Thank you to the few people who reviewed, I'll keep this story going and you all can let me know how I'm doing as we go! I hope you like this chapter. I enjoyed writing it. ;)
Chapter 2
Rain beats down onto the shingled roof of Olivia's house, the steady thrumming of water droplets creating a beautiful cadence. Amanda sits in the older woman's living room with a book that's yet to be opened.
Olivia had declared that she was going to take a nap nearly an hour ago, which was another new thing. In all the years of knowing the other woman, she'd known her to struggle, even to sleep at night due to their demanding work schedule, let alone nap. She smiles, thinking that even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to get herself to sleep during the day.
Her eyes roam the room again for the umpteenth time, taking in her surroundings. Somewhere deep inside her is still shocked that Olivia Benson, the woman who wouldn't even take the day off, had moved so far away from New York. It makes the younger woman think about how badly the Lewis ordeal had affected her, how much it changed her… to the point of moving out of the state and across the country.
A soft thud coming from Olivia's room draws her from her deep thought. She jumps up and hurries to the bedroom, but stops short. The door is closed and she doesn't want to barge in. "Liv?" She calls, hearing nothing on the other side of the door. "Olivia, you okay?" Still nothing for a long moment, then the doorknob turns and she lets out a deep breath. She's okay enough to open the door.
She wants to smile when she sees the sleepy older woman open the door, fingers combing through tangled short brown hair. "Is something wrong?" She asks raspily, arms folded over her chest.
"No.. No I just.. I heard a noise and got worried." The blonde smiles sheepishly. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah.. I woke up to the alarm I set for my nap and my phone fell when I reached for it." She eyes the blonde, a small frown on her lips. "You don't need to worry so much, Amanda.. I'm not going to break."
The younger woman is taken back, caught off guard at the words, and her eyes widen. "No, I know.. I just thought.. I don't know what I thought." She shrugs, leaning against the wall by Olivia's door. Her eyes slip closed and she thinks for a moment. She shakes her head and lets out a humorless laugh. "I guess my brain just automatically jumps to the thought that you aren't okay. I'm sorry."
Olivia softens at that, and she shakes her head. "You don't need to be sorry. I appreciate that you worry." The words are quiet, and after she speaks, she pushes past the blonde and down the hallway towards the kitchen.
"Part of the reason why I left New York is because of the kid gloves." She states, pulling down a mug and filling it with water. She puts it in the microwave and turns to face Amanda, leaning back against the counter. "Everyone thought that I was going to break at any moment and I couldn't take it. Maybe I was going to break.. Maybe I wasn't. I don't know. I just know that in all my life, I've never needed to be handled with care and I didn't want to start now. Then."
Amanda takes the words in, lets them run around in her mind for a moment. "When I lived in Atlanta, I took care of me and my sister. My mom was out all the time and my daddy.. well he wasn't really a daddy to us. I was never given the chance to be taken care of and worried about, I was always the one worrying… How am I gonna pay for Kim's meds, what time should I start dinner, what can we afford for dinner.. It sucked. As much as I didn't need it, I wished I had someone to care after me.. You know?"
Before Olivia could respond, the timer beeps on the microwave, making her jump. She clears her throat and turns to retrieve her hot water, looking into the mug as she steeps her tea.
Amanda hopes she got her point across; hopes that Olivia realizes that although she doesn't need to be treated with kid gloves, sometimes it's okay to be looked after and worried about.
"While I'm here…" Amanda steps closer, blue eyes boring into the back of the other woman's head. She continues when Olivia turns around and they lock gazes. "Will you let me take care of you? Worry about you?"
Olivia sets her mug down onto the counter forcefully, hot liquid sloshing out of the side and onto her hand, and she gasps in pain. And in seconds, before Amanda's eyes, Olivia is lost.
Her hand is shaking and she's standing still, eyes wide and filled with fear. Finally, she gasps in a large breath of air and speaks raggedly. "S-stop.. Make it stop.." She whispers, looking down at her burning flesh.
Amanda realizes that the other woman has maybe been triggered, the burn from the hot tea sending her back to when Lewis tortured her. Burned her.
"Hey, hey, hey.. Liv, it's okay, it's just tea.." She soothes, grasping the brunette's good hand in hers and pulling her towards the sink. She turns the water on, not too cold but not too hot, and puts the burnt hand under the cooling stream. "It's okay, you're okay.."
Brown eyes watching the water stream over her pink skin, and she sighs shakily in relief. "It's just tea.." She murmurs, swallowing thickly.
"I didn't mean to upset you, Liv.. Or trigger you." Amanda whispers, resting a hand softly on the older woman's back.
"It wasn't you. They just happen sometimes. Not as often as before but they still happen." She assures, clearing her throat. There's tears welled up in her waterline but they've yet to break the barrier. They probably won't, Amanda thinks, taking note of the quick buildup of walls around the taller woman.
Olivia finally pulls away, turning the tap off and moving to a drawer by the back door. She grabs a pack of seeds, what looks like a winter flower from the photo on the packet, and dumps a few into her hand. "I'll be right back." She says, not making an effort to look at the blonde.
Is she going to plant flowers?
Amanda follows her quietly, eyes never leaving the other woman's form as she stuffs her hands in gloves and grabs a small shovel and her waterspout.
Her movements seem erratic, yet calm at the same time, and by the time she's done burying the seeds and watering them, she's calmed down fully.
It's like therapy.
When she makes her way back inside after putting her tools back, she lets out a deep breath. "I think we should talk." She states quietly.
Amanda nods wordlessly, following the older woman into the living room. They sit on the couch, a few feet away from each other. "I talk to a shrink, I have one." Olivia states firmly, and Amanda only nods. "I've gotten better throughout the past few months, but I'm not.. healed yet. I still think about what.. what the did to me. I still have flashbacks and triggers, but I'm getting better."
She pauses, eyes darting around the room. "But.." She takes a deep, shaky breath. "It hasn't been easy. And I'm glad that.. that you're here now."
Amanda can tell that this was hard for Olivia to admit. And she smiles, scoots close, and takes the older woman's hand. She brings it up to her lips and kisses it softly, ignoring the surprised look on her companion's face. "You don't have to be alone anymore." She murmurs against warm skin, blue eyes never breaking from brown ones. "I'm here."
….
A few hours later, Amanda wakes up, body entangled with Olivia's on the couch. She stifles a laugh. So much for not being able to nap during the day. She figures that Olivia must have been exhausted from earlier, so she disentangles herself, careful not to wake the older woman, and pads quietly towards the kitchen.
They missed lunch, she notes, looking at the clock on the stove. It's nearing dinner time. She decides on making dinner for the both of them, hoping Olivia will relax for awhile longer. She glances across the room at the couch, and notices that the brunette has settled a little more. Good.
She lets out a deep breath and shakes her head. She doesn't know what she expected when she'd decided to fly out here. But the amount of change Olivia endured is a little frightening. She's almost a new person, and the blonde can't tell if that's good. And try as she might, the worry she feels for her friend nags at her constantly. She opens the other woman's fridge, and is pleasantly surprised to see that it's fully stocked. There's various meats and veggies and a few types of juices blended in tupperware jugs. Probably homemade.
She pulls out a package of beef and sifts through the vegetables. She's going to make tacos, she decides. Tacos make everyone feel better.
Halfway through cooking, she glances up from the pan to see Olivia leaning against the large frame of the kitchen entrance. And god, she looks beautiful. The wooden spoon she's using clanks into the pan and she's jarred back to reality. "Hey.." she clears her throat. "How'd you sleep?"
"Alright.. What are you making?" She tucks a brown strand behind her ear and crosses her arms over her chest. She does that a lot, Amanda notes. "It smells good."
"Tacos. I hope you're hungry." She winks, turning back to the food. She doesn't look back up when she asks. "You um.. You feelin' better?" She doesn't see the small smile on Olivia's face.
"Yes. Thank you."
She chances a glance then, unable to keep her eyes away for too long. "For what?"
"Taking care of me. Being here." Olivia shrugs, moving to stand next to the blonde.
"Always, Liv.." Amanda smiles shyly. She takes a piece
of the beef and blows on it, then holds it up to Olivia. She doesn't know if this is okay, but she doesn't care.
The older woman eyes it, then steps forward and parts her lips. Before Amanda can't pop it into her mouth, Olivia steps back. "Throw it."
A blonde brow arches, but she complies. She tosses it lightly and it lands right on the side of Olivia's mouth, then falls to the floor. They're quiet for a moment before they both bust out in laughter. "You moved!" The blonde accuses, eyes shining.
"No, your aim is just terrible." She sasses, arching a challenging eyebrow.
"You think you can do better?"
"I know I can."
She steps forward and takes a good sized chunk of meat and steps back. "Open up, Blondie." She demands cockily and poises her hand to throw it. She blows on it as Amanda does as she's told. "Don't move." She squints and eye for a moment, then throws.
It lands directly in Amanda's mouth and she smiles triumphantly, bringing her pointer finger up to her lips, mimicking a gun, and blows.
"Fluke." Amanda grumbles, Licking her lips. "That's good meat."
"The neighbor brings it to me." Olivia informs, grabbing a piece and pops it into her mouth. "I don't know where she gets it but it's amazing."
Amanda furrows her brow, "I didn't see a neighbor."
"She lives in the opposite direction of town. About a half mile away. She brings it on her way in from town."
The blonde is quiet for a moment. "...Do you go into town?"
Olivia nods slowly, "For therapy and the occasional trip to the store. I don't like.. being out much." She bites her lip and stares at the sizzling food. Amanda can understand. She does understand.
"Well I'm glad you have someone helpin' you out. Even just a little." Amanda smiles, turning the stove off and moving to the veggies. "I didn't even look.. Do you have taco shells? Or soft tortillas?"
Olivia cracks a smile, shaking her head. "You decided on tacos before you made sure I had all the ingredients?" She teases.
"Well I guess we're having taco salad. I know you have the stuff for that." She mentally pats herself on the back at her quick fix.
"Sounds good to me. Do you want help?"
Amanda shakes her head, a firm look in her eyes as she nods towards the bedrooms. "I want you to go relax until I'm done. I've got everything handled in here. You go.. take a bath or something. Change into something that doesn't have soil stains." She winks and they both look at the worn in jeans, covered in grass and dirt stains.
"Bossy." Olivia grumbles, turning to walk down the hall.
Amanda feels that same feeling she got nearly three years ago. That feeling of contentment and adoration and..
No, she won't think it yet. Olivia isn't ready for that much. She doesn't know if she is either. All she knows is that she can't lose Olivia again.
And she'll make sure she doesn't this time.
