Catastrophes with the Cullen Clan:
Jasper & Emmett Hatch a Scheme
2. Jasper's Struggling
I dance around this empty houseTear us down, throw you out
Screaming down the hallsSpinning all around and now
We fall
-Pink
Despite what you may have been led to believe, murder is not a very easy thing to pull off. Jasper Hale was learning this firsthand. First, there was the obvious problem with getting Bella when she was alone. Was Edward surgically attached to her or something?! There wasn't a time when he saw one without the other. Emmett loved Rosalie, but he didn't spend every freaking moment with her! One day, Jasper had a stroke of luck and saw Bella bent down rummaging through a closet for who knows what. An odd series of events ensued…
He casually took a large knife from one of the kitchen drawers and walked silently up behind Bella. She couldn't hear him; vampires are very light footed. Jasper raised the knife and-
"Hey Jasper, wanna hit the baseball field?" Emmett's voice broke the dramatic silence. Jasper looked around frantically for a place to hide the blade. Bella started to stand up in slow human style and, having no choice, Jasper flung the knife in a random direction. That direction happened to be the kitchen doorway, which Emmett happened to be walking through. The knife zoomed through the air and stuck perfectly in Emmett's defined abs. Emmett looked down in surprise and said plainly, "What the hell, Jasper?
"Oh my god! Are you all right? Emmett?" Bella asked worriedly. Emmett just pulled the knife out (which was clean from blood) and gave Jasper a weird look.
"You wanna tell me why I'm having knives chucked at me, bro?"
Jasper stammered, "Well, I was um…you know…It just sort of…you came in and it just…uh…uhhhhh…I was practicing my aim."
"Your aim?"
"Yup."
"With a knife?"
"Couldn't find a baseball."
"And you threw it at the door?"
"It seemed like a good target at the time."
Just then Alice came in and asked if they were ready to play some baseball. They said they were and Bella went with Alice. After they walked out, Emmett turned to Jasper.
"You're lucky your aim wasn't a few inches lower, or Rosalie would have been really ticked at you," he joked.
Jasper forced a laugh, but in truth he was terribly disappointed his attempted murder was only attempted. Oh well. Where there's a will, there's a homicide.
At the baseball field, Jasper saw new hope. Surely he could make a human death at a vampire game look accidental. When they got there, Jasper nonchalantly asked Alice if he could pitch today.
"Sure," she answered immediately. "I'd like to play in the outfield for a change. Why the sudden want to pitch?"
"Oh, no reason." Jasper felt the urge to laugh evilly, but repressed it. The rest of the Cullens were bickering on how to make the teams.
"Girls versus boys isn't fair at all, Bella," Rosalie complained. "You and Esme don't play, so it would just be me and Alice fending against the guys."
"Well, it's not fair when you and Emmett play together," said Edward. "You two have some sort of telepathy going on."
"What about blondes versus brunettes?" offered Esme. This proved to be the best suggestion. After a little debate on Emmett's hair color, the teams were formed. Carlisle, Jasper, and Rosalie lined up to bat while Edward, Alice, and Emmett took the field. So, it turned out Jasper hadn't needed to ask Alice's permission. Rosalie went to bat first. Esme was catching and Bella was keeping score on the bleachers. Rosalie hit a double, which wasn't bad with Edward in the outfield. Carlisle strolled up to the plate and hit a triple, getting Rosalie a home run. All this time, Jasper was calculating Bella's distance from the plate and the trajectory at which he should swing the bat to obtain maximum…contact. This ought to be interesting…
"All right, Jasper. Go get Carlisle home!" cheered Rosalie.
"Swing, batta batta swing! Swing, batta!" yelled Emmett from the outfield. Jasper smiled. Oh, he'd swing all right. Alice did her signature leg-kicking fastball and Jasper swung with all his might. The ball made a cracking noise and the baseball went ballistic towards the woods. On the back swing, however, Jasper released the bat so it went ballistic towards Bella. Oops.
"BELLA, WATCH OOOUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed every Cullen except for Jasper. Even Rosalie looked surprised. Bella shrieked. She was a klutz and the baseball bat was going roughly 100 mph. There's no way she's gonna get out of the way, Jasper thought gleefully as he watched her face twist with terror.
That was until a certain immortal seventeen-year-old pushed her out of the way. Bella gasped as Edward grabbed her off of the bleachers and leaped onto the ground. The bat smashed into the bleachers, leaving a sizeable dent. Edward's concerned face was close to Bella's when he asked if she was all right.
"I'm fine," she sighed. "But we've got to stop meeting like this."
Gag me with a spoon, thought Jasper disgustedly. This really shouldn't be all that difficult. She's a weak, clumsy, mortal female. I'm a strong, immortal vampire with wicked cool hair.
"Geez, Jasper, I thought you said you were practicing your aim," said Emmett, who had gotten to them in a millisecond. "Looks to me like you've gotten worse."
"That was an admirable rescue, Edward," Carlisle congratulated. "I don't think I've ever seen you move that fast."
"Well, he's had plenty of practice with all Bella's near-death experiences," Rosalie snickered. Carlisle didn't bother reprimanding her. She had a point, after all. She continued, "Frankly, I think we deserve a redo. I mean Jasper was-" A glare from Edward was all it took to shut her up.
"We're going home,' he said bluntly.
"Aww, do we have to Eddie?" Emmett whined. Alice gave him a swat on the shoulder.
She responded, "I think you're right, Edward. Bella isn't safe around the field. This is the second time she's almost gotten hurt here."
"Guys, I don't want to ruin your fun," Bella offered. She felt guilty, but she was also wondering about Jasper. He was acting so weird today. He was sort of scaring- No, Bella, you are not afraid of Jasper, she assured herself. He's like family.
"It's all right," said Esme. "It looks like the storm's passing anyway. C'mon, let's go home. You can help me with dinner. We can have meatloaf."
"Sounds good," agreed Bella. Jasper glared at the ground. Why was this so difficult? Why did everyone like Bella? Why was this vegetarian thing so much harder for him? And why the hell did Bella say meatloaf sounds good?!
Bella and the Cullen clan started back the house. Jasper just stood there, glaring at the dent in the bleachers that should have been a dent in Bella's head. He could feel the pain and fury building up within him.
"AAAAUUUUGGHHH!!!!" Jasper roared with rage and began beating the bleachers with all his might. He punched and kicked and bent and broke until finally he felt his anger had been vented. He stood there panting and fuming, until he heard a small noise. Turning around, Jasper saw there was a small group of children staring wide-eyed and terrified at him. They were all carrying baseball gear and looked no more than 10. He started to apologize, but as soon as he took a step towards them they all screamed and ran away as fast as their little legs would go, dropping their equipment.
Jasper watched them run and then looked at the crunched-up mess of metal that had once been bleachers. He sighed. Why do I always look like the bad guy?
Author's Note: Haha, the meatloaf thing was funny. :) Thanks to all you guys that added this story to your story alerts and such!!! It's appreciated. Hope this chapter wasn't too violent or dark…Mild language! Oh, and Pink owns Funhouse, which is a great song! Hmmm… Jasper does have wicked cool hair. He and Emmett are both hot. Just saying. Catch ya on the flipside!!! (This is a shout-out to my BFF twilight fan32! She really needs to post her stories!)
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