Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.
"Karkat, wait, bro, sit down, or- or stop fucking out. I just need to let you know something."
"Go ahead. I have nowhere to go." Karkat's shaking a little as he gets his bearings straight. He can't believe life is working out for once for him.
Things like this don't usually happen. Life doesn't just work out for him like this all the time.
"Alright, well..." Gamzee begins explaining to Karkat how he's liked him for some time and how he just wasn't sure whether it was a brotherly feeling or something more. But now he's sure it's something more. It's why he can't seem to ever act normal around Karkat. It's true that his standard for normal isn't exactly normal itself but when he's around Karkat, he's just... happier like he gets when he smokes but he hasn't been smoking. He can't explain it fully and in depth and he tells Karkat that during his entire confession.
Karkat listens or tries to at least. Between the shock he's still in due to recent events and the pain his arm and head are going through, he's having a hard time paying attention fully on Gamzee. But while he does, he notes that Gamzee's having a bit of trouble himself.
He's stumbling over his words like he's just learned them. Karkat can tell what he's trying to say based on the words he does get out clearly yet he's still butchering this confession so much that Karkat wants to stop him and tell him, 'Yeah, I like you too, you douche'.
The laughter starts back up.
Karkat covers his mouth with his hand and looks away.
He's trying not to laugh and his control is withering with every word Gamzee butchers. Is it really that hard to say 'I like you; wanna date?" He doesn't know why he can't seem to stop laughing. He briefly entertains the thought of 'secondhand high' being the cause it but rejects it. Gamzee isn't high and that makes this situation even harder to deal with. Knowing that Gamzee means every single word he's saying makes it harder for Karkat to approach and evaluate the situation. It makes it harder for him to treat Gamzee like he does when he's inebriated.
He decides that he's laughing because this is all so unbelievable. This is all too surreal. Even more so is it unusual.
This can't be an actual confession.
He did want a confession, but this is not the one he was expecting. It's so odd and choppy and a bit bizarre.
Gamzee senses something is wrong with Karkat but doesn't pause because this is important and he's been waiting to say it forever.
But eventually his confession winds down; ending on a note Karkat didn't catch. When he's finally done talking and Karkat's trying to pull himself together, he feels something akin to hurt and disbelief. Karkat doesn't laugh when someone tells him a joke. He laughs when something bad happens to his life because the irony gets to him so much. Is this one of those things?
And then Gamzee's had it with watching Karkat laugh his ass off then proceed to calm down like this is nothing and not listen to anything Gamzee said.
"What's so funny? Motherfucker?" He sounds feral now. The look he's giving Karkat supports his tone and Karkat decides to finally calm down seriously this time. Not that he's scared or anything. He's respectful.
But so why can't he seem to even out his voice as he responds to Gamzee?
Is he out of breath from laughter?
Maybe.
"Well?" Gamzee presses, urgent.
"You're pretty fucking funny, f-for one."
Gamzee just stares him down, confused by his stuttering too. It's odd for Karkat to seem this flustered but it can't be because of his confession. Karkat's always been too sure of himself and too prepared for almost anything to be this bothered. He's probably coming down with something.
He's coughing now, not because he's sick with what's been going around, but because he's choked up on words caught in his throat.
This is really difficult after all.
It takes a moment for him to question it but then something in the back of his head does; after he's caught his breath but he's still shaken up.
Is he scared?
There's no way. This is Karkat with his best friend, Gamzee, there's nothing to be scared of. Gamzee may seem frightening at the moment but that's just a guise to cover how scared and nervous he is.
Because, honestly, it's torture waiting for Karkat to properly say to him, clearly, 'I like you too, Gamzee. I always have."
But he's yet to do anything besides awkwardly clear his throat to no avail.
It's stuffy in Karkat's personal space. He feels hot and uncomfortable and anything else that describes how utterly inane this all is.
He and Gamzee are standing in an abandoned building on a depressingly rainy day, surrounded by the decaying carcasses of once cute animals while dust piled up on the bodies in amounts that would kill someone with a dust allergy. They're confessing their feelings in the most deranged of ways and now they kind of wish they'd just kept it all to themselves.
This would all be so much less of a problem if he hadn't called, Karkat thinks. He knows it's his fault for even answering but blaming this on someone else, the person who actually did begin everything is so much easier. It's better to blame the person who's so much braver than he is; the person who was willing and brave enough to face him, the guy who bashes your entire existence if you critique his computing skills.
The time it takes for Karkat to realize why he's still uncomfortable is directly proportional to how long it takes him to figure out what this entire situation is going to lead to.
In most stories he's read they would end up together forever and happy. In most movies he's seen, they would end up marrying each other in Hawaii or in Vegas. In most fan fictions he's been forced to suffer through, they'd end up making out in this dusty old building.
While he didn't want any of those things at the moment because this place is disgusting as fuck and because a trip to Vegas would be too much work, he was willing to compensate and consent to dating him.
That is if Gamzee decides he doesn't hate him after that entire laughing fit and ask him out.
But no one's ever done this before; no one has ever been so brutal, so raw, so honest about their feelings for him so he doesn't know how to respond to him so it's okay that he hasn't responded yet, right? Besides, it shows he's giving this all some thought; that he's not going to jump into something he hasn't thought about. Either way, this is all too sudden for Gamzee to expect a straight answer to right away. There was no gradual flirting that especially stood out to Karkat; it all just sort of happened. Gamzee flirts with almost everyone anyways. How was he supposed to be sure Gamzee only meant it towards him?
He finds his excuse a little hard to swallow. Even he doesn't buy it. But he can't seem to gather why Gamzee's confession is leaving him speechless.
Anyone else would have had this planned out to a T and that bothers him. Where's the spontaneity of it all? The gut wrenching and heart string pulling emotion that has them angrily yelling the cliché line, "I love you!" at each other? Maybe that's why he's having such a hard time dealing with this all. Because Gamzee is too spontaneous.
But he could have organized his thoughts a little better, Karkat thinks.
It's both odd and awkward but also so serious now. They're both nervous and can't make eye contact. Karkat is shuffling his feet as if to get them to move away from this situation but he's not really getting anywhere; he's just dancing in his spot. Gamzee's not making the silence any better either. His enormous height gives him the ability to tower over Karkat, which he does in one of the creepiest ways possible. He's staring Karkat down, with an expression of mild desperation masked with nonchalance. As if the fact that Karkat hasn't answered him yet isn't bothering him when really it's eating at him. He can feel his heart deteriorating with every second that ticks by.
Gamzee stares his friend down, anxiously waiting for his response to his previous monologue.
He wants to say something to Karkat. He wants to tell him to say something or anything. He just needs to know that Karkat isn't disgusted or horrified by this.
That's the last thing he wants. Who would want that?
Finally, Karkat speaks up.
"Gamzee... why the fuck are you doing this? Why are you making this so complicated with a confession that you didn't even need to make? It's not like I couldn't tell you might have liked me."
"You already knew?"
Karkat's baffled by this. Of course he knew. He just never let on that he did or show Gamzee he reciprocated. But since they're confessing, he might as well tell Gamzee.
"Motherfucker, please. It's not like your constant flirting just up and gave it away. I really had to decipher the meaning behind, 'I fuckin' love you, a whole lot.' I really had to sit and think of all the alternate meanings."
"That could have been because I was so up and high." Gamzee smiles a bit and Karkat does so too in return out of habit.
"Yeah, well, when you say it every time you get high, coupled with how you act when not, it wasn't that hard to figure out that you liked me."
"I guess, yeah." He smiles fondly now. Karkat doesn't seem disgusted or horrified or some other terrible thing and that's good.
He still hasn't really replied to the big issue at hand however, and Gamzee's not about to let it go.
"So..." He pauses to give Karkat a moment to realize he's going to start with some questions in a minute and to let himself organize his thoughts.
He can't think of any other way to continue this topic.
"Um, uh..."
Finally, Karkat's tired of watching Gamzee struggle to ask him one simple question.
"Gamzee, just ask me like a normal fucking person, would you? I'm not going to turn you down and you should know that." Gamzee drops his hand to his side.
He purses his lips, reluctant to ask like a normal person. What if Karkat's screwing with him?
But he wants them to be together more than anything. He's not about to give this chance up.
"Will you go out with me then? Motherfucker?" He tries to make it as romantic sounding as possible but the 'motherfucker' comes out due to habit.
But he's glad that this time, what he said was straight and to the point and it came from the heart.
Short and sweet, kinda like Karkat, Gamzee thinks. Excluding the parts that aren't too sweet about him.
Karkat opens his mouth, ready to answer Gamzee but just doesn't.
He knows he wants them to be together but then there's always the matter of their friendship like what if they're ruining it by doing this? Karkat doesn't say anything. He doesn't provide any sort of hint that he will say anything; he just stares at the hem of the shirt in his hand that he's been tugging on.
"Karkat." Gamzee says suddenly, the fright evident in his voice and not masked on his features either.
He stares at Karkat for a while, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with him lately, why he's been so flustered and so out of it at the most crucial points in time.
Karkat finally makes a decision. He's made up his mind and he's ready to let Gamzee know that when he notices how Gamzee's staring him down; it's absolutely creepy but it only fuels Karkat's drive to answer him. He's just as nervous about this as Karkat is, it seems. But he's also just as ready as Karkat is. And so Karkat abandoned any fears he had that they wouldn't work out and their friendship would suffer in the end.
Gamzee's still staring, eyes wide and impatient.
"If I say yes will you stop?"
Karkat asks the question jokingly but Gamzee is still confused.
"Stop what?"
"Staring at me like that." Karkat laughs lightly and breathily, tranquilly. His hands move of their own accordance to grab Gamzee's sleeve to pull him closer.
He doesn't stop pulling at Gamzee even though his mind's going 'What the fuck, Karkat? Stop.'
He just pulls and pulls and Gamzee lets him because while he's confused, he'll take anything from Karkat.
"I wasn't trying to up and motherfucking make you uncomfortable, bro. I was just waiting for you to answer because you took so motherfucking long." He mutters the last part, as if he's got a reason to be angry with Karkat too. After all they've gone through, he might. But if he does, he doesn't care too much about it. Everything is working out nicely at the moment.
"I was joking, doofus."
"Oh."
Karkat's arms decide to get in on the action and turn the pulling into a hug.
It's weird having Gamzee in a hug started by him, but Karkat likes it because it's different than their usual hugs. This one makes the pitter patter of the rain outside quieter.
His heart is beating like a drum but he feels like it's stopped altogether. Everything is so slow and the air is cold and frigid now as he clings to Gamzee, thinking 'This is nice. This will be nice'.
He notices Gamzee's hugging him back, tightly. His arms are wrapped around Karkat comfortably, his chin resting on Karkat's head and it feels right.
Karkat knows Gamzee's back must be hurting from hunching over like that to hug him but he doesn't offer any solutions because they aren't that sappy couple now just because they both like each other. They're still those two best friends that love to get under each other's skin but now they're also that couple that loves being best friends at the same time.
So, really, nothing much changed.
Except Karkat's arm does still hurt and that's a different story than Gamzee's hunched back so it's okay for him to complain.
They shift around a lot before they find a nice hugging position. Gamzee's not so hunched over now since Karkat's standing on his tiptoes to keep his arm properly elevated on Gamzee's back. Gamzee uses Karkat's head as a rest and leans his weight on the latter. It's an awkward looking embrace but no one's around to see so it's okay.
Gamzee for a minute contemplates telling Karkat he loves him out loud but decides against it. Saying 'I love you' in this situation would have only complicated things further and made things awkward again, so he didn't.
He hugged Karkat back and bit his tongue.
Gamzee coughs and let's go of Karkat as his body racks with coughs and choking.
"Now you're really sick." Karkat mutters as he pulls away from Gamzee.
"Yeah. And your arm is still hurting, right?"
"Like a bitch, yes."
"Hm…let's walk in the rain." Gamzee says to Karkat. It surprises Karkat at first but he complies, another surprising feat.
They find themselves walking in the rain all the way back to Gamzee's house where they proceed to change and bundle themselves up with all the covers they can get their hands on. Karkat nurses his arm with a bag of ice, playing spot the difference with his phone while Gamzee fights his cold off with a bowl of soup.
They watch another movie, but with a new actress, one who's much more pleasing to Karkat than the last. This time, Gamzee holds his hand openly and Karkat holds back.
And not even because the movie makes him sad or he's scared but because it was damn time he did.
