A Martyr's Choice – Chapter Two – Debate
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"Elizabeth! Where were you?"
He looks terribly worried, Elizabeth noted, and she felt a little ashamed. She shouldn't have gone off like that without telling him, not when he'd only just gotten his only daughter back.
His look changed to one of confusion as he realized that not only was she soaked, she was wearing a long blue Navy coat. Norrington's coat. Realization began to dawn in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, father. I was with James at the fort." Why did she thrill a little when she said that?
Governor Swann seemed surprised but also pleased. "Well...still! Running about in a storm like this! Without even telling me?"
"I'm sorry."
Governor Swann gave her a fond smile. "It's only because I care for you, Elizabeth. But why on earth have you got Commodore Norrington's coat?"
"He didn't want me to catch cold. I wasn't really prepared for this storm."
If ever anyone looked overly pleased! thought Elizabeth. Her father shook his head.
"Yes, it did come up rather suddenly, didn't it? One of the dreadful things about island weather. Still, should clear up by morning."
"Yes." She was still a little dazed.
"Goodness, why am I keeping you? You're soaked! Go, change into something dry!"
Elizabeth headed for the stairs, but was stopped when he asked, "Elizabeth?"
She turned around. A pleased smile danced on his features. "Did you have plans for tomorrow?"
Elizabeth smiled and started climbing the stairs. "Oh, I imagine I can find something to occupy my time," she called back loftily.
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It was good her bed was soft, because she hit it with considerable force. Violence she couldn't quite explain was coursing through her veins, her fists knotted in her pillow, tears streaking her face.
Oh, it wasn't fair! Why did she have to deal with this? Why wouldn't it all just go away?
She'd only just allowed them to change her into a clean, dry dress, towel down her sopping hair, and heat up her room, before she chased Estrella and the rest out and flopped onto her bed.
Her heart struggled to balance and she thought suddenly of Will, his hurt eyes, and a startled sob burst like a bubble in her throat. What had she done?
Without warning the tears were flowing down her face. What kind of fate had given her such a choice? She loved Will and he loved her, but she was set to marry James. And she loved him too.
How could this be? How could she love two men at the same time? That wasn't the way it was supposed to work!
She squeezed her eyes shut and saw Will's face, back on Isla De Muerta, when she'd thought he was going to kiss her.
It was stupid to even play harbour to such thoughts! Here she was, proposed to a fine man, a man she loved, a man who adored her beyond words and still she thought of Will Turner, young, rash, a blacksmith and a pirate, who'd never even had the courage to say he loved her. Sometimes, there were moments when she had seen into his wide, dark eyes and thought he was going to say it, but he never did...
It didn't matter. She was proposed and she had to banish thoughts of Will who may or may not be the man she thought he was for thoughts of a good man who truly loved her.
She smiled through her tears. One kiss could change anything.
She had known for a long time now that James fancied her; it had been something of a constant in her mind, even without her father's remarks, hints and blessings. She was used to this fact, had known that someday, he would propose and she would accept. He was a fine man, she had known him most of her life and she knew she could be happy with him.
But then Will Turner had grown up over night. It had been slow, really, beginning when he'd started calling her 'Miss Swann' again. He'd been around less, more cautious, working longer hours as his Master worked less, different in small ways, until suddenly he had grown into a man and Elizabeth had turned around to find she loved him.
Oh, of all the terrible timing! she ranted silently, her mood darkening again. To have her heart betray her suddenly for a fatherless blacksmith, when her world was so carefully ordered!
But she was going back, back to the days when Will was a silly childhood friend, the same age, but younger in ways, older in others and she was beginning to look at James Norrington the way he looked at her.
And that look! The look in his eyes when he'd kissed her! She'd had no idea he loved her so fathomlessly. James Norrington loved her the way she loved Will.
Now there was a depressing thought. Still, she could do this. She'd proved that to herself today.
As insane, as frightening, as unbelievable as it was, she loved him too. As much as she didn't understand it, alongside the pathetically desperate love she felt for Will, a small part of her heart beat for the Commodore.
What kind of scarlet woman did that make her? What kind of a woman was in love with two men at the same time? Because she knew in her heart that if she let herself, if she indulged in a few more kisses like that, she could easily fall completely in love with James.
The tears began to run again. That was what she should do, of course, fall in love with him.
And yet...That was it. It always came back to that. And yet. She loved Will with a deep, endless kind of love that could not be torn from her body, even were she dead.
They would be engaged soon, married after that. But dammit! She was still thinking of Will! What had she gotten herself into?
Oh, if only Will had never been put on that stupid ship, she thought savagely. Then we wouldn't be here like this!
She was instantly horrified with herself. No Will? What a horrendous thought! How could she live without him? As much as her body tried to kill her whenever she was in his presence by stopping her heart and her breath, she couldn't imagine a world where she wouldn't see his foolish, nervous little grin.
She cursed under her breath. This wasn't getting her anywhere. She didn't think there had ever been such a debate in the history of man: blacksmith or Commodore?
Elizabeth loosed a hysterical giggle. She was so very stupid. The choice was incredibly obvious, there was just the small complication that she happened to be in love with the stupid blacksmith. And the Commodore. At the same time.
She sighed. She was really only fooling herself. If ever there had been a time when she could still allow herself to dream of Will, it had been earlier, when James had come down to give her one more chance to be a coward and break his heart. And she had turned it away. She had kissed him. There really was no going back, and, if she were any kind of decent, she wouldn't want to. She really had to forget Will.
Like turning back the ocean, she snorted. But she had to try, else lose herself and everything she valued in complete madness.
Who would want her anyway, toying with two men's love?
She sprawled across the bed, listening to the storm lash against the roof.
Technically, she could still go back to Will... That was the wrong way to think, but she could not seem to quash the rebellious part of her mind that held such thoughts.
If she went to James, explained it to him, the way she felt...But to cause him such pain...And would she regret it, in the years to come? Would she wish she'd stayed with him? What would everyone think, her father most especially?
James would let her go. She could break all bonds, all faith in herself and her honesty, his heart and her standing, if that was what she really wanted, and go off with Will. But wouldn't that be killing part of herself?
She wished there was someone she could talk with about this, someone that could help her get her thoughts in a manageable order. Estrella understood her better than most, but this was hardly a conversation she could have with her. No, someone a little less bound by the rules, someone who understood desperate moves, someone who...
She sat up suddenly. Jack! Of course! She would talk to Jack Sparrow! He was odd, bizarre and at times stark raving mad, but he seemed like someone who might actually have some advice that wasn't biased.
Elizabeth glanced out the window at the constant deluge doing it's best to drown Port Royal in the sea. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she would see if she could get down to talk to Jack. And after that she would see what she could do to get him freed. And then...well, then she would have to make a choice.
Lifting the sodden coat off the chair where they had put it when she refused to let them take it away, she pressed it to her face. She wondered what he was doing now, somewhere out there in the storm. She wondered what Will was doing.
And looking out at the rain, she clutched the coat to her chest and cried.
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