A/N: Hey, all. I'm back with the second chapter, and man…you can really see my sanity eroding the longer this fic goes on for. Can you guys believe I managed to write out an actual plot for this crack-tastic story? I mean, with villains and motives and EVERYTHING?
It's all disguised as an innocent chocolate factory. And Team Avatar is about to find out just how skin-deep this brand of innocence really is.
Well, I'm not giving you guys any spoilers. Just read and review.
Chapter Two: The Chocolate River
"Hold your breath," said Mr. Wonka dreamily. "Make a wish. Count to three."
Sokka stared hungrily at the chocolaty wealth surrounding him, and both Zuko and Katara had to hold him back to keep him from pouncing into the room like a starved tigerdillo. Toph's expression was completely flat as the others gazed in awe at their surroundings. But Aang had the most overjoyed look on his face by far, as though Christmas had come miraculously early.
"This is amazing…!"
"Meh," said Toph.
"Meh? Just meh?" Sokka cried, turning to her in disbelief. "This has to be the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my…oh."
She just smirked at him and waved a hand in front of her face. "Blind girl standing right here. Way to be sensitive, you guys."
"You might not be able to see," said Mr. Wonka. "But you can definitely imagine!"
She turned in his direction. "Actually, I can see…just not the way you do." Her smirk deepened as she folded her arms across her body, feeling quite tall and superior. "I use Earthbending to sense the vibrations with my feet. I can see everything…you…that funny-shaped tree over there…that giant waterfall…everything…"
But the tuxedo-wearing man ignored her, staring almost nostalgically out at the landscape surrounding them. He pulled his cane against his chest and began to stroke it feather-soft with the pads of his fingertips, his eyes glimmering with a strange emotion. It was quiet reverence to such a magical place.
"Come with me," he began to sing. "And you'll be…in a world of pure imagination…! Take a look…" he swiveled his cane abruptly to the left, almost clubbing Zuko in the face with it. "…and you'll see into your imagination…!"
"No," said Toph flatly.
"Um…what?"
"No. Stop singing. Right now. You're not impressing anybody except yourself, you know."
Mr. Wonka blinked at her for a moment, not sure what to do. His mouth opened and closed for a few seconds, making him look like a gaping fish out of water. Glancing quickly from left to right in a shifty manner, he decided to just ignore the girl and keep on singing.
"Let's begin," he belted out, trotting down the marble steps. "Take a spin…traveling in the world of my creation…! What we'll see…will defy explanation…!"
They started after him down the steps, only to be hindered by the cane again. After that they learned not to get too close to Mr. Wonka while he was singing. He was seriously going to take someone's eye out with that thing.
"If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it," he sang. Then, he happened to glance at Katara, who had made the mistake of taking her eyes off him to get a better look at the butterscotch bushes in the distance. "Anything you want to…do it…"
He reached out and started stroking the girl's hair, making her stiffen like a board.
"Want to change the world…" he jerked his hand and plucked out a single hair of hers, causing the girl to shriek in pain. "…there's nothing to it…!"
And then he danced away, still singing to himself in a dazed reverie.
No one said anything as the man in purple continued on without them, still warbling in a dream-like fashion that was starting to haunt them. All they could do was watch him as he teetered around like a lunatic. Gradually they came to meet each other's gazes, and in a single gesture they shrugged; having unanimously decided to just let the man float away by himself. It was much more promising being left to their own devices in a giant forest made of candy.
"What's his problem, anyway?" Toph asked, miffed. "That guy is off his rocker."
"I'll say," Katara grumbled, still rubbing the top of her head in an affronted manner. "Someone should have that guy arrested…or break his limbs…or something…"
Aang looked at her in alarm. "But…I…I thought you learned that violence doesn't solve anything and that revenge is pointless! Remember when you and Zuko went looking for the guy who killed your mother?" He looked at her hopefully. "Remember how you forgave him for what he did and found closure for everything that happened that day?"
She looked at the monk like he was crazy. "I don't know who told you that I forgave Yon-Rha. I certainly don't remember saying it…and I sure as hell don't remember doing it."
"But…but…you didn't kill him!"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Doesn't mean I still don't want to deep down inside. I have a whole lot of pent-up aggression stored up inside of me, and Mr. Touchy Feely in the purple suit is just begging for a lot of misplaced frustration. I'm just saying."
Zuko, hearing this, immediately took several steps away from the Waterbender (and from Aang, out of good measure). But Katara saw this and gave him a look.
"Oh, calm down. I forgave you, remember?"
"How do I know you're not just saying that?" he said. "How do I know you're not just planning on taking out some of your frustration on me?"
Katara's scowl deepened. "What's the matter, Zuko? Scared?" She took a menacing step towards him. "Hmmm…I think someone has a guilty conscience. Should I be targeting you, Zuko? Is that what you're trying to tell me? That I need to treat you like a problem?"
Everyone blinked at the girl…except for Sokka (who was quite used to his sister's bouts of PMS) and Toph (who was still blind). Katara had Zuko backed up against a wall and was staring up into his face, looking like she was ready to drive a dagger into his heart at a moment's notice. It was so unlike her and vaguely frightening.
She was also dangerously close to him, and Zuko was afraid to even breathe out of fear of accidentally bad-touching her. That would surely be the death of him.
"I…I'm not scared…"
She nodded in approval at his statement, tremulous as it had sounded. "That's good," she purred. "Friends should trust each other…shouldn't they?"
"Um…okay?"
And just like that, the lethal aura surrounding the Waterbender evaporated on the spot. She smiled, turning towards the others and looking much more like the sweet, nurturing mother-figure they all knew and loved. "Great!" she chirped. "So, let's get ourselves some chocolate."
Those were the magic words. The moment of subtle lethality was quickly and immediately driven out of their minds, all except for Zuko. He was still clinging to that wall, looking very pale and traumatized. It wasn't every day that he got shaken down by a murderous Waterbender who also happened to be an angry teenage girl. Needless to say, the experience had left him a bit shell-shocked.
"There is no life I know to compare to pure imagination…" Mr. Wonka sang on, completely oblivious as he twirled around a giant, edible toadstool parasol. "Living there you'll be free if you truly wish to be…!"
The gaang started to wander off in different directions, eager to explore the magical candy-land they had stumbled into. And, doing what humans do best when faced with the pure, untouched splendor of nature, they literally ran amok and sought to devour everything they could get their hands on. Sokka was clinging to a candy-cane lamp fixture and licking the striped paint off of it.
"….'sgood…!" he slobbered.
Toph just nodded slowly before stomping her foot into the ground, causing a massive tremor and flooring several candy trees at once. Gumballs rained down from the crumbling branches, scattering on the floor and rolling around everywhere.
Aang and Katara were examining a giant toadstool filled with clotted cream when Zuko came over to them, too wary to touch anything.
"What an amazing factory," said the monk, dipping his finger into the gloppy white substance and tasting it. "Huh…this is kind of salty."
Katara blinked and backed away from it. "I…think I'm going to try a different candy…"
She left them alone and went to sit by the teacup flowers, visibly perturbed. However, she paused to shoot the Firebender a venomous look, as though silently blaming him for the questionable mushroom. Zuko gave her a wide berth before turning to the Airbender. Undeterred by the strange flavor, Aang was eating fistfuls of the creamy goop (which was actually a rare form of nougat, and not whatever it was you people thought it was).
"What's her problem?" the Airbender asked in between mouthfuls.
Zuko frowned. "That's what I want to know," he mumbled. "She really has it out for me all of a sudden…and I thought she had forgiven me for Ba-Sing-Se…"
"She did," said Aang. "That's not why she's mad at you."
"Huh?"
"Well, earlier today I heard her telling Suki that she saw you take the last of the fire flakes, and she had needed them for a recipe she was going to try."
Zuko shook his head. "And that's an appropriate reason to take out a death warrant on me?" he asked incredulously. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! And this isn't like her at all!"
Aang just shrugged. "I think it's like she was saying before. She's got a lot of misplaced frustration stored up inside of her…only the person she's really mad at is Mr. Wonka. He's a creepy jerk." The Avatar scowled at the recollection of the blonde man's many offenses. "But Monk Gyatso told me that revenge only destroys you in the end…and I'm not going to bash in his kneecaps with a club made of peppermint."
The Fire Prince gave him a concerned look. "That…was oddly specific, Aang."
The monk just stared at him with solemn gray eyes, a stormy expression casting his face in menacing shadow. Zuko decided that it would be best to leave the younger boy alone as well. Instead, he went over to where Sokka was making an idiot of himself by the river.
Toph was laughing at the Water Tribe boy as he attempted to do the worm across the candy-button cobblestones, with mixed results. Zuko lifted his one good eyebrow at the sight, mouthing the words: "What the fuck…?"
But he didn't actually say what he was thinking because he knew Toph was listening. So he just pointed to Sokka and asked, "What's wrong with him?"
The Earthbender giggled. "I think he managed to find the one thing in this place that wasn't edible and tried to eat it." She gestured towards the candy-striped lamp-post he had been gnawing on earlier. The paint was now smeared where Sokka had run his tongue along it. "That paint is flavored, but it's not exactly safe. He's hallucinating."
"I am the happy squid…!"
Zuko blinked. "Shouldn't we…I dunno…try to stop him? Before he hurts himself?"
"I'm supervising him, don't worry," Toph assured him. "Besides, this is almost as entertaining as that time he went and drank cactus juice in the Si Wong Desert. Now that was comedy."
Sokka leapt up and starting waving his arms in the air in a most noodley fashion. "Paaaaaaaaaaasta…!"
By now, the boy's cries had gotten the attention of the other two members of Team Avatar. Rushing over, they crowded around him and stared, mouths agape. Katara lifted her gaze to Zuko and glared, clearly holding him responsible.
Immediately, the Firebender was filled with the urgent need to justify himself. "I didn't do it!"
"He's telling the truth, Sugar Queen. Sparky's innocent this time. Snoozles just went and licked something he shouldn't have again."
The Waterbender sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "What am I going to do with him? We can't take him around the factory acting like this."
"I don't see why not," Toph replied, causing the older girl to shoot her a horrified look.
Aang was losing interest in Sokka's drug-induced antics, and was now staring at the bubbling brown river that flowed majestically through the area. His nose turned at it, though, visibly repulsed at the sight of so much waste.
"What a disgusting river," Zuko muttered, coming to stand next to him on the bank.
"It's industrial waste," said Katara without looking up from her brother. "Like the kind that was polluting the water in that river village, remember?"
"You mean the one where everyone thought you were the Painted Lady?" Toph asked.
Mr. Wonka suddenly appeared, climbing out of the bushes like a sex-offender and dusting off his purple-tuxedo. Zuko actually flinched and whipped out his dao swords again, pointing them at the candy-maker; but the man blithely side-stepped the blades and pointed at the river with his cane.
"Actually, it's chocolate."
Everyone turned to look at him in shock. Toph frowned and stomped the ground, trying to get a feel of the river through the vibrations in the earth. Her brow furrowed.
"He's right," she said. "I can't sense any dirt or mud or anything in there. It's pure chocolate, just like he said…!"
"That's chocolate…?" said Katara in disbelief.
Aang's face lit up. "That's chocolate," he repeated in cheerful agreement. "A chocolate river! It's the most fantastic thing I've ever seen!"
"If by fantastic you mean a tremendous waste of natural resources," said Zuko slowly. "Then yeah. I suppose it is pretty fantastic."
"Ten thousand gallons an hour," said Mr. Wonka, clasping the Firebender by the shoulder. The teen cringed and resisted the urge to skewer the man with his swords. "And look at my waterfall! That's the most important thing!"
Everyone (except for Toph) looked to where he was pointing and saw a giant waterfall crashing down on the mocha rocks below. They all held their breath, all except for a very unimpressed blind girl who folded her arms and wore a very disdained expression on her face.
"I have to say, Mr. Wonka, this factory just does nothing for me."
The man in the top hat had learned to ignore her by now, if only for the sake of the plot. "It's mixing my chocolate. It's actually churning my chocolate…!" He leaned in to whisper confidingly in Zuko's good ear. "You know, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall."
Zuko took a deep breath. "Please…stop touching me…"
More feigned deafness. "But it's really the only way," he continued to whisper. "If you want to get it…just…right…" And then he leaned in further and licked the Firebender on the neck, right underneath his earlobe. "Mmmmmm…."
The Firebender reacted violently, and soon there were many bursts of flame shooting out of his fists that forced his teammates to duck and cover. Several of the trees were set on fire as Mr. Wonka swiftly released the scarred teen and danced out of range of his attacks. He smirked coquettishly at him, waggling his eyebrows as he fingered his cane.
"Temper, temper…" he said with a teasing grin.
"Hey, look over there!" Aang cried, pointing across the river suddenly. "A bunch of little men!"
Zuko went rigid, eyes locked on the troop of orange-faced midgets literally crawling out of the chocolate boulders. They were wearing white jumpsuits with green pom-poms on the frills that matched their vivid green hair. They were carrying bags of cane sugar that were as big as they were over their shoulders and loading into wheelbarrows.
"Oh, them?" Toph said to Aang. "Yeah, I noticed those guys a while ago. I just kind of figured they were factory workers…or slave labor. This is the Fire Nation, after all."
The scarred teen felt his breathing constrict in his chest as some of them started over towards them. He backed away, taking a Firebending stance and watching them with wild eyes.
"Hey," said Katara, coming to stand next to Zuko. "Are you all right? You look terrible."
It seemed that now that she was no longer the only person getting sexually harassed by Mr. Wonka, she was a lot more lenient towards the former prince. She put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle shake, trying to snap him out of it.
"W-What are those things…?" he choked, edging away. "They can't be real people…!"
Mr. Wonka sighed. "Of course they're real people. That's quite a culturally sensitive view-point you got going on there, Lee…real nice."
Zuko ignored that. "But they look just like…like…"
"Midget clowns?" Aang suggested.
Everyone gave Zuko a token glance at this, none of them having forgotten his admission of having a clown phobia. But their host was quick to get their attention back.
"No," Mr. Wonka corrected. "Not clowns. Oompa-Loompas."
There was a moment's pause before the group chorused out, "Oompa-Loompas…?"
The candy-maker just smiled and plucked a strand of licorice from a nearby tree. He chewed on this for a few seconds before acknowledging the unasked question. "From Loompa-Land," he explained in between nibbles.
Katara wheeled around and gave the man a highly skeptical, highly suspicious look. She glanced once at the troop of little-men, who seemed slightly downtrodden and gloomy as they went about their work. And that was all it took for her Oppression-and-Tyranny senses to start tingling.
But she still had no idea who these little-people were or what kind of trouble they were in. She needed more information, and for that, she needed to grill the suspected tyrant in question.
"Loompa-Land?" she repeated. "There's no such place!"
"Excuse me, dear lady—"
But the Waterbender wasn't having any of it. "Mr. Wonka, I might not be the best with maps and geography…that was always Sokka's strong-point, not mine. But even I can tell you that—"
Interruptions abound today. The purple-clad man cut the girl off mid-sentence, before she could so much as bite out her sheer and unerring disbelief. "Oh, then he must know all about it and what a terrible country it is…or he would, if he wasn't having some unfortunate side-effects of the peppermint paint. That stuff is still in the experimenting stages, you know…"
They were about to question him when Sokka unexpectedly shot up into a sitting position, a bright smile on his face. By now his pupils had dilated to three times their normal size, and they were fixed on the little orange people coming towards them. He held out his arms, as though itching to scoop them up in a bone-crushing hug.
"Maybe they're FRIENDLY!"
Mr. Wonka blinked. "Ahem…anyway…Loompa-Land was such a terrible place, like I was saying earlier." He lowered his voice to deep, sympathetic tones as he cast a pointed glance at the little men across the river. "Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts…and the poor little Oompa-Loompas were so small and helpless they would get gobbled up right and left…"
Aang looked as though they were being devoured right in front of him this very instant. "That's…that's terrible…" he breathed, wearing his most poignant kicked-puppy expression.
"Yes. A Wang-Doodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. So, I said "Come live with me…in peace and safety…away from the Wang-Doodles and Horn-Swagglers…and Snoz-Wangers…and ROTTEN Vermicious Knids…""
"Snoz-Wangers!" Katara echoed. "Vermicious Knids…! What kind of idiots do you take us for, anyway? There are no such things as—"
"I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing."
The Waterbender huffed and folded her arms, allowing him to continue with his story.
"And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa-Loompas to my factory here on the lip of this volcano…and heavily fortified it to…um…protect them from the outside world…and to carefully guard the chocolate-making secrets they are now privy to."
"So, they're basically living, breathing secrets that you have to keep," said Katara slowly, acid dripping from every word that passed her lips. "You're a horrible man…!"
Aang caught a hold of her sleeve. "But Katara, if he didn't, they all would have been killed by the Vermicious-Knids! It was the only way!"
Toph, however, was far less impressed. "So, you couldn't have given them weapons or something? You basically just decided to uproot their entire society and sneak them into your factory to make your candy for you? Aren't there labor laws against stuff like that?"
"Not in the Fire Nation!" said Mr. Wonka brightly.
Katara was absolutely incredulous. "That can't be right…!" She turned suddenly on the one silent member of their group. "Zuko—"
"Lee," he reminded her sharply.
She scowled. "Lee, then," she said through gritted teeth. "Tell me he isn't serious. There aren't laws protecting the workers in all the weapons factories you have here in the Fire Nation? And…they get paid a living wage, right?"
Zuko didn't quite meet her eyes. "You do realize who runs this country, don't you?"
"Well…"
"In short, the homicidal maniac who ordered Zhao to commit acts of genocide against the Northern Water Tribe last winter," he interjected. "Do you really think someone like that is going to be concerned about the commoners and peasants doing the dirty work?"
Toph nodded. "Yeah. Especially when old Ozai is so determined to squeeze more airships and tanks out of his country than shit through a goose." She quirked an eyebrow. "Remember that factory he plopped next to that fishing village?"
Katara sighed. "I guess you're right…but…" she shot Mr. Wonka a vicious look. "That still doesn't excuse what he's doing!"
Aang looked doubtful. "But…but…what about the Vermicious Knids…?"
"Aang, there aren't any! He's making it all up!"
"Then how do you explain the Oompa-Loompas," the monk countered. "How come they can exist if the Vermicious Knids can't?"
No one had an answer ready for him. Mr. Wonka grinned at the bald lad and clasped him on the shoulder. "Quite right, m'boy. Quite right. And unlike those nasty, mean old Vermicious Knids, the Oompa-Loompas are perfectly harmless. They're merely here to cream the river and trim the plants…"
Zuko tried to get a hold of himself. "Somehow, I seriously doubt that," he murmured. "Spirits…there are so many of them…!"
The scarred teen had been holding up well so far, in spite of his being in the presence of his most dreaded phobia. He had been staring at his shoes and taking deep breaths, and Katara's questions about worker's rights had been a nice distraction on the whole. Distractions always helped.
But now the Oompas had finished doing their creaming and sugaring, and their rapidly increasing proximity to the group was putting the Firebender more and more on edge. Unable to ignore them any longer, he watched the orange midgets with wary, unblinking eyes; his breathing shallow.
Toph gave him an evil smile. "They definitely have us outnumbered, Sparky. And I think some of them are packing weapons somewhere up their little jumpsuits."
"Toph, stop it," Katara scolded. "Can't you see that you're scaring him? This isn't funny!"
She snorted. "I think it's hilarious."
"Toph!"
"Now, now," chided Mr. Wonka gently. "Don't fight. Look, to ease the tension, perhaps the Oompa-Loompas can do a brief performance for all of you. I do believe they took the liberty of preparing a song and dance to greet our most esteemed guests," he added with a chuckle. "Watch…!"
He pulled a small pistol out of his coat pocket and fired a single, piercing shot into the air. The Oompas were immediately alert, their eyes on the gun in the candy-maker's hand. They looked paralyzed with fear.
"A five, six, seven, eight…!"
The Oompa-Loompas moved so fast it was as though a Vermicious Knid was after them. They frantically moved into position and started humming a faint, doleful-sounding tune.
Mr. Wonka gestured for the youngsters to be silent as he turned back to the orange midgets. They were perfectly synchronized as they started bopping and dipping and doing little turns; though their expressions were vaguely panicked and there were many gazes darting towards Mr. Wonka and his gun.
"I don't hear any singing…!"
And another gunshot was fired. One of the Oompa-Loompas collapsed, a bullet-wound gaping in its little chest as blood began to pool on the cane-sugar grass.
Not needing any further motivation, the little factory-workers began to sing:
"Oompa, loompa, doopity-doo! I have a perfect puzzle for you…!"
They started dancing closer to the assembled teens, waving their hands back and forth. But there was no mistaking the traces of suffering on their faces as they continued to dance and trample on their own dignity…not to mention the grass soaked through with the blood of their fallen brother.
"Oompa, loompa, doopity-dee! If you are wise you'll listen to me!"
Everyone was horrified. But things were about to get worse.
What happened next was something straight out of a documentary from the Discovery Channel. You know those ones that show a group of predators stalking a herd of wildebeest? Do you ever notice how those hungry predators almost always target the stragglers; the individuals hovering on the edge of the group?
Unfortunately for the former prince, that meant him. Zuko had been edging away from the others for quite some time now. He was quite desperate to put as much distance between himself and the little men as humanly possible. And seeing this, the Oompa-Loompas knew exactly who to target with their meaningful musical number.
In several short maneuvers they had managed to pirouette in Zuko's intended escape route, effectively cutting him off. And before he could get back to the others, they had him surrounded.
They began dancing around him in a ring.
"What do you get when you're banished from home?" one Oompa sang.
"No honor left and left all alone?" came the refrain.
Zuko's good eye widened. Were these little cretins singing about…him? About his banishment? But he had used an alias back at the gates. There was no way any of the creepy little orange people should have known who he was…right? It was impossible!
And yet they were clearly addressing him as they continued the song.
"What are you at…stabbing Iroh in the back? What do you think will come…of…that…?"
One Oompa got right up in his grill, his expression flat. "We're going to cut your liver out…!" he sang in a deep tenor.
And then out came the knives.
One orange man kicked out Zuko's legs from behind him, and the scarred teen landed hard on the ground. And once he was down, he was swiftly pummeled and beaten by the rest of the Oompas. Zuko struggled to get to his feet, but there were just too many to fight off. And unfortunately, his nerves were too frazzled for his fighting instincts to kick in. He was as helpless as a newborn kitten getting the crap kicked out of it.
Mr. Wonka fired a few shots and the Oompas scattered. But not before one of them had the foresight of grabbing Zuko by the hair and hauling his head up. Before the candy-maker could act, the Fire Prince had a small dagger held to his throat.
"Drop the gun," the little man snarled. "Or I'm carving my mother's name into his larynx! I want all of your hands in the air!"
Toph just sighed. "You know, I could solve this in about two seconds flat…ow! Hey!" Sokka had just crawled up from behind her and latched on to her back. "Get off of me, Snoozles!"
"I love you, Talking-Drumstick! I'm gonna lick you!"
"Let go!"
"Wait…! Stop running away! I'm hungryyyyyyyy…!"
Yeah. Zuko was pretty much on his own from here on in. No one moved, not daring to do something that would make the Oompa-Loompas kill their hostage. And the only person who might have been able to defuse the crisis with some swift Earthbending was struggling to wrestle a delusional Water Tribe Warrior off of her back.
Fortunately, the Oompas ignored their shrieks and bickering and stared dead at Mr. Wonka.
"You slaughtered our families," said the lead-Oompa. "…destroyed our lives…and forced us to make candy for you in these horrible conditions! Well, no more! Today, my brothers, is a new day! Today, we run the factory! And today, we will take a stand! Unless our demands are met, we will tear our hostage apart piece by piece…just as you tore apart our lives and our civilization…and our dearest allies, the Vermicious Knids…may the Spirits take their souls!"
"Please," Aang said, holding out his hands to calm them. "You don't have to do this! Zuko isn't your enemy!"
This statement was met with a rather lukewarm response from the murderous, rioting Oompa-Loompas.
"Fire Lord Ozai was the one who approved this factory," the leader stated, raising an eyebrow. "And because of him, we fell into the hands of this…monster…! For years we slaved away with little hope of being freed or rescued! And the only person who ever took pity on us was the great General Iroh…" the Oompa gave Zuko's hair another rough jerk. "…who is now in prison and unable to save us thanks to this one!"
Another Oompa-Loompa stabbed an accusing finger at the candy-maker. "Did you think we would not realize that one of your guests was Prince Zuko? The most notorious traitor on the face of the earth?"
Zuko's eyes snapped open.
"But he's changed," Katara cried. "He risked everything to come join us and teach Avatar Aang Firebending! And we're going to overthrow Fire Lord Ozai and save everyone! All of you will be free!"
The leader scoffed. "We've been lied to before. We were told we'd be free once we finished producing blasting jelly, and then it became Wonka bars and fizzy-lifting drinks! Our work…our slavery will never end! And we will have no more lies!"
But Zuko didn't hear a word his captor was saying. His ears were ringing as a memory he had been trying very hard to push back came rushing to the surface. Another one of the Oompas grinned maniacally at him as it took another step towards him, little dagger in hand; and that was all it took to send Zuko spiraling into an unwanted flashback.
All of a sudden, he was not an outlawed former crown prince of the Fire Nation seeking redemption while touring a chocolate factory. Now, he was a mere child clinging to his mother's hand, while the sound of an organ grinded out of his memories and into his ears…
"Mom, I don't want to see the clowns," Zuko complained, holding on to the skirts of an older woman with a kind face and long raven hair. "They're so weird…and creepy."
Ursa bent down and took her little boy gently by the shoulders. She looked him in the eyes, making sure that she had his undivided attention. "Zuko, there's nothing to be afraid of. They're only clowns…just normal people wearing costumes and make-up. That's all it is."
A six-year-old Azula laughed. "Zuzu's scared of the clowns!"
"Am not! I just don't like them!"
Ursa frowned at the boy. "Can I ask why you don't like them? Is there a reason?"
The boy couldn't quite put into words what he didn't like about them. Perhaps it was the forced grins painted on their sallow faces as they danced for coins. Maybe it was the dye soaked into their hair or the stale smell of sweat clinging to them as they performed for hordes of screaming, ungrateful children. The sight just bothered him on some deep, emotional level. He couldn't really explain it if he tried.
"They're just so weird-looking," he muttered sullenly, not meeting the taunting gaze of his younger sibling.
"You mean, they look different from the rest of us."
Zuko averted his eyes, a silent admission of guilt. "Yeah…I guess…"
Ursa smoothed a strand of hair that had fallen out of the boy's topknot and smiled. "You know, no one is exactly the same. It's our differences that make us special, and turn the world into such a beautiful place. Do you understand?"
He shrugged.
"Would you like to try watching the clowns with me, Zuko?" his mother persisted.
The boy thought about it for a minute before slowly nodding. Her smile brightened as she took her son's hand and led him and his sister towards the performing clown. Zuko watched him juggle a bunch of empty milk bottles, while another clown tossed random objects at him. Somehow, instead of dropping anything, he only caught the items thrown at him and juggled those along with the milk bottles. He stared transfixed at the sight.
"This is boring," Azula complained. "They make it look too easy."
"I'd like to see you do better," Zuko replied. "You may be good at Firebending, but I bet you can't juggle like these guys can."
The little girl turned her nose up at him. "Why would I need to do something stupid like that?" she asked. "Firebending is all I'll ever need…dum-dum."
"Now, children," Ursa chided. "Be nice to each other."
"Yes, Mother," they chorused, shooting each other dirty looks.
The act continued without incident, and Zuko actually found himself having a good time. He and his mother laughed as the clowns continued their antics, all revolving around the one juggling clown in the center. Azula sat in a sullen silence, her arms folded and her mouth pursed in a displeased pout. She would never say as much out loud, but she wanted to prove to stupid Zu-Zu that juggling wasn't so great.
Plus, she found the clowns to be annoying rather than entertaining. Privately, she thought she could make the act a lot more entertaining if anyone bothered to let her.
Zuko was too distracted by the act to notice his little sister slipping away and closer to the ring. Azula waited until she was sure no one would spot what she was doing before lighting up a small flame on her fingertip. Then, as one of the clowns darted past her, she let the flame touch his brightly-colored pants that were two sizes too big for him.
The fire spread quickly. Azula slipped back into her seat right as the clown she had targeted noticed he had been lit aflame. The man screamed and tried to unbuckle the burning garment, only he was having a lot of trouble. As the flames continued to lick at his pants, he attempted to stop, drop and roll; only he wound up tripping some of the other clowns who didn't realize what was happening. Naturally, they caught on fire, too.
Soon, there were screaming clowns everywhere. There was pandemonium in the circus ring.
"Oh, my goodness," Ursa gasped. "Someone needs to help those poor men!"
Zuko's eyes went wide. The other children were getting frightened at the turn of events, and were thrown into a panic when one of the flaming clowns vaulted over the edge of the stands and into the crowd. Shrieking, they fled their seats and flooded the exits as smoke started filling the air.
Azula was laughing her butt off, naturally.
"We need to leave," said Ursa urgently, grabbing her children and steering them towards the exit.
Only, in the confusion they wound up getting separated in the crowd. Zuko tried not to breathe in the smoke as he stumbled around, trying to find his mother and sister. He slipped and fell on to his butt and got a good look at the walls of the tent, which were also on fire.
The staggering clown, now covered with unrelenting flames, fell on the ground right in front of him. Mere feet away, the man screamed and screamed, the comical face-paint melting and running down his face in streams. The colors warped into a silent scream of terror. Even his hair was on fire.
Zuko's eyes locked with the clown's. And then, he started screaming too…and he couldn't stop.
"Get away from me…! GET AWAY FROM ME…!"
"Zuko, stop it!"
"Oh, Spirits, why…?!"
The Fire Prince snapped out of his trance and found himself standing alone in a ring of small, flaming bodies. He was breathing heavily, as though he had just exerted himself to the point of exhaustion. And his hands were shaking badly.
He went very still. "Did…did I do that…?"
The Oompa-Loompas were all lying motionless on the ground. He turned to the others and saw Aang and Katara staring back at him with traumatized expressions. Sokka was still drooling on the grass (having finally detached from Toph's back), completely senseless; while the blind Earthbender merely stared in his direction with a very bored expression.
"You know," she said. "Technically it was self-defense. I'd have done a lot worse than that if I were in Sparky's shoes…"
"Yes, but even so…!" Katara replied, her face like stone. "Spirits…I had no idea Zuko was this afraid of clowns…! Those poor Oompa-Loompas...!"
Zuko made a nauseated sound and staggered away from the smoldering Oompa corpses, collapsing on the ground next to Sokka on the chocolate river bank. Across the body of gooey brown liquid, the other Oompa-Loompas were staring at him in horror. They were whispering to each other and edging away from the river, their riot forgotten.
"Well, wouldn't you be freaked if a bunch of clowns pulled knives on you, Sugar-Queen? It's only a natural response to try to defend yourself."
Katara opened her mouth to retort, but stopped as the Fire Prince started making retching sounds. Even she had to admit that he seemed extremely remorseful for his actions.
"I think they like you," said Mr. Wonka cheerfully. Then his eyes drifted from the deeply traumatized Fire Prince to the other boy beside him. His expression abruptly changed to panic. "Ah! Young man, you mustn't do that! "
It should probably be said that at that moment, Sokka was bent over the edge of the river and ladling cupped handfuls of liquidy-brown into his mouth. Heedless to the candy-maker's warnings, he continued to slurp up the chocolate in a highly appreciative manner.
"Mmmmmm…!" the Water Tribe boy garbled. "Thissssh stuff…issssh terrificcccch….!"
"Don't worry," Toph replied with a shrug. "He can't drink it all. That's a tall order, even for him."
Katara immediately switched into concerned mothering-mode. She unfroze from her trance (she had been a little fixated on Zuko, whose shoulders were shaking so bad it looked as though he were actually crying) and ran over to her brother. "Sokka! Stop that! You don't know where that stuff has been!"
"No, no!" Mr. Wonka cried frantically, pushing the Waterbender aside roughly and forcing his way to the front of the group. "You mustn't do that! Please, Sokka, my chocolate must never be touched by human hands!"
Sokka continued to drink from the chocolate river, completely oblivious to the chocolate-peddler's blatant panic. He looked as happy as a clam…or happier, considering the fact that clams don't exactly have faces to smile with.
"Ple…Don't do that…! Don't do that, you're contaminating my entire river! Please! I BEG you! Sokka!"
And as Mr. Wonka raced forward, the Water Tribe warrior started to lose his precarious balance.
(A/N: I bet you all think Sokka falls in the river, now, don't you…)
However, seconds before he was pitched forwards into the depths of the swirling brown liquid, his hand happened to latch on to Zuko's shirt. And as Sokka flailed and struggled to safety, the horrendously unlucky Fire Prince was dragged down and ended up plunging headfirst into the chocolate. Zuko let out a garbled cry for help as his face temporarily broke the surface. But there was a thick sucking sound, and the poor boy was pulled back under again.
"ZUKO!"
"MY CHOCOLATE…!" Mr. Wonka screamed, wringing his hair. "My chocolate…! My beautiful chocolate…!"
Katara seized the man by his arm and shook him. "Don't just stand there! DO something…!"
The candy-maker's expression became abruptly flat and apathetic. "Help. Police. Murder."
Aang ran over to the river bank, getting into full-on Avatar-mode. "Katara, let's try to Waterbend him out. Maybe we can still save him!"
"Oh, it's too late," said Mr. Wonka offhandedly. "He's had it now. The suction's got him. No amount of Waterbending will drag the poor boy out before he drowns."
But his pessimistic words went ignored. Aang continued to pull the chocolately-brown substance with his bending, using it to keep Zuko from going any further away from them. But the monk was straining from the effort and was clearly having trouble resisting the suction.
"I can't…he's…going up the pipe…!"
"Just try to hold him, Aang," said Katara frantically. "I'm going to go get him!"
"Hurry!"
Toph ambled up to Mr. Wonka and noticed that he was eating chocolate-covered raisins out of a bag he had just pulled out of his pocket. She shot him a peeved look. "You gonna share those?" she asked bluntly, folding her arms at him.
The chocolate-factory-owner just popped another piece of candy into his mouth, ignoring her. His eyes were riveted on the scene in front of him.
Katara, meanwhile, had sucked in her breath and took a dive into the river. She went with the current, doing the breast stroke, and almost bumped into Zuko underwater. She had to swim blind since this wasn't technically pure water, and there was no telling what would happen if it got in her eyes.
"The suspense is terrible…" Mr. Wonka murmured, eating his candy like movie-theater popcorn. "…I hope it lasts…!"
Meanwhile, Katara had the presence of mind to wrap an arm around the prince's waist and drag him into her arms. Then, she used her own bending to whip up a spiraling chocolate whirlpool to thrust them up and out of the river. The massive brown vortex climbed higher and higher, smashing into the cocoa mountains and shattering the glass pipe that was trying to suction the chocolate up and out into the fudge room in the distance. The riverbank was quickly flooded, and everyone was forced to run for their lives.
SPLOOOSH…!
It took a few minutes for the tidal-wave of chocolate to drain back into the river and to soak into the ground; but when it did, the very first thing Katara could see was that Mr. Wonka was clinging to the tops of the candy-trees, which miraculously withstood her assault. Everyone else was hovering safely with Aang inside a temporary wind-bubble that slowly gravitated back towards the ground before dissipating with a sigh.
Toph was still holding on to Sokka, looking frazzled and very unhappy to have been cut off from her element without so much as a warning. She winced as the Water Tribe boy leaned in and licked a lot of the leftover chocolate off of the side of her face.
Then, there was the sound of a fist colliding against a body, the sound of cracking ribs, and Sokka crying out in pain. The nonbender collapsed on to the ground, clutching his side in agony.
Katara tightened her grip on Zuko and brought her chocolate vortex closer to the ground. The Firebender's head drooped, unconscious, as the Waterbender brought them back to the others. She rolled him on to his back and stared shaking him.
"He's not breathing…!"
Toph gave a little smirk. "Hmmmm…looks like someone is going to have to give Sparky some mouth-to-mouth…Katara…"
In response, the Water Tribe girl turned a very deep red in mortification. She glanced down warily at Zuko, considering and weighing out the consequences in her head. She didn't notice the way Aang scowled at her contemplative look.
"That sounds like a terrible idea," he told them abruptly. "What if it's contagious?"
They all stared at the monk (except for Toph). "Um…" the blind girl replied with a laugh. "I don't think it works that way, Twinkle-Toes. Since when is drowning contagious?"
He gave her a sharp look that told her to shut up. He stood up to his full height and confronted his Earthbending teacher head-on, just as she always harangued him to do in the past.
"Well, I should take care of this, anyway. I am an Airbender, after all. If anyone can get Zuko to breathe again, it's me."
"Well, do it quick," said Katara frantically. "He's turning blue!"
Aang nodded firmly. He knelt down beside Zuko and turned his face up towards him. He got the older boy's mouth open before sucking in his breath and prepared to inflate the unsuspecting prince like the war-balloon he had followed them all in. Katara let out a gasp.
"Aang, wait…! You shouldn't…!"
Toph was quicker. Stomping the ground, she sent up a small column of earth lurching up and into Zuko's back…just hard enough to jolt his body, but soft enough not to shatter his spine. Zuko's eyes popped open and he regurgitated the chocolate that had been trapped in his lungs. Aang and Katara jumped back, startled, as the prince rolled around on to all fours, coughing and retching.
"W-wha…what happened…?" he gagged. Chocolate trickled from his lips all the way down to his chin, and his golden eyes were wide and frightened. "Where was I…?"
Katara took one shoulder while Aang took the other, pulling him back into a sitting position. "You almost drowned," she told him. "But we managed to get you out of the river just in time. And Toph woke you up."
The blind girl just shrugged. "Meh…"
Mr. Wonka was watching them all from the top of his tree in awestricken horror. He just kept shaking his head from side to side, turning to stare at his ruined candy garden…at the broken glass from the shattered suction pipe…and his chocolate river tainted by those wretched children.
"Those brats were supposed to drown," he said in a breathy undertone. "They should have drowned. No one told me they were this resourceful…or powerful…"
The candy-maker shook his head again.
"Still…how do I tell her that I failed to get rid of a handful of greedy kids?" he asked himself. "No, failure isn't an option. Princess Azula is counting on me to finish this mission."
Mr. Wonka reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, rectangular device. He extended the antenna and held down the button in the front, leaning in to whisper into it.
"Yes, Sector Sixteen? We had a minor mishap in the chocolate room…so I'm going to be bringing our guests your way. Make sure they are properly greeted."
PSSSSSH…"Yessir…!"
He clicked the device shut.
Perfect.
A/N: Yes, folks. There you have it. Mr. Wonka is operating directly under his one and only shareholder…Azula.
Obviously, such a scheme (i.e. having the Avatar, her brother, and his friends picked off by a psychotic candy-maker in his factory of elaborate death-traps) is not the kind of plan Azula is prone to concocting. She is neat and punctual, and usually will strike fast and hard when she is confident that she has the upper-hand. And while she is prone to stealth and trickery to carry out her ends, something overly-elaborate like this leaves way too much to chance.
But then, this fic takes place after the Boiling Rock; after which we see a drastic change in her behavior; for while she is still murderous and vindictive towards her older brother, she seems to completely lose her calm, calculated sense of focus that makes her such a formidable opponent. So, lacking said focus, you could arguably say that hiring Mr. Wonka to pick off Zuko and Aang (and co.) is actually in character given the timing of the fic.
Plus, there's a lot more to Azula's plan to ensure her ultimate success. You'll just have to read to find out…and Zuko's phobia is merely icing on the cake.
Okay, I will admit right now that Zuko's fear for clowns is pure fan speculation, and that there is nothing in canon that even remotely hints that he would have such a fear. And since this story is a lot of crack, I decided to just go with it…simply because I could. But I wanted to make it realistic to Zuko's character (up to a point). I knew that if he did have such a phobia, he would have to have a pretty-damn good excuse for it.
So, I thought to myself: Gee…what is the sole cause of nearly every unpleasant childhood trauma in Zuko's life? And a lightbulb went off immediately. Azula.
Hence the deeply upsetting flashback at the circus tent. Ursa, in one of her bonding moments with her children, brought them to see the clowns; and Azula, jealous of the way Zuko and their mother was having such a nice time, decides to make the show more interesting for herself. And so, her immediate targets are the clowns. Before ten minutes go by, the entire tent is full of screaming, flaming clowns.
And sadly…her doing this is completely and totally in character. Don't believe me? Go watch the episode "Return to Omashu." In it, Azula does in fact attend a performance of Ty-Lee's circus and does in fact end up setting the safety-net on fire to "make it more interesting."
Ahem.
As for the Oompa-Loompas, they were dragged to the factory against their will by a very imperialistic Fire Nation and the insane Mr. Wonka; and so, they are not overly-fond of Fire Lord Ozai or his kinfolk at the moment. But I realized that Iroh (at least in the early years of Ozai's reign) had to have known about the factory and its downtrodden inhabitants. I think he would have done whatever he could to improve conditions for them, and as such, would have become quite popular with the Oompas.
Unfortunately, though, Ozai is the one signing Mr. Wonka's paycheck. So he's not wasting any energy to appease the Fire-Lord's hated brother Iroh…especially when he already has a lot on his plate from his very demanding employer. And yes, the blasting jelly was totally invented by Wonka and his Oompa-Loompas (at least, in my mind-canon, it was). It just clicked in my head, you know?
Anyway, now that Iroh is in prison, things have gotten much worse for the poor Oompa-Loompas, and they're not particularly pleased to see Zuko (you know, since technically he was the reason Iroh was imprisoned to begin with). Nor are they fooled by his alter-ego, "Lee." Mr. Wonka obviously knew that the Avatar and the former prince would be among the guests at his factory, so naturally it makes sense that the Oompa-Loompas know it as well.
So, they take matters into their own hands and attempt a swift coup-de-tat. Which fails.
I imagine that in spite of their desperate situation, not many of you are going to be very sympathetic with the little guys after the way they treated Zuko. But one person who definitely feels for them is Katara. Let's face it, guys…Katara is practically the Hermione Granger of the group. If someone is going to go preaching about worker's rights in Wonka's chocolate factory, you know it's going to be her.
And don't think she's going to let this matter drop, either. Mr. Wonka is about to have a revolution on his hands. Not to mention an extremely delusional Sokka (though I promise that'll wear off sometime next chapter; it's fun writing it at first, but I ended up sorely missing his wit and resourcefulness before long).
Oh, and bonus points to whoever can spot the Hetalia reference I slipped in this chapter…! It's not that hard, either, if you know anything at all about that anime. I wasn't exactly subtle about it.
One last note…as far as shipping goes, this fic is being written in a way that sticks true to the character dynamics in the show (well, most of the time). I'm doing this without announcing pairings so that way you guys can interpret it however you want; and so that this fic can be enjoyed by as wide of an audience as possible, ships or no ships.
Obviously I was toying a bit with Kataang and Zutara in this chapter just for lolz. However, romance is not a key element of this fic. This story is mainly humor/parody, so if you're here looking for a steamy make-out scene behind the Everlasting Gobstocker machine, you're in for a disappointing read.
Aaaaaand, that's it. I hope you guys liked it. I'll get to writing the next chapter so I can update quicker next time. REVIEW!
