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I shoot up off the bench and take a good look at my russian god. He hasn't changed much in the months that he has been gone. It's been almost a year now, though I remember it as if it were yesterday.
*Flashback*
Dimitri and I are at the gym, the workouts today have been easy and Dimitri doesn't seem to be really mentally here. So, after I finished running, I walked over to him. "Hey Comrade, what's wrong?" He looks at me for a minute before answering in an emotionless tone, "I'm leaving, Roza."
I never knew that it could take two words to break someone so easily. I'm leaving. It kept being repeated over and over in my mind. The words were mocking me. Confirming all the fears I had when I heard of Tasha's offer. I didnt think he would actually go. I mean, things were okay between us. He ignored his feelings for me and I pretended that it didnt hurt. I was fine with that deal. I was perfectly ok. Atleast I had a chance to break him and get him to admit his feelings for me. But now... Now he is leaving. With her. What am I going to do? What can I say? I am pulled out of my thoughts by Dimitri shaking me violently. Dimitri POV (still flashback)
There. I said it. I thought it was going to be harder, but I just put my guardian mask on. No emotion, just out with it. Its not that I loved Tasha or even wanted a family with her. I just needed to leave before I lost control. And I was about to lose control. I just cant resist Roza. She has beauty that not many can say they possess. With and attitude thats fiery and that gleam in her eyes to match, it just makes you want more. Everything about her is incredible. Everytime I'm with her, I find it getting harder and harder to keep that wall up, to block her out. Then when she leaves her beautiful hair down stopping just above those curves.. I just- No. Dimitri. Stop. You cant think about her like this. She is your student. Student. "Roza, I think it is best-." I begin but when I realize that she is not looking at me, or anything at all I pause. She is just staring off into space, with wet eyes and a pale face.
"Rose. Rose. Roza. Hey.." I try to get her attention but to no avail. I begin to get scared. What if something is wrong? I shake her alittle harder than intended but she blinks again and looks at me through glassy eyes. The look in her face is nothing compared to the heart shattering look in her eyes. I gulp and try to continue with what I was saying.
"Rose, I think its best if I just leave. Tasha offered me a job, and you and I are never gonna work. This," I say gesturing between her and I, "is never gonna work. Maybe it is for the best. You dont need me anymore, you have had enough training."
Once I am done with my speech I look down at her and capture her eyes with my own. She doesn't say anything just steps back a few feet and looks to the ground. She remains very still for the next minute, showing no emotion and having a staring contest with the old gym floor. Moments later she looks back at me and I see tears that have spilled out of her eyes betraying the emotionless mask I know she is trying to plaster on. She speaks though her voice is hoarse. "So, Thats it. You're giving up. On me, on us." "There is no us. There never was." I say trying to swallow the lump in my throat when I see the affect my words have on her. "What about that night, when Victor charmed us?" She asks hopefully.
"It was exactly that, a charm. It meant nothing." With every word I say her mask break apart alittle bit.
She steps toward me so our bodies are brushing against eachother with every breath we take. She speaks very quiet now, almost as if she struggles to get words out. "It needed to be based on feelings we already had in order to work and you know it." Her guard is completely down and I see the tears flow freely down her face.
I dont say anything. I just look into her eyes and see heartbreak. This is for the best, I keep telling myself but there is still a part of me that is telling me i'm making the biggest mistake of my life. Rose struggles with her thoughts until she whispers, "But.. But I love you." Thats all it takes. I lean down to grab her face and roughly put my lips against hers. The kiss is desperate, passionate, and wet from her tears. She kisses me back with everything she has and we dont pull away until we need a breath. However when we do finally pull away it takes one look at her swollen pink lips and big brown lust-filled eyes to place my lips back on hers. I pull her hair out of her hair tie and push her against the closest wall. She moans against my lips and wraps her leps around my waist. We stay kissing for what feels like hours but in reality it was probably only a few minutes. When I am finally brought back to the earth I quickly let her down and turn away. "Shit." I mumble before I turn back to Rose. This is bad.
Rose POV (Still Flashback)
That was the best. kiss. ever. My stomach is still fluttering when he puts me down and my heart pounds way faster than it should. Dimitri turns away and mumbles something I can't quite understand then looks at me again. I bite my lip and turn away trying to resist a smirk. That has to change things, I mean, he cant leave now, right? This just proves it. He feels something for me. He loves me.
"I dont love you." Dimitri says franticly as if reading my thoughts. My mind goes blank and my eyes water again. He cant be serious. He kisses me and then turns around and says he doesnt love me? I dont know which one to believe, his words, or the things left unsaid. "Wha-what?" I ask confused. I dont understand. "I don't love you." He says again before walking toward the door. Just before he is about to leave he turns around. "Goodbye Rose." He says not even bothering to use my nickname.
*End of Flashback*
"Guardian Belikov." I say coldly once I am pulled from my thoughts. He looks taken back by the tone I was using. Does he think that I would still be in love with him? Run and jump on him in a frenzied hug? Well he is wrong. "What are you doing here?" I say formally, like I would to any guardian. "Tasha is here visting for some meetings and I am here for my job." He responds. Is that hurt I hear in his voice? No. It cant be. He doesnt possess emotions. I was just about to say something witty in return but Adrian comes up behind me. "Guardian Belikov. What brings you here?" Adrian asks while putting a protective arm around my waist. "I'm guarding my moroi." He states simply. His eyes seem to burn a hole where Adrians arm is wrapped around me. "Well, Rose and I must get going." Adrian says before turning to me. "You ready, babe?" He asks quietly, although loud enough for Dimitri to hear and he cringes at the word, "babe". "Yep, Lets go." I say, reminding myself to thank Adrian later for saving me from having to talk to Dimitri. I turn back to Dimitri and say, "Bye Comrade" with as much attitude as I could muster up.
Again he seems surprised but says, "See you around, Roza." A bad feeling settles in the pit of my stomach when I realize that "See you around" might mean, "We will talk later." If that's the case, I hope, for once, he is wrong.