Author's notes:
As always, I don't own Glee or any of the songs/movies/television shows/things referenced.
Rating is for language and eventual sexual content.
Approximate words this chapter: 3,650
The Day Kurt heard about David's suicide attempt: Wednesday, February 22
Kurt had just heard about David Karofsky's attempt to take his own life a few hours earlier. To say that he was stricken with guilt was an understatement. At his first opportunity when he arrived home from school, he checked out David's Facebook wall. It was like viewing a mass grave. Kurt could feel palpable nausea gnawing at his stomach as he read hateful comment after hateful comment. It was verbal cruelty in a way Kurt had never seen before. Compounding Kurt's guilt were the nine phone calls David had made to him in the last few days, calls which Kurt thoughtlessly ignored. When tears clouded his vision to the point that he could barely focus on his monitor, something caught his attention. Though Kurt was beginning to break down into an all-out, very loud sob, he saw a comment contrary to all of the hatred and cruelty.
Sean Twomey: Why don't all you people just STFU? Leave the guy alone. He's never been anything but cool to me.
Kurt blinked the tears out of his eyes. He followed the stream of obviously fake names down the assassinating string of comments.
hatero98: Sean Twomey: WTF? he your GF or something?
bomber: Haha! maybe the two of you could do a suicide pact thing the next time!
Sean Twomey: Sorry to be a buzz-kill to your flame-war, but I know Dave to be a good guy. All of you anonymous trolls probably never even met him.
bIgOt: don't wanna meet that deviant. is there a way we could make all the pathetic fags so sad they'd commit mass suicide?
Gretchen Dolce: Sean: you're right. Dave's a nice guy and these comments were all made by cowards with nothing better to do.
Sean Twomey: Yeah, nothing better to do so they feel they've gotta make the new kid at school feel like shit about himself for no good reason. Dave's alright. All you barely-literate idiots refusing to show your faces are clearly the fuck-ups here.
Kurt clicked on Sean's profile. Most of his information was hidden, but Kurt sent a friend request with a message: Hi. I'm a friend of David Karofsky's from his old school. I'd like to chat with you sometime if you'd be okay with that.
Kurt turned his attention elsewhere as the comments on David's Facebook wall just made him even sadder. He checked to see which of his friends were online, maybe hoping to chat with Mercedes, when an alert popped up. Sean had accepted his friend request. Then a chat box opened.
Sean Twomey: hey, nice to meet you, kurt. it's sean. do you know how dave's doing?
Kurt Hummel: Thanks for friending me, Sean. No, I just heard about David today, and I feel terrible. I can't say we were ever really close friends, but we have a history of sorts.
Sean Twomey: dave was never anything but nice to me. he seemed really nice to most people. to wish him dead is just sick.
Kurt Hummel: I can't even imagine the depths to which those people sink. I can't imagine the way David must have felt when he saw those comments.
Sean Twomey: hey, i'm going crosseyed from staring at this monitor for so long. can you call me? 5672332166
Kurt Hummel: Sure. Now or later? What time?
Sean Twomey: gimme about 10.
Dave at Thurston, Part 1
Sean arrived at his first-period AP Calculus class several minutes before the late bell sounded. 'This is it', he thought to himself: 'the first class on the first day of my last year of high school.' He took a seat near the farthest corner from the door toward the back of the room and busied himself shuffling through his notebooks. Sean was in an optimistic mood. It was good to see the people he'd missed seeing over the summer. He had a couple of close friends whom he saw regularly over the summer, but the ones with which he associated in school, the ones who endured the sometimes adverse rite of passage with him, made the whole school-thing bearable. Meanwhile, as the room began to fill, clusters of students chatted quietly amongst themselves and seated themselves in obvious groups of friends.
"Is anybody sitting here?"
Sean looked up from his notebook. Standing above the desk next to him was a tall, thickly-built guy slipping off his backpack. Sean made eye-contact with him: the boy's face wore a friendly expression belying his stereotypical tough-jock appearance. Sean answered the question: "hey, it's the first day of school: if it's empty, it's not taken." Sean was a little puzzled. There were vacant desks all over the room, but this guy, obviously a smart guy or he wouldn't be in this class, is sitting on the far side of the room removed from all of the people who were visibly more social.
"My name's Dave. I'm new here." Dave extended his right hand in Sean's direction as he slid into his seat.
"Hey, I'm Sean. Nice to meet you, Dave." Sean, still rather expressionless, shook Dave's hand.
"Likewise." Dave's pleasant expression widened into a genuine smile.
"Where are you from?"
"Actually, just from across town. I went to McKinley for the last three years."
"Really? Why did you transfer to Thurston?"
Dave's expression pained for a second. "Ahh...long story. There were a couple of people there who I continually butted heads with. I just wanted my senior year to be relatively free of melodrama." His smile returned.
"Is that why you decided to take a seat way over on the far side of the room next to the guy who just wants to blend into the wall?"
Dave chuckled. "Nah, everybody else in here looked a little too occupied with catching up on something with someone. I didn't want to intrude upon their undoubtedly important conversations about the color palette for this year's homecoming gowns or the cool stuff they did over the summer which really isn't nearly as cool as they'd have you believe."
Sean laughed aloud though quietly, shooting Dave a genuine smile, his initial anxieties about the big kid sitting next to him vanishing.
"Besides, dude, you have about the reddest hair I have ever seen. You're not going to be blending into any wall anytime soon."
Sean's expression sobered a bit. Was this new jock befriending him only to make him a target of ridicule at some later time?
Dave's face straightened a bit when he saw this reaction; his voice softened. "I didn't mean anything negative by that. It's actually cool. Everyone else is stuck on thinking they're individuals, but they're really all just copies of each other trying to one-up each other with their sameness."
"Yeah, and I just want to fade into the background, but it's like someone drew over me with a highlighter pen."
Both boys snickered.
Throughout the day, Sean could catch Dave in the hallways. Dave always greeted him when they passed, but Dave also seemed friendly to just about everyone. Whatever Dave's deal was, Sean was glad to have met him.
As the second day of school was ending, Sean was at his locker gathering up stuff which he needed to take with him for the evening while talking to his friend Gretchen who had her bag already packed and slung over one one shoulder along with her leather jacket. Dave was making his way toward the far end of the hall where the boys' locker room was located: he was on his way to football practice. Dave hailed a greeting as he walked briskly, "Hey, Sean! See you tomorrow in Calc!"
Sean waved and spoke an uncertain, "Yeah-have a good afternoon, Dave."
Gretchen spun around to see the person to which Sean was talking. At first she looked somewhat irritated that her conversation with Sean had been interrupted, but then she saw Dave with a friendly expression on his face and couldn't help but to smile back. Dave slowed to a halt at Sean's locker.
"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything."
"Who's your friend, Sean?" the petite, curvy goth girl smiled coquettish."This is Dave. He's new here. He's in a couple of my AP classes." Sean looked up at Dave. "Dave, this is Gretchen."
Dave gave her a wide smile, punctuated with a nod . "Nice to make your acquaintance, Gretchen." Momentarily at a loss, Dave was about to extend his hand to shake hers when she abruptly snaked her arm around his midsection and gave him in a brief one-armed hug. Dave's smiling mouth gaped and his eyes popped wide open in surprise.
"Shaking hands is so, like, artificial, wouldn't you say? Nice to meet you as well, Dave." Gretchen's eyes met his with a hint of friendly dominance and a cute smile.
"Hey, so, we were just BSing about our first couple of days," Sean said, nearly stuttering. "Gretchen and I have some catching-up to do, but you're not really interrupting anything, Dave."
"Ah, it's okay. I gotta run anyway. After-school stuff." Dave started walking away, though still facing the pair. "Catch you tomorrow, Sean. You too, maybe, Gretchen. Again, nice to meet you."
Dave spun and faced the direction in which he was headed. Gretchen just stood and watched Dave make his way down the hall. After about thirty seconds which felt like thirty minutes, Sean broke the silence: "Okay, Gretch, you can scrape your jaw up off of the nasty floor and quit drooling any hour now."
"Ha!" Gretchen backhanded Sean across the chest, just enough to sting. She spun around, eyes addressing Sean's directly, and intoning at a hushed volume, "He would be really cute if he wasn't so bohunk."
"It's plainly evident that you think so. This is north-eastern Ohio, though. If I wear an old-man cardigan to school, I'm considered edgy. Besides, big guys look ridiculous when they try to do the goth thing."
"Doesn't hafta be goth. Adam Lambert's kinda thick-built," offered Gretchen, eyes going off into the air focused on a thought.
"Ugh. Don't even. I don't wanna picture Dave in eyeliner and glitter."
"Yeah, dumb idea. I guess bohunk suits some guys just...fine."
"You don't believe that at all, Gretch. I can tell by the way you spat out the word 'fine' with such singularly precise venom."
The next day at lunch found Sean and his group of friends discussing some weekend plans. Gretchen was sitting with him but busying herself with something in her sketchbook. Sean's bunch of friends, Gretchen excepted, were average, nerdy-type guys. They were tech-savvy gamers and science-club geeks. Sean stood out as having a little more fashion-sense than the rest of them: this was thanks to Gretchen who was his shopping buddy. Sean had light red hair worn a little longer than most guys, very fair skin, pale blue eyes, and strong, angular features. He was fairly tall at about five feet and ten inches, but he had a trim swimmer's build. Some of Sean's friends were nerdy to the point that Gretchen spent a fair amount of her time rolling her eyes and shaking her head between poking at her salad and scraping her pencil against pages of her sketchbook.
"Can I sit with you people? Is this seat taken?" All eyes looked up to see Dave standing behind a vacant seat.
"Hey, Dave." Sean answered, "if it's empty, it's yours," signaling a welcoming gesture with his hands.
Gretchen quickly moved her bag from the table as it was occupying the space where Dave would be setting his tray. She also hurriedly flipped her sketchbook to a clean page and resumed scraping."Thanks," Dave spoke to the group as he seated himself across the table from Gretchen and Sean. Gretchen looked up from her sketchbook and beamed a small smile at Dave. Dave returned with a crooked smile and nod of his own, then his eyes dropped to her sketchbook. In the few seconds since Dave sat down, she had scraped out an interesting, highly-worked abstract composition. Dave noticed that her fingertips were black with the soft graphite of the drawing pencil she was using, and there was a fallout area of black dust around the sketchbook.
"You're really attacking that paper, there, Gretchen." Dave's face crinkled in an interested expression. "You're not doing that halfway."
"Nah. The things I do halfway are things which I need to do. Art is something I want to do, so I dive into it. It's like, I need to get an "A" on my English Lit term paper, so I do exactly what's required and nothing more; but, I'll be diving into my art projects with everything I can throw at them because that's what I love to do."
Dave smiled and nodded agreement.
Sean interrupted the exchange. "So, Dave, what did you think of that AP History project the teacher announced yesterday?"
"Ah, I dunno. I hope he gives us a little more information on it because it's very vague. Then again, I guess that's part of what the whole AP program is about for that whole history/social sciences curriculum."
"How so?"
"Well, all the college-level stuff we're doing now is getting us ready for the work we'll be expected to do in college. We're not going to be handed thesis topics; we're going to be coming up with our own. Probably better we get used to doing that now."
All eyes were on Dave, suddenly. "When I think about it, though, the project could potentially be really interesting. Rewarding. I mean, you could take the view that it's a drag because the teacher didn't point you in a specific direction; but it's also an opportunity to explore something in-depth that might be of specific interest to you."
"Okay, AP History guys: fill me in. I skipped out on that one so I could slack for at least part of my senior year," Gretchen
Sean explained,"the project is to be assembled from a combination of sources, but mainly interviews which we, the students, arrange and conduct with people who have something to say on the topic."
"And..."
"And that's it. That's all Mr. Williams gave us."
"Uh, yeah. That's pretty vague."
"I did a science fair project a few years ago," Dave jumped back in, "and it was much like this: find a topic, pose a question related to the topic, accumulate data on the topic based on hands-on experiments, document the procedure, and come to conclusions based upon the data. In this case, the interviews are the 'experiment' part. Otherwise, it's much the same."
The guys slowly nodded agreement, as if they'd just been handed an epiphany.
Gretchen grimaced: "Damn, now I wish I'd have taken that class, Dave; you just made it sound sexy or something."
The whole crowd laughed, and Dave blushed a little.
"So do you have any idea what you're gonna do for your project?" one of the other guys asked.
"I have a few ideas, but nothing concrete," Dave answered. "Since we don't need to turn in any topics or anything, I was planning to maybe interview some people and see what direction it starts taking."
Friday morning, Dave took his seat next to Sean in Calculus just a few seconds before the late bell sounded. They nodded at each other and exchanged a quick "hey" just before the class started.
"I was running late this morning," Dave said as the class ended. "I almost didn't make it before the bell."
"Hey," Sean answered, "some of us are meeting after school today to hang out if you're interested in joining us."
"Ah, sorry, I'll be busy after school today; but I'd be into that some other time. Football game." Dave shrugged.
"Oh, are you going to the game?"
"Uh, yeah. I'm playing. I kinda hafta be there."
Sean's expression fell. "Oh. Okay. See ya 'round, then." Sean exited the classroom well ahead of Dave.
Dave stood back perplexed. Did he say something wrong? Well, he'd catch up to Sean later in the day to figure out what that exchange was all about.
At lunch that day, Dave sat with the rest of the football team. He waved and smiled a quick "hey" to Sean, Gretchen, and the rest of their crowd on the way to the table at the far end where the rest of the football team ritually sat. Sean and Gretchen and the rest politely waved back.
"I guess that's the end of Dave hanging with us," Sean mumbled as he nudged Gretchen.
"I wouldn't necessarily say that. Football season doesn't last all year; besides, Dave has some actual depth, though he's pretty quiet about that part of his personality. He'll eventually get tired of those troglodytes and..." Gretchen stopped short of completing her statement.
"...lower his standards enough to hang with us again?" Sean completed.
Dave made it to the fifth-period AP History class as early as he could. He was hoping to get a chance to continue his conversation with Sean from earlier in the day. Sean walked into the classroom well before the late bell. Dave approached him.
"Hey, man, did I bum you out earlier today?"
"Yeah, a little. No big deal."
"What? Because I'm on the football team?"
"Sounds lame, but, yeah."
"Okay, I enjoy playing football. How does that affect the way I relate to my friends?"
"Um, those guys tend to look down on my crowd. And just about any other crowd. That's all."
Dave looked away, a bit disgusted, as Sean sat down at his desk. "So, now I'm an entirely different person because I play football. And you didn't know that yesterday, and yesterday I was alright. And nothing has actually changed about me from then to now." Dave remained outwardly calm, but he was getting a little pissed-off inside. "Listen, Sean," Dave sat down at the vacant desk next to Sean's; Sean continued to gaze vacantly at his closed notebook on the desk in front of him. "I played that popularity game at my old school. It's part of the reason why I felt I had to leave. Part of me was too wrapped-up in giving a shit about what everyone else thought. I was a terrible person in a lot of ways. Part of my coming here was the idea that I could start with a clean slate. I could make friends with people I really want to be friends with."
"Well, that might not go over so well in this school."
"You think the alternative worked for me at my old school? I was so much a part of that ridiculous pecking-order that I never took the time to figure out who the fuck I actually was. Fuck that pecking-order bullshit. If you're not cool with me for something as..."
Dave was speaking in an aggressive-but-hushed volume when Sean cut him off: "I'm just not used to it, that's all." Sean looked at Dave's face. "You are a friendly guy. A nice guy. A nice guy with a very foul mouth, but you can also get a good laugh out of me. Not everyone can do that. And Gretchen thinks you're great."
Dave half-smiled. "So, we're cool? I'm allowed to sit with you guys at lunch on Monday if I want to?" There was a consciously exaggerated optimism in his voice and his eyes, but his sentiment was sincere.
Sean let out an exhausted-sounding laugh: "Dave, dude, you can sit wherever the fuck you want."
Dave smiled back genuinely and nodded. "Thank you, Sean." He then turned around to return to his regular seat as students continued to filter into the room.
