The first night back at Hogwarts was usually something Mae looked forward to. It meant that she could laze around the common room with a book instead of homework. Often she'd play wizard's chess with Cedric and they'd basically make the chess pieces go into all out war while laughing and joking with one another about being the best at the game. Truthfully, Cedric was better. He'd let her win more often than not, and when she was little she'd believed that she was actually good. After her fourth year though she realized the truth, and had forced Cedric to promise that he wasn't going to let her win anymore. They'd played chess the night before the third task, because Mae had wanted him to calm down and she knew that he could use a win at something.
Now someone was sitting in her chair and their friend was sitting in Cedric's chair, and they were laughing loudly at something. Mae didn't know what it was, and quite frankly she didn't care. She was jealous of the fact that they were laughing so much; she hadn't laughed that much in months. So she turned and went down the steps to the dormitories, finding hers easily and feeling relieved when she saw that her stuff was already inside it. She could just change into her pajamas and lie on her bed and pretend to be asleep when anyone walked in. It was a good plan; the other girls in her dorm weren't people she was friends with so it wasn't like they'd really want to spend a bunch of time talking to her anyway.
Mae laid on the bed without sleeping for six hours, until it was three in the morning and she felt like going to sleep was the only way to force her brain to stop thinking about Cedric and the fact that he wasn't going to be there when she got home for Christmas. She slept fitfully, dreaming of how he died once again, and woke up feeling even more tired than she'd been before. It was just before seven when she opened her eyes again, and she heard yawns from a few of the others girls who were getting up. Like Mae they'd all been sleeping until closer to eleven in the morning, and getting up before seven again was something they'd have to adjust to. Still, Mae was the first one to actually get out of bed and climb into the shower. She never took as long as the other girls and there was an unspoken agreement that she got to go first without having to listen to them complain because she didn't make them wait for an hour before popping back out of the bathroom.
All she really did was wash her hair and throw it up into a ponytail. It wasn't in her way when it was up, and Mae hated it when things got in her way. She was just about to leave the dormitory when she felt a hand on her arm. The girl who stopped her, Leslie, smiled kindly before speaking. "Do you want to eat breakfast with the rest of us? I know you don't really have anyone to eat with, and I don't want you to have to eat by yourself."
Mae just stared at her. "I do have friends, you know."
"But you always ate with Cedric, and he's not here anymore, and I was just thinking that you might like some company."
"I don't," Mae said sharply. "I was planning on eating with Angelina, Alicia, and Katie anyway."
Only she wasn't planning on doing that either. The three Gryffindor girls, while she loved them, were not exactly the people she wanted to spend her time with right now. She wanted to be by herself, because being alone felt better than moving on from her friendship with Cedric. She wouldn't normally eat with anyone else; her meals were always with Cedric and the rest of his friends who had all finished Hogwarts at the end of the last school year. She'd known, before the maze, that she'd have to find someone else to sit with during meals, but then Cedric had been killed. He hadn't technically finished Hogwarts and she felt like she should be sitting with him before she chose to sit with anyone else. She couldn't do that though, because he'd been murdered by one of Voldemort's followers. So she'd sit by herself and she'd just have to be okay with it.
"Alright then," Leslie said. "You've got a place with us if you want it though, okay?"
"Thanks," Mae said. Her voice kept sounding gruff; ruder than she'd intended it to. Maybe it was because she felt angry all the time now, and she didn't know how to stop the feeling so it was taking over her voice too. "Sorry. I just...Not quite ready for all of that. I should get to breakfast; I'll see you later."
Leslie nodded and smiled in a typical Hufflepuff fashion, and Mae forced herself to grin back before she left the dormitory. She wanted to go and get food from the kitchens to avoid other people, but if she did that then she'd miss Professor Sprout giving out schedules. Mae knew she couldn't go to classes without knowing her schedule, which brought her up the stairs and into the bustling great hall. People were laughing and chatting and Mae tried her best to ignore them as she walked toward the professor's table. Professor Sprout was talking happily to Professor McGonagall, who was Mae's favorite professor at Hogwarts and taught her favorite subject as well.
She assumed that Professor Sprout, who knew her fairly well, wouldn't mind a small interruption. "Good morning, Professors," she said, well aware that some eyes from the other students had followed her up to the front of the room. "Professor Sprout, I was wondering if I could have my schedule? I'd like to go eat somewhere a little quieter."
Professor Sprout gave her the same sad smile that everyone else had started giving her. "Of course, Mae," she said. "Let me just find it."
She started digging through a stack of schedules, and Mae glanced at Professor McGonagall to see the older woman watching her. "I trust I'll see you in class today?"
"Of course, Professor," she said quietly. "I don't plan on skipping class."
"Just meals then." Professor McGonagall said, a stern tone to her voice as she raised an eyebrow.
"I'll grab something to eat before I go," Mae said. "A...A bit of toast or something. It's just really loud in here and I don't like to sit here alone."
"I'll be keeping an eye on you, Ms. Willis," McGonagall said slowly, "and not just because I think you're the captain who can beat my team."
Mae cracked a smile and said, "I'll do my best. Hufflepuff hasn't won in ages and you've been winning since Harry Potter came here."
She was surprised to see one of Professor McGonagall's rare smiles. Professor Sprout found her schedule before Mae could continue to talk to her favorite professor, and she quickly thanked the head of Hufflepuff before hurrying off to leave the great hall. She did stop to grab a piece of toast, but only because she knew Professor McGonagall was going to be staring after her and she didn't want to disappoint the woman.
Mae didn't eat the toast, however. She went outside and tore it to bits for some birds to eat and sat down next to a tree to study her class schedule. After O.W.L.S. the students all mixed together for smaller classes, which meant she'd have Care of Magical Creatures, Muggle Studies, and transfiguration with some of her friends. Classes like Charms and Herbology were still separated because almost everyone continued on with those, but Mae shared them with Ravenclaws so she didn't think she'd have any issues. Defense Against the Dark Arts was her first class every Monday and she had it with Gryffindors, which was going to be awful. She wasn't that good at defensive magic to start with, and there were definitely some Gryffindors who'd make fun of her for her ineptitude.
In the back of her mind, she heard Cedric telling her to be calm and brave. He always said that to her whenever she was faced with a task she didn't want to do. Mae wasn't exactly known for being brave; she'd spent a few months petrified in her fourth year and that hadn't been pleasant, and she'd been on edge ever since. It had brought her and Cedric closer though, as he vowed to protect her then for the rest of his life. He'd never really needed to after that, save a few times in quidditch when he got her attention from someone that tried to send a bludger her way even when they weren't supposed to.
She started to make a list of exercises to do with the quidditch team. She had to decide sooner rather than later when to hold tryouts; there were positions to fill and they did need to practice if they wanted any chance of beating Gryffindor for the house cup. Mae knew a lot about quidditch; she'd been studying it ever since watching her first match, and she wanted to prove that she could be a good captain.
Mae checked her watch and stood up, sighing heavily as she started back toward the castle. Maybe her parents had been right; maybe she should have stayed home from school. Because walking up to the school that morning, Mae wanted nothing more than to go home. She wanted her mother to hold her and tell her that she was going to be okay. Maybe she should ask to take a small break; just a day trip home.
"Just go to class," she muttered, walking into the castle with a frown. She missed smiling and wondered what she could do that day to make it better. She wanted to do something to smile again. "Or maybe," she said to herself, "you don't know what you want. That feels more accurate." She hesitated for a moment and then said, "Bloody hell, I think I'm going insane."
Mae shook her head and walked up the stairs to get to the Defense classroom. She was curious about the new professor, and she could only hope that her class was less boring than the speech she'd given at dinner the night before. She got to the room and looked around the room, trying to decide where she could sit. Angelina and Alicia were sitting together, laughing, though they waved her over as soon as they saw her.
"There's our new captain," Alicia said with a smile. "Well, two of them anyway. You two are going to be insane on the pitch this year. I know you both want to win."
"No offense, Willis," Angelina said with a cocky smile, "but we're going to crush your team."
Mae wanted to smile back, but instead she just nodded. "We'll try and win." she said.
Their smiles faltered. "How are you doing?" Alicia asked softly. "You didn't write at all this summer."
"I was a bit busy," Mae lied. Busy was only applicable if spending the day in bed counted. "Sorry about that."
"It's okay," Angelina said, more gentle than she was before. "Last year was tough. How about we go and fly a bit after classes today?"
"You want to fly?"
"It would be nice to feel the wind in our hair and see who can score the most goals. Keepers don't usually try and score." Angelina said.
"I guess flying would be alright," Mae responded, sitting in the set of desks next to Angelina and Alicia. "I can learn some of your secrets to use against you in the match."
Her friends smiled again, probably because she'd agreed to actually do something with them instead of pushing them away like she'd done all summer long. "We're the first people meeting the Umbridge lady," Alicia said, trying to change the subject. "Do you two think she's going to be decent?"
"She won't be as good as Lupin," Mae said, relieved to talk about something she didn't have to get emotional about. "No one can be as good as Lupin. Merlin, I miss him teaching us. I learned so much that year."
"I'm pretty sure that's what everyone thinks," Angelina said. "How could you not like him? And even with the werewolf thing, he was still absolutely amazing."
"No doubt," Mae said. "I just hope she doesn't put out the unforgivables like Moody did. I know it wasn't actually Moody, but that was still disturbing."
Someone sat down next to her, and Mae glanced over to see a Ravenclaw boy. The Weasley twins sat behind Angelina and Alicia, making jokes with each other. Mae turned back to her friends to respond, but stopped when she noticed their new professor standing at the front of the room.
