A/N: This is my first attempt at chic lit/fluff. I am trying to use it as a break from the angst-y and highly descriptive other works that I create. It turns out fluff is actually quite hard and not my strong suit. Please review and let me know what you think works and what doesn't.


2. Cast of Characters

Leah had never been as nervous as the first day she met the bachelors. What if they all hated her and no one wanted to stay on the show?

She knew she wasn't ugly – although she often did feel like her arse was about to invade Canada, but she worried that there was something fundamentally wrong with her. The last time she'd trusted a man, he'd betrayed her in the worst possible way. She was more than a little wary of anybody that expressed interest in her after that.

"Three years have passed, don't be a whinger," she told herself as she smoothed the corseted dress down. Thank goodness for whale-bone that seemed to lift everything in the right direction.

She was standing at the front of the largest house she had ever seen, ready to meet each of the contestants. She was grateful that the network didn't want her living in the mansion, because the idea of rooming with a bunch of men that she was simultaneously dating as part of a polyamorous reality television experiment terrified her.

"First contestant making his way up," a voice called.

Leah raised her head to the top of the garden as figure emerged from the shadows. He was smirking as he advanced, eyes sparkling as he reached her.

"You are so freaking gorgeous you should be illegal," he drawled.

Say something clever, Leah's mind told her, but all she managed to respond with was a high pitched giggle.

"I'm Paul," he said, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek.

She wasn't sure how, but she managed to pull herself together. "I'm Leah," she replied. "Lovely to meet you."

He smiled at her and she wondered if she might fall through the floor. She clearly had no business being on this show. This guy looked like a professional athlete with a model's face grafted on him for good measure.

Static crackled in her ear and Leah remembered the earpiece that the production team had given her. "Leah, you've got thirteen more contestants to meet. Send Paul inside and get this show on the road."

Leah gulped. "Well Paul, welcome. Please help yourself to a drink and I'll see you inside at the cocktail party.

He kissed her again before saying goodbye, this time his hand brushing slightly against her ribcage.

He's trouble, Leah thought. Charming, but still trouble.

Before she had time to collect herself, another man was already climbing out of a limousine that had pulled up at the entrance. He was wearing a crisp dark blue suit with a pale blue shirt, and walked with a regimented gate, causing his shoulder-length blond hair to swing from side to side.

"Hi," Leah called, trying to get on the front foot this time.

"Hey there darlin'," the man replied, reaching out to shake her hand.

"I'm Jasper. It's a pleasure to meet you Leah."

Leah gave his hand a firm squeeze as she leaned in to receive the obligatory peck.

"Likewise Jasper. What do you do?" She couldn't help but realise that she had forgotten to ask Paul that question.

What are you worried about? She wondered. History tells you that most people that come on these shows are either strippers or real estate agents.

"I'm a soldier. I just got back home a few months ago actually."

Hello man in a uniform, Leah thought to herself. That certainly explained the walk. Strippers didn't walk like that, right?

"Well Jasper, I look forward to hearing all about you when we get a chance to speak properly."

After Jasper she met Quil, a beefy guy with cute curls that she had to resist the urge to reach out and pull. He wasted no time drawing her into a hug and telling her that she was gorgeous.

"I'm nervous," she blurted out.

"Me too," he told her happily. "I was worried I would shit myself on the drive over."

Leah snorted. "I can relate. Are you alright... in the pant department?"

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "All clear so far." He leaned closer. "How are you in the pant department?"

She wasn't sure if he was gross or adorable. His first comments had put her at ease, but she could feel heat rising in her cheeks and she knew she was blushing.

Charming Paul. Soldier Jasper. Panty-soaking Quil. She was probably going to forget all their names by the time she got into the house.

It was a parade of hot men. Quil was followed by Eric, who told her that he was an acrobat. Then came James – a tall blonde who brought her a scarf. She wasn't sure why James thought she needed accessories, but she made sure to let him know that she appreciated the gesture.

She was still shaking her head in confusion when a soft voice reached her ears.

"Wow. You really are stunning." She turned to face the tallest man she had ever seen. He looked at least a foot taller than her and she was not a short person. "Hi. I'm Jacob," the man continued. She tried to bob up on the front of her foot to kiss his cheek, but it was hard in the ridiculous stilettos the network executives had her wearing.

"H-hi Jacob," she stammered as he leaned into her, closing the distance between them.

"Hi Leah. I don't really have words for how thrilled I am to meet you."

He held her a little longer than necessary, but Leah wasn't objecting.

"It's okay," she breathed. "Sometimes words are overrated."

They stood in silence beaming at each other before the producer crackled in her ear again, reminding her that she still had eight other bachelors to meet.

Jacob was followed by a baby-faced boy named Mike. Mike was very confident despite the fact that he looked like the producers had recruited him right outside his high school. Leah was so shocked by his appearance that, after she had ushered him into the house, she turned to the nearest person - who happened to be the camera man – and asked: "Someone checked his I.D. right?" The camera man's shoulders bobbed up and down and Leah assumed that he was shrugging to show that he didn't know the answer. "This is important," she hissed. "We need to check this guy's legal. I'm almost thirty! I can't be going around accidentally cougarising some poor foetus!"

The static crackled in her ear again. "He's the same age as you, Leah. Everyone on the show has a thorough screening and none of the contestants are under twenty-five."

"Okay," Leah responded to no one in particular, wondering why the camera man's shoulders were shaking. Maybe he was cold.

"Next entrant coming your way," the voice in her ear barked, somehow aware of her distraction. It was unnecessary though, no amount of internal monologue would have stopped Leah from noticing the man walking towards her. He was the palest person she had ever seen and his skin almost gleamed in the moonlight.

He was a different kind of handsome to most of the men that she met. His features were delicate: soft auburn hair and molten eyes. She was just about to conclude that he was absolutely too pretty when he pulled his lips into a crooked smile that made her heart stutter.

"Hello," he said politely. "My name is Edward." He reached his hand to her and Leah assumed he wanted to shake, but instead he pulled the back of her palm to his lips.

No one had ever kissed Leah on the hand before. She was pretty sure that no other bachelorette on the show before her had been hand-kissed either. Struck by something so entirely foreign, Leah's legs half-bowed, half-curtseyed as she struggled to work out a socially appropriate response.

"Um... that's different Edward, ah... so what do you do?" She wanted to palm her face with her hand at the way she was behaving. If they televised that curtsey Rosalie would never let her hear the end of it. Unfortunately for Leah, Edward was still grasping her fingers.

"I'm a concert pianist," he told her. "Maybe I could play something for you sometime?"

"Sure," Leah said awkwardly. She was the kind of girl who preferred Rammstein to Rachmaininoff, but she wasn't going to turn down a personalised concert, especially not from a man was more chiselled than any sculpture she had ever seen.

Edward was followed by Jared, a handsome but mild-mannered accountant who managed to tell Leah that his ex wife hated him in their two minute introduction. After Jared came Brady and Colin, both of whom looked like pro-athletes and were a little younger than Leah.

One of the stand outs for Leah was a man named Tyler. He wasn't as outgoing as the other contestants, but he seemed normal – a real person that she might actually go to the movies with.

"You freaking out a bit?" he had asked her. When she'd nodded her head in response he'd cocked his head to the side and winked. "Fake it 'til you make it then," Tyler continued. "No one but you and me has to know."

The network seemed to have well and truly absorbed her complaints about never being able to meet guys that were tall enough, because the next contestant was almost as large as Jacob. He'd peeked his head out from behind a tree while she was talking to Tyler – as if he'd perhaps misheard his cue – and had waited once he realised his mistake.

Leah had spotted him in her peripheral vision and once she'd waved Tyler inside she turned back to the small plant that was doing a poor job of hiding the broad man that had ducked behind it.

"You can come out now..." Leah called.

The tall man bit his lip – Leah couldn't help but noticed the fullness of it - before extending his hands in apology. "I'm assuming my attempt at going incognito wasn't successful."

Leah swallowed a laugh. "No, it was very good actually. I couldn't see you at all," she lied. "You were really honing in on your inner James Bond."

He snickered as they hugged. "Call, Embry Call," he introduced himself in the worst Scottish accent Leah had ever heard.

"I'm Leah," she responded. For some reason she put on a fake Eastern European accent.

"Are you from Russia?" Embry enquired.

"Nope," Leah answered, reverting to her ordinary voice. "I just figured I'd also use an accent too. It sounded fun."

Embry started laughing. "You should put on a different one each time you go on a date and see how long it takes before anyone mentions anything. An automatic rose and progression to the next round could go to anyone who has the balls to call you out on suddenly sounding Australian or Spanish."

Leah was chuckling now. "Where have you been? I should have met you first so we could craft this plan before I met so many other contestants."

"No, it's even better if you do it now... and then just speak randomly on the group dates. One sentence can sound Irish, then Bangladeshi." He was looking at her so fondly that Leah forgot to answer him. There was a warmth to his eyes, to all of him when he smiled.

"Why are you on this show?" she blurted out without thinking.

He knotted his brow and Leah realised that what she had said would be easy to misinterpret. Face-palm. Face-palm. She was getting this all wrong. "I mean, why would you need help with dating?"

"I'm sure you'll be able to tell me if you get to know me better," he replied wryly.

The producer in Leah's ear forced them to say a quick farewell, but Leah's eyes lingered as Embry walked away. "Don't be so sure," she muttered to herself. So far, a good half of the contestants she had met were out-of-this-world perfect. Where had these men been all her life? She'd dated guys she met in bars, guys she'd met online. Once she'd even dated someone she met at the grocery store, but the guys on this show were in a league of their own.

"Saving the best for last?"

Leah turned to see an enormous man moving towards her. He wasn't as tall as Embry or Jacob, but he had an imposing bulk to him. He would have been quite intimidating save for the dimples that flashed as he grinned at her.

"Lucky number fourteen, are you?" Leah checked.

"Yep. Emmett McCarty at your service," he enthused, sweeping her into an air-crushing hug.

"Can't breathe," Leah gasped.

"Woo-hoo!" Emmett pumped his fist. "Thirty seconds in and I've already left you breathless."

Leah huffed. "Not in the right way!"

"Plenty of time for that later."

She was contemplating punching him on the shoulder when the front door opened.

"Carlisle!" After meeting so many people, she had almost forgotten the host of the show.

"Good evening Leah, Emmett." Carlisle's speech was melodious. "Emmett, please proceed inside to the cocktail party."

With unexpected deference, Emmett scurried off, leaving the bachelorette alone with the host.

"Well Leah. You've now met all your bachelors. Fourteen men have vied for your heart tonight, but only twelve can remain." Leah bit the inside of her mouth so that Carlisle wouldn't see how cheesy she found his dialogue. She wondered if Carlisle had a little voice in his ear bossing him around. Probably not, she reasoned. He just naturally sounded like he was running for office.

"At the end of tonight's cocktail party there will be a rose ceremony and you will give roses to all but the two men you want to leave. Choose carefully Leah, I wish you every success."

Leah took a deep breath and followed Carlisle into the manor. She was just about to ask him if maybe she could have a break – just a little time to sit back and process the oddity of her situation, but before she knew it he was leading her into a ballroom and fourteen heads swivelled, focussing entirely on her.


A/N: You need to let me know if we're in the "so bad it's entertaining" category or not. I'm having fun so I continue to type, but apparently, while I can write drama/angst in any condition, I can only write fluff while I'm on the sauce. Two and a half glasses of wine tells me it's time to write chapter 3. Who do you think is going home after the cocktail party and who do you think Leah will take on the first date? This is interactive people! Your ideas could be just what I decide to write...