Hello, here's chapter 1 (the first was technically a prologue). Please read, review and enjoy!


Amu logged onto Utau's forum for the first time in a week. She had promised to check it at least every two days, but she'd been very busy that week, finishing her exams and preparing to move onto the high school. She was sure Utau wouldn't mind.

It'd been about three months since she'd signed up. Normal users were charged about ¥4500 for a year's subscription, but Utau had arranged for Sanjo-san to somehow get rid of the charge for Amu, seeing as Amu was going to be monitoring the forum for her.

Amu didn't mind moderating Utau's forum. No-one knew that she was a moderator – her user profile appeared to be a normal one. Sanjo-san and a couple of select others, including Utau's own account appeared differently and announced who they were. It signified official accounts from fan accounts.

The pink haired girl was told she couldn't even tell her friends at school about watching over the forum, in case someone overheard. Therefore, Amu's part in the forum was a secret no-one knew. To keep up the façade of being a regular fan of Hoshina Utau, she had to interact with other fans, read the forum boards and join in group conversations. It was actually quite fun.

She logged in, and noticed she had two new private messages. She always attended to those first.

She opened the first one. It was from another female fan that lived in Kyoto. She and Amu got on well. Hinamori Amu didn't know the girl; knowing her only as Xx-Cutie-Mei-Chan-Xx or Mei. Amu didn't really know if she was really called Mei or if it was a made up name. It didn't really matter, seeing as her own username was made up.

"Hello DARMS,

Thank you for your last mail. I saw Utau-chan's concert broadcast on the internet last night – it was really good! I really liked the part where –"

Amu felt like a bit of a fraud chatting like an excited Hoshina Utau fan to this person. Amu sighed and continued typing her response to Mei-chan.

Once Mei's e-mail had been addressed she moved onto the second one. It was from someone new, a user she hadn't spoken to before. She opened the message with a click of the mouse.

"Hello,

I am new to Hoshina Utau's fan community. I am TheStrawberrysNightstalker. I've been a fan of Utau's since before she made it really big.

Let's be friends!

Nightstalker"

What a funny username! Amu thought to herself. Who would stalk strawberries at night? Why would you stalk them? She let out a snort of laughter before composing herself and writing a response.

"Dear Nightstalker,

It is nice to meet you. I'm DARMS and I live in Tokyo, Japan. My little sister got me into Utau's music when she released Meikyuu Butterfly. I think that's still my favourite song, when it's not my sister singing it! What's your favourite?

DARMS"

Amu hated the first few messages between her and someone. It was always the most awkward part! She sighed and hit send.

Of course, she found it easier to write the truth – she was an honest girl, a good girl. It was easier for her to omit information than make it up.

She clicked onto the group forums and saw that this Nightstalker had started a topic. She clicked onto it. By now, Amu had a grasp of who were honest Utau fans, and those who were malicious. Luckily, there weren't many malicious fans.

TOPIC: Where do you want Utau to perform?

NIGHTSTALKER: If you could pick anywhere in the world for Utau to perform, where would it be?

Amu sighed. This Nightstalker person seemed fine. Generic question, but safe. Amu smiled as she responded, getting herself into 'Utau-fan-girl' mode.

DARMS: TOKYO! Anywhere in Tokyo as I'd love to see her live again!

ILOVEUTAU2487: You've seen Utau-chan live? I'm so jealous! I live in Singapore; I want her to come here!

XxX-UtAu's-No.1-FaN-XxX: I've seen her too! I want her to come to Osaka! I saw her in Tokyo a few months ago!

Amu was watching the thread when a little popping noise and a little orange '1' popped up on the top right of the page. DARMS had a new message.

"Hello DARMS,

I used to live in Tokyo but I live in Paris at the moment. I'm moving around a lot.

I'll be honest here, while I am a fan of Utau's, it my own little sister that has made me sign up to this forum. Don't ask me why. I liked My Heartful Song, the video of her that she made for it was very well produced. My little sister has a good voice, but it doesn't sound like your sister does!

Nightstalker"

Amu relaxed. This person wasn't a super hardcore fan like the rest of them.

"Dear Nightstalker,

Thanks for the speedy response!

What's Paris like? I've never been there. Have you been up the Eiffel Tower? Did you already eat frogs' legs and snails? What are they like?

One of my best friends made me sign up to this site too – you aren't alone! Utau is a talented singer though, so I don't really mind.

DARMS"

The pink haired girl didn't have to wait long for a response, as TheStrawberrysNightstalker was active on the site. Pop! The orange '1' appeared in its usual corner.

"Dear DARMS,

Paris is very different to Japan. The people here are quite rude. It's strange because everyone uses first names to address each other. I haven't tried frogs' legs, but snails are vile! The Eiffel Tower is cool though, I went up it on my second day here. You can see for miles at the top.

My little sister misses me a lot. She made me sign up to this as a way of keeping in contact with her – she's still in Japan. She insisted it's because a) her 'onii-san loves Utau' (I don't) and b) she wanted to help Utau increase in popularity but I know it's just because she misses me.

Is your friend a die-hard Utau fan too?

Nightstalker"

Amu wasted no time in formulating a response.

"Nightstalker,

The Eiffel tower sounds amazing! I hope the people in France aren't giving you too much of a hard time!

I think we get quite attached to our siblings. I only have one sister, but my friend is someone who is almost like a sister to me. She owns everything Utau, but somehow doesn't come off as obsessed!

How come you and your sister live apart? I live with my mum, dad and my sister.

DARMS"

Soon the messages were flying between them.

"DARMS,

I can handle them. Most people don't talk to me anyway.

My little sister is my only sibling too; we're both the older sibling, huh? How do you find that? Is there a big age gap or are you quite close?

My family is not a very close family. My parents are split up, and my mother remarried. I'm not my step-father's biggest fan, so I came to France with my Dad. My sister stayed in Japan. It must be nice living all together with your family.

Nightstalker"

Amu sighed. The messages were taking forever. So, she used the new feature on the website – the chat box, which mimicked a web messenger.

"Hello Nightstalker, I hope you don't mind me messaging you here. It's DARMS."

"No, it's fine."

"Why don't people talk to you? Are you scary?"

"No, I don't think I am. I'm just…picky."

"Picky?"

"Yeah, I suppose. I'm not the most talkative person."

"Oh. Me and my sister are 8 years apart. It's quite a gap, but she's a good kid. I do love my family, but it feels like they don't always know me."

"There's only one person who really knows me, so it's nothing to worry about. I'm sure someone knows you."

"Your sister?"

"No. No, no. It's someone else. But, I think I know her better than she knows herself."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, I don't think she knows her own heart or direction in life. She a good person, the best person, she's the type to always see the good in people. But she's… lost."

"Lost? Why don't you go find her? Have you alerted the local authorities?"

"She's not here. I left her behind when I left Japan."

"Oh. Do you miss her? Is she your girlfriend?"

Amu blushed red and was glad for the cover of the computer screen. "I'm sorry! That was rude of me! You don't have to answer that!"

"It's okay, you gave me a good laugh, and I needed that, thank you. She's not my girlfriend, not yet."

"Not yet?"

"She loves someone else."

"Oh no. I'm sorry, Nightstalker-san."

"It's okay. How about you then, who are you in love with… or are you too young for that yet?"

"I am not too young!

Sorry. My love life… if that's what you could call it… it's in a shambles."

"Why?"

"I think I love too easily."

Nightstalker didn't send much of a reply, just a confused face. Amu continued. She felt like she could trust the boy on the other end of the internet.

"I loved the most popular boy in school, but he only liked me for one thing, and he told me as much."

"Oh."

"I know. But then there was this other guy. We weren't even friends; I didn't even know him at all. But he became so important to me. He changed me. I lied to my friends and my family. He even lived in my room while I cared for him and then he left me. Now I feel like I have no one."

"You have me. I might not be your boyfriend or anything, but we can be friends. If you want."

"That'd be nice. Thank you Nightstalker-san."

"You're welcome, DARMS."

Amu responded with a smiley face.

"DARMS, why did you let those guys take advantage of you like that? You sound like a kind person, a nice girl; they must have been pretty scummy guys."

"The first guy… I guess I fell pretty hard for the person he shows the world, not who he is on the inside. He's too egotistical for me and can be quite full of himself. The second guy… I thought he was more. They fought over me a lot. It was horrible. In the end, I chose the second guy, but not until it was too late. He doesn't even know."

"Why did you choose him, if he made you lie to people and then left you?"

"It's complicated, Nightstalker-san. It was my entire fault anyway – the lying I mean. He was so… annoying! He was inviting himself over all the time and wound me up. But… he always protected me. He showed me things I didn't know about and took me places that were special to him. He said he loved me."

"So, if he loved you, why did you break up?"

"We weren't ever together like that. I was too young and immature to see what it was. But he left due to family reasons – he had to go, and I never knew where he went. I still miss him."

"He hasn't called?"

"I wish he would. It's been years."

"Years? You haven't seen him in years? How can you possibly still love someone like that? Haven't you thought to move on?"

"I can't. He promised."

"Promised what?"

"That he'd come back. He was going to come back for me. He wanted me to love him. He promised!"

Amu wiped the tears from her eyes. She needed this talk, she really did. And for some reason, it was better talking to someone she didn't know and would never meet, than any one of her friends.

"DARMS…I hate to say this… but what if he was only using you?"

That sentence somehow sobered Amu up a little.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, to me, and I don't know this guy, but it sounds like he basically wanted someone to care for him so he didn't have to, then when he was done, he found someone/something else that he thought was better than you."

"Nightstalker-san…I don't believe that! He wouldn't do that!"

"DARMS… tell me why he wouldn't. I'm a guy, and I have a girl special to me, so if you tell me what he's like, I could let you know if I think he's genuine or not."

Amu sighed. "I don't even know you; I shouldn't burden you with this."

"It's fine; I volunteered."

"If you're sure…"

Nightstalker sent a nodding smiley face in response.

"Okay. Well I'm going to start from the beginning, okay? I'm going to call the first guy 'P' and the second guy 'C' so we don't get confused."

"Okay."

"Well, not long after I transferred schools, I met P and some of his friends. We all became good friends and would always hang out together. One day, when I was walking home from school I… had a run in with C. C kept teasing me, and winding me up. I hated him."

"Hate's a strong word, DARMS."

"Hai, I know. But it's how I felt. He's older than me too, whereas P is my age. Anyway, some time passed, C still wound me up, and I developed a major crush on P. C seemed to do some nice things for me, but he would always tease me, bite my ear, turn up at my house uninvited at all hours, but P always acted in a soft, gentle manner. However, I soon saw another side to him, when I said something I shouldn't have in front of him. He became egotistical, hot-headed and full of himself, nothing like what I thought he was. But my crush didn't fade away that quickly. I kept telling myself that I loved P, and that that persona was just something he hid from the world, like I was special to see it."

"That's not right DARMS."

"I know. Me and P and our year went on a school trip. It was there that he told me he only liked the athletic side of me, and that he wanted to be with that girl. But there's so much more to who I am than being athletic!"

"So… P wanted you for your body?"

Amu became thoughtful. Tadase-kun hadn't said that. "Not exactly, I think it was more the personality I had when I was being athletic… but he didn't much like my creative or homely sides or the fact that at the end of the day, I am all of the above, but I'm also just a normal, plain human girl. It hurt to hear that, but I wanted to be the real me, not someone I'm not to make him happy, not matter how much I loved him."

"You're a strong girl, DARMS. P was definitely using you, he sounds like a jerk!"

"Thanks, anyway, after that, somehow C and I got closer. It was weird how he insisted we were enemies, but he never acted like it. He stepped in when I was about to get hit by someone, and he took me to safety. He protected my interests, even when they conflicted with his own. Then one day, I found him in the park, collapsed. I didn't know his home life was so bad. His mother remarried and his step dad was a very controlling man. He made C do things he didn't want to do, and he became weak and unwell. So I took him home, and cared for him – until my mama found out."

Amu paused. It was hard reliving all of this.

"What happened? Did you get into trouble with your mama?"

"Yes. Well, actually I think she was more disappointed with me than angry. I think that's worse. Anyway, C went upstairs to get his stuff, but then P came knocking on my door. Bear in mind, C and P do not get along. Mama let P in, and sent him upstairs. Of course he was angry that C was in my house coming out of my room. P always thought I was his, but I guess so did C, he just didn't force it as much. Well, I may have had P confess to me that day (I also confessed). This time, P said he loved all of me… so it was really strange for him I guess to see C so familiar with me. Things blew up, and C left without a trace."

"Okay. So you've ended up with P but you want C, even though you confessed to P and not C?"

"No, well yes. Well, no. I don't know! P and I were so awkward together, so kind of didn't really go anywhere. But me and my friends, include P went to see C's stepdad and made him stop being such a jerk to C. It was then I found out about C's past, and how C and P knew each other from their childhood and why P hated C. The argument between C and P was resolved. Then C took me to an old amusement park that we'd been to before and told me he was leaving for his Dad's (his real dad) and I've not seen him since we said goodbye at the airport. He promised to make me fall in love with him."

"Wow."

"I know. So is he using me?"

Amu phone began to ring. She ignored it. She needed Nightstalker's answer. She needed to know. Was Ikuto using me? It rang again, but still she stared at the screen waiting for the response. He's typing! She wondered about his verdict.

"Amu, answer your phone."