Hey lovelies! I'm super excited for you guys to read this next chapter! I'm so sorry for the extremely late update. I did try to work on it when I could and I did want to upload much earlier than this but I couldn't. I am in my third year of my undergrad, doing a double major in two programs that require a lot of readings and written assignments. I'm finally on my winter break so I'll be able to pump out a few chapters before school starts back up again. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you guys enjoyed it! Please remember that this story includes drug abuse and depression. If you were uncomfortable in the first chapter, please do not continue to read. I am in no way encouraging drug use as a crutch for depression or its use in general. If you do have depression or struggle with drug use, please find a healthy resolution that you are comfortable with and that will work for you. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this next chapter and please feel free to message me with questions or anything else! :D
- Laxus -
God this mission sucks. The cold was making every limb become useless and this god forsaken mountain has winter mosquitos. Why the fuck is that even possible? Two of the worst things on this planet uniting to make my life a living hell. On top of my balls shrinking in on themselves, the mission itself is bullshit. It's damn near impossible to track down these kinds of places, never mind take one down completely. There's always some kind of straggler. I feel my breast pocket vibrate and I'm damn near ready to snap. I look at my lacrima and notice it's from that godforsaken magazine.
"Hey! How'd you get- Lucy?" My snarl turns into utter confusion. I stare at the girl I never suspected to contact me. Not after what I did. Not after what I said.
"Laxus. Hi. Is this a bad time?" I breathe out a sigh and notice her smile is off. Maybe it's my imagination. Then again, her and I were never close enough for me to memorize her smile but I did make a damn good attempt. From afar. Where I couldn't hurt her.
"I'm just on a mission with my team. What's up?" Although I realize stopping right now would be a pain in the ass, I do owe her and should give her the time she needs. I motion to my team to set up camp for the night. I finally notice how worn down they all are. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
"Oh. Sorry." I hear her say but I don't really pay attention to it as my mind instantly becomes preoccupied and I have to restrain myself from groaning at the sudden heat from Freed's ruins. "I was wondering if you would be free in the next couple of weeks to do an interview?"
At the mention of an interview my mind snaps to her and I can't stop myself from saying "Listen, girly. I don't really do interviews." I quickly regret what I said. I see her face slacken and her eyes fill with worry. I owe this girl. I hear her begin to mumble her apology for calling at an unfortunate time when I interrupt her. "But… for you, I'll do it."
The look on her face makes it all worth it. It's nice seeing her brighten up a bit. It's nice to know someone is doing alright after gramps left.
"Thank you! When would you be available?" I think about when I'll be back from my trip before I respond.
"We should be back in town in a week. How about Wednesday around noon?" I say and I see her nod a yes. We say our goodbyes and I can't help but wonder where Natsu was.
The contrast of my cold body and the boiling water of my bath makes me hiss as I lower my body into the tub. My body is rigid as I get settled in the water. It feels likes someone's replaced my blood with liquid nitrogen. I debate saying fuck it and getting out but I'm not a pansy. Plus, I know it will slowly start to feel good. The water is soothing to my tired muscles. It's practically orgasmic actually. I can't stop the sigh of relief as my whole body is humming in content and my muscle begin to relax.
For the rest of the trip, I heard nothing else but Lucy's name. My team wouldn't let go of the fact that I had yielded. For fucks sake. I know I'm a prick but that doesn't mean I don't have a heart. It just means sometimes it doesn't work. There's a difference. Kind of. Plus, I've been trying to be better after everything I did. The faster I am at becoming the person gramps would approve of, the faster he will come back and put an end to the disbandment of the guild. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. It must be because he didn't think he could entrust it to me. Who would blame him? After all the shit I pulled, it makes sense. I'm scum.
-Lucy-
The wind scrapes my cheeks as I desperately grope my own body for some hint of warmth. My hands won't stop shaking. I shouldn't have left my apartment this time. I should've stayed and came down there. But I needed to get out. The walls were choking me with their confinement. Taunting me with their promises of prison. Of caging me in with no chance of escape. I needed to breathe. So I ran. Why am I always running? How can I always be running yet am always left behind? Why can't I keep up? Maybe it's because their resolve to be rid of me is stronger than my will to be with them.
I need to hide. They're following me. Calling to me. Screeching each harsh fact at me. How I'm dumb, weak, useless… How she was glad to leave me. Overjoyed, in fact. She partied when she left and the others looked on in envy. No one wanted to stick beside me. I was merely a burden. I only ever got in the way. The one time I was able to help, it cost me a friend. Or at least, who I believed was a friend. My feet pound on the concrete and I'm scared I'm cracking it as I run. Leaving a trail in my wake. I briefly turn my head down to check. Guess I got lucky this time. It's more likely that I'm too weak to cause that kind of damage. No matter how desperate I am to escape.
I have a good advantage on them. This is the only time I'll be able to hide before they catch up. Where can I hide? I can't let them catch me. They'll torture me, even if they're not real. I bureau myself beside a trash bin and force my back into the brick wall. The water droplets that were clinging to the wall attach themselves to what little clothing I had. The now wet and thin material quickly molds itself to my body. Every dream I had of warmth slips away. I pull my knees to my chest. The stickiness of my own puke spreads itself on my thighs. I look down at my feet and realize I don't have shoes. I see some blood that has spread on the pavement. My feet feel raw. Oh well. I outran them. That's what matters. I must be safe. I must be. I have to be. The pricks on my back are my friend. They keep me alert. They let me know my surroundings are real.
Its face has been abused and stretched in ways only Hades could dream of. I guess it makes sense. It is a demon. It does what I imagine to be a grin. A smirk. A promise of absolute pain. I will myself to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. Away from this place. Away from this pain. I have half a mind to run again. But that would make it worse. It taunts me. It howls for its friends. I dig my back further into the wall. Willing its magic to work. Willing for it to tell me that what I am seeing is not real. It doesn't.
It feels like it's been hours. They take turns picking at my every insecurity. Laughing at each one. Tearing all my scars open and stretching them out. Deepening my resolve that I'm worthless. Making me feel raw and numb. Or maybe the numbness is from the drugs. Whatever. They decide that I'm boring and leave. Funny. Even my own hallucinations don't want to be with me. I'm just trash. Trash that's been forgotten by the side of the road.
I look up and then I see them. The eyes. The eyes. They're everywhere. They follow you around. They seek to take your soul into the darkness. Comfort it in the warmth. Draw it in. So it can never escape. It's been awhile since the eyes have haunted me. Piercing me with each gaze. I can never escape from their wandering eyes. I shut my eyes tight in an attempt to lock them out but they even follow me here. To my private realm. Dancing across the insides of my eyelids. They turn into a kaleidoscope. They follow me as I run in my private place. At least in my mind I have a chance of escaping them. I run through the black void in my mind as it slowly turns into the kaleidoscope behind me. The ends of my feet being nipped by the kaleidoscope as it changes the black void. I run harder and I can't stop the tears from running down my face. I don't even know if they're real.
My blood pumps to the beat of the music. A strangers' hands roam my body freely but I don't care. I'm too drunk to care about anything else then the numbing powers of the burning liquid. My mind whips to why I'm here. Why I'm drinking quantities that would put Cana to shame. And I feel a tear escape. I bite the inside of my cheek hard and I make my way off the dance floor and to the bar.
"2 doubles of your strongest." I grunt at the bartender and fumble for my purse. Someone puts their hand on mine.
"Put it on my tab, Bill." I turn to see the owner of the hand. This isn't the first time a guy, hell even a girl, has bought me a drink. I usually give them a dance to give my thanks. Somethings different about this guy though. Despite his greasy long dark hair, he's hot. A jaw I could cut myself on and thighs that were meant to ride. Just my type.
"Why thank you, good sir." I slur out while leaning into him and placing my hand on his arm.
"You are welcome, Mi'lady" He replies and for the first time in awhile, I giggle. I get my shots. I take both with ease. The burn is pleasurable at this point. It tells me I'm still alive. I grab his arm and drag him to the dancefloor without another world. We don't leave it again. It's no longer a stranger's hands on me but either way it's the same. My ass is in his crotch and his arms are slung around me. One groping my tit and the other resting on my hip bone. We stay there for what feels like hours. I don't know why but I feel safe with him. Maybe because he made me laugh. Maybe because I need companionship. Maybe because the pool in my belly is quickly growing. He whispers in my ear about leaving here with him. I quickly agree and he leads me out.
His stubble makes the kiss feels rough on my mouth. But I don't care. I've needed this. He breaks away to lead me into his apartment. He says something about making myself at home while walking into some room but I'm too drunk to really care. I flop on the couch in his living room and rub my face. He comes back with a small jar, two needles, and a belt. I look at it skeptically before he says its Blue Krow. I've researched this before. As drugs go, it's not the worst one. He says I don't have to try it if I don't want. But I've researched it before. I know it may be able to ease my pain. I extend my arm to him and he gives me a Cheshire cat smile.
The click of my heels is the only thing that can be heard for miles around. I'm almost home. I need a shower. I've never felt that horny but the sex was still average. Compared to my other partners, he was actually up there. I did get his contact info before I left. Who knows if I'll ever use it. I don't regret what happened. I feel amazing. The drug coursing through my veins has given me an escape I didn't know I could get. I didn't take much because I've never had it before but the taste I got has me already thirsty for more. I open the door to my apartment and immediately head to my bathroom.
"Aquarius?! You're alive!" I charged right into her. "Why didn't you tell me sooner! Why didn't you come when I was screaming your name and clutching your key? Or when all I could do was cry myself to sleep with your key beside me? Why aren't you saying anything...?" My anger slowly diminished. "You never let me speak to you like this before… What's wrong? Are you ok? Is the Spirit King causing you issues?" My continuous onslaught of questions makes my anger and confusion grow and grow. Then I realize and my anger was replaced by recognition. "You're not real are you?" She slowly shook her head and I remembered the side effects of Black Krow. That's when I first truly experienced crying jags.
I open my eyes to the bright light of day and the layer of stickiness coating my body immediately comes to my attention. My face feels stiff from dried tears. I look around and realize I'm still in the alley. How long have I been here? I feel the vibration of my lacrima in my pyjama shorts. Thank god I brought that at least. It's only 2pm. That's a relief. The notification was from Laxus to confirm our meeting. Well fuck. We're meeting at 5pm today. I quickly tell him that it still works for me. Now I have to figure out how the fuck to get home without getting recognized.
I follow the maze of alleys slowly working my way back to the apartment. I recall the memory I had before I woke up. Why did I have to think about it again? I was so close to seeing her again then. I thought she was real. She felt real.
I have to stop my thought process before it devolves and I start crying. I missed a bit of the come down period but I still feel it a bit. I'm still sensitive.
I'm finally home and no one that mattered saw me. I still have 2 hours to get ready and head to the restaurant. I finally have a chance to get a good look at my feet. They're a mess. My priority is to take care of them first. I head to the bathroom as fast I can but each step feels like stepping on a Lego piece that's been soaked in acid. I strip off my clothes and toss them into the laundry hamper. They're going to need a deep clean. I run the bath and put some soothing and anti-bacterial herbs and medication in the water. The air instantly smells of aloe, ginseng, ginger, honey, echinacea, and my body instantly craves to be soaked in the blend. However, I need to rinse off all the dirt and dried blood off my feet and body before I step in the bath. I lather my head in shampoo and I scrape my scalp trying to get the feeling of grime off me. I put in some conditioner and switch to the detachable shower head. The hot water coming from the does little to relax me. I direct the shower head to follow the path my loofah just took. I rinse the conditioner out and step out of the shower. I put my hair in a towel and turn the water off for my tub. I step in and instantly feel relief over my body. The cleanliness and calm that I craved from my loofah is instantly gratified from my bath.
I check my lacrima for the time and decide it's time to get ready. I get out of the bath and realize I may need to wrap my feet. I open the cabinet under the sink in search of my first aid kit. I find the anti-bacterial cream and the gauze. I sit on the edge of my tub as I tend to my feet. I put the first aid kit away and head to my bedroom. I look in my closet and sigh. I just want to wear sweats and a baggy shirt. However, I pick something that covers my arms and is appropriate for an interview. I consider what I can wear shoe wise and decide I can probably get away with some black flats. I sit in front of the mirror as I put on some makeup. It's mostly to cover my dark circles and to keep up the appearance of the Happy Go Lucky Lucy everyone knows. This is going to be one long interview. I can't wait till it's over and I never have to be reminded of the good times again. The times where no one was openly leaving me. When I still believed people actually cared and loved me. When I wasn't alone.
"Hi! Can I have a medium strawberry milkshake please?" I ask the waitress after I sit down in a place Laxus can easily see me. I'm already dreading the sickly sweet liquid but this used to be my favourite. Got to stick to appearances, right? The waitress nods and scribbles my order down.
"Can I get you anything else while you wait?" She says. I wish she was already behind the till but I get she's just doing her job.
"No, that's it. Thank you." I say and pull out my notebook and pen to give her the signal she can go wait on the other tables.
I can't help but tap my nails repeatedly on the table while I wait for Laxus. I don't want to take part in this interview and he has the audacity to be late? Fuck him. I wait another 5 minutes before I start putting away my things and getting ready to leave. Fuck my boss and fuck this interview.
Just as I'm about to get up, I see a mop of blond hair attached to a huge body. Fuck I forgot how hot he is.
