Emma was still getting used to new haircut. It was the cliché thing to do, she knew it was, getting her a new haircut after a relationship breakup. Even the barista in her local coffee shop commented on it, had she just got her heart broken?
She had, of course, but not in the sense that most people assumed. She hadn't been cheated on or left without reason. She had broken things off, she had literally ran from the altar, but that didn't mean the end of her relationship with Fetcher had hurt any less.
But standing alone in her new apartment, with the views that she adored and the little quirks that Fletcher would have hated, it gave her the odd sense of reassurance that she had done the right thing. They were different people. She would always love Fletcher, of course. She just wasn't in love with him anymore.
They were the words that she repeated to herself on the nights that she had been kept awake from the plaguing thoughts of had she done the right thing? What had she been thinking? Fletcher was a good guy, what if she ended up alone now?
But they were the words that Fletcher himself had said when, three weeks after their supposed wedding date, they had cleared out their apartment.
It had taken him time to admit it to himself, he had said, but he just wasn't in love with her anymore and they both deserved a better kind of love than the one they shared now. He had told her that she was braver than he ever could have been, calling it off.
It was, Emma thought, as she set about making her morning coffee, the most amicable split that she had ever heard of. Especially one that had happened on a wedding day. She was lucky. They wanted nothing but the best for each other. You couldn't just cut off ten years of friendship and forget about it.
Her phone buzzed on the countertop and Emma picked it up, seeing Liv's number. She didn't even get to say hello.
"How are you feeling? Do you have that second copy of your contract with you? Remember to bring up those points I told you about. Are we still meeting for lunch?"
"Yes Mom." Emma laughed at Liv's monologue. "Liv. It's my first day at my new job. Shouldn't I e more nervous than you?" She asked as she took a seat with her coffee and checked her emails on her laptop.
"I know. I know. You'll be fine. You'll be totally fine." Emma smiled at the sound of Liv trying to reassure herself rather than her friend. "But we have to have lunch. I miss you. And you can tell me all about the day and if there any cute teacher men."
Liv's priorities were in check.
"Uh huh." Emma mumbled down the phone. She loved her best friend, she really did. But Liv was taking her new found single-dom personally and wanted Emma back on the love train as soon as possible. She had been on four blind dates set up by Liv in the past month alone and two more dates with guys that Daniel knew but Liv just didn't like to hear that Emma was actually enjoying being single.
She was learning to enjoy her own company more, she took up new hobbies just because and didn't have to match her schedule with anyone else's.
"Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone. But I love you. Have a great first day." Emma got off the phone with Liv just as a new email popped into her inbox.
It was Nate.
Hey Em, Liv's probably bombarded you with advice on your first day already right? For mine, yours and Daniel's sanity, PLEASE don't sign anything she hasn't read over first.
Anyway, I'm working on an article and writing it feels like I'm trying to pull a tooth. I've attached what I've got so far, do you mind reading it and letting me know if it sucks as much as I think it does?
Thanks,
Nate.
P.S. By the way don't worry about today, it couldn't go any worse than the day you and Liv signed up to that dog shelter right?
Emma was glad she alone because the sound that came out of her mouth was something between a laugh and a cry. She reread his message.
Sometimes she thought that he knew her better than even Liv did. He knew that she would be nervous on her first day at her new job. He never let anyone read his work in progress articles without good reason and Emma just knew that he sent in the hopes of giving her something to distract her with. Something to focus on other than the butterflies that were wreaking havoc in her stomach and the incessant need to check her bag again to make sure she had everything she needed for the day.
She appreciated Nate's gesture. She always loved the reminder that the only way for her to go was up. Her worst first day she had ever had anywhere was when she and Liv had signed up to help out at the local dog shelter. They had spent so much time trying to act cool around the guy in the class that was working there that they hadn't relocked half the cages correctly. Some dogs escaped, they had somehow ended up with dogfood covering the floor of the reception and even set off the fire alarm. They hadn't been asked back.
It had been front page of the Rutherford Gazette the next day complete with the headline: Who let the dogs out?
Nate liked to claim that it was that article that inspired him to go into journalism. Emma had no doubt that he still kept a copy of that article.
With a smile, she pushed her nerves from her mind and opened up Nate's article.
She rolled her eyes as she finished it, it was great as always, but she appreciated it all the same. It certainly killed some time, because the next thing she knew she had to drop her mug in the sink, get her bag and say goodbye to her apartment for the day.
It certainly was a better first day than the dog shelter, Emma thought, as she re-entered her apartment that evening. Liv had been given the complete run down at lunch and then at coffee after work. Everyone seemed to be realy dedicated to their roles as teachers and most seemed amazed at the amount of extracurricular activities she had managed in her last position. Finally the years of exhaustion had been worth it. She had been through all the first day back routines, setting up her classroom, trying to memorise the other teacher's names and really getting a feel for the place.
She had a feeling she was going to like it.
She couldn't wait to meet the kids the next day.
Her buzzer shrilled just as she was just putting her dinner on her plate.
She glanced over at the door as if it would tell her who was there. It couldn't be Liv, she had to go to Daniel's Mom's birthday party or she would be there. Emma's own parents were still away and her other friends didn't call so much anymore.
She picked up the phone, "Who is it?"
"Hey Em, it's Nate."
"Hey Nate, come on up." She pressed the button to let him into the building and took out an extra plate while she waited for him to climb the stairs.
He gave her door the same knock he had perfected as his personal knock as a kid arriving at her house. She smiled as she opened it.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck and felt him hug her back.
He scoffed, "Thanks for the welcome Em. Can I not call over and see how your first day went?"
Of course he did. He was Nate.
He had always been there for her. When she was ten and Jimmy Miles had told her she wasn't pretty, when her dog died when she was twelve, to help her move her things out for college and even in the last few months. Most importantly in the last few months.
Her 'wedding' had acted as a serious magnifying glass on her life. Who she could count on and who she couldn't. She had a lot of friendly acquaintances but not many friends. Most people she had invited seemed scandalised by her decision and others sided with Fletcher.
But Nate? He had picked up her calls even when she would call him whilst drunk wondering what the heck she was even doing with her life. He helped her redecorate her apartment. And he arrived to see how her first day went.
"Well it's a nice surprise." She told him, letting him follow her inside, "I was just about ot have dinner, you want some? I still haven't mastered the art of cooking for one so I have plenty." She admitted.
"Yeah, sounds good." He said, placing a grocery bag on one of her chairs. "I brought ice cream if it went bad and wine if it went well."
"Well we can have wine with dinner then I guess." She smiled.
"That's brilliant Emma." He smiled broadly. "Seriously, you deserve a job that makes you happy."
A few months ago she hadn't really believed it, but now she did.
She dished out dinner and filled him in on her day as they ate.
"Sounds like it's a great place, all your research paid off." He commented.
"Yeah, I still can't believe I got the job."
"Well believe it. They're lucky to have you."
She had missed this, time with Nate alone.
Even as kids, when she was technically Liv's best friend, her and Nate had just connected. Even though he was older and she was shy, they had their own friendship that was completely their own. Liv had always found it annoying, having to share her best friend with her brother but after the accident she had stopped moaning about it, wanting Nate to have someone he could turn to like she had.
But since then?
She found it hard to think of many times it the past ten years that she had hung out with Nate by themselves. Fletcher had always been there, or Liv and then Daniel, or it had been at family gatherings.
And she couldn't believe she had never noticed. Of course, she had had her happy ending planned with Fletcher, but she had never carved out time for just the two of them.
"So how are things with you? Is Betty from finance still bugging George?" She grinned over her glass. She loved hearing about the newspaper offices drama he always had news on, it was like hearing about a soap opera. It did help that Nate was a great story teller and usually ended telling her the latest gossip when she nearly cried from laughter.
"Turns out it's because she had a thing for him."
"No way!"
"Yeah, and then she had to catch him a conference room with Kat from reception."
"Ouch." Emma winced as she started to gather up their dishes. "So how are things in your love life? How's Alice? I haven't heard about her in a while."
She knew something was up straight away as she watched him shrug one shoulder and rub the back of his neck. He got up to help her dry the dishes she washed.
"Eh, actually we broke up."
"What?" She asked, nearly dropping the plate she was holding. "When? Are you okay?"
"Last week. She just…" He sighed, "I should have seen it coming really."
"Oh Nate I'm so sorry, you two were really cute together at Liv's wedding."
"Yeah, well…"
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I should be the one bringing you ice cream."
"I didn't want to ruin your big week leading up to your new job." He shrugged.
"But I made you come out with me and Liv and Daniel. I was forcing you to be happy. Nate I'm so sorry!"
She kicked herself for not noticing he hadn't been himself that night.
"It's alright Emma, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'll be okay."
She dried her hands quickly and pulled him in for another hug, "You will be but you call me if you ever need anything or you want to talk."
"Will do, thanks." He smiled one of his soft smiles.
They washed up and dried the rest of the dishes in a companionable silence. She stifled a yawn when they were finished.
"Not sleep much last night?" He asked.
"How did you know?" She laughed.
"Oh please, do you not remember the night before your senior year in high school?" He laughed.
Of course she did.
"Isn't it time for you to go to bed young lady?" Her Dad asked as he turned up at the bottom of the staircase. It had become Nate and Emma's thing. They would sit on her staircase away from prying eyes and have conversations that would last hours. Liv had joined them that night, ruining their seating plan. He had had a growth spurt in the last few years and always sat a step below her so they were level. But Liv squeezed herself in the middle. "And time for you two to be going home, your Grandma will be getting worried?"
"Yeah it is I guess Mr Allen," Liv sighed, "I still can't believe we're going to be seniors tomorrow. It's going to be the best year ever." Liv hugged Emma and then Emma's Dad as she made her way to the door.
Emma had spent the last two hours listening to Liv dictate how they were going to spend their senior year. Boost their reputation, get the hot guys and made it an unforgettable year. Nate had tried to tell her that all that didn't matter, but she didn't listen.
"I better get going." Nate said, getting to his feet. "I've been told I can't drop Liv off in the morning, I'd ruin her street cred. So I've a long drive back to New York tomorrow morning. But I wanted to be here tonight for her."
"I know. I'll take care of her. I promise."
"I know you will Em. But it's not all your responsibility for Liv's happiness, don't forget to focus on you too." Nate gave her a soft smile and descended the stairs, "Thanks again for Mr Allen." Nate gave her Dad what Emma had nicknamed their 'man hugs'.
Emma's Mom had brought them both shopping for going back to school and Emma's Dad had comforted a Liv that he had found crying by herself because her parents weren't there to see her become a senior.
"Anytime Nathan you know that. Give us a call tomorrow and let us know you got there safe okay?"
"Will do." Nate turned to look up at her. She had to remind herself that she was over him. He was going to be a sophomore in college, he would never look at her like anything else but a high school kid. "Have a great day Emma, don't let Liv drive you too mad, let me know how you get on." He waved as he followed his sister out the door and down the street to their house.
She must have spent too long staring at the door after him because her Dad cleared his throat. "How about getting ready for bed, big day tomorrow."
She agreed, kissing her Dad on his cheek and climbing the stairs up to her room. He outfit for the next day (approved by Liv) was lying ready for her on her chair. She got ready for bed, saying goodnight to her parents and climbed into her bed.
She thought she would fall straight to sleep like always. She hadn't been that fussed about starting senior year, it was just another year of school and she liked school.
But Liv's constant chatter had gotten to her.
She lay awake an hour later, wide awake and staring at the ceiling.
What if she didn't have a great year like Liv had planned? What if she didn't get into the colleges she applied to? What colleges should she even apply to? How was she going to leave home? What if Liv got a boyfriend and she didn't?
Her mind was racing so hard she had to sit up.
She grabbled around for her phone and winced at the bright light that met her when she unlocked it.
She tried calling Liv but got no answer, her best friend could sleep through anything.
So she tried the next best option, feeling terrible if she was going to wake him with his long drive in the morning.
He picked up on the third ring.
"Emma? Is everything okay?" His voice sounded groggy.
"Hi Nate, everything's fine, sorry if I woke you." She whispered.
"Don't worry about it. I told you to call me any time remember?" How could she forget? He had told her that as she held back tears leaving him on his first day in college so far away from her. "What's up Em?"
"I…nothing…never mind, I shouldn't have woken you. I'm sorry. Just have a safe trip tomorrow okay? Okay, goodnight Nate." She hurried, hanging up before he could reply. What was she thinking?
She was being a baby worrying about school when he was college student who had an entire life that didn't include her in New York. He probably thought she was so lame.
There was no point in trying to go back to sleep now, so she swung the covers up and crept over to her school bag to make sure she had everything she needed. She had already triple checked it that day but one more time couldn't hurt right?
She was half way through when her cell phone rang, she nearly fell rushing over to it, she didn't want her parents knowing she was still awake.
"Nate?" She answered.
"Hey Em, are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine." She told him swiftly.
"Uh huh, look out your window." She looked around before making her way over to it and opening the curtains.
There he was. Waving a flashlight at her window.
"What are you doing?"
"I figure we could go for a walk."
"Now?"
"Well yeah, if I can't sleep I go for a walk to clear my head."
"How am I supposed to get down there?" She asked him.
"Remember that time last year that you and Liv tried to sneak out to Simon Kay's party? Didn't you climb down from your window?"
"How do you know that?"
"My Grandma had great fun telling me the story." He laughed quietly. Okay so maybe Liv had suddenly developed a fear of heights and froze on the sloping roof of the porch until Emma had to call her Dad to help get them down. It hadn't been their best idea. "So are you coming down?"
She didn't answer, instead she hung up and she grabbed her jacket and sneakers and opened the window. Liv mightn't have been able to do it, but Emma could. She had practised afterwards, she loved the thrill.
She had stepped onto the patio table when Nate appeared at her side, placing a hand on her side to steady her. She climbed down as quickly as she could.
"How did you know I couldn't sleep?"
"Because I didn't sleep before my first day of senior year either. And you wouldn't call me for nothing. What's on your mind?"
She took a breath. She wasn't sure he would want to listen but she had to remind herself that it was Nate, not some other guy.
So she started to relay all the worries that had plagued her, all her doubts of what she was going to do, her fears for the future and her concern that she would somehow mess everything up the next day and ruin the entire year for Liv.
He listened, like he always did, as they wandered through the meadow that neighboured the back of her house. He just seemed to know what to say, that she would figure things out, that she was one of the wisest people he knew. They sat under one of the trees as he relayed all the thoughts that hadn't let him sleep the entire first week of his freshman year in New York.
She was glad to have him. It was nice to have someone who got her.
Liv loved her, and they were best friends but they were such different people.
They drifted off into reminiscing about childhood stories until Emma felt her eyes get heavy.
"I think I'll get to sleep now." She admitted with a yawn. She told him she would be fine, but he walked her home all the same. The night sky was clear and full of stars and was warm enough for the time of year. She could have stayed outside forever with him.
"Goodnight Emma. Sweet dreams." He kissed her on the cheek, "Call me let me know how tomorrow goes." With that he began wandering home and she touched the spot that he kissed.
Maybe she still did have that crush on him, just maybe.
She fell straight to sleep as soon as she crawled into bed and her head hit the pillow. Her alarm shrilled after what felt like a few minutes sleep to alert her to the fact that she had to rise and shine. First day of senior year.
Her mother was a wreck, crying happily ever so often that her baby was growing up so much. She and her Dad dished out the cereal they liked best.
"How did you sleep?" Her Mom asked.
Emma hesitated, "Good, thanks."
"Ah you missed a beautiful night out, the skies were clear. It would have been a nice night for a walk." She was pretty sure her Dad winked at her.
She practically shovelled up her cereal and made a run for the bus with the excuse to meet Liv.
"And what was I supposed to do, call you again and go for a walk around the city at night?" She asked with a smile playing on her lips.
"New York under starlight. Doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world." He smirked, shrugging on his jacket. "I'll let you get ready for tomorrow. Let me know how it goes." He smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She walked him out of the building.
It was only when she was back in her apartment alone that the question flashed like neon lights across her mind.
Since when did Nate's chaste pecks on her cheeks make her knees weak?
