Chapter 2- wake me up from this nightmare
Clare's pov
I don't know what to do now, I want to sit here and cry for Eli and pray for him too but I know that Cancer is a killer and no matter what you do it will take a hard toll on its victim even if it doesn't kill them. " Well I realize this is a very bad time for you however I'll bet Eli would like to know what's going on out here. "you would lose that bet" I thought my sorrow rapidly turning bitterness, I wiped away my tears and pushed myself up on wobbly legs and began to follow the doctor to Eli's room with his mother following me closely.
When we reached the room I hesitated at the door, afraid of what I might find in there. Then I poked my head in and saw Eli laying on a hospital bed that the top part had been moved so it was diagonal enough for him to see what was going on around him as he thrashed around desperately trying to sit up without being restricted by the little loops they must of put around him to hold him still during the MRI and
x-rays. He stopped momentarily when he saw me enter the room and I made my way over to a chair and scooted it acrossed the white title floor so it was close enough to hold Eli's hand over the railing on the side of the bed. I thought his touch would bring me even the slightest bit of relief, but it did just the opposite as I felt the heat pulsing off him and the chills ripping through his body. It finally hit me and it was enough to overpower me I knew it, Eli was only pretending to be fine and the whole Julia was all an act. I had been being a total bitch to him about Julia's death and how that's all our relationship was ever about was her. When really dwelling on Julia and her death was really just Eli's way to hide this cancer that was slowly overtaking him and his mind both. So here they were, Eli being an amazing person by hiding all his pain from me and everyone else for that matter in order to not be the center of attention or to have any sympathy aimed at him or anything and trying to make my life easier. While I was constantly pinning his weak feelings and conscience on him an just being a complete and total ass to him this whole time and only being interested in my part in our relationship and just assuming that Julia's death was the only thing that occupied his mind and was a big reason to break up with him and therefore break his heart like I knew me doing so would. the only thing I was actually happy about was that I didn't get the chance to tell him I wanted to take a break from dating him for a while yesterday because that would have made things so much worse. I knew I was going to start trying to hurt myself and start crying and I was caught up in all this that I had almost forgot that I was in a hospital with my slowly dying, super amazing boyfriend and were just a few seconds away from possibly the most horrific moment in his 16 year old life and my 15 year old one as well.
