Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!


Sometimes she didn't appreciate her sniper instincts that made her such a light sleeper.

It was about three in the morning when her phone started ringing. She made sure to always answer her phone; you never know what kind of danger anyone could be tangled up in at any time. Tonight she was feeling extra sleepy but she dragged her feet across the floor to the phone despite her eyes barely opening. This better be something worthwhile, she thought to herself.

"Helloooo Elizabeth!" The voice on the other side announced in sing-song. She inwardly groaned and almost slammed the phone right back down on the receiver right at that moment.

"Colonel, what do you want?" It sure as hell didn't sound important but she decided to make sure he wasn't drunk enough to pass out in the phone booth again.

"Ahh, Elizabeth you sound so glum! I actually had something really important to ask you." She could clearly hear him slur his words this time; he definitely had been drinking a lot if it was already at this stage. He could usually keep from slurring even after a few drinks.

"Sir, if you can't remember where your house is again I'd be happy to come help you locate it." She was nowhere near happy but this had become such a common occurrence she decided it was part of her duty as his aide.

"On the contrary pretty lady, I'm actually sitting at home right now." This was new, if he was already at home why did he feel the need to call her?

"Ok sir, what was so important that you had to call and ask me at three in the morning?" She almost started to worry at this point, he didn't sound like he had anything important to tell her but she could never be sure.

"What are you wearing?"

Great, just great, he was in one of those moods. All she had on her mind at that moment was going back to bed but she was sure if she hung up right there and then he was going to continue to call her all night until the alcohol got the better of him and he passed out.

"My pyjamas." She deadpanned.

"What are you wearing underneath your pyjamas?" She swore she could see the smirk on his face through the phone.

"I'm wearing underwear sir, as most people do."

"What kind of underwear?"

"Sir these questions are highly inappropriate and I would like to go back to bed, if you don't mind..."

"Wait! Elizabeth, don't you want to know what I'm wearing?"

"No I don—"

"Okay good, because I'm actually not wearing anything!" She silently cursed her mind for trying to picture him naked on the other side, she was lucky he couldn't see the pink on her cheeks over the phone.

"Roy, I think it's about time you went to bed."

"Aww, but Elizabeth, I was just starting to have some fun, if you know what I mean."

"Roy. Bed. Now."

"Don't you want to know what kind of fun I'm having?"

"Roy."

"Alright alright, you're no fun Elizabeth!" She was glad he was a reasonably obedient drunk.

"Good night."

"Can I call you again tomorrow night?"

"No."

"Please?"

She slammed the phone down so hard it made her look like a hypocrite for every time she yelled at the colonel for doing the exact same thing.