped, looking confused and terrified. He shifted his eyes back to the godaime questioningly. Tsunade snarled at the jounin. "Don't be a fucking idiot," she snapped. "You seriously want to try to convince me that a chuunin managed to pick-pocket you, henge into you, and perform a laborious and high-level genjutsu on two jounin – WHILE on crutches from chakra depletion?"
Kakashi clenched his fists, glowering at the still innocently confused teacher. "Yes," he shot even though he knew how absolutely ridiculous it sounded. "He could be faking – "
"You can't fake chakra depletion, you moron!" Tsunade slammed a fist on her desk making both men jump. "Not to a medical professional. Unless you put a seal on your own chakra, and I've never met a ninja stupid enough to voluntarily seal themselves up. Besides, you really think Iruka-sensei would do something like this?"
Iruka peered up at the jounin tentatively, looking impossibly small. Kakashi's anger drained quickly. He was being stupid… There was no way Iruka would ever do something like that. Kakashi had heard the rumors of him being a prankster back in the day, but he would never go that far… not for something as stupid as revenge… His friends were crazy, and he was crazy for getting sucked into their stupid exaggerations. He finally bowed his head and shook it softly.
Tsunade sighed heavily. "I don't know what's gotten into you, Hatake, but you're starting mandatory therapy tomorrow. In fact, it's against my better judgment that I'm even letting you be free to roam the streets tonight, so don't make me regret it, or you will be in a prison cell faster than you can blink."
Kakashi squeezed his eye shut, knowing that insisting his innocence again right then was useless. So he just nodded once.
"You're dismissed."
Without another word, the jounin flitted out the window.
The hokage turned back to Iruka. "I'm sorry about him, Iruka-sensei."
Iruka smiled lightly. "It's ok. Thank you for the mission, hokage-sama."
Tsunade waved dismissively. "If you're not fully recovered in time, you let me know. We can postpone a few days."
"Of course. I'm sure I'll be fine. My chakra has always healed quickly." Iruka grinned and bowed, beginning his slow trek out of the room as Tsunade turned her attention to the paperwork he had brought in.
"Oh… This is the request for the academy."
Iruka turned back at the questioning tone and smiled. "Yes."
"So Ebisu approved it?"
The teacher nodded happily. "Yep. Signed the papers this morning."
Tsunade marked something on the page and set it aside. "Very well then."
Iruka smiled for another second before making his way out the door.
Kakashi leaned against the side of the building and sighed heavily. Sure, he knew he had enemies. But who within the village hated him enough to set him up for such a dirty deed? Who was sick enough to even do that to Ebisu and Kurosaki? Iruka's face flashed through his head again, but he shook the image away. It was just a coincidence. Genma, Anko, and Ibiki were delusional. Even if he did have his chakra, Iruka wasn't powerful or sneaky enough to manage all those things. He also just didn't contain the disposition for such hardcore revenge. Stupid chuunin wasn't an 'evil genius.' He was just stupidly lucky that things turned out his way.
He heard the front door of the hokage tower open and he peered around the corner to see the chuunin in question struggling out the door. He looked so hopelessly frazzled and weak on his crutches, trying to balance a stack of folders in his arms, that Kakashi instantly felt even more foolish for ever suspecting him of faking his chakra exhaustion and pulling off some evil scheme. He sighed and leaned his head back against the cool brick of the wall.
He didn't know who had tricked Ebisu and Kurosaki, or why they wanted to pin it on him, but he had to come up with a way to convince Tsunade (and his therapist) that he was truly innocent and hadn't just snapped on his comrades. He should probably head home and figure that out.
Stepping back around the corner, the jounin froze as he spotted a folder on the ground just outside the door, Iruka no longer anywhere in sight. He slowly made his way to the manila folder and opened it up, quickly deducing that it was full of quiz papers. Iruka would surely be missing those… The copy-nin sighed through his nose. 'I suppose the least I could do to make up for accusing him is to return his folder.' He jumped off in the direction of Iruka's apartment building. The chuunin couldn't have gotten far yet.
Indeed, he hadn't, though Kakashi took far longer to track him down than he should have since Iruka had detoured off the main roads and was skulking down the alleyways instead. Kakashi finally found him, but froze from his perch on the roof. Iruka had stopped walking and was looking around as though searching for someone. But the alleys were, of course, deserted … Kakashi masked his presence and waited to see what the teacher was looking for.
A smile broke across the chuunin's face after another few seconds of turning his head every which way, and he suddenly plopped down on the ground with an exhausted sigh. Kakashi raised an eyebrow, getting more and more curious as Iruka reached down to remove his right sandal. He turned his foot up and held his hand over it. Kakashi felt a small, almost indistinguishable, civilian-sized chakra burst, and a second later, Iruka pulled the limb away to reveal a glowing seal on the bottom of his heel. The chuunin pulled out a small piece of paper and held it over the shining mark on his foot. After making one more quick hand-sign and tiny chakra shot, the seal gleamed red and then vanished from the tan foot and reappeared on the paper. The jounin's eye widened as he suddenly felt Iruka's chakra flare up to proper shinobi levels… proper uninjured shinobi levels.
Iruka happily tucked the little seal into his pocket, replaced his shoe, and hopped, giddily and full of energy, to his feet. He picked up his folders in one arm, and swung the crutches over his shoulder with the other.
Kakashi's eye hardened unblinkingly as he watched the chuunin skipping down the hidden streets with a smug smirk stretched across his features. It was him. He had tricked Kurosaki and Ebisu. He had framed Kakashi for it. He had planned it all to get back at the three men who had angered him and to get his mission back.
Now Kakashi knew what the others had said was true… Iruka was the devil…
And the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist…
DixieGoddess
