Chapter Two – A Team of Dummies

CONFESSIONAL: Gwen

"So we're back on the island. I really thought I'd never see this place again. I pretty much lost touch with everyone so it's kinda strange to see them all. I've seen a few of them on TV but seeing them in person is pretty different. I feel like we've all changed but also we haven't? That doesn't make sense, sorry."

CONFESSIONAL: Duncan

"Why did I agree to come back and do this dumb show? I forgot how idiotic most of those people are. Even Geoff who I used to be friends with. And Courtney and Noah are engaged? That's just wrong. I mean, I don't care or anything but I seriously thought that dude was gay."

CONFESSIONAL: Courtney

"Lindsay's a SINGER? She can't even sing!"


Chris surveys the group of twenty-one returning contestants. This has got to be his most brilliant plan yet. Ratings will sky-rocket! He chuckles evilly to himself, thinking of all the drama that is yet to unfold.

"Uh, Chris, what are you laughing at?" asks Cody.

"Oh, you'll find out!" Chris grins. "One more thing before we get started on the first challenge. The Killer Bass have one less player since Ezekiel is dead."

"So can we kick someone off our team now?" Heather says. Chris frowns at her.

"Stop ruining the dramatic tension! No, you can't kick someone off your team! The Killer Bass will be gaining a member from our fourth season, Revenge of the Island! Bass, please welcome to your team… Dawn!" A boat pulls up and Dawn practically floats down onto the dock.

"Aw, she's adorable!" says Owen, "can't we have her on our team?"

"No. Dawn please join your team," Chris gestures to the Killer Bass and Dawn gives a little wave to her new team as she approaches them.

"Hi, Dawn, it's so lovely to have you on our team!" Courtney puts her arm around Dawn's shoulders. Dawn just smiles.

"So what's Dawn's relationship status… and job?" asks Duncan.

"Sorry Duncan, she's taken! And she is a volunteer for Greenpeace as well as owning a successful garden and hedge maze which visitors are welcome at. It's also great for weddings."

"Lindsay and Tyler, you are welcome to have your wedding there free of charge!" Dawn says sweetly.

"Oh, silly, we're not engaged! But thanks!" Lindsay giggles. Tyler's eyes dart to Lindsay as he grimaces, looking kind of worried.

"Yeah we're not engaged! Ha. You must be thinking of someone else. Courtney and Noah, maybe?" Tyler stresses the last part, trying to get the attention off himself. Lindsay doesn't notice anything strange.

"Oh I don't think they'll be needing it. My mistake though, sorry, Tyler." Dawn turns her attention back to Chris as Courtney frowns at her, but Chris starts speaking again before she can say anything.

CONFESSIONAL: Courtney

"What does Dawn mean Noah and I won't be needing her garden? I would love to have a garden wedding. If she's implying what I think she's implying then she better watch out. But for now I consider her an ally. God knows I'm probably going to need one.


"Now for the first challenge! This challenge is a team building challenge!"

"Really? Isn't that kind of lame for a first challenge?" says Noah doubtfully.

"Nope! Because you will be literally building your team!" Chris announces. The cast looks around at each other confused. "Each team member will get a member of their team that they have to build a life size model of out of the materials provided. You will not be able to see the real person while you are building. The team who has the best likeness to their actual team wins invincibility and the losing team will have to vote off one of their own. Now let's get started! Everyone come up and pick a team member out of the box!" One by one each contestant approaches Chris and takes a name from one of the two boxes he is holding, one marked "Bass" and the other marked "Gophers."

CONFESSIONAL: Heather

"I got Lindsay. At least I won't have to build a brain."

"There's five piles of materials you can take stuff from. Pile one: baking materials. Pile two: wood. Pile three: scrap metals. Pile four: plastics, and pile five: arts and crafts. If I catch you going anywhere near the person you're building you will be disqualified! And Go!"

CONFESSIONAL: DJ

"I got myself. How am I supposed to not go near myself?"


The twenty-two campers scurry off to the five piles and begin collecting their materials. Ducncan, Tyler, Geoff, Justin and Leshawna head for the wood pile. Arts and crafts gets the biggest crowd with Beth, Cody, Lindsay, Katherine and Harold. Courtney, Sadie, Bridgette, Heather and Trent go for plastic, Gwen, Noah, Izzy and Eva choose metals and only Dawn, DJ and Owen choose the baking materials.

Once they've grabbed their materials they split up, careful not to go near the people they are building. Courtney makes sure to set up next to Dawn.

"Hey Dawn, who are you making?" Courtney beams, gesturing to the mixing bowl Dawn is pouring things into.

"Harold. I don't know him very well but he's pretty distinctive. Who are you building?"

"Tyler. This should be fun! I'm so glad we get to have you on our team! I never liked Ezekiel." Courtney starts building a fire in order to melt her plastic a little, to make it easier to mould.

"He was a troubled soul. And we shouldn't speak ill of the dead."

Courtney shrugs. "I guess. What did you mean before when you said Noah and I wouldn't be needing your garden for our wedding?"

"Oh, you know,"

"Actually I don't." Dawn looks up at Courtney with big wide innocent eyes.

"I didn't mean anything really. I just thought you two would be much happier getting married somewhere fancier." Courtney narrows her eyes as she starts moulding Tyler's feet.


Duncan sits on a tree stump carefully carving Courtney's head out of wood.

"This is so lame. I never thought I'd be carving Courtney's head again." He says to Geoff who is building Bridgette out of plastic and DJ who is building himself out of baking materials.

"I know man. Making a scale model of an ex-girlfriend is kinda creepy." Geoff shudders.

"What do you mean 'again'. You've carved her head before?" DJ interjects. Duncan scowls.

"Well, yeah. When we were dating. I used to just do skulls but then I branched out into faces. At least this challenge will be easy though."

Tyler walks over to the group of boys with his arms full of wood. "Hey Duncan, do you think you could help me out with carving Eva?" Duncan glares at him.

"Why did you pick wood if you don't know how to carve?"

"I thought you could help me." Tyler grins. Duncan sighs.

"Fine. Maybe when I'm finished I can help. But you should get started first." Duncan concedes. Tyler nods and walks away to start his structure.


"Sorry Linds, I'm building you, I can't be near you." Heather says as she strides off into the forest with some bits of plastic. Lindsay decides to go and work with Beth instead.

"Hey, Beth. You sure look different. Someone's going to have a hard time building you. Who are you building?"

CONFESSIONAL: Beth

"Lindsay hasn't talked to me in six years. I've been planning parties that she and her friends attend for the last three years. And now she wants to be friends again? I don't think so."


"I'm building Trent. Who are you building?" Beth says curtly.

"Leshawna. Do you think you could help me out? Leshawna's the crazy one with red hair, right?"

"No, that's Izzy."

"Oh… then who's Leshawna?" Lindsay cocks her head to the side.

"The big loud one."

"Ohhh…" Lindsay nods her head but Beth is sure she still doesn't remember who Leshawna is.

CONFESSIONAL: Beth

"On the other hand, despite that I've completely changed my look, I'm one of the only people Lindsay seems to remember. Plus I think she kinda needs my help. Maybe I could forgive her and we could form an alliance. Without Heather!"

CONFESSIONAL: Justin

"I have no idea what Beth looks like now! People keep telling me she's had plastic surgery and lost a lot of weight, and that she's really hot. Maybe she looks more like me now. If only there was some way I could sneak a quick peek at her before I start building."


"Owen are you sure it's the best idea to make Izzy out of food?" asks Trent as he plops his scrap metal down next to the big guy.

"Sure, why wouldn't it be?" Owen licks his fingers as he stirs his cake mixture.

"From what I remember about you, you have a pretty hard time controlling yourself when it comes to food." Owen just shrugs.

"Who are you building anyway?" Owen asks.

"Gwen…" says Trent dejectedly.

"I think Chris set us up. Making us build our ex-girlfriends."

"Yeah you're probably right, Duncan and Geoff are both building their exes as well. It's weird, Gwen and I haven't been together in almost ten years, but when I saw her today I still kinda felt this pang like it wasn't that long ago, know what I mean?"

"Mmmhmmm…" Trent looks up at Owen and his face is covered with cake mixture. Trent just raises his eyebrows.

"I guess I better go get some arts and crafts or something…" Owen giggles sheepishly.


"Why did I get Sadie? Like it's not like I don't know what she looks like, we were best friends for most of our lives. But I don't even like her anymore, and now I have to build her?" Katherine prattles on to Bridgette, not really paying attention to her statue of Sadie that she is meant to be building. Bridgette grits her teeth.

"Katie, or Katherine, or whatever. You may be building your ex best friend, and yes that sucks. But I am building my ex boyfriend. We broke up less than a year ago. It's pretty hard for me too." Bridgette says, trying really hard not to snap at Katherine but the girl is extremely annoying. Bridgette begins to wish she had set up near Dawn and Courtney, although Katherine would probably have followed.

"Oh I'm sorry, Bridge! I totally forgot about you and Geoff. What a nasty break-up! It was all over the tabloids. You can do so much better though!" Katherine then begins to tell Bridgette all about her own love life. Bridgette sighs and tunes out as she continues to build Geoff.


"So then I was all like, don't even try to eat my boyfriend you dumb shark! But he just didn't listen so I just got out of the aquarium with Don and it was totally crazy cause all the people watching wanted my autograph…" Izzy rambles on with one of her stories as she builds Cody out of scrap metals.

"Girl, are you sure that happened? I don't think you're allowed in aquarium without supervision." Leshawna butts in disbelievingly.

"Oh you're probably not," Izzy laughs. Leshawna rolls her eyes at the same time as Gwen who is also with them. Leshawna and Gwen smile at each other as they continue building their statues. Leshawna is building Owen and Gwen is building Heather.

CONFESSIONAL: Gwen

"I forgot how much I liked Leshawna. She's easy to get along with as long as you're not a total bitch to her. Speaking of total bitches, my statue of Heather is pretty life like I think. She's easy to remember cause her ugly mug is on my TV all the time."


"I don't know why you're using plastic, Sadie, if you were using arts and crafts I could help you out. I went to Creative Steve's Arty Camp a few years ago and now I can make anything out of only paper and glue, even a scale model of Duncan."

"That's great, Harold." Sadie says absentmindedly, glancing over at Katherine. She sighs. She doesn't really want to be talking to Harold but she doesn't want to work by herself and none of the rest of the team seem to want to include her in their conversations. "Has Katie said anything about me?" she asks Harold. Harold shakes his head.

"I haven't really spoken to her, sorry!" he turns his attention back to his work of art.

CONFESSIONAL: Sadie

She sighs. "I really miss Katie. I feel like she's been talking to the other girls about me behind my back because they're all ignoring me! The truth is I did something really horrible to Katie a few years ago and she's never forgiven me. I've said I'm sorry a million times but now I don't know what else to do!" She bursts into tears. "And this statue building challenge is horrible! I have Dawn, who I've seen for about two seconds and now I'm supposed to build her off by heart? This is so unfair!"

CONFESSIONAL: Eva

"Let's build this bitch. I'm using scrap metals to build Katie because that's what she's worth to me! I hate everyone on this team, but I can't let them know because I'm going to win this time!"


Justin walks over to Cody who is building his statue alone.

"Hey buddy! Can you see Beth from here?" Justin asks casually.

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"I need you to describe her for me so I can build her."

"Justin, I'm kinda busy. Plus I think that's cheating."

"It's not cheating if I don't look at her!"

"Sorry, Justin." Cody shakes his head and continues building Noah from pipecleaners. Justin huffs and walks over to a tree behind Cody, hoisting himself up and peering through the branches so he can catch glimpses of Beth. He chuckles to himself, thinking how clever he is.

CONFESSIONAL: Noah

"I'm building Justin. I chose metal but now I'm starting to think I should have used wood. Whatever, this whole challenge is kind of lame."


"Hey Tyler, do you want my help now?" Duncan calls. Tyler stands back and proudly displays his statue of Eva. It's ugly but dead on.

"No thanks, I got it!"


Chris gathers the campers into their teams and groups the statues next to them.

"Time to pick a winner! First I have two disqualifications to make." The two teams call out various comments of annoyance and outrage. "Justin and Tyler, you were both looking at your person! Your statues don't count!"

"You said we weren't allowed to go near them, not that we weren't allowed to look!" Tyler complains. His team is giving him dirty looks.

"God, Justin, can't you do anything right?!" Heather hisses.

"Now, moving on to the judging. Gophers. Izzy, that looks nothing like Cody, but the rest look pretty good! Particularly this model of Justin! Good work, Noah!" His team look at him in surprise, remembering his lack of effort in their first season.

"What? It's not like I actually tried."

"Bass. Who is this supposed to be? I don't recognise them."

"It's Dawn. I couldn't remember what she looked like!" wails Sadie. Chris shakes his head in disappointment.

"Nice going, Sadie." Courtney sneers.

"Well since the model of Dawn looks like a tree, Tyler is disqualified, and you're actually missing two cast models, the Gophers win!"

"What!? What do you mean we're missing two? Who didn't build theirs?" Courtney accuses.

"There's no Harold and no DJ here."

"But I saw Dawn make Harold out of a cake! It was brilliant!" Courtney objects.

"And DJ made himself out of cookie dough, Geoff and I watched him! This is rigged." Ducan complains. Geoff and DJ nod in agreement. Suddenly a loud burp comes from Owen's way. He taps his index fingers together guiltily.

"Sorry guys! I just couldn't help myself!"

"What!? You sabotaged our team? This isn't fair! I demand a rematch!" Courtney thunders.

"No rematches. Bass, I'll see you at the Campfire Ceremony, be ready to vote someone off!"

CONFESSIONAL: Courtney

"Ugh. I can't believe the Bass lost the first challenge again! And now we have to vote someone off. Since we can't vote off Owen, I think I'll try and convince the girls to vote for Tyler. As much as I find Sadie irritating and she did stuff up today, I think the girls need to stick together, and Tyler cheating just isn't going to cut it!"

CONFESSIONAL: Tyler

"I honestly didn't mean to cheat. I kind of just looked up and Eva was there, I wasn't anywhere near her!"


Duncan gathers the guys in their dorm.

"Look guys, I have a feelings right at this moment, Courtney is gathering the girls together and making a plan to vote off one of us. Tyler, since you kind of cost us the challenge today, I'm betting it's you. We need to vote together and get rid of Courtney."

"Why Courtney? She's one of our strongest players. Let's vote for Dawn, she's new." Geoff counters.

"Ugh fine we can vote for Dawn. Courtney's clearly trying to make an alliance with her anyway." Duncan relents. The other boys agree.

"Excuse me." A girl's voice interrupts their discussion.

"What do you want?" demands Duncan.

"I have a proposition for you."


"Killer Bass, lovely to see you here at the Campfire ceremony. I have here ten marshmellows. Whoever does not receive a marshmallow will head down to the dock of shame and catch the boat of losers with a one way ticket out of here. And you can't come back. Ever." Chris says dramatically.

"Yeah right, Chris! You've been saying that for years but look here we are, back on TotalDramaIsland! Let's get on with it," says Courtney. Chris pouts but begins handing out the marshmellows.

"Duncan. Courtney. Eva. Harold. Geoff. Bridgette. DJ. Katherine. Dawn. That leaves one marshmallow. Tyler, you cheated on the challenge. Sadie, you couldn't remember what your own teammate looked like so you made a tree. And the last marshmallow goes to…" Chris pauses for dramatic effect. "Tyler!"

Sadie looks dejected. She glances at Katherine who is wearing a smug smile on her face.

"Katie, I'm so sorry! I only wanted to come back so I could see you again. I want to be friends again! I want you to meet my kids! I'm so sorry I stole your Justin Bieber t-shirt, it's not like it fitted me anyway!"

"Wait, Katherine, you hate Sadie because she stole your t-shirt? Don't you think that's kind of… petty?" Bridgette asks.

"IT WAS A JUSTIN BIEBER T-SHIRT!"