I sit in the living room on the District 12 floor of the tribute center. I attempt to busy myself with a news paper, but all the articles in it are about the Quarter Quell and the interviews. I thrust it down onto the coffee table and a picture of the all tributes holding hands opens up. Peeta glances up at it, but then stations his eyes firmly back on the floor. His chair is a few feet away from me, close enough that it is made awkward by us not talking. He knows that he just did something he can never take back. I don't blame him for dong it though. Well I actually do... But just a little. He wanted to save himself- no he wanted to save me. Peeta couldn't just let it be and let me die in the arena. He had to be so strong willed and caring that he had to protect me. All I wanted to do was to protect him, but of course he would not accept that. He kept saying that I have a family to protect that needed me and would miss me. I responded with that he and Gale would provide for my family. Peeta needed to live or else I would never forgive myself.

Haymitch barges through the door with bottles of alcohol in his hands. We are both deader than dead. He brought it to numb his pain. There is no other explanation. Haymitch pats Peeta on the back and when I think he is going to tell us the bad news he just laughs, "You did it son!" He slowly claps his hands together shaking his head back and forth. His laughter rattles the room and it's the laugh he uses when someone did not get their way. It confuses me when Haymitch calls him 'son'. Peeta and Haymitch argue more than him and I do. It's probably because Peeta thinks of the wellbeing of others while the only morals Haymitch lived by was get drink till the corners of your eyes go black. "Peeta you just beat the Capitol at their own goddamn game!" His chuckles are loud enough to be heard throughout the whole building. He bends over clutching his abdomen and I fear that he was going to throw up on the floor. "They cancelled the games." He says calmly standing up and regaining composure. "They cancelled the motherfucking games! That's one hell of a Quarter Quell twist!" He bellows this time. I swear Haymitch has gone mad, someone must have slipped something in his drink or he has gotten bored of alcohol and moved onto drugs. Either way, I smile a bit. I can be the one who can protect Prim. Peeta can go off and live and be happy, and I can too. I will have no more guilt nor dependance on anyone else but myself. "The only catch is that you'll actually have to have a kid and get married. But those are easy things." He shrugs as if the news is nothing to him and hands me and Peeta both a bottle. "I'm not usually one for sharing, but today is a special occasion. One of you two actually got a brain and didn't create a big problem that I have to deal with. To a free Haymitch with no more responsibilities besides making sure that in 9 months you have a crying fetus."

"Why exactly?" I ask. "The games are cancelled. Snow can do nothing to us now."

"That's where you're wrong, sweetheart." Haymitch takes a swig from one of his two remaining bottles. He sees Peeta put his on the table and sends him a nasty look. "You can deny me, but do not deny my good deeds and my booze." He begins to walk around the coffee table. "Snow can send you back into that arena any day he decides. Pregnant or not pregnant, but he doesn't want to start some kind of uprising. The Capitol is fine with sending kids off to die, but not unborn children apparently. And the magical things about babies is that they actually become people. So in nine months the Capitol is expecting a nice little blond child in your arms. If that doesn't happen..." He stops. Peeta and I knew what was the ending of that sentence. We would both be dead within an hour.

"What about we say that I lost the baby?" There are so little choices of what we could say or do, so I need to try all of them. This cannot happen to me. This child means no way out of the Capitol's spotlight. Forever on Peeta's side reliving the Hunger Games every day. During the Victory Tour, Haymitch told me that it would be just an interview here and there and training tributes to die for two weeks. It seemed like a lot to me, but besides those short stays in the Capitol I could go off and do what I want. But having a child meant that the Capitol would constantly watch us. They love a romance story, but a happy ending just made them love it even more.

"A miscarriage wouldn't work. They have no sympathy for dead children, remember? They need a distraction and if that isn't a kid, its a blood bath in the arena. If you lose the baby, then you can say goodbye to your life. Every tribute would come after you. They all hated you at first because everyone is quite aware that this year's Games is a retaliation from your little stunt last year. You're on all of their good lists right now because Peeta's the reason they were saved. But to put any of the victors back in the arena, even the ones who wanted to be in the Quell you will be everyone's target." My lips purse together. I don't want the Games to happen, but the thought of having child is even worse to me. Haymitch sees me pondering and groans, "You just need to have a child, it doesn't matter who or what it is with. Just get preg- no actually I take that back, no gingers. We can't risk having a redhead baby. I don't want to have to explain that." I was stuck. There was no going back or finding any loopholes this time. I silently stand up and walk to my room. Even I am surprised by my calm demeanor towards this, but in my mind there was a war going on. I look around at my room, my nightgown laying on the floor along with my clothes from previous days. It was not the room of a wife and a mother to be. I did not have the face or the personality of either of them. I was just Katniss, the mean spirited hunter from District Twelve. The girl who somehow escaped the Hunger Games twice.


"Well that backfired." I turn over in my bed and see Peeta leaning against my doorframe. It had been twenty minutes since I left him and Haymitch. Peeta leans against my doorframe twenty minutes after I leave the living room. Effie and Haymitch probably want to set some sort of plan up and sent him here to coax me out of my room. They realize that I'm least likely going to snap at him without him yelling back. It was no in his nature to do so. I didn't want to come out, nor would I ever want to. Let the Capitol see my corpse in here. Put it all over the magazines and television programs they have. Let them see what those games have done to me. Haymitch and Effie lied to me. There is no life of a victor. No carefree life of happiness and wealth. In the Hunger Games, there are no winners only survivors. I'm not even sure I can call myself that anymore. I'm barely alive at this point, I just say my lines and run through the motions of my scripted life. I want the Capitol to see what the romance that they love has done to me. They say that love hurts, but why is not being in love feel so numb? I'm angry, I am sure of that. I'm just not sure who I am angry at. Am I angry at Peeta for trying to save me and getting me this whole mess to begin with? Am I mad at Haymitch for helping him orchestrate this whole thing? Or am I mad at Snow for edging them both on. I determine that I am mad at all of them and so many more people for reason that I cannot even figure out. I had always been a girl with a hardshell. It took months for Gale to get anything out of me, and he was my only friend. Now, the shell has grown shells of it's own and everyone one of them gets thicker and harder; sparing me from all those I know.

"It's not all bad." Sarcasm drips from my voice. "Didn't you hear that Snow is hosting us an amazing Capitol wedding!" My voice has a nasty sneer in it and for a second I feel bad. Peeta is only doing Haymitch and Effie's bidding for them. He's saving me so they don't have to. My fist slams against the wall. I have no control over my life anymore. I have no control over my actions or my words or even my thoughts. They all just run on this track of prepared statements and approved ideas. I'm just a piece in their big game of chess. Expendable, and I can easily be replaced. I feel as though Snow knows that this is all an act and has known for quite some time. Peeta can weave a web of lies that can trick the most clever of people, but I cannot. Snow has spies everywhere, he must have seen my constant acts of hatred towards Peeta. The only people who don't see them are those who don't wish to. They sees the romance which is so sickly sweet that it cannot be real. The boy who speaks justice and pacifism, only lethal when he needs to save someone else cannot love me. I'm lethal all the time, constantly on my guard and preach war and violence to end every problem. I'm quite a coward in that way.

"I'll go call the bridesmaids." Peeta mumbles giving up on getting me out returning to wherever he came from.


Peeta and I had not spoken since Effie and Haymitch sent him. We would smile and play the part for the cameras, but no words were actually exchanged to one another. We speak to the public, no more intimate sweet nothings come out of our mouths like during the interview. I don't think I could speak to him nevertheless call him ridiculous pet names and discuss colors for a nursery. His voice makes me sick, so pure and innocent. Yet almost everything that came out of his mouth was a lie, and it sounded so true.

Every night Peeta, Johanna, Finnick, and a revolving door of other tributes would go to the training room to sit and talk. I didn't know what they were talking about in there, but I knew I was a topic that came up frequently. "So has the deed been done?" Finnick asks Peeta his smirk stretching across his face. Peeta raises his eyebrow in confusion. "Has the deed been done?" Finnick asks again this time tilting his head towards Peeta in a suggestive manner. Peeta gives Finnick the same eyebrow quirk again, still not fully grasping what he was saying. "Has the deed been done!"

"He wants to know if you've had sex with Katniss yet." Johanna rolls her eyes. Her and Finnick were still not on great terms with each other since their small fight a week previously. Neither one wanted to admit that they were wrong. They both were prideful and full of spite which was not a good mixture for an apology.

"No." Peeta shrugs "We haven't talked for a week. We had a bit of a fight, and she's been ignoring me ever since. I made an effort, and she didn't take it. I'm not trying anymore." He didn't see the problem not speaking. Peeta was the type of guy who someone could not speak to in years and they could resume right where they left off. He was surely upset with me. He gets us out the games, and I couldn't even say thank you for saving my life. I was too busy being selfish and worrying about my personal vendetta against the Capitol for all that they had done. And it was only one week, Peeta and I hadn't spoken for sixteen years before the reaping.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Johanna stands up and walks over to Peeta, her eyes emblazoned with fury. She towered over his sitting figure and looked as if she would pounce on his at any moment. Her face was tinted crimson and her eyes glaring daggers into his. "That arena is no longer in my head. I have stopped drafting all my plans! My fear of that arena is gone again! I refuse to let her fear of intimacy and anger problems to be the reason I go back! If I see that little weasel I'm gonna wring her neck until-"

"Her anger problems." Finnick snickers his mouth curling into a smirk.

She scowls at him. "Odair, I'm going to kill you one day. It may be today. It may be tomorrow, but you're a dead man." She grabs the axe next to her and aims it towards his head. Quickly, she throws it at a target behind him. It hits the center. Finnick looks unfazed. He's seen her do this before, this happened between them at least six times a year in the training room. She was a mean person, but an even meaner drunk.

I walk into the room, attempting to make as little noise as possible. I just wanted to shoot a bow to get my anger out, and I forgot that they were always hanging out in there.

"She finally graces us with her presence." Finnick smiles at me. I don't know if it's genuine or a threat. I hope a threat because I don't want to waste any energy being nice to him.

"Weasel." Johanna growls quietly. Finnick swats her with her hand to make her be quiet. We all stare at each other for a few moments until Johanna inevitably blurts, "So why aren't you pregnant yet?" Finnick, Peeta, and I just look at her, remaining silent. The answer was quite obvious, and she already knew it. Johanna shrugs, not caring about the opinions of others, especially me. I roll my eyes and sit down on a mat next to Peeta. He hastily gets up and moves to another spot on the floor. I guess I deserved that. His friendship cannot just be a one sided thing.

"One day you tell me you love me, and now you act as though we are enemies." I keep my tone flat. I don't want to have another breakdown, but I sound like the calm before the storm. I'm already known by the victors for having sporadic outbursts, I can't let them see me scream again. It's not worth it.

"Can we please deal with this later?" He begs, his eyes pleading with me. They widen and look like blue balloons expanding and expanding until they pop.

"Oh no continue." Johanna and Finnick say at the same time. I see them slightly smile at each other. Of course they're able to end their feud by making others uncomfortable. It's what they were best at and probably what caused them to be such good friends in the first place.

I grab Peeta by his emerald green v-neck, pull him to his feet, and drag him towards the eleavor. We get in together and immediately start screaming at each other.

"What was that!"

"Fuck you!"

"You get pissed when I am openly mad at you, but it seems to hurt your inner core if I pretend to be fine with you, but actually am angry." I roll my eyes. "So what do you want Peeta? The fake ray of sunshine I give everyone else or my actual moody self."

He crosses his arms, "I don't want any more of your crap. Our problems are our problems. There is no need to bring anyone else into them. Enough people are already aware of them."

"I was only trying to be civil and make a bit of conversation." I grumble.

"Maybe I'm just tired of being second best, Katniss. Do you understand how bad it makes you feel when the person you love most in this world doesn't love you back? No. You don't. The people you love always love you! Everyone loves you!" The voice inside my brain laughs. Why was Peeta Mellark saying this to me? He attracted people like flies go to honey. "Maybe Haymitch is right. Have the kid with Gale, keep me on the sidelines for press. But I'm tired of all the back and forth. Tell me it's all fake. I want to hear it out of your mouth. Just let me go find someone who puts me at number one. Just le-" I slam my lips onto his. They are warm and instantly sends a wave of heat through my when they touch mine. I love Gale, but at that moment all I could think about was kissing Peeta. It could have been the threat of not getting pregnant hanging above my head, but I wanted to kiss him. Peeta kisses back for a while, and suddenly Gale's feelings escape from my mind. Gale almost escapes my brain all together. This is Peeta and I want to be with him right now. Peeta blinks a couple times and I know something had just gone through his head. His lips slowly pull away from mine. He opens his mouth to say something but I shush him.

"Does the girl who puts you number one do that?" I whisper in his ear. It hits me that I did it again. I got lost in the same carousel of feelings he was in. I didn't care about Gale or anything at the moment. I didn't care what others thought. We were us in that second, and that was all that mattered.

...

Our strides are long and quick as we make it back into the training room. His cheeks are pink from a slight blush. Johanna and Finnick probably won't notice. They were too busy picking on each other and snapping at me. My new nickname became Weasel and there was nothing that could make me cringe more. Peeta, while being close to polar opposites of them joined their little group and became one of them in a way that I would never be. They were broken, that was their defining characteristic. I fit much more into that category than Peeta did, he still remained whole somehow. Maybe it was an act, or just his personality, but he seems to have grown into himself more since the games. Gone was the boy who allowed everyone to walk all over him. The careers had underestimated Peeta during training and continued to for the rest of the Games. But he was alive, and they were now all dead. Peeta was stronger than any of them could ever have been. He was stronger than me. He was stronger than any of the other victors. He was stronger than Snow. All because he had hope. But hope wavers in a way which Peeta did not. Maybe that's why people gravitate towards Peeta and not me, he tries to fix broken things. He tries to fix me.

"Did you have fun?" Johanna looks over at me a smirk plastered on her face. Why does she have to smirk so much. It was so infuriating. Always suggesting something without saying a word.

"Nothing happened." I shoot back fast. Bad move, Katniss my mind says. Her and Finnick look at each other and laugh. They did not believe it. The voice in my head groans, why did I have to follow every impulse I had? Having no impulse control was a commonality between the victors. Most abused some sort of substance or drowned in their sorrows. Once again Peeta came out looking like the perfect angel. His level of control was quite impressive. Almost to the point of him having to force himself t say or do anything reckless, but for me, he did it.

"Then why is your hair messy? I would say it's because you're a natural mess, but apparently they've been trying to make you look nice. Or like less of a neanderthal. I'm gonna give you my one daily compliment. You looked less disgusting than usual until you and Peeta got a bit too reckless. Now you're back to being a cave woman. You're welcome for that." I look down at my curls and find them perfectly neat. I had fallen into her trap. If nothing had happened I would be sure of the state of my hair, but something did happen back there. No one can deny that. Thank god the Quell was cancelled because I would lose in a second. I fell into the manipulation and couldn't manipulate Johanna back. These people were stronger, smarter, and more manipulative. The first cannon fired would be for me.


AN: I hope you all had a good thanksgiving if you celebrate. I would really appreciate some feedback on how I can make the story better