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"We've decided to leave Forks."
My stomach dropped at the bluntness of his statement.
"You're…you're leaving?" I choked out.
"Bella, it's been a month and it's obvious to us all that our being here is not helping you. We wish we could stay – we really, really do. But we can't bear to see you wasting away like this. You have college, a whole life ahead of you." Carlisle's words were cutting deep into my heart. I didn't want the Cullens to leave. They were my last tie to Edward. And I knew that the moment I said goodbye to them, I'd never see them again.
"And this decision is unanimous?" There was no emotion in my tone. When you go through pain like I've experienced, you quickly realize that it's just easier to shut down and become numb.
"I'm so sorry Bella. We know how much you loved Edward-"
"Love, Carlisle. How much I love Edward." I interrupted, refusing to meet his gaze.
"Exactly my point. We're afraid that you'll never move on and you'll only have me to blame."
"This isn't your fault. Those evil, sadistic bastards-" I ground out viciously. I was so angry at the Volturi, at all that they had put us through. Aro was supposed to be Carlisle's friend. How could he just murder his friend's son? How heartless could a person be?
"I should have tried to reason with Aro. We didn't fight hard enough. I'm sure that if I had gone to Italy and talked to Aro myself, none of this would have happened." Carlisle sounded miserable. It didn't occur to me until then just how hard this was on Carlisle. He loved Edward like a son and I could tell from his tone that he blamed himself for Edward's death; to a certain extent, at least.
"When Jane wants something, Carlisle, she'll do anything to get it. You should know that. She was out for blood. Well, she got what she wanted." I spat bitterly.
"I'm so very sorry Bella." He murmured remorsefully.
I didn't say anything.
"We're leaving tomorrow night, if you want to say goodbye."
I decided not to. Instead, I wrote notes to every one of the Cullens. I knew it would be too painful to say goodbye and I didn't want the Cullens to harbor any more guilt.
I wrote to Alice, explaining how she was the best friend I ever had. I apologized for always complaining about the makeovers and the parties and the wedding. I told her how I wished she was staying; how I couldn't do this without my sister. I wrote to Jasper, saying how sorry I was for causing him so much pain. I explained that I never blamed him for Edward leaving in the first place, a year ago. In my letter to Emmett, I told him how he was the big brother I never knew I wanted and that I'd miss his horrible jokes and huge, rib-shattering hugs. In my note to Rosalie, I explained that I never meant to come off as selfish – I just knew what I wanted and unfortunately, I couldn't get it while maintaining my humanity. I asked her to forgive me. I thanked Carlisle and Esme for everything they had done for me, for being so amazing and compassionate. I told Esme how much I appreciated and loved her – she was the mother figure that I never had.
My letter to Edward was the hardest. I wrote paragraphs, describing my love for him. I told him about all my favorite memories and how I wished he hadn't died, but that I knew we'd see each other someday and that I could not wait. I told him that I would try my hardest to go on, because that's what he wanted. By the time I was finished, the paper was smudged and crinkly from the tears that had fallen onto the paper.
I left the 6 letters on their doorstep the following night.
They were gone the next day.
I decided to take a sabbatical – I just couldn't face moving all the way across the country to attend Dartmouth without Edward. I couldn't stand living alone in the apartment meant for us. I couldn't stand attending all my classes without him sitting beside me, distracting me. I just couldn't be alone. Once I explained that it was a family emergency, Dartmouth was very understanding and they were allowing me to enroll next year if that was my decision.
I didn't plan on ever attending Dartmouth.
Instead, I stayed with Charlie. I slept in my bed, ignoring the entire left side (Edward always laid on that side) and when the loneliness got to be too much, I laid a pillow on that side of the bed and pretended it was him. He was very accommodating, realizing that I was still grieving. I think he could relate. Except that his wife left him and my fiancé died a tragic death and I didn't even have my friends to help me. I continued to work at Newton's, along with Mike. He was leaving in the fall to go to college but he was here for the time being.
It was mid–September now and all my old friends from Forks High had left for college. Mike was the only one left. He was going to UCLA, but their term didn't start until the first of October. Mike was in the back, restocking, when he walked in the door.
I looked up at the sound of the bell, ready to greet the customer. I froze when I saw him. I hadn't seen him in months – what was he doing showing up now?
"Hey Bella." His voice seemed deeper, huskier.
"Jacob." My tone was cool as I looked back down at the inventory book I had been going through. I pretended I was busy, noting that we were low on hiking boots when, in all honesty, I was too shocked to even read what was on the page, let alone hold my pencil steady.
He slowly approached the desk with trepidation.
"I heard you were still in town. Shouldn't you be in Alaska?" His voice no longer held the warmth and friendliness that he was known for – it was empty and cold.
"Plans changed." I knew I was being unnecessarily short, but we were about to approach a topic I did not want to discuss – could not discuss. And he wasn't here when I needed him most. He ran off. I had every right to be pissed.
"Well, how was the wedding?"
"Nonexistent." On the outside, I was the epitome of cool and confident. On the inside, I was a wreck.
"You called it off?" I saw his hands rest on the counter. I shifted my gaze to the flyers sitting to the left of his hands before slowly raising my eyes to look at him, studying his appearance. He looked so much older. He hadn't shaved recently and it was obvious that he had been in his wolf form for a while. He was completely dressed for once and his hair was cropped short like it was when he first began phasing.
"No, Jacob. Is there something you needed to tell me? I'm trying to work."
I slammed the book shut and stood up.
"Why…I – I don't understand. Did he call it off? And why are you wearing his ring if you didn't get married?"
Because I can't face the truth. Because I can't let him go.
"Please, Jacob. I really, really don't want to have this conversation." I walked around the counter and stalked off towards the back. He didn't follow me.
By the time my shift was over, I was exhausted and ready to go home. I got into the Guardian – just like my ring, I couldn't bear to part with it – and drove home. Charlie's cruiser was already there. As much as I loved my dad and appreciated all that he was doing, I honestly hated being around him now. He was constantly walking on eggshells around me, acting as if I was about to go insane. Reluctantly, I walked up the sidewalk and into the house.
"I'm home dad." I called, hanging my jacket up. A second later Charlie walked in the room.
"Hey Bells. I'm going over to Billy's tonight. Do you want to come?"
I shook my head. "I'm kind of beat. Hard shift today." I shrugged as I walked into the kitchen.
"Alright. Well, I'll be there if you change your mind." Charlie said hesitantly.
I nodded as I turned the oven on and took the marinated chicken out of the fridge, getting ready to prepare dinner. "Alright."
He finally shrugged on his coat and left, saying he'd be home late.
Once he was gone I sighed with relief and stuck the chicken in the oven.
I walked upstairs and decided to get a shower while I was waiting. The water felt so refreshing, beating down on my aching muscles. I stayed in until the hot water was gone. I reluctantly got out and changed into a tank top and pajama bottoms. It was a bit chilly so I pulled on a sweatshirt.
I was sitting down, eating dinner and reading when I was startled by a loud banging coming from the front door. I stood up and cautiously walked over to it.
It was Jacob and he looked pissed.
He was about to open his mouth when I sighed and slammed the door & bolted it before walking back to the kitchen. I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. I ignored his calls and the pounding on the door as I wrapped the food up and placed it in the refrigerator. I picked up my book and walked upstairs.
I wouldn't put it past Jacob to climb the tree – he was nothing if not determined – so I made sure to lock the window and close the drapes. Surely he'd get the hint. I crawled into bed and turned out the light, determined to fall asleep quickly.
"Edward, NO!" I screamed as Edward pleaded with Jane.
He glanced back at me, giving me his signature tortured look. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I knew Edward well enough to know what he was doing.
I screamed, begged him to stop.
Jane and Caius shared a look before turning back to Edward and nodding. I tried to run over to him, but Alice and Emmett held me back. It was no use – I was too weak; I couldn't fight off Edward's siblings.
I went limp and sobbed into Emmett's massive chest as I watched Edward being taken away.
"Bells?"
I woke up to find Charlie sitting on the edge of my bed, calling my name softly, rubbing my leg.
"Huh?" I asked sleepily. My speech was garbled from lack of use and from the tears I had shed earlier.
"Bells, Jake's downstairs. He looks…he wants to talk to you…honey, he doesn't look good."
I choked in disbelief. He waited outside for this long?
"But if you want," Charlie quickly added, "I can tell him you're asleep."
I bit my lip in hesitation. I felt awful for shunning him if he was waiting outside this whole time, in the stormy weather…but I couldn't go there. Not now, not with him.
I shook my head slowly, burying my face in my pillow.
"Alright. Go back to sleep, okay?" he whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on my head.
He stood up and shut the door quietly behind him.
I had to give Charlie credit. A year ago – hell, 2 months ago, he would have guilted me into talking to Jacob. But now, he understood. He was on my side for once, instead of Jacob's. I hated that it took Edward's death to make it happen, but I was thankful that I had someone on my side during all this.
I just wondered how long it would last.
Thanks to PTB. They're amazing. This chapter was rough. Bella is a bit OOC - my Bella is a lot more like Kristen Stewart's Bella than the Bella in the books. She's a bit more sarcastic and she's pretty bitter about Edward's death. She is hurting - but she's also very angry about what has happened to the entire 's putting up a front and is trying to seem indifferent. Just because she acts like she doesn't care, doesn't mean that's how she really feels. (:
Reviews make me write faster. ;p
