Disclaimer: Main characters all belong to Roald Dahl and affilitated corporations.
Willy Wonka had not known what to expect when he ate the green candy. He had experienced many things in his long life, but everything dulled in comparison to the flavor of the candy in his mouth. It was very nearly beyond his comprehension, but he imagined if taste had a direction, then he was experiencing all the directions at once, over and over again. And it was not just his sense of taste that was affected—his vision filled with bright swirls of light and color, blocking out the familiar sight of his inventing room and Jonju until the colors were all that he could see. And he thought he heard, though he couldn't be sure, the distant singing of an angelic choir, or maybe it was the whirring of a drill, or the singing of an exotic bird. Then all his senses became jumbled so that he couldn't tell what was smell or sound or taste—all that he could be sure of was the candy in his mouth, which was very nearly dissolved, and the feeling of the bag in his tightly clenched hands. Then, as the very last bit of the candy dissolved deliciously in his mouth, the swirling colors began to fade, the singing or drilling stopped, and the world began to fall into recognizable shapes around him. At first, he didn't know where he was. It looked like a cavernous space, lit by bright spotlights in the distant ceiling. There were curious banks of machines that glistened in the light, and they gave off gouts of steam and made strange beeping and hissing noises. One particular machine was spitting out round, marble-sized balls that fell into a vat of water and settled at the bottom. Wonka approached it, and for some reason an image of brightly colored candies rolling down a conveyor belt flashed through his mind. He stretched out a hand to take one, but he was startled by a voice from behind.
"Who are you?! And what are you doing in my Inventing Room?!"
Wonka turned around slowly, and everything began to make sense. The room, the machines, the latent thoughts of his Everlasting Gobstopper machine…because the man standing behind him was also wearing purple clothes and a top hat, thought he was wearing a trench coat rather than a jacket, and his hat was black instead of brown. His skin was also very pale, and his hair was straight instead of curly. He did not seem to understand what was going on. "Who are you?" he repeated, though the accusing tone in his voice faltered when he noticed Wonka's top hat.
"I am Willy Wonka," Wonka replied, tipping his top hat to the man. "And if I am not mistaken, so are you."
The other Wonka looked him over, smirking. "You sound old, and I don't look anything like you."
"I think we are from different times and realities," Wonka said, ignoring the rude remark. "Something must've happened in one of our realities that made us end up differently. Do the Oompa-Loompas still work in your factory?"
"Yeah…" the other Wonka said, relaxing a little. "Yeah, they do. They are rather mischievous…"
"Always making jokes," Wonka finished, breaking into a smile.
"Ya know," the other Wonka said, scratching his neck, "Maybe we should start over. Hello, my name is Willy Wonka. Welcome to my factory…and I've forgotten the rest of the speech. I really should make some notecards or something."
"Well," Wonka said, "My name is Willy Wonka, too. We should probably figure out what to call each other, so no one gets confused. Should I call you Will, or William?"
The other Wonka giggled. "No thanks…those sound way too old for me. Call me Willy."
"Very well, call me William, then."
With that settled, the two started walking through Willy's Inventing Room like old friends while Willy cheerfully explained what the different machines did. When they came to the Chewing Gum machine, William looked thoughtfully at the glistening mechanism. "Have you gotten the blueberry pie problem fixed yet?"
Willy frowned. "Er, no. I've tried it on like, twenty different Oompa-Loompas, and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird." He stole a glance at the other Wonka. "Speaking of weird, how did you get here anyway?"
"Experimental candy," William replied. "I think it lets you travel through time and space when you eat it. I'm not sure how yet."
"Weird," Willy said. "Almost nonsense."
"A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men," William replied simply. "Anyway, I didn't know for sure what the candy did until I tried it for myself. I wanted to go wherever my test Oompa-Loompas went so I could bring them back home with the 'return' candy."
"Oh!" Willy snapped his fingers. "You must be talking about those weird orange guys that popped up in here a few days ago."
"They're not weird," William said defensively. "It's perfectly normal in their culture."
"Not here," Willy replied.
"Well, what do they look like in your reality?" William retorted.
Willy began walking toward the Glass Elevator, gesturing for William to follow. "You'd better see for yourself."
The Great Glass Elevator coasted smoothly through the enormous rooms in the factory, and William Wonka was struck by the subtle differences from his own. The lighting in the Chocolate Room, for instance, the Chocolate River Yacht, the design of Fudge Mountain, and particular, the use of real live squirrels in the Nut Rooms. But these were not as astonishing as the thing that Willy Wonka wanted to show him. The Elevator coasted into a room that had the span of many football fields, and held what looked like a miniaturized suburban neighborhood. There were little houses with little green lawns and white fences, and little streets with little cars parked in the driveways and parks with little playground equipment. And everywhere William looked, there were tiny people. Their hair and skin were dark brown, and the men all looked very similar, if not the same. But they were all the same height, which was no more than two feet tall, and the tiny children that ran through the lawns were smaller still.
"Oompa-Loompas," Willy said, his voice warm with pride.
"Maybe something caused a divergence in their evolution," William muttered, mostly to himself. "Radiation perhaps?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," Willy said cheerfully. "Shall we go get your Oompa-Loompas now?"
William smiled wryly, but he nodded.
"Let's boogie on, then!" Willy cried, pushing a button. The Elevator shot off sideways, swerved, spiraled, and finally leveled out. It passed through a room full of explosions and gunfire, from Oompa-Loompas that were shooting at giant targets suspended at the other end of the room.
"Candy-Weapons Testing," Willy explained, "Because…why not?"
"Candy doesn't need a point," William agreed. "That's what makes it candy."
Eventually the Elevator descended into a smaller room that was mostly empty save for a stage at the far end, and a bunch of Oompa-Loompas gathered in front of it.
"What is this?" William asked as he stepped out of the Elevator.
Willy chuckled nervously. "Um," do you have karaoke in your reality? No? Well, the Oompa-Loompas here love it and…you'll see for yourself in a second here."
And so he did. The lights in the room dimmed except for one spotlight that lit up the stage. The crowd of Oompa-Loompas sheered as three orange-faced little men came out on stage. One held a microphone, one carried a guitar, and the third went over to a drum set that neither of the Wonkas had noticed before.
"Are you ready?!" The singer shouted into the microphone, and the crowd grew louder still. The guitarist and drummer began to play the opening riffs of "Bohemian Rhapsody", and the crowd went wild and joined in. Halfway through the chorus, Willy looked at William, who appeared bewildered.
"Sorry," he said, "This turned out to be more of a concert. Not at all what I was expecting. Normally they like to sing songs by Celine Dion or Johnny Cash."
William still looked uncomfortable, but he smiled gratefully. "It seems my Oompa-Loompas have enjoyed their stay here. Thank you for taking care of them. But I'm afraid it's time to go."
With this said, he walked forward so that he was at the edge of the crowd and the Oompa-loompas onstage noticed him, stopping in mid-verse.
"Mr. Wonka!" the singer shouted, jumping off the stage. The crowd didn't know what was going on, and thought it was part of the act. They caught him and crowdsurfed him to the back. The guitarist and drummer quickly followed, and in seconds the three orange Oompa-Loompas were standing in front of William Wonka.
"Mr. Wonka!" The singer said. "How did you get here?"
"More importantly," the guitarist said, "Did you make a way to get back? I don't mean to complain…it's been nice here, but I miss my friends back home."
"Yeah," the drummer added, "and being the only orange people in a crowd is giving me self-esteem issues."
"Of course I made a way back," William said with a smile. He reached into his bag and took out three of the blue return candies, handing one to each Oompa-Loompa. "Just eat that," he told them, "and you'll be sent home."
The Oompa-Loompas shared a nervous look, but they popped the candies into their mouths at the same time, and like before, vanished a moment after.
The crowd of Oompa-Loompas took no notice of this—in fact, a new band was already onstage, jamming their rendition of U2 songs. William went back to where Willy was still standing, watching.
"Thank you for your help," William said. He extended a hand, and for once Willy ignored his germaphobia and shook it, grinning.
"No problem. But if you're ever in town again, don't hesitate to visit."
"I would say the same to you," William said, "but I think you would find my world too surreal."
Willy giggled in his childish way, and William shared a chuckle with him before popping a blue candy into his mouth. "Goodbye," he said, or maybe mumbled since his mouth was full. Then there was only a jumble of colors and sounds and smells.
