UNDYING PIE
There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it.
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CHAPTER TWO - BAKED GOODS MULTIPLY
Well, back at the very crazy FAMILY home of Aeris and Sephiroth, with NO FAMILY to FILL the FAMILY home, apart from themselves, Aeris had now made about... 100 pies. All cherry. Sephiroth had just come back down from upstairs, and you can imagine his shock when there was just ONE pie and then suddenly in the duration of about fifteen minutes, there was ONE HUNDERED!
"Oooookkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy..." He said slowly. "What's with all the... Umm... Pies?"
"I'm sending them to the homeless refuge." Aeris replied. GOD BLESS THAT CRAZY FLOWER GIRL!
Then, a van pulled up outside, and Aeris stacked up ALL the pies, and ran outside with them. Can she carry 100 at once? Sure... Let's just say she can. It was the HOMELESS REFUGE VAN! The homeless refuge MAN, who drove the homeless refuge VAN, was very grateful, helped her stuff ALL the pies into his van, payed her and drove off.
"WHOA!" Sephiroth excaimed, staring at all the Gil she got. "YOU GOT PAYED FOR THAT?"
"Sure. Why not?" She said, and went into the lounge to sit on the couch after a LLLLLOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG day of making pies. "Phewf!"
He followed her in.
"So, explain..." He said.
"Um... Well, I don't know." She replied. "I just have this weird urge to... Bake pies! So, I figured since we wouldn't find use for so many of them, I'd give them to the homeless refuge."
"That explains... Hardly anything..." Sephiroth sighed, and then he just shook his head and sat down next to her.
Well, when I say 'next to', I mean 'on the other side of the couch next to'. Anyway, they just spent the rest of the evening sat there in silence, until they went back to their rooms. Hahaha!
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THE NEXT DAY...
"Aeris..." Sephiroth said, very blankly. "Are you doing what I THINK you're doing..."
I bet you think Aeris was making more pies, right? HAHAHAHA! SUCKER! On the contrary, she was EATING a pie.
"Yes." She said, twitching. "I am eating a mustard pie..."
"That's what I presumed."
So, he just left and went back to his evil layer. He hadn't really thought of how to get revenge on Shinra yet, so he was playing the very murderous game Grand Theft Auto on the PS2. Why? I dunno... He wanted to shoot people.
Let me put something into perspective, by going to a FLASHBACK in the game (FFVII, not GTA, numbskull!)
---FLAAASHBAAACK!---
It was at the Gold Saucer when Dyne shot all those dudes. If you don't remember Dyne, he was the other guy who got a gun-arm asides from Barrett. Cloud, Aeris and Cait Sith went to see what was going on... In the pools of blood.
"Sephiroth?" Aeris asked.
Cloud knelt by one of the corpses.
"No. They all have shot wounds. Sephiroth would never use a gun."
---FLAAASHFORWAAARD!---
To that, Cloud, I have to say... PAH-HA! In fact, he had just equpiied his character with a HUGE machine gun, and was firing at will.
"DIE! DIE RANDOM CIVILLIANS! MWA HA HA HA HA HAA!"
Anyway, just so you know, in that space of about five minutes, Aeris had baked... Like... Twenty batches of cookies. And she came running up with a plate.
"HEY!" She said, ignoring all the KEEP OUT signs and bursting into the evil layer. "CAN YOU TEST THESE FOR ME?"
Before he could even answer or press PAUSE, she stuffed a whole cookie into his mouth.
"MMFFFFFFFFF!"
"They're good?" She asked hopefully.
He couldn't answer, except for 'MFF!', so he nodded, trying to chew the cookie into... Well... PIECES HE COULD ACTUALLY SWALLOW!
"YAY! I'M SO HAPPY!" Aeris declared to the world. "I'M SO HAPPY THAT I'M GOING TO BAKE MORE COOKIES AND MORE PIES!"
"You do that then..." Sephiroth said after he swallowed the cookie and returned to the game, sounding quite uninterested.
"Here. You can have the rest of these." She said, leaving the plate on the table nearby. "But don't leave crummies!"
"Okay then, MOM!" He yelled in a sarcastic tone.
Sigh. What will we do about that CRAZY Aeris?
Alright, so... That's the end of that scene!
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Next, we go to the Shinra building, where the Sephiroth FC and the Turks... Well... Reno of the Turks... were discussing how to De-Aeris Sephiroth's life. GASP! NOOO!
"WE CAN MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE CHEATED ON HIM!" Mary-Sue suggested. Well, actually, she CONFIRMED, seeing as what Mary-Sue wants, Mary-Sue gets... Usually. Or she throws a tantrum if she can't get it. "That's where YOU come in, Reno! You need to climb up into..."
Then, Mary-Sue cringed, and fell back to the floor. OC and Fan Girl went to each side of her.
"PRESIDENT!" They excalimed.
Well, Mary-Sue was about to say 'Their bedroom', but she thought of a better phrase, and sat RIGHT up. Wow, this is actually an example of DRAMATIC IRONY! I'm SO proud of myself! Hahahahahahaha!
"You need to climb into the master bedroom and look like you've just been... Well... Doing stuff with that AWFUL witch!"
"WHAT HO?" Reno yelled. "THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS! I shall have NO part in this WHATSOEVER!"
"PLEASE?" The FC pleaded.
"...Alright, fine. Because I am so incredibly British, I shall see what I can do for you, ladies." He agreed, even though the fact that he was British had absolutly NOTHING to do with this. He isn't even British. He's putting the accent on. Also, Reno probably has better things to do, so he was probably bluffing, too, and thinking up his OWN plan.
Anyway, let's change to ANOTHER scene.
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Elmyra was still trying to kill herself. Barrett saved her last time, remember? So, she stood under a loss, heavy iron chandelier, with live wires that were showing.
"Goodbye, cruel world..." She said in an angsty voice, as the chain began to snap...
...But suddenly.
"WATCH OUT ELMYRA!" Barrett yelled, and pushed her out of the way.
The chandelier hit the floor with a big BANG! What did you expect?
"HEY! Elmyra! That chandelier almost crushed you!" Barrett said.
"I am... Aware... Of that...!" Elmyra said, grining her teeth.
"Boy, if I wasn't here to save you again, then, well, you'd be pretty much a pretty mush! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
Hahahahaha! How FUNNY you are, Barrett! Elmyra laughed slightly, then turned away, groaned, and mumbled. Which is another cue to go back to Aeris, who had just recieved MORE Gil from those people at the homeless refuge, for the cookies.
"I think I've found a REAL purpose in my life now!" She said, even though there was nobody in the room. "I'll bake for homeless people!"
Was THAT her purpose? Was THAT the purpose of baking? Well, so she thought...
...Until...
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Later on, Sephiroth walked down the stairs, when suddenly, he heard sobbing. Anyhoo, he went into the lounge, and... AERIS WAS CRYING! Awww...
"Aeris?" He asked. "What's wrong?"
She took a while to reply.
"N-Nothing... I-I just feel..."
Okay, so, like, he was ABOUT to leave the room, when she continued.
"I feel incomplete."
"Wow... Maybe you should see someone about it?" He suggested, because he couldn't really help her. Could Sephiroth help with something like this? No? That's what I thought, too.
"Yeah. Good idea." She said, immidiatly lighting up. "I'll go once I've made some more pies!"
It was 10PM.
"Uhh... Maybe you should go tommorow? It's kinda late..."
"Okay. But I'm still making more pies!"
So, she went off into the kitchen again, and he just sighed and went upstairs to his evil layer. Ahem... So...
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THE NEXT DAY... AGAIN!
"BYE, SEPHIROTH!" Aeris shouted, grabbing her jacket and the car keys. "I'M GOING TO SEE THE PSYCHIATRIST! I'LL BE BACK SOON!"
No reply. But she didn't care. She just walked out of the house.
Okay, so, these guys have an AWESOME car... AWESOME! It's like... When you're a standard car, and you drive past like... A car showroom, with really REALLY awesome cars, that are SHINY and have convertable roofs! And you're like 'OMG! I WISH I HAD ONE OF THOSE AWESOME CARS!', except they really DO have an AWESOME car! IT'S THE FINAL FANTASY VERSION OF A PORSHE! And... AAANNNDDD...! IT'S BLACK! Okay, so it's Sephiroth's car. But Aeris doesn't have one, so I guess they have one between them. Meep. Anyhoo, she hopped right into the comfy leather driver's seat and sped off! But sensibly. Ooooooookayyy... Let's skip to what the Sephiroth FC and Reno are doing.
Well, they were outside the house, in the back yard, which is pretty cool, by the way. The girls were sticking Reno to the wall, so that he could climb up to the master bedroom.
"It's all up to you." Mary-Sue said, helping him up. "Wreck EVERYTHING."
"Are you sure that this is the right way to get revenge, or whatever you Americans want?" Reno asked.
"YES!" They all replied.
"Alright, ladies! Tally-ho!"
He began the ascent towards the window. Well, he moved one hand, then he jumped off.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Mary-Sue yelled.
"Terribly sorry. I just cannot do something like this." Reno said, and then he walked away and decided to go back to the Shinra building and never speak of the event again.
"OH! So not even the Turks will help?" OC excalimed. "They're not the Turks! More like... THE JERKS!"
Mary-Sue suddenly looked like she was in a crazy concentrating phase!
"Uh... President?" Fan Girl asked.
"Don't worry." Mary-Sue said malevolently. "I HAVE A PLAN B!"
Then, the three girls laughed manically and went back to the Shinra building. And that's the end of THAT chapter!
Time to...
BASS IT!
Okay, so I barely gave you any time for FAQ questions. But, please ask some. Ask me, or the characters ANYTHING you want to ask! ANYTHING! Please! I really need some from you nice people! PLEASE!
(Listening to Pokémon theme)
GOTTA CATCH 'EM AAAALLLLL!
