"Doc, could I have some water?"
"No. I'm sorry, Colonel. We need to do some tests to make sure there are no internal injuries. When was the last time you ate or drank anything?"
"The last I remember was in Antarctica, but I'm sure Kanaan had something when we were with the Tok'ra."
Janet was determined to keep her reactions in check. She was shocked that he was still alive after 1 ½ weeks without food or water and outraged that he was treated this way. She decided to find out what other kinds of injuries he had suffered. She carefully phrased her request for the information knowing that he wouldn't reveal what was done to him. However, he might respond if she depersonalized it by asking about the shirt. "Sir, there were a number of holes in the shirt you were wearing. Could you tell me what made those holes?"
Jack's voice was without inflection as he responded. "Staff weapon, knives . . . acid."
Janet immediately began to calculate the medical tests they would run. "How long were the knives?"
"The blades were . . . about 7 or 8 inches long." Anticipating her next question, he continued, "Some went all the way through."
"Do you know if the acid broke the skin to your muscle layer?"
He closed his eyes, shuddered and nodded. "It cauterized as it went through . . . almost all the way through my body." He kept his eyes closed and continued, "Sometimes it would get into my blood . . . " He opened glazed eyes as he relived that particular torture. "I didn't last long after . . . ."
Janet turned away so he wouldn't see her eyes fill with tears. Through gritted teeth she asked, "How many times did you . . . ?"
"I lost count after ten times in the sarcophagus."
She dreaded asking. "Anything else?"
"Uh, yeah. I know at least once, he . . . dropped me down a long pit. I hit the ground pretty hard and I . . . died that time too. I don't know if he dropped my body every time because I was . . . ." He gestured weakly with his hand.
Well that settled it. She pretty much had to run all the major tests available. She would start with blood tests because they took the longest to get results. Hammond watched as she began issuing orders to her staff in a rapid staccato. While she was gone, he would ask his own questions.
"Son, I know you've been through a lot, but I need to get some answers."
Jack nodded and dazedly answered, "Yes, sir" as a flurry of activity surrounded them.
Hammond hesitated – not knowing where to begin. "What happened Jack? Why did you and Kanaan leave the Tok'ra compound . . . without telling anyone?"
"I don't know." Jack was reminded of his repetitive responses to Ba'al; he shuddered. This movement was not lost on Hammond. After swallowing, Jack proceeded. "Other than a brief time with the Tokra, I swear to God sir, the first thing I remember after leaving the SGC is waking up in a sarcophagus on Ba'al's planet."
"Why was he torturing you? What did he want to know?" Hammond's gaze bored into O'Neill's face.
Jack understood that Hammond needed to know if the SGC and Earth had been compromised. "Sir, all he wanted to know was why I – why Kanaan went back to the planet. I couldn't tell him at first because I didn't know." O'Neill hesitated.
"At first? Go on, son. Why did Kanaan go back?" Hammond asked more gently.
"Kanaan went back to rescue Shalen, Ba'al's slave." In a slightly angry voice he continued, "He left her behind." With a wry smile, he explained, "I don't think after . . . . Because of me, I don't think he could live with that." He looked at Hammond briefly, then responded in a barely audible voice. "I didn't tell him, sir. I didn't tell him anything."
"Son, I can only guess at what that cost you." He grasped Jack's arm firmly. "Good job. Now, let's let the good doctor do her job. We'll discuss this further when you're better." Hammond didn't miss the haunted look that passed through O'Neill's eyes and guessed that it had been close. But he knew to trust O'Neill's word that he had not revealed anything of importance that would jeopardize this world. As he turned to walk away, O'Neill quietly asked, "General, how did Yu know . . . Lord Yu . . . How did he know to attack the gravity generators?"
Hammond smiled. "You can thank your team for that one Jack. They figured out where you were. They came up with a plan to use Yu's mother ship to attack the compound by leaking information to him. It was one helluva plan."
Jack nodded his head solemnly. "Thank you, sir. Thank you for not leaving me behind."
Hammond smiled and slowly nodded his head before he turned and walked out the door.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With the progression of familiar medical tests, Jack's heightened alert state turned into fatigue. He reviewed the events since his illness in Antarctica. He was deep in thought and cooperatively extended his arms for various tests, shifted his body and moved onto various testing machines without a word of protest. Janet observed his uncharacteristic cooperation and worried about the Colonel's mental state. She was not fooled into thinking he would accept psychological help from professionals. It was not his way. He preferred to hide in a corner and lick his wounds until he could appear to cope in public. She wasn't sure what that technique cost him inside, but she knew he repeatedly used this coping mechanism. She decided to keep close tabs on him for a while.
Janet realized the nurse was talking and waiting for direction. She repeated, "Doctor Frasier? We're done with all the tests."
O'Neill seemed to be lost in thought and unaware of his surroundings. His head suddenly bobbed forward and she realized that he had been dozing with his eyes open. She turned to the nurse and quietly said, "Let's let Colonel O'Neill get some rest. Give him privacy, . . . but I want him monitored."
The nurse looked back toward O'Neill with sympathetic eyes. "Yes, doctor."
As the nurse gently pushed him backwards, O'Neill opened glazed eyes and asked, "Doc, am I going to be OK?" His focus on her intensified.
She knew he wanted – demanded honesty from her. She responded to the man in front of her. "Jack, I won't lie to you. You'll probably go through withdrawals from so much time in the sarcophagus. But I suspect it won't be as bad as what . . . Daniel went through because you were . . . deceased. My tests revealed a number of anomalies. Your body chemistry has a ways to go before returning to normal."
O'Neill sighed and closed his eyes. As Frasier turned to leave, she felt his hand grab her forearm and she turned to find her patient gazing intently into her eyes. He stated flatly, "I don't want to be placed under restraints."
"I'm sorry Colonel, but I will do everything I have to do to make sure you and others are safe."
He swallowed, then looked away toward the ceiling. She glimpsed a look of naked fear in his eyes before he closed them away from her view. His strained voice pleaded, "Please, Janet. I couldn't move while . . .." He shuddered. She felt his grasp on her arm loosen in hopelessness.
It took her breath away that he allowed his anguish to be exposed. "Colonel, I promise you that it will be a last resort."
His only response was a single nod. Janet left his bedside quietly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
After his visit with Jack in the infirmary, General Hammond joined Sam and Shalen in the gateroom. The SGC had received a GDO signal from the Tok'ra. Shalen watched with wide, fearful eyes as the aliens walked down the ramp toward the waiting humans. She jumped as the lead visitor spoke with the gruffness of her former master. "We wish to speak with Kanaan at once."
The General was not intimidated by the arrogant visitor. "That won't be possible. According to Colonel O'Neill, Kanaan is dead."
Sam and the Tok'ra looked at Hammond in surprise. "Sir, what happened?"
Hammond glared at the representative. "Apparently, as soon as Colonel O'Neill was caught by Ba'al's forces, Kanaan hightailed it out of him."
The Tok'ra was not swayed by the Generals accusation. "Yes, he gave his life to ensure that no Tok'ra secrets were revealed. Kanaan would have also done his best to erase his host's short-term memory." Hammond did not look convinced.
"Then he died bravely." They all turned to look at Shalen. "He came back for me . . . to rescue me. He looked so different . . . I didn't know who he was at first." She had tears in her eyes as she remembered the events. "I was so scared. I could hear . . . the host screaming. I could hear everything. Ba'al made me look at his body every time he . . . " She sobbed in remembered anguish.
Sam suddenly felt like she was going to be sick. Her imagination now had more information about what Jack had gone through; the circumstances that had caused each hole in that shirt were somehow more real and connected to his suffering. Hammond shot a calming look in her direction to remind her that the Colonel was back at the SGC and safe. She took a deep, calming breath and gave the General a faint smile in response.
Shalen suddenly quieted, then looked up with determination. "Ba'al is not a god. Kanaan was right."
The Tok'ra wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "You are welcome to join us in the fight to eliminate the system lords. Your knowledge would be very helpful in this battle."
Shalen nodded proudly. "I will join the fight in Kanaan's name."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"How is Colonel O'Neill?" Janet was pulled from her thoughts by Samantha's expectant face.
The doctor blinked rapidly to conceal shining eyes. "Physically, he's fine. As much as I hate what was done to him, I'm grateful the sarcophagus healed all the physical damage from the torture."
"Then he'll be OK."
Janet was silent for a moment before replying, "Sam, he's been through a lot. I don't think he'll bounce back from this one so easily. What was done to him was . . . inhuman." Her voice cracked and she had to stop talking to choke back a sob. She fought for control over her face.
Sam's eyes widened and she tightened her lips together. Dr. Fraiser rarely lost her composure. She touched Janet's arm in sympathy, but Janet shrugged off her concern. "Physically, he's fine. . . for now. He'll probably go through withdrawals similar to what Daniel endured. I don't think it will be as bad because the sarcophagus had to . . . revive him each time." She continued bitterly, "I suspect Ba'al didn't let him revive more than was necessary to keep him alive."
"Janet, how is he?" Sam's gaze became more penetrating.
The doctor sighed. "He's quiet – more quiet than I've ever seen him. He's going through the motions, but . . . even when he jokes, it's half hearted. It's like he's given up on all his defense mechanisms and all that's left is . . . Jack." Janet shivered at how disconcerting it was to see the Colonel this way. "Sam, it was really bad for him."
"Can I see him?"
"Give him some time to sleep. He's going to need all the sleep he can get before he starts the withdrawal process." As she looked at the concerned Major, Janet realized that nothing could keep SG1 away. She shook her head with resignation and gave a gentle grin. "OK, but try to keep it quiet."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sam just wanted to see him. She wanted to look at him to make sure that he was okay – that he was really here. Then she could go home and sleep knowing that he was in good hands. She missed his boisterous personality and ill temper. She missed his jokes and childlike charm. 'He's always bounced back before.' After getting speared into the gateroom wall and after Antarctica . . . the first time . . . he was back on duty as soon as he was medically cleared. She was always amazed that he jumped right back into work without seeming to be bothered by past hardships. Janet must be mistaken. She frowned and bit her lip as a nagging doubt entered her mind. She remembered the Colonel's horror when confronted with the goa'uld who had been repeatedly eaten to death and revived in a sarcophagus. What the Colonel suffered wasn't as bad . . . was it? She lifted her head with determination while pushing those thoughts out of her mind. She mumbled out loud, "He'll be fine. He's always fine."
As she turned to enter the infirmary, Teal'c and Jonas approached. "Major Carter, have we received permission to see Colonel O'Neill?"
Sam began walking into the Colonel's room while answering the question. "We're only allowed in if we keep quiet and let the Colonel sleep. He's been asleep for only a couple hours. He's OK right now, but he needs all the sleep he can get. Dr. Frasier says he'll probably suffer withdrawal symptoms from so much time in the sarcophagus, but she expects a full recovery." She had to speak louder over a technician who was noisily moving a piece of equipment out of the room.
The ever-curious Jonas asked for more details about the fascinating woman who had accompanied the Colonel through the Stargate. "What happened to the woman he went back for?"
"Her name is Shalen. She decided to stay with the Tok'ra."
Teal'c clarified for his alien teammate, "So she may continue Kanaan's fight in his name."
None of the remainder of SG1 saw the bed occupant open his eyes. "Hey, I'm tryin' to sleep here."
The weak voice came from behind her. Sam turned around with pleasure at the sarcastic remark. "Sorry, sir. Glad to see you're OK." She studied him intently to see if he was, indeed, OK. She noted that his sarcastic wit lacked it's usual energy.
"Listen! That was a good idea you had there." His words were slurred with fatigue and half-hearted interest in talking, but he knew his team needed the reassurance of hearing his voice.
Sam hesitated in her response as she tried to gauge his mood. "Actually, sir . . . we all contributed to it." Jack's gaze lost focus as he drifted into his thoughts. The pretense at normality was too much for him to continue. Thinking that he might be falling asleep, Sam walked closer to his bed to capture his attention. "Do you need anything?"
In truth, Jack found it difficult to keep his interest in external conversations while he had an internal monologue raging inside. He kept his face passive as he watched her – facial expression required energy. Because he knew she needed to do something for him, O'Neill responded to her question. "Water."
"Sure." Sam noted that his processing speed seemed to be slowed. She also saw what Janet meant by his uncharacteristic quietness. Without his usual defenses in place, he appeared vulnerable. His flat, honest gaze was almost too much to bear. She ushered Jonas and Teal'c out of the room to allow the Colonel privacy. In truth, she was uncomfortable with this stranger – and a little unnerved.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"He doesn't look well Major Carter." Jonas blurted honestly as they walked around the corner.
Teal'c nodded slightly in agreement and commented simply. "He has been changed by what he endured."
Sam's shoulders hunched in sadness. "We have to be cheerful around him to bring his spirits up. He'll need our strength to get back to normal. It's important that we act normally."
Though Jonas' face kept the perpetual grin, his eyes reflected inner sadness. "How is that possible Major Carter? This wasn't a normal experience . . . for any of us."
"Indeed."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Teal'c retired to his room to Kel-No-Reem. He had been awake and active for days while they searched for ways to rescue O'Neill from captivity. The Jaffa's thoughts turned inward as he attempted to forget recent events and spend time in healing meditation. However, images of O'Neill's face – particularly his eyes – kept intruding on his thoughts. He recognized those eyes. He had seen them many times when he was in the service of Apophis. He cringed at the remembrance that he had caused that look in the eyes of so many. The torture inflicted by the unwilling servant of the false god was done impassively – rarely did Teal'c hold any personal animosity toward the victim. In fact, the opposite was true. Teal'c became a master at bringing death swiftly to the victim despite the fact that he or she would only return from the sarcophagus for further torture. He learned to gauge the measure of the person's spirit by how long they could last before crying for mercy. He suspected that O'Neill had never reached that point. Instead, he knew that his commanding officer – the one with whom he had chosen to align his alliance – would have been one of the few who were tortured continually until the sarcophagus warped the original resolve. Teal'c wondered how far O'Neill had gone. He sighed deeply and quieted his mind and body to allow his symbiote to fortify his body. There would be plenty of time to learn O'Neill's fate after he went through withdrawal from the effects of the sarcophagus.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Samantha Carter rose from the base quarters. She had chosen not to go home in case the Colonel needed . . . anything. After tossing and turning for what felt like hours, she fell into a deep slumber. She had been awake for days trying to come up with a plan to free her CO. Sam felt she had been somehow inadequate with tactical skills; O'Neill would have been able to come up with a plan had he been in the same situation. The deep fatigue from guilt was relieved now that he was home – back at the SGC. She was proud of the way he had handled himself throughout his captivity. She knew he could not have broken; he was such a strong leader. She had never served with such a strong leader. Sam remembered thinking the same about her father. She smiled at the memory of the total hero worship she had felt for her father. She frowned. That was all destroyed the day her mother had died. She could never expend such blind faith in Jacob Carter again. At that point, she had realized he was human – humans made mistakes. It was the only way she could continue to love him – the only way she could forgive him. In Colonel O'Neill, she had found a similar hero worship to the one she had felt for her father. Her CO could be depended upon to exhibit the consistent, stubborn resistance she had observed on their many missions. In all that time, she had never seen him broken. Janet was wrong about his current state of mind . . . wasn't she? Sam tried to put herself in the Colonel's shoes. But repeated death and revival through a sarcophagus were so far outside normal experience that she could not imagine it. His prolonged experience blending with a Tok'ra was beyond her own experience as well. Jack O'Neill never did anything half way. Because she wanted to help him get back to normal, she hitched her shoulders, pasted a smile on her face, and readied herself for a vigil at his side in the infirmary.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
O'Neill watched in horror as Shalen was trapped in the gravity web. The two Jaffa held him back as he struggled to free himself and help her. Ba'al played with the knife in his hand and laughed at O'Neill's pain. "There is still enough of the Tok'ra left in you to feel pain as the one you love is tortured to death over and over." Ba'al held the knife handle in two fingers and let the gravity rotate the blade to point toward Shalen. "O'Neill. Watch what you have done. Watch what your cowardice has done." As Ba'al released the knife, O'Neill screamed, "Shalen!!!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sam was viscerally jolted as she heard O'Neill's anguished scream. "Shalen!!!" He was sitting up with eyes that were wide with horror and hopelessness – his breaths came out in ragged grunts. She ran from the nearby work table to his side. "Sir, it was just a nightmare. Shalen is fine. You're at the SGC. It was a nightmare." She tried to calm her pounding heart.
He watched her face intently with naked hope. "Shalen's . . . okay?"
Sam's nod reassured him. "Yeah! She's okay sir. I saw her. She's fine."
His eyes closed as he tensely clenched his teeth and sighed angrily back onto his pillow. His hand raised to quickly rub his face in agitation. He sighed, swallowed and nodded, "Thanks." He got his breathing slightly more under control, then opened his eyes and gruffly asked, "How long?"
"Sir, you've been asleep for 10 hours." O'Neill raised his IV'd arm toward her with a questioning look. She winced in sympathy. "Janet felt you needed a little help to get as much sleep as possible before . . . ."
"…withdrawal symptoms," he finished wryly.
"Sir, Janet doesn't think they'll be as bad as what Daniel went through." He nodded nervously and avoided her gaze. Sam had never seen him so agitated. She saw his breath quicken and he licked his lips nervously.
"Where will I be?" His voice was breathless.
"We thought it might be better if you were in one of the isolation rooms. We've prepared it – Janet said you didn't want to be restrained." She avoided his eyes.
He looked at her annoyed that she spoke that information out loud. "Padded the walls did you?" he said through gritted teeth. His head occasionally jerked with tension.
"Uhhhh! As a matter of fact, sir, we did."
He managed a grin through his clenched jaw. "This isn't going to be pleasant, Major, for anyone."
"When is it ever pleasant to have you laid up Colonel O'Neill?" Janet briskly opened the curtain as she and Teal'c came into the room. The Jaffa's imperceptible smile indicated agreement. She reached over and removed O'Neill's IV. "I don't think you'll be keeping this in much longer. We'll move you when . . ."
"I lose control?" His shuddering was getting worse by the minute. "Let's do it. I'm ready now."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
