If I owned either of these, I wouldn't have to work for my money. But I don't so I do.


In the Sawada kitchen stood a woman, a beautiful woman if they were all being honest with themselves. Golden hair fell down her back to her ass, held out of her eyes by a headband with a metal plate sewed in. Blue, blue eyes shone with mirth as she took in the slack jaws of the crowd in the room. Well, except Hibari. But his eyebrows were raised a fraction of centimetre, his version of gaping like a fish.

Her outfit was rather….revealing, but if you looked past the heavy cleavage(a monumental task I assure you) you would be able to see the practicality in her simple slinky tank top and low-rise jeans. On her dainty feet were the the deadliest pair of heels any of them had ever seen. Literally, the heels were sharp as knives, god knows how she walks without spearing the ground.

"I missed you too short stuff!" Naruto exclaimed. Tsuna scowled, no doubt going for intimidating, but looking more like a mildly annoyed bunny rabbit.

"But I'm taller than you, Naru-nee." It was true, Naruto was barely five-one(excluding the four-inch death-traps she was wearing on her feet), and Tsuna's late growth spurt had put him at a respectable five-eleven.

She just raised an eyebrow in an 'And I care why?' fashion, obviously unimpressed. "Konohamaru is six-foot-two, and I still call him midget."

Nana joined the conversation with, "Oh, Maru-kun is eighteen, isn't he, Naru-chan? It's been forever since I saw him!" Naruto grinned foxily at Nana, exposing her elongated canines.

"Yeah, he seems to think that taller means stronger. He's always patting my head when he comes into the office, or when I'm at Ichiraku, and calls me adorable. Then I shove a kunai so far up his ass he can taste metal, the ANBU stop laughing, and all is right with the world."

The rest of the room(who feel very lost and forgotten at this point), wait for Nana to either reprimand Naruto or just nod obliviously like she normally does. What they don't expect is for her to laugh.

"He probably had it little brat was almost as bad as you when you were a kid! Didn't you tell me he used to run into the office everyday to assassinate theSandaime?" The shock in the room was almost palpable. Sawada Nana, harmless, oblivious, kind, ditzy Nana….casually talking about the murder of a respected authority figure? The fuck is going on?

While the watching crowd retreat into their minds for a few minutes to comprehend the fact that everything in the world is wrong, Naruto seems to finally notice the ramen. She squeals like a fangirl(don't say that to her face if you want to live, it took Kiba twelve hours to dig himself out of the hole and drag his way through the Forest of Death to the hospital) and was there in a flash. A yellow flash(HA).

All but two of the room's occupants look on in horrified fascination as this tiny girl, who couldn't be more than a hundred-ten pounds, twenty-two and didn't have even an ounce of fat on her, proceeded to inhale eight bowls of ramen in the time it took for them to blink. In the next second Nana was there offering another ten bowls of ramen that she somehow balanced all at once. Tsuna didn't even look fazed.

Barely a minute later all of the noodles in the kitchen were consumed, not a drop spilled.

"Oh yeah," Naruto said after a beat of satisfied silence. "Lookie what I got." She reached behind her head to touch the back of her neck, on what appeared to be a tattoo in that language Reborn was starting to hate. In a puff of smoke, she was wearing a coat over her outfit that had positively not been there before.

It meant nothing to any of them, just a coat with more of those weird letters(which made Reborn gnash his teeth in frustration) but Nana and Tsuna already did, as they gasped and started to congratulate her.

Iemitsu finally got fed up with not knowing what the hell was going on in his own home(he stubbornly ignored the fact that he was never here)and demanded, "Who the fuck are you and what the hell are you doing here?" Nobody ever said he was the most subtle person...or that he was not rude.

"Oh." Naru blinked a few times, then cocked her head cutely o the side. "Did Nana-nee never tell you?"

Nana answers before Iemitsu could let loose a scathing comment at the very idea that his darling Nana would ever hide something from him. He again ignored the voice that told him that he was doing that very thing for the last seventeen years of their marriage, and even before that when they were dating. He hates that voice, it makes him feel bad.

"No, Naru. It's against the law, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Well I'm here now and I am the goddamn law so the elders can suck it for all I care. Let's tell 'em."

Nana urges them towards the living room, telling them to settle in because it's a long story.


"Now," Naruto starts, taking a sip of the tea that she pulled out of thin air(Hayato's eyes were gleaming as he mumbled incoherently about UMA's), "first thing's first, you need some general history or this won't make any sense to you."

Reborn butts in, his infinite knowledge insulted, "I know everything I need to know. I am after all," dramatic pause, "the World's Greatest Hitman."

Naruto raised an eyebrow as Tsuna chuckles from his place beside her, feeling oddly vindicated to see his elder sister figure put his demonic tutor in his place. "So you know about who Nana and Tsuna are? You know about Konohagakure no Sato, and you know who I am, what this coat symbolizes?"

"...No."

"Then shut up. Now, the first thing you need to know, is that there is a place called the Elemental Nations, hidden from the world by a powerful genjutsu cast by the Rikudo Sennin himself. Think of it as essentially as our version of Jesus covering an entire continent in Mist Flames."

Iemitsu cuts a nervous glance at his wife, and Naruto snorts in contempt. "Nee-chan has known who you are and what you do since about an hour after she met you, Iemitsu-san. Please don't demean her intelligence. Now, in these countries are shinobi, you would call them ninja. Warriors who protect their village to their dying breath. Nee-chan used to be one of them, one of the best. She was even assigned to guard me. And-"

Reborn cuts her off, still stinging from his ego having been brought down a peg. "And why are you so important? You don't seem like much to me."

Naruto laughs hollowly. "I was their weapon, their scapegoat, the one to blame all of their roubles on even if I wasn't even born yet. Their jinchuuriki, their…..human sacrifice." She pauses to make way for the silence, then forges ahead. "Nana-nee was trusted to guard the 'demon bitch', but she was also the first person to ever be nice to me. The first person to answer one of my questions without lying or sneering at me. Hell, she made me cookies. Until that point, the only food I'd ever had was frst rancid milk then later nearly rotten food. She was pretty much my everything at that point.

"Then she got a mission. Someone had contracted her for a long-term mission to take out one of his enemies, who just happened to have fled like a rat to your side of the of the barrier. She set out, and settled in to wait. Then, Iemitsu happened.

"From what she told me, it was love at first sight, as sappy as that sounds. They started dating, and Nee-chan started preparing herself for when she would have to leave him. But not long before she was set to complete the mission and head back, there was a complication.

"This kid," she jerked her thumb to Tsuna, "was conceived, and Nana-nee didn't know what to do. She refused to abort the child, and she wouldn't keep Iemitsu from him, so she did the only thing she could think of."

A soft sob came from Nana, making everyone look away from Naruto to see her tearing up at the memory of whatever it was she had to do.

"She went to the Hokage," Naruto continued, pulling Nana into a hug, "and begged him to let her live in the outside world. This just wasn't done. A shinobi does not abandon their home on any circumstance, least of all to go live Outside. Jiji though….he was kind, and he understood why she wanted to do it. He was going to let her go, with only her clan being told. Her clan was okay with it. In fact they encouraged her to come back with her child once the storm died down a bit. And it would have been fine. If not for them.

"The Elders, the most corrupt and sadly, some of the most politically powerful people in Konoha. They found out about the plan somehow, my guess is there was a Root spy in the Hokage office among the ANBU guards. But they found out and were furious that Jiji was just letting Nana-nee go. Like I said, she was a strong shinobi, ANBU captain. The Elders didn't want to let such power get out of their clutches.

"But they couldn't refute Jiji's orders, no matter how much they wanted to, so they settled. They agreed to let her go and not cause a civil war with their influence….if Nana agreed to seal her chakra. Our chakra is our life, everything we are. To lose that…..it's like a part of your soul is missing. I, being the five year old I was, could do nothing but cry as I watched her leave the village. Another of the Elders conditions was that she never set foot in Konoha again. Akimichi Nanase was no more in the eyes of my home. She became Toramaru Nana, as was her alias while she was on her mission.

"It wasn't until I was twelve, leaving the village with Ero-Sennin for a training trip, that I got permission from Baa-chan to come visit. And the rest is history."

The house was silent. For over an hour nobody said anything. Then: "You lied to me?" Iemitsu whispered harshly, anger pouring out of him in waves.

It was drowned out by ungodly amounts Killing Intent. They all looked at Naruto, but she wasn't doing anything. Slowly, eyes turned to Nana. Oh, she was pissed. She was about ready to kill Iemitsu, and for that comment, they really couldn't blame her.

"I...lied to you?" she hissed, KI intensifying more than they would have thought possible. "You

asshole. You complete and utter ASSHOLE!" she screeched, jumping off the couch. Iemitsu shrunk back into his seat, realizing his mistake too late. "I put up with seventeen years of your lies, Iemitsu. For seventeen years I have been waiting for you to trust me enough to tell me that you work in the Mafia, but you never did!

"Even if I was able to tell you, which I wasn't, what would you have me do? Tell you over the phone? Because I sure as hell never would have been able to tell you face-to-face, since I never even see your goddamn face! And I never even lied to you. I danced around questions and evaded certain topics, but never even once did I tell you a lie.

"You though, you've outright bullshitted me right to my face! 'Oh sorry honey, I can't make it home for dinner, one of the bulldozers broke down', just ignoring the sound of gunfire I hear in the background. Come home covered in blood and what do you tell me? 'I tripped on the way home and fell in a river'. Yeah, because rivers are apparently red. And that last time you even bothered to put in the effort to come home, you said on your way out the door, 'Sorry, Nana, but I need to got to Italy for work. Tell my little Tuna-Fish that his Papa's become a MOTHERFUCKING STAR!'"

She ended her rant, breathing heavily, and ran out of the room, leaving shocked males behind. "The thing about Akimichi's," Naruto finally said, "is that they are the kindest individuals that you will ever find. But make one angry…..and god help you."

She stood up, and went after Nana.


It took twenty minutes for Nana to be calm enough to enter the living room again. During that time, Tsuna said nothing, glaring at his father as if he was Future-Byakuran and pre-remission-Mukuro rolled into one, only worse. Iemitsu tried to initiate conversation, but every time he opened his mouth Tsuna's death-gaze continued, so eventually he stopped trying.

Tsuna's Guardians took this time to sort out their thoughts, pushing back the sting of betrayal over not being told to think of this logically. And suddenly, a lot of things that confused them before, suddenly made sense. Why Tsuna sometimes looked guilty when he thought none of them were looking. How he seemed to jump at the chance to confide in them even the most trivial of things, as if trying to make up for not telling them his greatest secret.

They understood, though. This seemed like Omerta, but oh-so-much worse. Instead of Vindice coming and taking you away, they would send someone to kill you. Someone you most likely knew, were friends with, trusted with your very being. Or worse. They could seal their...chakra? If they compared it to their flames, it seemed horrible. None of them could imagine life without their flames, they were part of who they were. But according to Naruto, chakra was EVERYTHING they were. They couldn't imagine that.

Eventually, they decided to trust Tsuna. To trust their Sky, just like they always had, and always will.

Dino was thinking much along the same lines as Tsuna's friends. The two may have considered each other family, but Dino and Tsuna both still had their secrets. No way was he going to push his little brother away over something like this.

Reborn's thoughts were by far the most chaotic. He had a thousand things running through his chibi little head all at once, so by the time he reached a conclusion, he had thought through every angle he possibly could. His final decision was that the Sawada's were allowed to keep their secrets. Or at least to try. He was the World's Greatest Hitman, he prided himself on knowing everything. And he would. Besides, he thought with a vicious smirk, if Dame-Tsuna really is stronger than he was letting on, he could finally bring out the big guns.

Iemitsu was….well really the only thing he felt at this moment was a strange mixture of guilt and anger. But what thoughts managed to filter through had him re-thinking all of his life-choices. A 'Nana should have told me, I'm her husband, she's not supposed to hide anything from me!' was countered with a 'Do you really have the room to be criticizing her when you have done worse throughout the entirety of your marriage?'.

Nana's blow-up had put things in perspective for him. Thinking back, he had done all of those things and more, taking shameless advantage of her obliviousness, trying desperately to keep her firmly in his fantasy of what a perfect wife should be like. She should accept him for everything that he is, and she did, but only the things that he told her about. The larger part of his life he kept hidden from her, not even giving her a chance to prove herself. It didn't even matter that it turned out she knew everything, in fact it made it worse. Because Nana knew that he was never planning on telling her, and that must have cut deep. She was right, she never lied to him, but he would never be able to say the same.

Finally, the two women re-entered the room, and Iemitsu prepared himself for some groveling. Nana beat him to it. "Dear…. I love you, so much, but…." Nana bit her lip, having trouble forcing the words that she never thought she'd say out of her mouth. "Please get out of my home."

A shocked silence, and Iemitsu tried to defend himself. "Nana I-"

"I don't care! I just can't deal with you at the moment. Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me? Keeping my past from you was killing me, and having to keep yours as well was driving the stake in deeper. Do you really think that we were safe here? That nobody ever came? I can assure you that dozens of assassins came here every year. The guards you posted were lazy and refused to do their job most of the time. When they got bored of standing watch they'd go to town for a drink of something, and then the assassins would heve free reign. And every time I ended up having to protect Tsu-kun from them.

"The first time he saw me kill someone was when he was two year old. Two. The first time he had to kill someone himself, because he was walking home alone from school, was when he was seven. I had to teach him to control his chakra to a degree that he could seal the bodies, or we would have been arrested for murder long before now. We were not as safe here as you would like to think, and frankly, I can't even look at you right now without wanting to punch you. So please...get out of my home. Come back when you've decided if your Famiglia is more important than your family."

Again, Iemitsu tried to change her mind. "But Nana, my Famiglia is my family. I can't just choose one over the other. I don't expect you to understand but it doesn't work like that."

Naruto and Tsuna both made strangled noises in the back of their throats. looking panicked.

"You don't expect me to understand…..?" Nana hisses, a dark aura leaking around her. "Shinobi villages operate under a similar belief. The village is your family. Your comrades are just as important to you as your own children, your own parents, your own siblings. My clan especially believed in this. You gave your life to the village the second you enrolled in the Academy, to learn the ways of shinobi. You laid your life down for them, for the hundreds of people in the village, in your family, and you did it proudly. To keep them safe, you would gladly end up another name on the stone. But I don't expect you to understand."

The room was shocked silent. In the Mafia, such loyalty was rare and extremely sought after. Most mafioso were in it to some extent for their own gain. But the sheer loyalty that Nana was exuding...it was humbling.

"I never wanted you to choose," Nana whispered brokenly. "Because I understood. I would have joined Vongola if you asked me to, or I would have stayed here and taken care of Tsu-kun like I always had, only knowing that my husband trusted me enough to tell me the truth. Back home, what you do is not strange. Shinobi fathers leave their family for missions, but they always come home. If it takes you three years to complete your mission, then so be it, but they always came home.

"They would run for a week straight, all the way from Yuki to Konoha. We didn't have planes or cars, we ran, but you have these things at your convenience, just never use them. So now,I'm asking you to act, for once in your life, that we matter just as much as your other family. It doesn't have to be more, I don't expect it to be more, I don't want it to be more. But please, at least consider us of equal importance."

With that she fled from the room. Iemitsu standing to go after her, but thinking better of it. Instead he turned to the door and stepped out into the night without a word.

"So," Naruto jumped in before the situation could get any more awkward. "Tsuna, I've been meaning to ask, why do you have a cow and a octopus in your living room?"

Tsuna just closed his eyes and braced himself for the coming explosion.

I love my sister. I love my friends. I love my sister. I love my friends. I love-

"What did you say you fucking bitch!" BOOM! CRASH! SCREECH!

"Herbivores you are causing a disturbance."

"Haha, what are we playing?"

"EXTREME FIGHT!"

"Kufufufufu, Chrome dear, it seems as if they are destroying Tsunayoshi-kun's living room."

"Hai, Mukuro-sama."

…...goddamnit.


And done.