1 OKAY THEN
It starts as a search for the Briefs' lunchtime cook who, over the course of the past few days, has become better at hiding from Vegeta than Vegeta is at finding him. Most humans, Vegeta's learned, have such insignificant levels of ki that he finds himself confronting trees rather than people here at Capsule Corp., which annoys him to no end. Before being bound to Earth, Vegeta always had some underling forced to do his bidding, and it's moments like these that he almost wishes he hadn't killed Nappa. Almost.
It's only been a week since the purple-haired Saiyan brought news of everyone's death by strange robotic people, but Vegeta's couldn't care less. When they bust out of whatever contraption they're being built in, Vegeta'll crush 'em before Kakarot can even power up. He has a reputation to regain, after all. (And yes, he does believe the Saiyan child because Vegeta's culture was built on myths and prophecies, and the kid coming to warn them about such specific events is prophecy enough for him). No, he's more concerned by Kakarot who, when he crashed back onto Earth, barely gave Vegeta more than a, 'Hey, how are ya?' before blasting off to prepare for the enemies he just heard about. Personally, Vegeta had never been more insulted in his life, and that's saying something. So now he's back to the whole locking-himself-in-the-training-room-for-days-at-a-time bit – only this time with no healing tank and apparently no fucking cook to fix him food.
Vegeta's already wasted fifteen minutes looking for the guy. The Briefs have a formal kitchen that surely has cooks he could harass, but he and Bulma have somehow agreed that he should stay in the backside of the house where the servants' old corridors are because Vegeta doesn't want to deal with any humans he doesn't have to while she doesn't want to deal with him, so it works out. The place is now being used more as a guest wing anyway, often serving those at pool parties who need the bathroom or a quick bite to eat, but Bulma's not much in the mood for pool parties these days, and Vegeta's commandeered the area anyway. He's eaten here since the day he arrived, and he's too set in his way to change it.
He checks to make sure that the cook hasn't buried himself in the coat closet again, but the guy's not even pretending to be the vacuum cleaner this time around, so Vegeta decides it's time to give up. Not because Vegeta can't find him. Of course not. It's just that he doesn't consider the cook to be worth much of his time. That's it.
So he makes his way back to the kitchen so he can lie in wait. He's noticed over the past week that the workers have to sneak through this part of the mansion to access the side yard, so he should be able to snatch one and berate them until they at least give him a sandwich.
Instead, he walks into the kitchen and finds Krillin. He suddenly wishes he had spent more time looking for the cook.
Krillin's smaller than he remembers and apparently stupider too because he's using a stool to reach the upper cabinets rather than flying. The tropical shirt he's wearing is insulting even to Vegeta and is the only reason Vegeta noticed him in the first place. The khaki shorts he has on are much too big and are hoisted up by a belt that looks like it fought about three hurricanes and lost. Vegeta doesn't look much better – he might as well be wearing a Speedo.
"Oh, uh… hey," Krillin says. While he's definitely startled, he's not as shocked as he should be. He goes back to savaging for ingredients as though Vegeta had never entered the room at all.
If there's one thing Vegeta hates, it's not being given his dues. When, over the course of their so-called relationship, had Vegeta turned from a fear-inspiring demigod to a person you ignore when they walk into a kitchen? Especially when it's this idiot, who not so long ago couldn't even speak Vegeta's name without spitting up all over himself? If anything, the fact that Vegeta lives in any kind of vicinity of him should've inspired more fear, not less! What does Earth do to people? What has Earth done to him? Was Vegeta ever brought back to life at all? He's starting to doubt it. Maybe he died on his way to Earth that first time. Or maybe he's in a coma on Frieza Planet #Whatever and is making all of this up. He does have an overactive imagination, though usually it works more in his favor and lots of people he hates are dead. Like Krillin. This guy should be dead. So should Kakarot. And his mutt. And the woman who gave him that pink shirt to wear –
– you know what, Vegeta thinks, let's kill him! Let's see if this isn't just another vivid dream. He disrespected me, even dream people don't disrespect –
"Um… do you want a sandwich, or...?"
Vegeta blinks. What's the idiot whining on about? Food? Oh. His stomach's growling overcomes his sudden bloodlust, though not by much. He finds himself knocking back his usual seat at the kitchen's murky blue table and drops himself into it. He waits, and when Krillin makes no move to make good on his promise, Vegeta says, "Well, what're you waiting for?"
Krillin jumps (much better), and while he's more finicky than he had been before, his search seems a lot more intentional as he tosses out ingredients and shoves them into order. Ignoring Krillin's frantic search, Vegeta puts his cheek in his hand looks past the kitchen, through the sliding glass doors, and out to the pool he has zero desire to jump in. Now, what would be the best way to do this? A shot through the head? Efficient – satisfying even – but uninventive. Suffocation? Also efficient – really satisfying – but time-consuming. It would also require Vegeta to get up close and personal, which doesn't exactly sound pleasant. It would be nice to literally strangle the life out of one of the major contributors to Vegeta's recent streak of failures, though. Eh, he has a sandwich to scruff down before he has to decide. Drowning?
Meanwhile, Krillin prepares a sandwich he's made a thousand times before.
It doesn't look like much is what Vegeta thinks when it's set down before him. It's a mess of meats and cheeses that make it unnecessarily bulky like one of those sandwiches served in a café with the pick with the olive through it. Vegeta's never been to a café on Earth, so he wouldn't know. To him, it mostly look pathetic, as though the sandwich is ashamed of its own existence. Vegeta would be too. He decides he should put it out of its misery.
(By the way, Vegeta's decided that a shot through the head's sufficient because he doesn't want to make it seem like Krillin's inconvenienced him that much).
So he bites into the sandwich. More like shoves it into his mouth, really. No need to respect something so sloppily made, after all.
But then he tastes it. He doesn't mean to – despite all those twelve course meals he's had over the course of his life, Vegeta has also had his share of complete shit over the years and knows how to vacuum food when he needs to. But he chews, just a little, to help it go down easier. And it's good. It's really good. So good that he forgets just about everything that has ever made him angry. Earth? Fuck it. Frieza? Fuck him. Kakarot? Who the fuck's he again? God, this sandwich is fantastic! Vegeta doesn't know any of Earth's animals, but he knows meat and now understands that Earth hosts some pretty tasty shit. Oh, and the human can cook. Isn't that nice? Vegeta never thought he would find Krillin useful in any regard, but Vegeta's found he can't predict things accurately these days, so here we are.
Suddenly, shooting Krillin through the head seems like a lot more trouble than it's worth.
As Vegeta downs his sandwich like a crazed animal, Krillin rushes to put his own sandwich together and get the hell out of the kitchen. It's not necessarily because Vegeta showed up (though that is good enough reason); it's just that Krillin's had a strange, strange week since Goku crash-landed back on Earth and made a promise to himself that he would not allow it to get more out of hand.
But Vegeta has other plans. Mostly involving getting another sandwich.
So he snatches Krillin's as he tries to pass. Vegeta's owed the universe, but he accepts the sandwich. It's a start.
Krillin meanwhile stares down at his plate as though his food spontaneously consumed itself while he hadn't been looking. Goku had a tendency to ask for the first few of Krillin's sandwiches whenever Krillin made them, but the point is he asked; Vegeta took this one like it was his birthright.
"Uh," Krillin says.
"Another one," Vegeta replies between bites.
Okay then.
Krillin drags himself back to the counter and proceeds to assemble a third sandwich to the rhythm of an upset stomach. He makes it and then another; and after pushing Vegeta's across the table, he decides he might as well just sit down as leaving might prompt another theft and there isn't exactly enough ingredients to make any more repeat orders. He finds himself thinking about licking his to claim it, but Vegeta probably wouldn't understand what he was trying to do and Krillin hasn't been a that much of a child in quite a while. He instead takes a tiny bite and, when Vegeta seems satisfied with or at least inattentive to Krillin's action, settles a bit more contently in his chair.
Meanwhile, Vegeta's just as enthralled with his current sandwich as he was with the other two prior. Okay, so there's a light meat and a really good crunchy meat as well as what he thinks is cheese and a bunch of vegetables he doesn't know the names of but plans on demanding answers about so he can force the missing cook to make him so many more. Or, he thinks, he could just forget about the cook and force this idiot to do it.
His sandwich is soon gone though, and as the last bite slides down Vegeta's throat, his mood goes with it. What was he doing before this? Killing Krillin? He's there, sitting across from him, having only ate a very small portion of his sandwich and avoiding any and all eye contact. No, no, that'd been (temporarily) axed. Training to defeat Kakarot and restore sanity to the universe? Yeah, that sounds right.
Vegeta shoots up, startling Krillin as Vegeta can never do anything casually. "Have more in two hours," he says.
"Uh–"
Vegeta leaves.
"Okay then?"
It's two hours later, and the ache in Vegeta's muscles allow him to let down his guard enough to admit to himself that he's pleasantly surprised when he finds Krillin in the kitchen with six sandwiches already made. He's at the counter preparing a seventh, but the way the others are presented and pushed towards Vegeta's seat from before, it's most likely for Krillin himself. He's still standing on a stool to grab things for some reason, which annoys Vegeta greatly, but the moment Vegeta sits down and takes his first bite, nothing annoys him anymore. Krillin could become a stool for all he cares.
Krillin finishes making his sandwich and decides he might as well join Vegeta again. After all, he didn't chop off Krillin's head last time and partaking of food with the Saiyan Prince twice in one day seems to be the perfect punch line to his day, so if doing so will make today into a joke, Krillin's willing to risk it. He takes a bite and soon the two are in this strange, somewhat awkward silence they had two hours ago, except it's much longer because there's six sandwiches to go through instead of three.
Until Vegeta, between his third and fourth sandwich, asks, "You live here or what?"
"What?" Krillin asks. "Oh, uh, yeah." He's startled and honestly surprised he's having to answer anything. "Temporarily, anyway."
He waits, sandwich in hand, for some kind of reply, but soon it's apparent that Vegeta might as well have never asked the question at all. That's because Vegeta's all about the sandwiches again, so for a moment, Krillin thinks he might've imagined it. The silence is completely awkward now, though, and Krillin feels an intense need to fill it. "I, uh, actually live on an island usually," he tells Vegeta. "With Goku and my martial arts teacher and a, uh, you know, turtle. Um, a turtle is an animal that has a shell and, uh, flippers and yeah. Oh, and a pig. You're actually eating pig, um."
Vegeta looks down at his fourth sandwich and with some interest says, "Pig," before continuing to eat it.
Krillin finds himself more amused by the response than he should be. "Hah, yeah." He settles a bit more in his seat. "Well, anyway, the pump that, you know, brings fresh water to the house? It broke the other night, so it's gonna take some time to fix it. I'm staying here and all the people I mentioned, they're," (he becomes noticeably quieter, "all staying at Goku's."
He's expecting the natural 'Why aren't you?' to come and having to deal with that shit, but when Vegeta makes no move to reply, Krillin learns that he might like Vegeta much more than he thought.
Vegeta's finishes pretty soon afterwards and shoves the plate back to Krillin, who's barely touched his sandwich at all. He gets up to leave because god he needs a show, and on his way out of the kitchen says, "Seven tomorrow."
Before Krillin can protest, he's gone.
Okay then.
Sponsor: The following chapter is brought to you by grimey kitchen counters. Grimey kitchen counters: The sticky, sticky surface that lets you know whether your roommate really cleaned the kitchen or not.
(Additionally, the following chapter was revised on November 11, 2017 to address minor grammatical concerns. There have been no changes to content).
