She would see him today, Lily decided. She would see what she had done, and she would understand.
Understand, she had so much to understand.
She walked quietly to the Hospital Room, her breathing shallow and laboured. A tear threatened to escape her eye.
She had pushed him to his near death.
It was her fault. All hers. So, she would understand the consequence of her actions.
She pushed the doors open, and listened. Someone was speaking.
"I remember, when I first met you, I saw you and Sirius about to pour treacle on Fich's cat. You had looked up, and put a finger to your lips. I smiled and nodded, and helped you escape from Filch's wrath. We were best mates after that."
It was Remus. Lily strained to listen. Perhaps this was eavsdropping...
"We were inseperable after that, you, me, Sirius and eventually Peter. We were the Marauders, friends till death. You accepted me for who I was once you found out. You accepted my 'furry little problem," here Remus gave a watery chuckle. Lily crept further into the room and saw him speaking to an unconcious James. Sirius was by his side, a hand on Remus' quivering shoulder.
"You worked day in and day out, trying to find a way to help me during the full moons when I was a monster, a werewolf. Whenever I told you it was fine, that you need not help, you would get angry, and say 'Your problems are our problems, and I intend to fix them.' Sirius would say you sounded too bloody serious in those times, and this would result in some lame pun."
Sirius smiled. Lily's eyes widened. Remus was a werewolf. No wonder he couldn't patrol that night!
"But you did it. After three years of pouring over textbooks you did it. You, Sirius and Peter risked Azkaban for me. In fifth year, you became Anigami."
Lily stuffed a fist in her mouth to stop her self from gasping. Anigami!
Remus let out a dry sob.
"What will we do without you Prongs? You the stag, the leader of our group. Without you we're nothing. We might be friends until death, but you weren't supposed to die so early! Who will stop me getting too worried about an upcoming test or think up some crazy prank to make me smile before the full moon? Who will be Sirius' surrogate brother? Who will Peter copy off in those back breaking Potion classes? Who will Sirius hide behind when an angry ex threatens to kill him? Who will curse Snivellus into the oblivion? Who will be Prongs? " Remus broke off in a sob.
Sirius whispered quietly, a tear making a track down his face,
"Come back to us mate. We miss you."
"Who's going to win us the Quidditch Cup, mate? There's no time left, just two weeks! There's no one that can play Quidditch like you, and then imagine what good old Snivellus would say? Our last match Prongs, you gotta be there for the last game." Sirius whispered, stroking his best mates hair in a brotherly fashion.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
It was James. Sirius and Remus pounced on him, scolding him and laughing all at the same time.
"Don't you dare do that to me again!" Sirius cried. Lily sighed with relief and sank into a chair. Thank Merlin.
Remus stood up and noticed Lily. His expression hardened immediately.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
James turned in the direction Remus and Sirius were glaring.
"Lily?" he asked quietly.
She nodded.
"Evans, just get out." Remus snarled.
She walked foward shakily, and stood by his bedside, her knees threatening to give away. She looked into his eyes. That odd sparkle was gone.
A tear trickled down her cheek. She whispered, her eyes focused on his,
"I'm so sorry. For everything."
James let out a low humourless laugh.
'You don't get it, do you? You don't understand. Do you know what it's like to see your parents eyes dead and sightless, and to see a wretched Dark Mark hovering above your house? Do you know what it's like to get from their funeral and get blamed for their death? To hear someone say that its your fault they died. To hear that it'd be better if you jumped off a cliff and died. To hear it from the person that you love. To want to die. To try to die. Then to live, and feel worse than you ever have. Because you feel so guilty. Guilty that you didn't die, because she wanted you to die. But more guilty because you hurt your friends. the people that really care about you."
Sobs were wracking her body, and she choking out, again and again,'I'm sorry.'
James looked at her and said,
"Get out Evans."
Lily staggered out of the door, and collapsed against the wall of the deserted corridor.
It was only then that she realised what James had called her when she woke up.
Lily.
The flower of death.
A/N Hey. You wanted it, so I delivered it. I wanted to resolve it and finish, but it didn't flow. So I settled for a depressing one. I'll continue it if you want.
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In other words, review. ta
