First Day of High School August 2009
So today was my first day of high school at Hollywood Arts. It is a school full of freaks but that actually is better than the plastics at my old school. I can at least draw amusement from these people. SInjin is attending but I gave him a glare that should keep him away for a few days. This girl named Cat followed me around like a lost puppy and has others tagging along as well. There's this awkward boy who walks around with a talking puppet. The puppet insults him and he lets it so basically he is insulting himself, that is just the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Why am I wasting my time writing about this? Anyways, there's this boy with dreads and another with fluffy hair that all the girls are already drooling over. Fluffy hair actually said some semi intelligent things today but once he realizes the social standing he can have in this school, he will turn into a self absorbed jerk. I'm sure he and dreads will ditch us soon to hang out with the popular kids. Then it will be me, Cat, and puppet boy. I think puppet boy will have to go and Cat will have to learn to talk less. Fluffy hair also rides my bus and tried to sit next to me but I placed my book bag there so he sat across from me.
Movie Night September 2009
We've been in school for two weeks now. I allowed Cat to talk me into joining our lunch group for a movie at the theatre. I wanted to see the movie anyways so I went. My mother was beaming when she dropped me off. It made me want to throw up. As we waited in line for tickets I tried to drown out the sound of Cat telling Robbie a story about her brother. She loves to tell these ridiculous stories about her brother. I'm beginning to think her brother doesn't even exist, that's what Beck and I were talking about in line. There is something weird about him, like why is a boy that girls think is God's gift to them friends with a boy like Robbie, and why is he in line talking to me about Cat's brother when Andre kept giving him signals to join him and flirt with these girls behind us in line that look as though they are from Northridge. And like every ten seconds some girl would be all, "I Beck are you having fun in this long line." He would be all, "Hi, Jessica." Then they would be like, "It's julissa but you can call me Jessica." It was so annoying. He can't even remember their names, does he have a bad memory or is he just dumb. Then, again he doesn't seem too interested in them. Maybe he's gay. Whatever, it's not like I care!
Bird Scene Victory September 2009
Today, I mastered the bird scene. The bird scene is a scene we must master before we can audition for a play. The scene involves a lonely prairie widow, whose only friend is a bird. It sounds like a pathetic woman to me. We have to perform the scene alone or in front of only students that have already passed the scene, and we must keep how we passed the scene a secret. I passed the scene on my first try. I am the only one to do so, besides some student that Sikowitz said is crazy. I think her name was Bonnie and the annoying talentless Trina Vega also passed the first time. The secret is that you have to stand up for your work. Sikowitz will say your scene was good but that you did not pass. I knew my scene was good. I stayed up all night rehearsing. He told me I didn't pass so I told him he was wrong and thus I passed.
PS Beck passed on his third try. Andre passed on his 5th try after he added a musical performance to the scene and wonked out on Sikowitz after the teacher once again said he didn't pass. Cat performed the scene four times a day for a week before she passed. Robbie, after performing it once a day for a month, finally passed when Rex freaked out that even Robbie deserved to have passed the scene by now. There were a lot of tears involved.
Starring Role September 2009
I've been really busy with school lately. I got the lead role in the freshman school play, Torn Pages, and the other role is played by Beck. We stayed after school the other day to run lines together. Truthfully, he is one of the lesser annoying people at HA. He can still be really annoying though. He's always finding things to talk to me about and going out of his way to be nice. It's weird. No one has ever gone out of their way to be nice to me. I mean Cat is but she's weird and nice to everyone. She follows me around and I allow it because when I tell her to scram or be quiet she does it.
Anyways, we have to decorate our lockers in a way that reflects our personality. I chose scissors but I was having a hard time gluing them to my locker. Beck comes along and helps me do it. Most people would have run away from a girl holding multiple pairs of scissors, especially when I hold them with a menacing scowl. He helped me. His locker is transparent because he has no secrets to hide. Please, like I believe that. Everyone has something to hide. I asked him why he was helping me and not running. His explanation was that I looked like I needed help and I may be holding a lot of scissors but they all happened to be rather dull. He asked me why I chose scissors. I told him to buzz off. Truthfully I chose scissors because they are one of the few things I love. I love the way they look, feel, and sound. If I start cutting up something when I am stressed or angry they calm me down. Of course, I get in trouble if I cut my mom's stuff. I remember the first time I used scissors as though it was yesterday, it was actually preschool. This boy, Sinjin, the thorn in my side, was annoying me, trying to kiss me, and then drooled on the picture I had colored and cut out. The picture was for my mom, it was to cheer her up because my dad was being a bigger jerk than usual that week. I drew a picture of the botanical gardens because she loved to go there with me. I even used colored crayons, of course not pink or yellow. The teacher said I was the best cutter and drawer in class. So I started cutting Sinjin's picture in little pieces. He started to cry. The teacher made me sit in time out. I'm still angry at Mrs. Kennedy for that. Sinjin is still a pain but he hasn't tried to kiss me since. I learned that scissors, even safety scissors, could be used to teach people a lesson and make me feel better. To conclude, I love scissors.
Rehearsals September 2009
Yesterday afternoon I stayed after school to help Beck run lines. He said he needed help and I don't want the play to suck so I helped him. We've had plenty of rehearsals so he should've had it down. He didn't seem to need help though. We finished earlier than expected so he asked if I wanted to get ice cream at the stand next to HA. I reluctantly agreed since my mom wouldn't be available to give me a ride earlier. When we were walking there he grabbed my hand and I shoved him in the bushes. I confronted him and he apologized. He said that he thought we liked each other. I told him that he was crazy and that not every girl in the world worships the ground he walks on. Today we had one last run through at rehearsal. Opening night is in an hour. Beck gave me a rose to apologize for his behavior and wish me good luck. I cut the rose up into pieces in front of him and told him to never speak of it again.
Opening Night September 2009
Yesterday was the first night of the play. Afterwards we all got pizza. Being on stage is like feeling free. When I play a character I can forget all the drama in my own life. I don't have to deal with other people's expectations of me or their reactions to me. During the final bow and even later at dinner I could feel that coming to HA was definitely the right decision. Sinjin may go there and Robbie's locker next to mine may show signs of his deep psychosis but I know I'm much happier, for lack of a better word, here than I would be somewhere else. After much begging by Cat I stayed the night at her house. I finally met her crazy brother and boy is he weird. I can't wait to tell Beck that he really exists, just because we were talking about it a while back. Cat, of course, wanted to do the entire girly sleepover thing. I've never actually gone to a sleepover but I've seen it in movies. Hair, nail polish, movies, and popcorn I could tolerate. Cat's giggling and insistence that, "Beck and I totally like each," was really annoying. I just happen to be able to tolerate Beck a little more than say Robbie. A boy like Beck, destined for popularity and a revolving door of girls, would never like me and a girl like me, dark, moody, mysterious, would never like a boy like Beck. I know Beck tried to hold my hand but he's probably just trying to prove something since I'm, the only girl not ogling over him. It probably hurts his pride that I'm not infatuated with him. Hopefully him trying to hold my hand was a onetime thing otherwise he will quickly become someone I do not tolerate. I am not interested in games or mending his pride.
My First Pool Party September 2009
Cat had the gang over at her house for a pool party. I didn't want to go so I told her that I didn't have a swim suit, which was a lie. She then made plans for us to go shopping to get one so I quickly stated that I forgot that I do actually have a swim suit. Honestly, I didn't want to be in a swim suit in front of everyone. But last week Cat also invited everyone swimming and I faked a headache to get out of it. The next day at lunch Rex asked if I faked it because I didn't know how to swim so I fired back saying that I knew how to swim and would prove it to him next time. My mouth really gets me into trouble sometimes. The truth is that I just feel uncomfortable in a swim suit, especially in front of the boys. I mean, I'm not use to this whole boob thing. If you're too flat everyone notices but if you actually have boobs everyone notices too. You can't win. I am Jade West so no one has actually said anything but I still know what they are thinking. When you are thin yet have the biggest boobs in your grade for a girl your size everyone notices. Of course there is always that fat girl with huge boobs but she eats lunch alone. I've always been stick thin so when you start getting boobs and curves before everyone else it's hard to get use to it. It's awkward when you are as flat as a piece of paper and then suddenly in eighth grade you're a solid B cup. It is not that they are that big it is just that all of the other fourteen year old girls are as flat as a piece of notebook paper still. It also probably doesn't help that my mom briefly dated a skeez bag when I was thirteen. She brought him over to our apartment for the first time and I happened to be in my bathing suit in the kitchen eating lunch. When my mom left the room to do something the way he looked at me made me really uncomfortable. He also said something like he couldn't believe I was thirteen, I looked really grown up and he thought my mother had a little girl. I just felt intuitively uncomfortable and left the room, on my way out he patted me on the shoulder like he's known me for years. I didn't say anything to my mom about it. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if she would believe me or if my intuition was right. When my mom had scheduled dates with him I would pretend to be sick so she would stay at home with me. She didn't believe me after a while or told me that I was old enough to stay at home by myself, after all I didn't have a fever of anything. There were a few other occasions when he put his hand on my thigh or even arm in an uncomfortable way. I always rebuffed his advances and tried to avoid him. I told my mom that I didn't trust him but I couldn't verbalize a reason so she thought I was just jealous. You see, after my parents had gotten a divorce I would often fake sick in an effort to get my mom to say at home with me. At one point he confronted me and asked me why I didn't like him and he kept saying he wanted to be my friend and that I shouldn't be such a brat, he was just being nice. He cornered me and asked me if he could kiss me on the cheek as a peace offering. I told him no, he tried anyways, and I shoved him away. He got mad and roughly grabbed my arm and held me against the wall. My mom then walked in the room, she kicked him out of her home and life. She had just got back from the market and threw the canned goods in the bag she was holding at him. She was really depressed afterwards because she had let a man into her life and bed and he ended up being a pervert. We never really talked about it again. Luckily we never saw him again.
The bottom line is you can't hide them in a bathing suit. So I went to the pool party but tried to keep my towel over me as much as possible. I also don't want to sun burn, which happens way to easily to me. I hate the sun by the way. When I did get into the pool I'm pretty sure all three boys noticed but they quickly regained composure, Robbie took the longest. I guess when there is only one set of boobs to look at a sound only boys can hear goes off and their eyes are drawn to them like magnets. I have a theory though. The strongest boys can look away the fastest and the weakest boys have the most trouble looking away. In case you were wondering Beck looked away the fastest. Although, that could be a sign that he is gay. Robbie took the longest to recover.
Closing Night October 2009
The play is over. I'm really going to miss it but there will be other plays. Most people did a good job in their roles, not Robbie with his one line though. I was impressed that Beck did well; being opposite me in the play he was able to keep up. Honestly, I underestimated him. It seems like most people only notice "the handsome boy" or "boy with the hair" instead of his great performance. After the play Sikowitz and the other drama teachers involved with the play provided desserts and refreshments for the freshman students that were involved. I didn't really feel like socializing with everyone else but my mom made me stay. "You should be a team player Jade", she told me. So I ate on the catwalk away from everyone else. Beck and Cat ended up finding me and giving me their thanks and praise for my part in the play. He seemed to sense I wanted to be alone so he persuaded Cat to go back to the stage with him. I guess he earned another day of tolerance from me.
